“Okay, so the filly is staying with us tonight,” Lofty said as she, Cheerilee, and Mayor Mare sat in an office in the Town Hall. “What are we going to do with her tomorrow?”
“Well,” Cheerilee started, “I was thinking that I would cancel class for my older students to try and talk to her tomorrow. I know it would be better to get to her today, but she just seems so timid and sensitive, and I don’t want to make her scared.”
“Word should be arriving soon to nearby cities with her description to see if anypony is missing her,” Mayor Mare commented. “Although I have to ask: do you really believe her when she says her parents aren’t ponies?”
“Well… I’m not sure,” the teacher answered. “It seems unlikely since she told me she’d only be here for one day and we haven’t seen any other creature here, but I’m not entirely sure. She seemed uncomfortable talking about it, and it didn’t sound to me like she was lying.”
“Not to mention, Scootaloo and her friend said they wanted to teach her about ponies,” Lofty added.
“Of course, we would have noticed creatures who aren’t ponies wandering around Ponyville, don’t you think?” Mayor Mare spoke up.
“Well, I’m not sure how truthful she’s being when she says those things. She might just not want to go back to her parents for whatever reason. Of course, all of this could just be a big misunderstanding and she could be telling the complete truth.”
“Okay, what do we do if she’s not telling the truth?”
“Well, like I said,” Cheerilee told them, “I’ll talk to her tomorrow, and we can have her stay with you, Lofty, for the time being. Actually, even if she’s being truthful, we might see if she can’t stay with you and Holiday, at least for a couple of days. There are some other things about her that have me a little bit concerned.”
“Okay, bear in mind that if she ends up staying long term, Scootaloo’s parents should be back just after the Summer Sun Celebration, so she won't be able to stay with Holiday and I much after that.”
“Oh, I’m sure that won’t be an issue,” Cheerilee told her. “There're plenty of adults in Ponyville Asher can stay with when we get to that point.”
“If we get to that point,” Mayor Mare corrected. “It’s still possible that we’re overreacting to her being new, and getting overly concerned for no reason… although I guess it is better to be overly concerned than it is to be under concerned.”
“I really hope we’re being overly concerned about her,” Cheeilee said, then silently thought, "I really hope I'm being overly concerned about her."
Everything about this situation was making me uncomfortable. I really, really, really didn’t like the idea of having a sleepover with little girls, the idea of which only being made worse by the fact that I was a little girl myself. I was almost afraid of the situation I was in, and had to force myself not to hyperventilate as I followed the group into Scootaloo’s house. I was feeling extremely nervous, and I tried to put those feelings out of my head by telling myself that this wasn’t real for what had to have been the twentieth time that day.
“Just get to the end of the day,” I thought to myself. “Once you go to sleep, you’ll wake up at home and this will be over. Just get to the end of the day.”
The house we entered into was kind of old-timey looking. With pale blue walls that had random knick-knacks hanging up on them and a sewing machine sitting on a table in what looked to be a dining room, it gave me the impression that this was an older person’s home, and was what I would have expected to find in someone’s grandmother’s house.
“Why don’t you show your friends to your room, Scoot?” Holiday told the pegasus. “Help them get situated and such before you guys get to doing whatever you’re going to do for the afternoon?”
“Okay!” the girl said excitedly. “Follow me!”
I followed the two of them up a set of stairs and into what I assumed to be Scootaloo’s room. It had pink walls and toys on the ground, which contrasted against posters of a blue pony with rainbow-colored hair and a skateboard and scooter leaning against one of the dressers. It looked to me like a crossover between a bedroom for a little girl and a preteen, and I got the feeling that she was sort of a tomboy. Taking another look around though, a concerning question quickly came to mind.
“Where are we going to sleep?” I asked.
Scootaloo laughed at that like it was the most obvious answer in the world. “On the bed, of course! Where else would you two sleep?” At that response, I felt a wave of anxiety and nauseousness wash over me as Sweetie Belle laughed along with her.
“I- I’m not sure I’m okay with that,” I said shyly as I looked down at the ground, embarrassed.
“Why? I’m pretty sure there’s enough room for both of you…”
“Plus, we can snuggle!” Sweetie Belle added. I felt another wave of anxiety come over me as I tried to respond to that suggestion.
“I- I really, really don’t want to do that,” I stammered out, blushing hard at the idea of being snuggled by her. I absolutely did not want to snuggle with them, and found myself wishing I would wake up before the time came to go to sleep. “I’d rather not sleep in the same room, honestly,” I continued.
There was a brief pause before Scootaloo asked, “Do you not like us?” The two of them looked hurt by what I said, and I tried to explain myself to them.
“Well,” I started, “I mean, I’m actually a boy, so…”
Their hurt expressions were quickly replaced by looks of confusion at that suggestion. “You’re a boy?” Scootaloo asked skeptically.
“Um, yes,” I whispered, feeling my already warm cheeks get hotter. “I’m a boy.”
Before I could stop her, I saw Sweetie Belle was getting behind me and tilting her head to look under me. “You don’t look like a colt,” she said.
“Don’t look at me!” I told her, almost yelling as I crossed my legs, completely embarrassed and slightly ashamed. “Please don’t do that!” I said as I subconsciously tucked my tail in between my legs. I’d been largely trying to ignore the fact that I was currently indecent, and she just brought it to the forefront. Right then, I’d never felt so anxious and embarrassed in my whole life.
“Don’t do what?” Sweetie Belle asked me innocently.
“Don’t… just don't... nothing. Never mind.” I got out, trying to get off the subject. “I’m not a girl, okay?”
“Then what are you? Cause you don’t look like a colt to me.”
“I’m a boy who’s-” I started to say, then suddenly stopped. I knew exactly what I was about to say and felt ashamed of myself because of it. I’m a boy who’s inside a girl’s body. If I’d been told that by someone even yesterday, I wouldn’t have taken them seriously. I wouldn’t have been mean to them or said anything, but I would have gone out of my way to make sure I wasn’t around them, and might have laughed at them behind closed doors. Internally, I would have simply said, ‘You’re a girl in a girl’s body’ and completely dismissed them. Right now though, I was cringing at myself for thinking that before.
“No, it’s not the same,” I thought. “This is different. You’re actually a boy. They’re not… You’re not actually... Oh, why am I so horrible?”
“A boy who’s what?” Scootaloo asked, curious about what I was going to tell her.
“Nothing,” I told her. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
Asher gazed into the mirror in the bathroom.
What she saw was a pony, a filly, with a bright silver coat, long golden hair, and light blue eyes. It made her think of Christmas colors, ruined only by the fact that her eyes weren’t green. Despite having no clue what the beauty standards in Equestria were, she guessed she looked nice enough. With her small size and large puppy dog eyes, she might go as far as to say she was cute. It didn’t change the fact that she absolutely hated her appearance, however.
“This is real, isn’t it?” Asher whispered as she looked herself in the eye. She couldn’t stand looking at the girl she saw. Despite being a pony, what she saw in the mirror looked distinctly feminine to her, as well as to the ponies around her. She clenched her jaw at the sight of herself, starting to tear up for the second time that day.
She closed her eyes and started to speak again. “Please don’t let this be real,” she said aloud quietly. “Please just let me wake up at home in my bed when I open my eyes.” When she did open her eyes again however, all she saw was the same silver-coated filly in the mirror.
“This isn’t real,” Asher told herself, trying to fight back the urge to start crying. “This can’t be real. There’s no way this is real.” She watched the filly in the mirror copy her shaking legs and trembling lips. Seeing the mirror copy her movements only added to the sense of dread she was already feeling.
“Why is this happening to me?” she asked no one as her tears hit the floor. “I don't want to be here. I don’t want to be a girl.” That’s what was getting to her the most. She felt like she could deal with being away from home, with being a pony, and with being a child. It was being a girl that was getting to her, and she quietly sobbed at the idea of being one for the rest of her life.
“No, stop it,” she told herself after a few moments. “This isn’t real. There’s no way for this to be real.” She used a hoof to wipe her eyes and continued to try and calm herself down. “This isn’t real,” she said. “The only way for this to be real would be for God to have put you here, and I’m pretty sure God wouldn’t do that. So this isn’t real. This is just a dream.”
Asher took a few deep breaths and slowly let them out, trying to relax herself as she rubbed her eyes again. She was really hoping the dream she was in would end soon, but decided she could settle for waiting until the end of the day for it to end. She told herself it wouldn’t be that bad. She would just go through the motions of the dream she was in, go to sleep, and completely forget about this in the morning. Everything was going to be fine.
“I really have to pee,” the filly thought as she went towards the toilet before catching herself. “Wait, I can't do that.” she said to herself. “I don’t want to pee in real life.”
That was partly true. She didn’t want to risk wetting herself in real life. But more than that, she was afraid that she would use the restroom and nothing would happen and she’d still be a filly. Despite her knowing that it was increasingly unlikely, she didn’t want to give up on the idea that this was a dream, and decided she would hold out as long as possible. She would keep telling herself that this was a dream until proven otherwise.
“I can hold out,” she told herself. “No, actually, I don’t even need to go. This is all just in my head. This isn’t real. This. Isn’t. Real.”
Asher took one last look at herself in the mirror and sighed as she made her way out of the bathroom, stumbling into Holiday as she exited.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” the mare apologized as she helped the filly back up, using her teeth to grab her by the neck. “That was my fault. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
The filly sniffed, telling her, “I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me.”
“Are you feeling okay?” Holiday asked a bit more quietly, seeing the sadness that was painted on her face. She placed a hoof on the filly's forehead and pushed some of her hair out of her eyes, asking, “Is something bothering you?”
She sighed, answering, “I’m fine. I promise.”
“Are you feeling sick or are your hooves bothering you? You look like you’re a little unsteady when you walk.”
“I just feel a little light-headed,” Asher said. “I’m fine though.”
Holiday stared at her with a concerned expression for a little while before finally speaking. “Well,” she told her, “if there’s anything you need, you forget that you can always ask me or Miss Lofty.”
“Okay, thank you."
The walls of denial holding back the floods of despair have cracked.
Personal anecdote time! We actually recently had a dream that involved urination, which was really annoying because we almost couldn't attain sufficient lucidity to cancel the dream as we were urgently trying to relieve ourself. Thankfully only a miniscule amount was released. In this case, the potential for embarrassment in the "real" world should outweigh the potential embarrassment inside the dream. After all, nobody needs to know what happened in a dream, right? Just be sure you know which is which...
It's amusing he latched onto gender dysphoria as the single most important aspect of his situation. Being a foal? Fine. Completely new location with nobody you know? Dandy. But missing your tallywacker? Well that just won't do!
Just wait until they bring in a psychologist and conclude he has imposter syndrome!
Keep going! ;)
“I can hold out,” she told herself. “No, actually, I don’t even need to go. This is all just in my head. This isn’t real. This. Isn’t. Real.”
This can't end well...
10369043
Weirdly enough the focus on that made sense to me. Everything else happening (species change etc..) is fantastical while that is very much a tangible difference. Ash is freaking out so she has latched onto one thing to focus on that she can wrap her mind around.
10369053
Perhaps. Our MC is approximately 24 years old as alluded to in chapter 3. It just seems to be an interesting response to latch on to the supposed most believable idea only to tunnel-vision into it. We'd argue that a gender change is no more comprehensible than unexplained relocation or species deal." oh, I'm a horse now" is no more confusing than "oh, I'm a child now". All are equally believable in the context of a dream, which is why he initially latched on to that.
It just demonstrates a heavier priority, due in part to insecurity around his name, but we wonder if there's more underneath...
Its not a bad story, but I really do think your beating this, "Its not real" thing into the ground. Your 6 chapters in at this point and your story is just heading in circles, rehashing the same ground . I understand the the main character has issues, but unless the story progresses people will loose interest.
Don't get me wrong, I like the story and the character is intriguing, its just that Im finding myself thinking. "Um Ok, I get the point. Lets move along now."
Not meant in a mean way at all.
The Monk
“I mean, you just seem to walk in random directions most of the time. How do you ever get to where you're going?" "Oh, that's easy," said Candy with a smile, ”I just make the place I end up, the place I wanted to be all along." There was an extended moment of silence. ”That... that's absolutely brilliant," -Trick Question
I get the impression that her awakening is going to be rude in several contets.
10369143
She can't hold her disbelief forever!
I'm just gonna yea... put this rope and chair over here.
Found an inconsistency here
10369143
Yeah, I can see what you're saying. It's not going to be something that continues much after day 1
I must speculate that the MC didn't have a tv to watch when he was a child, most media says that a kid that pee his/her bed will wake up and go with her parent to cry about it, another cases show that they will try to change the bedsheet as quietly they can for fear of his/her parents know about it, but in the end, both cases indicate that the child will wake up because of de dampness they feel.
If he is a man that is dreaming that is a filly, wetting himself could force a wake-up unless he is a special case that can't wake up even after peeing himself.
But most of the people can wake up even before that, just by feeling the urge to pee.
So I conclude that this dude already knows that he is not dreaming but he is in denial or is already bargaining logic.
I'm liking the story so far.
This ain't it chief. The tea ain't warm and the streets is cold. My guy is taking this bad. Poor dude.
I wonder what happens next. I (im)patiently await the next chapter of this wonderfully written story!
10369535
Pacing can be a difficult artform to grasp.
Welp, how long will he be able to hold it in before he decides enough is enough and tries everything he can to "wake up"?
I'll be waiting :)
10369443
Oopsie doopsie, thank you.
Had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn’t a dream when I saw no next button
Well, duh. You've been trying to rationalize everything that's happened today it's a dream while you refuse to acknowledge what you already know what's happening. Don't know how long someone can go trying irrationally rationalize the world around you until you broke down finally acknowledging what you already know to be true. I don't even know how you are able to keep this lie up for so long, that is, assuming you currently have the full thinking power of an awake brain, and your brain capacity isn't limited in some way.
Well, I'm not a personal fan when humans are in equestrian and there are like that, think that where they are is fake. You can't go long trying to rationalize the world as a dream when the other part of your mind already knows it's real because of the cause of a multitude of reasons.
EDIT:
Well, crap I just wasted half an hour making a comment ranting about why I dislike this certain situation and how unlikely unrealistic it is as well as why Asher of Ashley's deception was honestly pathetic. But then I came to the realization perhaps it's unfair of me to hold the character up to my own standards as I may see myself as average, other aren't the same.
Though the irrational traits of the character still make it incredibly hard to empathize with the character and thus unrealistic to me. Not enough to drop the story, but enough to get me to comment. If you don't get what I mean, reply and I can go into more detail.
But, let's get into the more technical side of story writing. Personally, if I were to ever make a situation like that, I'd make sure to have a damn good explanation for something like that. For example, I could though in the reason for the irrational behavior was that he was in a state of fatigue or some state that limited his thinking capacity not letting him think rationally. In short, if I see something that is irrational, I'd better have a rational reason as to why the irrational behavior/incident/anything happened.
Again, this does tie back to the possibility of me holding up the character to my own standards, which to me are average. I usually think if I was there, what would happen and how would I go about it. First I would keep an open mind if all I have to do is wait till I wake up then yay, but in the chance this is real, I'm going to use deceptive for now until I can get my bearings, but what the character does in the story is irrational, not to mention the sad use of deception. If he was going to misdirect someone, then why would he tell the entire truth instead of answering the bear minimum and saying yes.
This could all be fixed simply by making it so that for some reason, he/she was irrational because of some reason, like, as I've said before, limited thinking capacity at the time.
Great, I just spent an hour to voice my opinion on this matter and made a stupidly long comment again. Anyways, I'm going to keep reading as it been interesting so far. If I was unclear, you don't understand, or you disagree, send me a reply and we can chat. Perhaps I am holding the character up to my own unrealistic standards, maybe not. It'd be interesting to get some conversation as I've been bored all day doing nothing be read.
Is this lack of spine and self-assertiveness something which carries deep into the story? This is one of the things which annoy me on deep level so thought to stop in this chapter and ask.
10634872
At the start, yes. Won't last forever though, promise
Noooo you idiot just use the Toilet already
10464435
Is this the real life, or is it just fantasy?
10369535
That, plus the constant switching between writing in First Person and Third Person Omniscient has been killing my interest in this story. You should pick one and stay with it.
First Person is generally not a good choice for inexperienced writers, and few people can pull it off well. To do it correctly means that you have to confine yourself to such a crippling straightjacket that any events relevant to the story that is outside the MC's view are forever suspect.
Third Person Omniscient is much easier for novices and is very popular even with very experienced writers, because it gives authors an extremely wide flexibility to tell stories from multi-POVs.
yes! the PEE!
Meanwhile, God is watching from heaven, laughing his ass off.