Left Behind

iAmSiNnEr #1 · Oct 18th, 2020 · · ·

Starlight seemed to catch my anxious look, and immediately stepped towards me, putting her hoof on my chest in order to attract my attention. “Oh, ho ho, no, no you don’t. We’re not going back again. You’re just going to have to imagine the best. Or worst; either way we’re not doing that again.”

Is that supposed to be Trixie or Starlight?

HapHazred

HapHazred #2 · Oct 18th, 2020 · · ·

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10488342 Good catch! Looks like I did an oopsie whoopsie.

Winston

Winston #3 · Oct 18th, 2020 · · ·

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She glanced at Starlight and cast a quick spell, engulfing her former student in brilliant lilac light.

Is this third-person POV in a first-person story?

HapHazred

HapHazred #4 · Oct 18th, 2020 · · ·

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10488379 Nope, just too many Starlights and I'm clearly getting confused. Cheers.

Malandy

Malandy #5 · Oct 18th, 2020 · · ·

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Well, this went in a different direction than expected!

A little bit of Trixie X Starlight, if I squint, no Starburst. Hmm.

Also no Mirror.

Very interesting. And yeah, Trixie is really not a psychologist. And really sucks at trying to help. Sorta ends on a bum note. But it plays, so that's good.

Hmm... Neutral Vote.

----

Typo:

Keep things straight in his absence.

Keep things straight in her absence.

AlexTFish

AlexTFish #6 · Oct 18th, 2020 · · ·

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Hee! Well, I'm jolly glad I didn't go with my contest idea of writing about Starlight and Trixie changing history then coming back and finding Starlight stayed evil and imprisoned them. It would have had the same amount of fun as this but stretched out over much more words.

This was delightful. Several lines made me giggle. My favourite might be

“Glimmer, you know how you’re one of the most powerful, dangerous spellcasters I know?”
“Yes?”

Thanks for the fic!

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #7 · Oct 19th, 2020 · 2 · ·

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The middle bit gets a little dry.

Hearing that from Sunburst, I expect a literary Sahara.

Pinkie was on some sort of journey of discovery. Something to do with ‘broadening the mind’, and exploring the ‘true meaning of partying’.

Fun fact: This was the original plot of "Party Pooped." Complete with running into Cheese Sandwich, who would have taken a budget-friendly vow of silence at the time.

No messing with time! I’m just shifting to a different dimension.

"Isn't time a dimension?"
"Which is why I'm shifting to a different one."

It’s never just a look. It’s never just a minor invasion of a small town in the middle of nowhere, and it’s never a short adventure. They always get out of hoof, Starlight. Every time.

And Trixie being the voice of reason is always a warning sign.

Fun stuff, and a very Starlight way of getting some confidence back. The ending could use some tightening up, but overall this was a delight. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

HapHazred

HapHazred #8 · Oct 19th, 2020 · · ·

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10489470

The ending could use some tightening up, but overall this was a delight

It wasn't a delight to write, lol. It became an exercise in willpower more than anything else; I had kind of exhausted a lot of my ideas for AU stuff when I wrote Titanium Jack (which also had a tumultuous writing process) and Farm Responsibility (which I had written not long before this one). I'm honestly just kind of glad I finished... I'm a believer in the idea that writing despite difficulties is something to be practiced, same as everything else, so I tried to struggle through, but it's certainly true that I had a harder time with this one than I have for other stories in a while. So stressful!

I'm hoping to take some feedback and potentially expand on stuff, but that's future worries. Good luck judging!

Kris Overstreet

Kris Overstreet #9 · Oct 19th, 2020 · 1 · ·

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An excellent story, fun to read. I feel a little sad that Starlight's conflict isn't really resolved at the end of the story, but it doesn't feel wrong for that to be the case.

My one complaint is that the two Starlights don't actually do much, if any, interacting. Trixie steals the scene shamelessly and courageously, and although her badinage is the perfect thing to keep evil Starlight off balance, it prevents any deep contrast of the two variants, to say nothing of any possibility of them learning from each other. That said, it's fun to see Trixie's reaction once she no longer has to be "on stage".

SirNotAppearingInThisFic

SirNotAppearingInThisFic #10 · Oct 21st, 2020 · · ·

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There's not much left for me to say that hasn't already been said. The biggest issue probably really is that the dimensional travel could almost not have happened without changing the course of the story much. I suspect the trip and its context could stand to be expanded some, instead of cutting to the end of it and giving us a few brief lines from Evil Starlight.

That said, ponydox aside, I enjoyed this a lot. Well-written Starlight and Trixie make for a good time in almost any situation, and this did not disappoint.

mishun

mishun #11 · Nov 4th, 2020 · · ·

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What happened to other Trixie?

Clear Tactic

Clear Tactic #12 · Nov 9th, 2020 · · ·

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Amusing story. But now I'm imagining the native Trixie ended up as part of a resistance movement that perhaps Starlight and any enforcers she had ended up quashing, hence the past tense. If nothing else a bit of misdirection and stagecraft should work fairly well on the average (or equalized) pony.

duckmagee