Feech
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very interesting Groundhog Day type story.
I’ll follow along, see where it goes.
I bet it’s the toothbrush, isn’t it?
So many gems in this first chapter alone!
'recalcitrant curls', and other alliteration games!
'the nighttime outside the window was fraying and yellowed around the edges.'
Outstanding wordplay for imagery!
"Hi, Cinnamon Caramel Streusel Crunch Swirl! Are you having a Day After Adoption Day party today?"
On one hoof, that name is a towering abomination; on the other, you have my attention and perhaps a piece of my heart.
'It was beginning to look suspiciously like today was masquerading as yesterday.'
Nailed it, both her perspective and her inner monologue!
"Ooh, if today really is the same day over again, that means the party I'm throwing with Cheese Sandwich is still tomorrow! I don't think I could ever get tired of anticipating a party!"
The trend continues!
"Traditional arts and crafts works have a high probability of becoming artifacts."
Here is a very creative and mercurial wrinkle about the world you're painting.
"I'll have a cheese sandwich, then it'll be foreshadowing his arrival!"
The trend continues!
"Contrary to popular belief, chickens do have lips, and they can get chapped."
This and the argument that follows is solid gold!
Please... continue :)
I got here through Skywriter's recommendation, and I'm glad I did!
You capture Pinkie's essential Pinkieness marvellously well, and the whole story has a lovely slice-of-life mood. Definitely keen to see how many rotations it takes for Pinkie to get to the center of the donut!
Given the primary industry of Cloudsdale, a geode factory makes a degree of sense.
It was a difficult birth, and Streusel's mother felt vengeful afterwards.
That's more than slightly terrifying. It certainly explains all the magic items from days of yore. When cottage industry is the only option, that means so many more potential artifacts.
"I hate it when Mom and Dad argue."
An intriguing opening. I wonder how long the bucolic tone will last as Pinkie keeps doing laps around the doughnut.
Well, looks like an interesting story you've got here; thanks for writing. :)
I hope I do the replying-to-multiple-comments thing correctly and don't merely create clutter. :)
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Thanks for following, I hope you continue to enjoy it. :-)
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'"Contrary to popular belief, chickens do have lips, and they can get chapped."
This and the argument that follows is solid gold!'
Thank you for the lovely, long, detailed, complimentary comment! The close reading you've given this chapter is really gratifying. :)
The chapped rubber chicken lips thing was a joke that came back to me from many years ago when I was a kid, and my parents gave my brother a rubber chicken for Christmas. He did that joke with the lip balm and I've remembered it. My brother has always reminded me of Weird Al, so it came up again when I needed something for Cheese to be doing in the scene.
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Thank you for clicking over, and for commenting! I hope you continue to enjoy it. :)
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'"I hate it when Mom and Dad argue."'
It amuses me thinking of Boneless Two lying on the floor muttering this to himself mentally. Thank you for the comment, and I hope the story continues to hold your interest. :)
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Thank you for reading and commenting!
This is really cute and so-so-so Pinkie! I'm glad Skywriter posted about this. I'll be sticking around for more.
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"I hope I do the replying-to-multiple-comments thing correctly and don't merely create clutter. :)"
Looks to me like it worked. :)
"Thank you for reading and commenting!"
You're welcome. :)
edit:
Also, following; I'm not sure why I didn't think to do that before. :)
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Thank you! I'm glad Pinkie is coming across in-character. Thanks for following along. :)
Plot Twist: This whole thing is an elaborate plan by Gummy to trick her into feeding him more.
Hmm... Bit of a quibble, and even then not really a problem, but it feels a little off that Twilight immediately goes to this being a time loop rather than just a one-off incident of zapped-back-in-time-a-little. I mean, it does make sense, both in the sense that it was possible-to-likely Pinkie would encounter the thing that zapped her back again, in the sense that it's technically a loop even if it only happens once and in the sense that there's a strong possibility it'll recur on its own. Still, it seems a little odd she immediately goes to that conclusion - feels like the story's getting a bit ahead of itself.
However, that, and a lot of things, are immediately forgiven thanks to the reference. And how appropriate that Pinkie is bringing them to the closest thing the show has to a Doc.
Well, of course you do, Pinkie. After all, Cheese being
probably a vat-grown clone of you implanted with false memoriesso similar to you means that you are automatically and inevitably in love and you getting together and living in complete bliss goes so much without saying that it doesn't need any kind of establishment, buildup or explanation. Don't you know anything about romance?10476151
Thank you so much for the comment!
"Plot Twist: This whole thing is an elaborate plan by Gummy to trick her into feeding him more."
Gummy is a very hungry mastermind.
"That's the hard part. It could be almost anything. Is anypony else in the loop with you?"
Hmm, I think I'll leave it the way it is, but maybe I should have written it as "Has anypony else been affected along with you."
It's possible that I got ahead of the story while writing, because of the nature of how I organized the time-loop story. I probably had the word "loop" in mind sooner than Twilight might use it--then again, as you noted, she might call it a "loop" on a technicality no matter how short it is.
Re: romantic 'shipping, I like Sans Smirk as a 'ship for Cheese Sandwich. Not that I have anything against 'shipping Cheese with Pinkie, too.
I take it you felt the 'ship choice in canon was a little too pat? Or is it more about what's so popular in fanon? It seems in many fandoms, it doesn't matter what's been shown in canon; once the fans have spoken, then the two in the popular OTP belong together no matter what, and the fanfictions work on that assumption.
Thanks for reading!
Place your bets! Ladies and gentlemen, please place your bets here!
We have 10471210 a prediction for the artifact, which I will second!
We have 10476151 a proposed villain and motive!
And my own prediction: it takes Pinkie surprisingly long to figure out what's going on, IMHO, considering she's usually the kind of mare who picks up on this sort of thing, and that seems to be because her day is so routine, which is also surprising for her. Given her conversation with Cup Cake, I suspect she's due for some sort of insight regarding novelty vs. routine.
I'm surprised she hasn't stayed up all night yet!
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I enjoy reading your speculations, though I won't remark on them.
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In terms of the Loop comment, like I said, it's just a minor bit of dissonance I noticed, nothing worth worryng about.
In terms of shipping... well, to be honest, the reason I said that in my comment here was because I just felt the whole Cheese and Pinkie disagreement was a good lead-in for the joke. Please don't take it as an attack on the ship, nor discouragement if that's the route you plan to go with this. I just like making jokes in comments
If you're curious about my issue in this context, it's with the show definitely, but not with the idea of shipping Cheese and Pinkie in and of itself. While I freely admit that I'm not keen on the pairing at all, that doesn't mean it's a bad one or that anybody, fan or show, shouldn't be able to ship it if they want. My complaint was entirely with the execution... or rather, the lack of one, since it just plonked the pairing down without any kind of buildup, establishment or explanation. There was nothing but "they're together because reasons" (or, somewhat less charitably, "because obviously they are") and I feel that's terrible writing no matter which pairing it establishes. Oddly enough, it made the mistake so many bad fanfics do: just assuming that a ship speaks for itself and that it doesn't need anything beyond "they're in love now" to be satisfying.
10478838
I read it more as a "small rant" than a joke. I misread your tone. (Not that I thought you were necessarily ranting against me.) Anyway, yes, I agree, the slap-them-together 'shipping can be uncomfortable. In this story, my intended read is Pinkie and Cheese as close friends rather than anything explicitly romantic, but it wouldn't take very thick 'shipping goggles to see it as romantic. 'Shippers gonna 'ship. "Real" 'shipping, really selling it to the reader, is gratifying and is also where the hard work is. I think "and then they kissed" is so easy and so many people enjoy it, we see tons and tons of it. I think maybe in Pony Canon it's there because they believe the fans expected it? *shrug*
I see.
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Well, if it came across as more of a mini-rant, even if clearly not at you, I'd consider it more likely I just screwed up the joke, so I do apologize about that.
Also, I should make it clear that I don't look down on people enjoying that kind of shipping. Heck, there are probably plenty of stories in my library that are very much the same. It's just that doesn't mean it's not a problem, just that I'm not necessarily bothered by it.
Also also, I apologize for unintentionally turning these comments into a discussion about shipping philosophy when it should be about Pinkie being stuck in a Window of Groundhog Details and Effect.
10479312
I don't know if the conversational turn is bothering anyone else, but I personally never get tired of talking about 'shipping, writing, or fandom, so you don't have to apologize to me!
Nothing wrong with fluff. I agree with you. Sometimes "well-written" romance is harder work for the reader as well as for the writer.
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👍Thanks for reading!
Yay she broke the time doughnut! Wonder what hijinks Pinkie will have now that she knows she can loop a day by wrapping up Gummy in the quilt before going to sleep. Still curious to see what's up with the changeling thing though.
10483295
Thanks for the comment!
Thank you for reading! The story is complete as-is, though I think you're right, Pinkie might try to recreate the experience. Then again, I feel that Granny's words implied that the effect is predictably related to time, but not necessarily reproducible. As for the changeling, I felt like the reason behind that was given in-story, but if you have further questions, feel free to ask.
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I meant stuff like what happened to the real Rarity, what happens with the changeling, why is there a changeling, why is Pinkie not worried.
Still a wonderful little story, I just feel like that aspect was a bit odd.
10483407
I'm glad you enjoyed the story overall.
Rarity is still around. I'll quote from the story to answer your question:
"We just had these printed. Volunteers are posting them all over Canterlot. Ponies will subscribe and pledge based on nopony guessing which of us is the changeling."
They're in on it together for a Fashion Week event.
And here the time doughnut gets its name!
This is still one heck of a fun story, and Pinkie continues to be Pinkie in the best of ways. (Also, it's nice that Twilight is so quick to catch up and help her, every doughnut!)
And a glorious ending!
Got to say, I was initially thrown by the changeling, too. But they make complete sense once we see the context!
10491248
I'm glad you liked the ending!
Thank you for reading and commenting!
I enjoyed this story. I think that you did a good job capturing the tone of the show while still making use of writing as a medium. I've read some slice of life fics before that feel like they would have worked better visually, but the way you used Pinkie's internal voice was really compelling.
The part with Rarity in particular truly inspired. Thank you for writing this.
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It's especially great to get a comment like this from a quality writer such as yourself. Thank you so much!
D'aww! That's so Pinkie.
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I'm glad you found it cute!
Thanks!
Flawless AJ dialogue.
I'll try not to think about how.
Lovely touch.
As is that.
Lovely tale of Pinkie's sheer Pinkieness defying time loop angst. The daily grind can try to wear her down, but that mare's optimism is solid pink diamond. Thank you for a delightful read. Sorry for taking so long to get to the rest of it.
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"Flawless AJ dialogue."
And she wasn't even onscreen.
"I'll try not to think about how."
It's Pinkie Pie.
(I don't think too hard about it either.)
"Thank you for a delightful read. Sorry for taking so long to get to the rest of it."
Thank you so much for the comment! It's a treat to get a nice comment no matter when.
This kind of banter really sells the story.
Amazing!
And it ended so cutely too!
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Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed.
Got a little teary at the end there
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Admittedly, I made myself a little emotional when I wrote the ending. I'm glad it moved you, thanks for commenting.
It's always these bits of wisdom that enrich the short story the greatest. This was a simple and sweet tale—and I enjoyed every second of it. You and Sky are fantastic writers, and I hope that, when interest and time present themselves in abundance, you write for us another story.
Until next time!
~ Yr. Pal, B
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Thank you so much!