- Member Since 8th Nov, 2020
- offline last seen Sep 27th, 2023
SharkoToshi
I just do what I can, when I can. I really hope you guys give me good comments. ^^
SharkoToshi
Joined 8th Nov, 2020 ·
Offline
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Excuse me, while I haven't read your story itself yet, I think you might have better luck if you pick a cover that also features an anthromorphic Applejack for your anthromorphic story. It might confuse some people if you don't.
That is very good artwork though. Could you please tell me the artist's name? I'd like to look at more of their work
10557968
Thank you for the advice, but applejack hasn't even been introduced. Only one so far that is an actual pony is Derpy. I would need to find a picture that would make more sense to draw people in if thats the case. On the other hand, I believe that the artist name is Ethan Thompson thats all I have to go off. Another thing i found to base it off of was Huussii king of the forest. Deviantart.
10558065
Ok, but try to understand based from a reader viewpoint, the picture you put on the main page, alongside the "Anthro" tag, can give wrong signals to the viewer, the one which I think that most would have is that the own writer is contracting him(her)self and they didn't even began to read the story, making you, in their vision, seem incompetent because you didn't even had the time to find a image that somewhat fits the tags of your story.
10558194
Well, in the end I just gotta find a good enough picture to replace it, let me see what I can find. I don't want to come off that way when this is my first story. This information is helpful and I appreciate it so thank you!
10557968
Found him! https://www.deviantart.com/huussii/art/King-of-the-Forest-350733208
10558065
By the way SharkoToshi, I believe that there's an option when you're creating your story to put the image link inside the image here on FimFiction.
10558196
No problem mate, I am also "new" here, as in, I already visited and read many stories here, but I am beginning to write stories myself as well.
10558204
Well hey, maybe if your able to perhaps you can help me as an editor? Maybe help point out some mistakes? I don't have confidence in my writing and having some criticism helps alot! I don't take it in a bad way I want to make this story a good one you know? Also thank you! I will do that!
I haven't read the story yet, but I noticed some major errors in the first paragraph of the long description. Many readers (myself included to some extent) will refuse to read a story if there are glaring errors in either the long or short description.
This entire sentence needs to be redone. The greatest issue is that you have two completely different thoughts in the same sentence, which is a huge no-no. The yellow and red (or italic and underline if you're colorblind) sections should be seperated by a period. Additionally, the first part of the sentence is an incomplete thought. Of what relevance is the fact that Lix is an e-social butterfly? If there is relevance to this statement, then this should be expanded upon. If not, then it should be discarded entirely.
Why is this a question? Granted, I haven't read the first chapter yet, but if Lix didn't get involved with ponies in some fashion then that would be rather out-of-place on this website.
Also, you should replace "yet" with something else, because this sentence isn't a proper follow-up of the previous sentence. If you so desired, you could make it a follow-up by changing it to something like "Yet instead of sitting on the couch and reminiscing, he ended up falling inbetween the cushions and landed in Equestria."
Also:
No one.
No one.
NOT EVEN THE INFANTS.
There's actually nothing wrong with that sentence, but it gave me the humorous image of a mare giving birth to another fully-grown pony.
10558331
Criticism is encouraged, it only makes things easier for me to get things written down. I want to do better, the only way to do so is if I can adjust and get things written out right so it doesn't get negative attention! You and the others who are pointing these things out are doing me so many wonders. <3 Thank you so much! I shall get to work on fixing these errors immediately to ensure a more enjoyable reading experience!
Also I do love that imagery it is kind of silly. xD
10558336
Beautiful, the edited result is much more readable! There is one more little mistake right here though:
Anthropomorphic is a bit of a pain to spell properly. Also, neither of those words should be capitalized. Only words that are in a title, at the beginning of a sentence, or are proper nouns (i.e. names of people and places) should be capitalized. There are a few niche exceptions to that rule, but following that guideline will set you straight 99% of the time.
10558378
I would like to formally ask you to be my editor to help me make my story a success. That is if your not too busy with others. You seem like a very knowledgeable editor and would be very helpful in my growth as a writer.
Okay, so I just read the chapter, and at the risk of sounding like a dick, you really need an editor.
Commentors like myself can aid the author of a story in the case of small errors, and narrative issues if they don't take too much space to properly explain. Here, unfortunately, there are multiple issues in virtually every paragraph, meaning that a commentor would need to take up several times the space of the chapter itself to point everything out. In cases like this, you need an editor who will communicate one-on-one (I believe this is generally done off-site, so to speak) with you to discuss the story in a setting which will better facilitate the process.
There are groups on this website which can and likely will help you. I strongly advise getting in touch with one of them before continuing with the story.
10558398
I've never been a proper editor for anyone else before, but I suppose I could take a crack at it.
I'll think on the matter and PM you with some questions later tonight.
10558206
Hey buddy, if you want me to help you as an editor, then I accept it. just a warning though, English isn’t my first languange, and while I’m pretty confident on it, there may be a few things here and there ( mostly expressions and things like that ) that may pass by me, but I will help you if I can.
Oh, and good choice on the new picture!
10559934
Alright, thank you and I am glad that you like it! I will be happy to have you on, would be nice to have two editors. ^^
all I can think about is the picture haven't even read yet and all I can see is discord being swagger incarnate!
I will continue this, mainly because my mind keeps coming back to it. Do know that my writing skill isn't the best and if you notice any mistakes don't hesitate to point them out grammar wise. I will make sure to fix them the best I can.
His going to keep getting hearts isnt he
If so he is a genius
ZA WARUDO TOKI WO TOMARE!!!
11041852
Well, To me I feel the Briar hearts is a logical way on how the timberwolves exist. Without them in their bodies, they can't create a form and thus are also able to be used as a very rare yet powerful alchemical ingredient. Similar to that of how the hearts worked in skyrim and how rare they were. What do you think? Personally I like to interact with the audience to get an idea on if they like it or not with the things I am doing.
11041996
https://youtu.be/7ePWNmLP0Z0
Yep this is getting good and im looking forward to the next chapter
Criticism, this chapter was honestly VERY difficult to follow, everything was just thrown at us one right after the other, with no breaks in between. No clean break where the dream ends and goes back to the waking world, no clear breaks in between different characters speaking making it difficult to tell who is saying what, multiple actions taking place within the space of a few words. And that's just what was most noticeable to me.
I mean I was able to get the barest gist of what was going on, but I had to work for it to get even a rudimentary understanding of the plot.
11045600
Thank you very much for your time and criticism, tomorrow I will flesh this out a bit more and work on making sure there is a clear break in between for you to adjust to it. Wouldn't want you guys to be confused or anything. ^^ I do appreciate it and hope for future criticisms on my future chapters as you are helping me out. ^^
11045600
Train wreck
KINGUKURIMUZON!!!
Gonna mellow things out with the next chapter and help things be understood so that the chapter after can continue the flow.
Ooh, things are really heating up now!
Sorry guys, just been really unmotivated. I wanna continue this story, but I guess I don't know if my story is going to live up to any expectations or if its going to be any good at all. However, I will be trying to push out the next chapter within the next week or so maybe less. Might do 2 chapters but thats the heads up. I am just scared and anxious.
Killer Queen: Bites the Dust
Hopefully he gets a "zenki" from dying, getting revived, and being yeeted out of window bloodied.
Cool
I think Spike is a femboy in this one.
Next Chapter is incoming soon.
11189771
Done with 2 chapters, ima go to bed now lol.
wait so does this mean his time powers are gone for good?
11206322
Who knows, guess you have to wait and find out at a later chapter.~ ^^
Hmmm. This interests me. I'll keep reading
The chapter where Lix becomes Lee. BRUCE LEE!
Dude this story is all over the place, I can't make heads or tails of it.
11209624
Sometimes thats a good thing, especially because its meant to be all over the place. I write what I feel in the moment and do what I can to make it a nice read at the same time. So long as I have fun writing and people enjoy reading thats all I can say I am happy for. I do hope that you enjoyed and if you didn't well then I am sorry and hope you enjoy yourself with a wonderful day. ^^
Intriguing story, my annoyance is how it’s kinda all over but other then that I’m enjoying it. Hope to see more soon!
This is getting mad interesting I honestly can't wait to see what happens in the rest of the story maybe some solo leveling aspects will happen like dungeons and magic (lets face it who doesn't want to hear the iconic line "arise") all in all thought besides the little James thing the story is going wonderfully
11287142
Thank you for your comment, next chapter is actually in progress.~
I think the future he saw is about to be fulfilled.
good story
Dealing with some stuff right now that hasn't been too easy on me. But I thank you all for your patience the story isn't dead!