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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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.......The very concept of "Dear Dark Lord Red Eye" reports makes up for all the horror Murky has delt with in this chapter.
Not realy, but still.
I really liked this chapter. Unlike the previous three, everything about it seemed to be leading forward. Like there wasn't a cycle of abuse and return. He still got smacked around, but the plot and characters are actually progressing while he whimpers.
Also I've decided to just LET GO of the disconnect between the clever and witty narrative and Murky himself under the justification of "Maybe, like the original, he's recounting these after he's had some slight edumaction and what not".
Will read 5 this weekend perhaps.
I really that you create perks that are added in every single chapter, like this was a board game.
Holy shit, that duct scene left me gasping for breath!
Fantastic work so far. To hell with "one chapter a day"- it's READING TIME
YAY! murky it's starting to grow a pair...
funny considering I thought he was a mare until halfway through chapter 2
I'm seeing the plural 'pegasi' mistakenly used instead of the singular 'pegasus' in this story quite often.
Brilliant stuff though, I'm totally hooked.
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Not sure of the specific instances, but remember- these are mostly uneducated raiders and slaves talking. That they can even use pegasus and pegasi and realize they mean the same basic thing is amazing to me. I half expect to see something like pegasuses or pegasis. I can excuse some improper grammar on their part.
Good old Brimstone Blitz!
Reading this, I have to say this is equally fascinating and heart wrenching so far with the sheer crap Murk has to go through, but I have to bring up Flippy here. I get that Pegasi are universally hated here, and the occasional Enclave scouting patrol keeps the hatred going. Furthermore, the environment sure as hell is promoting harmony or peace with anyone, let alone targets like Pegasi.
However, I found Flippy's flip out here to be over the top even considering fanatic racism and unholy rage. All because of his reaction to Murk's wings. Flippy clearly saw Murk's wings, yet says he's lying when Murk says he can't fly. I had gotten the impression that Murk's wings were horrifically deformed from breaking as a foal, little to no muscle development, and weren't properly groomed-so, in short, they don't look life functional wings by even the most cursory of glances, and you sure as hell don't need to be educated to tell that those wings don't work. However, Flippy has zero hesitation here, no expressed doubt whatsoever-Murk is clearly lying in his mind. It just doesn't seem to make sense.
I'm not saying that Flippy wouldn't try to murder Murk here-his hatred and racism are far to ingrained to forgive a Pegasus in front of him. I'm just surprised there wasn't even a tiny flicker of doubt with such blaring evidence being shown to him. Granted, this doubt would easily be overwhelmed by his hatred, but we just didn't see it even though realistically (ha-I use realistic in a post apocalyptic fanfiction about sentient pastel ponies) we should have seen something there.
Although, I guess I could have gotten the wrong impression and Murk's wings look semi-capable under casual glance.
HiddenMaster out.
That may make sense for humans since they walk on two legs . . . but I'm not sure how that makes sense for a horse, as they're wider sideways than they are straight on.
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Hence the name Flippy.
I still don ' t know.
I like this story and premise.
But it is too streched. I didn ' t thought so after two chapters but now I ' m starting to agree with what some others did said.
Firstly reader is able to get used to almost anything and so many terrible things streched so far without any real relief simply makes me more and more numb to Murky ' s suffering.
Also he is virtually not able to stand for himself even after several near death experiences.
Sure he may be indoctrinated slave and coward but even a weakling learns from his own mistakes. And Murky? Unable to kill crippled feral ghoul in closet full of stuff that could be used as weapon. How much skill you need to use a piece of sharp rebar or a a paperweight when you are driven to the corner? Sure make him puke and cry and shake after he smash that ghoul ' s head into pulp...but let him do SOMETHING.
Hell he was running from a radroach tough he must have been bothered by them before as a slave in such enviroment.
I seriously hope he starts to develop at least some semblance of selfpreservation skill, lest 30 chapters of this behavior would really be dull.
'miniscule'
Print this story. I'll buy it.
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I'd expect Murky himself to know it, at least.
Typo: "freezing every moment I wanted to make but the very basic ones!" - *movement.
There's probably others in this chapter, I was just re-reading certain parts.
In a way this story is kinda depressing but at the same time intriguing
Ugh, that was a rough chapter to get through. Too many characters doing stupid things to be bad or make things a bit worse.
The one that really comes to mind was when Murk was given to The Master to be cleaned up. Ok, so the master hit him and used water torture on him in such a way as to not leave a mark. Its like, ok, so Protégé will get pissed at The Master if Murk gets hurt. Then The Master parades Murk all around Filidelphia, in a way that Protégé would probably hear about, if only for the loss of productivity for that time. So we have a problem, Murk could just tell Protégé about The Master pulling this crap, have to stop it, the mare who helped Murk out before does something really stupid so The Master knows about her and can threaten Murk with harm to her. But then The Master tosses Murk to the raiders in the pen. And its like, why? I get that hes a sack of shit but why bother even threatening Murk if you're going to do something stupid that will probably end in physical damage on Murk that will end up getting The Master in trouble with Protégé?
Ugh, I think I'm going to keep going with the story but I just hope none of the other chapters read like "This character has to do this or he can do that and that would hurt this happening."
Happened to me a lot growing up...
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Im responding a couple of years later, but i hope your doing alright/better now!