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Ditzy had a long and brutal past, no easy journey, and a small respite in a town called Ponyville. Even that respite was hard-fought and meager, but the world has a way of refusing to let the weary rest and the truth a way of revelation. If that truth then comes, comprehension and acceptance are the next and greatest battle. There are a thousand revelations, and if she mastered them all perfectly she would but glimpse the first iota of truth. This is the Life of Ditzy: straightforward, complicated, clear, uncertain, happy, maddening, passionate, furious, ecstatic, depressing, motherly, raging, loving, blind—but last, and most of all—searching.
Monumental thanks to White Cloud and Aeteros for helping make sure the rewrites are going as intended.
Begins between Seasons 2 and 3. Continuation: Under a Grey Sky
This story has been completely rewritten since it was originally posted.
Hey all. This is author... well, typing, I suppose. Not speaking. I'm usually speaking.
Anyways, this is my first attempt at some fanfiction, as you probably already knew from the introduction. I would love some constructive feedback, considering this is solely the product of my slightly paranoid mind and I am the only one to have read this in its entirety, except for you and the other future people who have read this. Hope you enjoyed it!
Chapter 1.5 (Interlude) is up! Still looking for feedback (Please
?) The first half or so of the above is rather reminiscent of a scene from Les Miserables (Not the scene itself, but the particular writing style of the scene.) No feedback makes me 
, and it also has the effect of not improving my work beyond what I am able to do myself. Therefore, you should definitely comment, even if its just to point out a spelling error. Logic!
Oh man, the perils of the 'read later' list! To think I've been putting this off since chapter one went up. Well, I'm here now, anyway.
First, I really enjoyed the characterization of Ditzy in this. She's exactly what I want out of her, I guess. That loving mother and tormented soul vibe, she's a wonder for it. Especially when the emotions are written as well as they are here! That bit when she was angry at Dash gave me chills.
Now then, constructive nitpick time? Minor typos aside, I've got a few. There are a few instances where you repeat yourself, or re-introduce something, such as Dinky's various virtues in chapter one. It gets pretty close to word for word with an earlier part, actually. I would try to avoid that as much as possible, as it can take the reader out of the 'flow' for a moment.
Second nitpick, the Hearts and Hooves reference, felt a little forced. Don't feel as strongly about that, but eh. Normally that sort of thing is done to bring fics closer to the show, I think. Something you absolutely don't need with your talent for making the individual characters feel 'right'.
Heh, hope that helps a bit/makes up for the feedback deadzone. I like your style too much to see it murdered by a silent audience. Liked and faved!
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That was very strange- I had a whole nice thank you Q&A style reply typed out, and then it posted it as a guest account, and then it disappeared. What did I say...
First of all, I probably went over Ditzy's anger a hundred times from conception to posting. I spent a lot of thought-power slicing and changing layers, because I had to make it perfect. Those emotions are relevant to the rest of the story.
I have a suspicion that the unnecessary repetition is due to the awkward way I wrote the first chapter: Mainly, at random. I would go back and add in parts, and revise sections whenever I saw mistakes or wanted to clarify something. it can be really hard to review your own work because you always know what you mean, anyways.
Third thing (second nitpick), that actually results from an old, hardwired tendency I have to try to make as many stories fit into the same universe as possible. That fell by the wayside when I started reading lots of fanfiction, but apparently it still holds sway in the deep recesses of my mind.
I was (and still am) pretty paranoid about my characters, I was afraid of them being bland or uninteresting, and its very nice to know that I haven't failed in that regard. An author (any artist, really) can always assume that people are enjoying his work, but it is completely incomparable to that feeling when someone tells you they enjoyed it. I really can't thank you enough, and may your "Read later" list extend into the infinite horizon! (Although knowing mine, it probably already does.)
Sweet, good to see this continued again. Ideas for comments abound!
I loved the tone of the beginning, and how it lead into Dash's apology, perfect pacing and the moods Ditzy went through were forced on me pretty hard again. Very well done.
Once we hit the apology, I think it got slightly 'bumpy' for a second. The mood was still right, but the suddeness of it after the leisurely build-up caught me off guard. Something I feel also happens later during Caps' conversation with Ditzy, minor hikes.
The rest of these situations felt fairly natural, but I think there should be a little more 'resistance' to the apologies and spilling your guts to a stranger. This didn't stop me from enjoying this chapter, however.
The couple moments of comic relief, for instance, got a good laugh. The insanity of the 'mail explosion' to the Starbucks reference, something surprising to me as I've seen the latter before once or twice. Perhaps it was the handling of it that made this one more entertaining? Regardless, it was funny.
I'm going to end this comment by saying I look forward to seeing Ditzy hit Canterlot, and by hoping I see this story get more views as deserved.
It's sort of too bad that they didn't kill him, isn't it?
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That is a very vague almost-question. If you would clarify I would happily answer, but I am assuming that by "they" you mean the Elements and by "him" you mean Discord. In that case, I find it fortuitous that they did not kill him- canonically, we know next to nothing about how and why Discord is the way he is, or even if he can be changed (saved). Killing Discord would be justifiable if and only if he was proven not only unable to be helped but also unable to be contained within reasonable measures.
Of course, this being my fic I can write him to be whatever I would like, but I won't- primarily because I have plans (/evil grin) and I am a bit of a strict constructionist when it comes to cannon and thus prefer my stories to be believable in the universe they are set in
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By him, I do mean Discord. A lot of writers make him into someone who is just misunderstood; what we've seen shows us that you understand him fairly well: he's a creep who likes playing games with lives because he can. That being said, he's an armor-piercing question away from defeat. I'd like to see his response to the question "Why don't you do something difficult for once?"
I feel good about this chapter. It seems strong to me. Please let me know if there are still any grammatical errors or misspellings in this chapter, it has been difficult at times adjusting to typing with a cracked elbow.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE: I do not own those lyrics, nor did I create them (they are, however, slightly modified from their original form). I re-used them as allowed (to my understanding) under the Creative Commons Attribution License.They are part of a song by the wonderful AdamTh3Walker which you can find here:
Although I am loathe to use things that I did not create in such an explicit manner, it fits too well for me to just ignore it.
Also, another question for you readers: Should I continue writing new chapters or go back and revise the first couple of chapters first? I have the distinct feeling that some instances of bad writing are turning some of you away.
Oh, and Candiru: I do believe that question has been answered already, by the show itself. The Elements were certainly a difficult thing to take on, and he was, in fact, defeated by them (if perhaps temporarily- we will see).
Oh man, I dig how heavy this chapter got. Character development intertwined wonderfully with lots of little instances of clever wording and vivid imagery! The orchestra for instance, some of the best passages I've ever seen in fanfiction; I went ahead and grabbed my iPod, so moving was your description of the music and what it meant; both in general and to Ditzy.
I also really like Tick, very mystic air about him, can't wait to see where that goes. In the millions of chapters to come...? There will be millions, yes? There better be. (I kid, you don't have to write more than a few hundred...)
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You have no idea how happy you just made me. Quite honestly, I teared up a little just now. I am so damned happy to know that I am making others happy.
Oh, (and this should make you very happy) I am planning on writing this for a very, very long time. Perhaps not FO:E long, but likely several hundred thousand words. I have an entire world to explore! I am building my empire today! This is my kingdom... and I live in it.
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Magnificent! Though, I suspect a story of any length from you would be excellent. I was a tad overcome when I threw the other comment up and went on a head trip to a magical land wherein this story makes you go read War and Peace for a break from the denseness.
Ditzy would look adorable sleeping in a box, how's that for an insightful comment?
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If only I could draw.
Oof. I made the very unfortunate promise to myself of publishing this before I watched the season 3 premiere, so here I am, nearly 15 hours later. Also, a word of wisdom to the general populace: Never, ever, ever, ever mix Ponies, theological reasoning, the historo-critical method, and quantum physics. You will have searing headaches (and possibly an explosion of intelligent ideas). Nerd points to whoever points out the blatantly theological statement in this chapter (there's probably more than one, anyways).
Anyways, time to watch season 3!
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Err, what? Anyway I think the critical ingredient is the quantum physics. The simplest conclusions drawn from that stuff are anyone to boggle anyone's mind.
I don't suppose there is any theological relevance in this bit...
I'm a bit too tired to rip apart your work, but not too tired to continue to enjoy it immensely. Keep it up, yo!
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You got it! I really didn't expect anyone to get it that fast. (it is referring to the hypostatic union (but reversed) or perhaps the trinity) And I wouldn't put it past theology to boggle anyone's mind, while the historo-critical method can just be downright irritating. As St. Augustine put it, "If you study the trinity it will drive you to
"
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You should be happy then, because I have a short chapter that I am going to put up Soon(TM)
(Soon: Copyright 2004-2012 Blizzard Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. "Soon" does not imply any particular date, time, decade, century, or millennia in the past, present, and certainly not the future. "Soon" shall make no contract or warranty between Blizzard Entertainment and the end user. "Soon" will arrive some day, Blizzard does guarantee that "soon" will be here before the end of time. Maybe. Do not make plans based on "soon" as Blizzard will not be liable for any misuse, use, or even casual glancing at "soon.")
I both experimented and went back to my "roots," if I can even call them that at this stage, in this particular section- not to mention it was written and revised in a very short span of time. I eagerly await your receptions.
This might sound b
ad, but the first thought I had when she bit into the screaming muffin was she picked up another, and another making them scream to a happy little tune. Kinda like the muppetphone.
Its a pun, see? The chapter title? Flights of fancy, because Dinky is having an adventure and Luna is flying and thinking and... you get it. Actually, all of my chapter titles (not including interludes) have at least two direct meanings, if you haven't noticed already.
Things fall apart.....the centre cannot hold......
Congrats on the EQD post! You are now officially famous sir. *Puts you on read later list*
As someone who works in a related field as Dtizy/Derpy I found this highly amusing
I am glad to see the Equestrian Postal Service uses NCOA move update (although IRL that information is usually not readily available to the hoi polli...)
Those manual records must be and absolute pain the the plot to keep up to date though.
That certainly is putting it mildly. If the Postmaster inspector found that mail was not being sent out within the required service level agreement, Inkie et al could very well be facing criminal charges. That was a rather dick move on Ditzy's part.
Well then...
4906112 Well then WHAT? That doesn't tell me very much :P
In my humble opinion, for what it's worth, very well written. I only found one "it's a word, just not the right word" error, (thee or tree instead of 'the' (for example) which means your proof readers are on top of things. And this little picky thing: “Please just listen this once. You know you have a problem with responsibility, I might have worded: "Please listen, just this once." But that's just me. Like I stated before, very well written, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the story!
“When she got out of school, she had her whole career lined up for her. I don’t know if she ever did any work planning it out, but all of her opportunities just sort of lined and now she’s in the Canterlot Orchestra. (just sort of lined 'up' and now she's...)? Or 'streamlined'? Anyway, enough nit picking! (Just tell me to stop & I will.)(no hard feelings)
Nice of Ditsy to recognise and relate that other ponies would have unfullfilling jobs and need some encourgagement!
Whew!
Finally finished rereading this in preparation for Under A Gray Sky.
I did have two issues with the story thus far:
1. The story ended rather suddenly.
Tick finds the book.
Tick runs off.
Quirk reappears.
Story abruptly ends.
A minor nitpick to be sure, seeing as there is a sequel/continuation in Under A Gray Sky, but I found it irritating nonetheless
2. The more serious issue though was the story's voice. My vocabulary fails me as I struggle to describe why I found reading some of the chapters so laborious. It was... passive voiced? Tell-me as opposed to Show-me? Lurid purple prose? A combination of all three? I think I understand where you were going with it stylistically, but too much of it really bogged down the narration and began to make reading a chore.
That said, I am looking forward to what happens next in Under A Gray Sky!
Trying and failing to ascribe meaning to the marble game. I know the colors are significant, especially the barrier given the next two chapters, but cannot for the life of me put a definite name to any of the rest.
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Yup, I fucked up and dropped the ball with this one. Then again, I have no formal training in creative writing. I have heard this complaint more and more often and I'm rewriting several chapters, including a drastic rewrite of the first three chapters. You'd think I'd have the sense to take the much easier option of starting over in a different story (the problem of having to read earlier work has caused me a lot of trouble over the years), but I have no other ideas that are as engaging as what I currently have.
I like it.
Le lo la bapity boo It was nice
I was kind of hoping the goody bag was full of stuff ponies send the elements to get corporate endorsements, but the mane 6 are too ethical/busy to accept them.
You can has review!