- Member Since 7th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen February 29th
IncandescentSolaire
If only I could be as grossly incandescent as the sun..
IncandescentSolaire
Joined 7th Mar, 2015 ·
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Of course...
I really hope to see more of this story good work
This is great, keep it up!
so, who dies
besides the hunter, obviously
Oh dear hunter mine, You hath mine attention.
you have caught my attention
10433136
I never watched or even played Bloodborne. I read the Wiki of Bloodborne three times. But, what has got to do with the Doll herself being F*****??!!
I mean she looks nice. But she is a Reanimated "Doll", so she is not really "real" in a sense. But then again, the game is based on a "Dream", and has horrible Monster Enemies and Bosses, so. 😕 🤔
Yes
10433249
Gehrman says this line in the game when you talk to him:
"This was once a safe haven for hunters. A workshop where hunters used blood to enhance their weapons and flesh. We don't have as many tools as we once did, but... You're welcome to use whatever you find. (Whispers) ...Even the doll, should it please you..."
10433249
The Doll is modeled after https://bloodborne.wiki.fextralife.com/Lady+Maria+of+the+Astral+Clocktower so she looks like a blond Austrian-like woman if only a copy of one.
In the end Lady Maria maybe a boss, but she is also a waifu.
nice story so far cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/536090358040494080/754917378214723674/darkv2.png
10433344
Damn, where did you get that artwork. That scene fits perfectly with this Story. Plus, what's Chitty Chitty Bang Bang doing in the sky!
10433441
that's easy I spent an hour working on it : )
plus I like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/536090358040494080/754943175063502929/unknown.png
10433450
An hour! Damn, that's nice.
You have my attention, please, continue.
Lol
Mini Ludwig's
That is...a lot of swearing for someone from a place like Bloodborne, I will say that much. The language feels too...modern, if you will.
I enjoy this and I hope with the light hearted ness comes a little fear sknce he is so strange?
Will he fight with someone else? I hope so!
Great writing.
is he immortal?
I love that he actually hurt luna. The way you went about it was very good.
Ps. Luna and hunter co dependint derpy heros cougb cough that just well have adventurees as everyone else trys to keep up.
Oh I had a thought what if one of the reasons she bonds with him is over their language of olde english?
10433626
I can agree with that.
This story will be a mish-mash of confusing things. The Hunter was to be considered out of place in Yharnam because of his odd speaking and humor, atleast in relation to the Gothic Victorian Era.
Don't worry though. The old english style still lives on inside him. Just, a little modified.
I suppose I was going for a bait in the story. People started reading expecting a dark horror story, when in reality its going to be both dark AND funny. Or, atleast try to.
Still, let me know if it gets better or worse.
Just call Luna the moon presence and the Hunter will have second thoughts about fighting
hell yeah, this is fucking hilarious, gimme more
It's like a car crash : you know it's gonna end in blood but you can't look away...
I love it.
Liking it already bud. Got some funny shit in this man I'm looking forward tomore.
By god that was funny, heh
My Shekles are Kekled
Love this!!!
WRITE MORE YOU GLORIOUS BASTARD!!!!!!!
Don't apologize for not stopping! Keep doing it! This is getting good!
Nice
It was the sackman, wasn't it?
10434816
...
maybe-
I CANT SMASH THE LIKE BUTTON MORE THEN OUNCE.
And here I was, just finishing the third chapter! What a wonderful coincidence!
Noice
If fire paper existed in real life, the kitchen knives would be my fancy daggers! AND NOBODY COULD STOP ME
everything over 2k words in your stories section goes unfinished let's see if this is any different
Not a fan of second person personally, it feels wrong. Theres also some spelling and punctuation errors, that and a lot of the story gives off an ironic tone, like this is a joke at bloodborne or something. But tbh its not bad, you enjoy your story man, I have certainly read worst. And how can you improve without at least practicing and getting feedback. I mean that and the humour is fine, the flow is of reading is good. And honestly not ever story needs to be any amount of serious, though there are a few moments of dark reality. Plus, I know its not irony I feel but rather the feeling I get from stories that are made as self inserts. Which are enjoyable, imo, but ones that don’t have top of the line writing come off as a bit childish in execution. (Your writing is fine please know that I enjoyed what you’ve made here and I’m just describing my experiences)
Second person storytelling is absolute dog shit if you don’t know everything being referenced inside and out
10434910
Fate and destiny are a big part of the MLP universe for a reason.
10434953
seconding this
also, the mc's a mega-douche and that sours some of the good humor
10434953
The story isn't intended to be a self-insert.
The main protagonist (or antagonist) is supposed to be ironic in every way possible. Edgy, saturated humor was the goal for the story.
Thank you for pointing out that there are some errors in the chapters. I'll have to re-read them and make sure to fix them!
I understand that second person isn't exactly the greatest, but I felt that it would be better than first person. Third person would feel too disconnected with the irony and dumb humor. Second person was something I've never done before.
Bloodborne has to be one of my favorite games of all time, and will always be one of my favorite games of all time. However, when I was playing it, it turned me into a blood-loving psychopath that was kind of a douche. Killing enemies was your main goal, and boy did it give you reason to hate them. You enjoyed slaughtering many during the game, and honestly it was awesome. Though, the seriousness kicked back in during fights with Ludwig, or Laurance, two bosses that make you feel like you're the tiniest thing on the planet.
I suppose I was going for an over-exaggerated version of players who play bloodborne. Psychotic, disturbed, humorous and assholes. Not saying that anyone who plays bloodborne are any of those things! Just, that in the world of bloodborne, if you take your actions into a more realistic standpoint, that's how we would view them.
The story isn't intended to be something that I constantly try to buildup into a successful story. In fact, I didn't even expect it to gain this much traction. It was supposed to be something quick, and fun to write in my off-time. Playing through bloodborne again has given me the idea to write about it.
I personally don't like self-inserts either. I think they're kind of cringey if not pulled off right. I wouldn't act like anything that the character in the story is acting, and that's the point. I like to distance reality from fiction, and that's one reason why I write characters in a more exaggerated way.
If you'd like a more in-depth character design, with more realistic tendencies, you should check out my 'A Rimworld Away' story, where Rex, the main character of the story, written in the first person, has more idealistic tones relating to our society.
Anyways, I know this was probably too long of a response, but I'm glad you commented. I enjoy all types of criticism, so don't apologize for criticizing. It's perfectly fine.
Have a good day! Or night!
10435044
I can understand the frustration.
Reading a story where the character is an asshole, while its supposed to be putting 'you' in the shoes of them, isn't good storywriting if it's not what you wanted to do. That's why 2nd person stories are so limited in what they can do.
The point of the story was to put you into the shoes of that character forcefully, and to have you pretend to be that character. Hunter Anon, as it were, is exaggerated to a point to be that way. A blood-loving asshole, something that's common in the world of Bloodborne. Of course, those characters in bloodborne speak in a more older version of english, giving their tone and attitude when they speak a different view.
However, I know most people in modern-day don't speak like that. Plus, the more modern-day version of edgy humor, or saturated humor, concerns the use of words that require modern-day societal thinking, as the slang we use is more... well, saturated.
I'm sorry if you don't like the story- and I hope that any of my other stories might sate your interest! If you're looking for a more well-rounded character, 'A Rimworld Away' would be the place to look.
Anyways, thanks for the criticism. I hope I could've answered something, or atleast explained why I wrote him that way.
10435019
That definitely makes sense.
If somebody reads this, I could understand their confusion if they've never had experience with the game before.
They'd be asking questions like:
"Whats a kirkhammer? Whats firepaper? What is the Hunters Mark? What is the lamp?"
I know it's not up to the reader in order to figure these things out, but simply writing, or explaining them to the reader in great detail would ruin the story. Too many times have I seen people write things that often annoy me as a reader, and I know others share that same viewpoint. Take 'Your Human and You', a story I absolutely love.
The character introduces his smartphone, and has to explain it in slight detail of what it does. And, that entire scene extremely bugged me.
I don't know if I really answered anything here, but that's the way I write it. I can still understand the frustration though.
10434932
I wouldn't say unfinished.
The Diary is definitely in development hell in terms of world-building. That demands a re-write, and I'm having more fun writing other things.
Solaire and His Sun is currently being written in a word document that only I can view. Writing all the chapters out one by one before posting them will help me with making sure I'm time efficient. It'll still be updated, and has been worked on in terms of plot building in the background.
The Ghost is also in the same boat as Solaire and His Sun. I've been doing more research in relation to japanese terminology, and also their culturistical traditions in order to get things right. Despite what the game has given me, I don't want to base my writing off of that. It needs to be accurate, or else it won't work at all.
A Rimworld Away is currently being written, and will continue to be written as it's probably my favorite story to write about right now. That might change soon though, as I'm going to be writing it in a word document in order to get the plot in the appropriate direction I want it to go in. Right now, it's being winged, and it's not faring to well in terms of understanding what its about.
And, obviously, this story is being written. It's a thing that I've decided to do inbetween writing the other stories, and inbetween work and other such assignments.
If you've read any of my other stories, I hope that you know that whichever one you're keeping track of will be updated. But, right now, if I'm not having fun writing them, I won't. My finger, although healed decently, is still injured, and I won't pain myself to do something I don't want to do.
I hope you like this story though!
That's racist.
This is weird and amusing.
Would be great to see the messangers pop out from somewhere in this story. They are so cute
I've been looking for a genuinely good read that fit my humor for a while now. Thanks.
Yeah, but what's his insight?