Long after Spike walked away from the relationship, Sweetie Belle still hasn't found closure.
Winner of the May 2020 Pairings Contest.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 17th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
ScarletRibbon
Just a pone who likes to write about other pones in compromising situations ranging from sexy to deadly and everywhere in between. https://ko-fi.com/scarletribbon
ScarletRibbon
Joined 17th Jun, 2012 ·
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Easy there, Sweetie. You say you'll have to work back up to a wedding dress, then you start talking like it's your honeymoon.
Heh. Garble's got a fetish. Neat.
"Flattened ears", "four knees": good horsiness
"Knock 'em dead" "But I'm the one who dies!"
Really made me chuckle.
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She wants the dragon D.
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No double-D bajugabuja dragon gf for you!
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Is it weird to say that he always struck me as a boob guy when he's from a world where boobs don't exist as we accept them?
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That's actually rather intentional, both because Sweetie isn't approaching the relationship from a healthy mindset, and because not everyone feels sex needs to be reserved for committed relationships.
In many ways, Sweetie Belle and Garble here are a lot like how my wife and I started out.
Wow, that was a ride! I was uncertain about the story when I saw the tags. I was unsure when I read the description. And I was confused at the start about where the heck Sweetie and Garble were going to fit into this. But the progression from there was phenomenal! It's cliche for a reason: Never judge a book by its cover.
By the end, I could actually imagine Sweetie and Garble together, and that is saying something. I just thought the idea of a romance between this pair would be forced and ridiculous. In a way, it was. But it was also done brilliantly.
The switch out idea was a fantastic way to force the issue - it works wonderfully. The use of the play as the settings and framing for the story was inspired. The flashbacks occurred at just the right times to keep the emotions going. And my word, does it keep the emotions going. This story is an excellent, high-energy roller-coaster of a fiction and I absolutely believe it exemplifies what is great about the May Pairing Contest.
Congratulations on your well-earned 🥇 1st Place!
(Also, something occurred to me... both of the winning entries for the last two years involved a play at a theater as a central means to bring the two characters together. Coincidence?!?
)
This was a pretty well-executed and original romantic drama. The characters all felt like distinct, real people, with real emotions. Though I can't help but think this ended prematurely, contest word limits aside. A sequel where Sweetie and Garble explore their relationship further and address lingering questions or hangups would be ripe with possibility. Or even a prequel explaining how Flurry grew up to be so entitled and bratty.
Aside from Sweetie seemingly putting her special talent on hold to pursue theater, my biggest qualm with this story was Spike. I understand that Sweetie needed a dragon ex for your plot to work, but it just feels incredibly wrong for Spike to bounce from girl to girl like this. He's been wholly and happily serving as Twilight's assistant for almost his entire life, and would be nearly the last creature in Equestria to bail out on a relationship, by my reckoning. And without even any consoling words for Sweetie, even? I just couldn't reconcile the contradiction.
Anyway, have a joke after my constructive criticism lighten the mood:
The dress is covered in gemstones, Garble. Are you sure you aren't just hungry?
I can’t believe this made Sweetie and Garble WORK. Dang!
Personally, Flurry and Spike felt slightly out of character, but considering the story.... I’d say it worked.
Well done.
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Regarding Spike and Flurry Heart, there's a reason I wrote them the way that they are. Flurry Heart is a brat because - other than her parents - she would be used to getting her way from anyone she asks. Imagine a teenager who has grown up with that kind of ego-boost and it's not hard to believe she would have a massive authority-complex of sorts. The concept goes far beyond the fic here - I've got an (unpublished) distant-future Equestria fic where her upbringing ultimately ends with Flurry Heart remembered as a villain that was defeated by her own mother.
As for Spike, honestly, there are a lot of 'good' people in life that suck at romantic relationships, and when you consider the ponies he's surrounded with, he doesn't really have a lot of strong examples of good romantic relationships, so I don't think it's a huge stretch to see him struggling with how to handle one. The show also makes a really big deal out of dragon greed, and I wanted to play with that idea a bit, asking the question 'what if a dragon was just greedy for love, but not mature enough to understand it?'
I also have ideas for a prequel - specifically, one from Spike's perspective, dealing with that idea of greed as related to relationships, and Flurry's growing infatuation with him. I don't think I'll write it, but the idea has crossed my mind.
I don't think I'll ever get around to writing a sequel, either, but I certainly have a solid idea for what it would address: The public reception of the play (mixed), the consequences of Flurry's actions (with her parents, with the theatre, and with the Zebras), how subsequent performances are received (after Sweetie Belle takes on Crystal Song's role and another pony plays Obsidia), the actual performance held at the Crystal Empire (which goes swimmingly, despite Flurry's immaturely jealous attempts to derail it), and, of course, the GarBelle relationship (which would be rocky at first before smoothing out, and probably end up a bit cloppy toward the end if I feel like it).
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And that all makes sense, really! It just didn't grok with me personally.
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I think a prequel would do very well to explain some things.
I can see Flurry Heart acting this way, but Spike being demonized as much as he is here makes it feel odd. I really do want to see this from Spike’s perspective.
Well then That was pretty something and a very interesting shipping And yet It really works they have a pretty good interaction with each other even though it was just a play but then after the end it was pretty sweet Garble really Can really express himself pretty well when hes not in the dragon lands oh One little criticism is Flurry and Spike I felt like they will never do that to anybody like that Despite their anger in everything So it felt little off character of both of them That's the only complain about that but other than that this was a pretty good story
What an unexpected treat that was! The romance feels genuine, and I really like Sweetie's characterization. Great work!