Every citizen of the Crystal Empire seemed to go through memory loss after the 1,000 years banishment. What if King Sombra did as well?
Chapters (21)
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got excited that this got a another chapter only to find out you just repost it in small chunks hope dashed
So, uh, was there a reason you decided to reupload the story into bitesized chunks?
The top comment for this story was that it was too long to be one chapter so I split it up but did it just delete all of the reviews?????
I really hope it didn’t, I read all of them and I’m so grateful for all of your comments. I went back and changed a few formatting and grammatical errors you all pointed out but are they just GONE?!
If they are and any of you come back to this I am so sorry! I was going to send you each a response personally thanking you for reading. Even those who didn’t like it, I’m so glad you gave it a try.
I am so, so sorry, that is not what I wanted to happen. I’ll just give a blanket thank you for reading and especially for sharing your thoughts on it.
Does anyone know if they are gone, gone? Can I get them back?
10238670
Yeah, unfortunately deleting chapters deletes their comments too. I don't believe the author would purposely censor their comment section because of comments they didn't like, and that is was probably an accident. I'm totally looking forward to reading this (it's just long and I've been busy) but I also was hoping to read the comments too.
(I'll be leaving a long comment whenever I get around to it to help make up for any deleted comments, if I can.)
10238674
Hello Syroc,
Yes, the top comment was that it was too long for one sit-down read so I changed that. When I published it, I did it the way I like so I don’t have to click through chapters and I know what I’m in for. Most do not like it this way however.
Thank you for commenting!
10238670
Hello Duckmagee,
Very sorry to disappoint you but I’m very glad you liked the story (I’m assuming). I like your profile picture by the way.
10238687
yeah it deletes the reviews, and honestly i didn't mind the length either way was fine, and i loved the story it was great, love more one shot stories set in this story universe such as sombra having to deal with meeting a crystal pony etc
10238682
Curious reason, but I guess that's fine.
Well, my review in q nutshell: the story was great, but the ending ruined the whole thing. It feels like nobody learned anything or is sorry, Sombra is forced to consider himself deserving of being tortured/murdered by the EoH, Discord is an evil asshole because he knew it woukd kill Sombra but let them blast him anyways, and in the end he goes crawling back to his executioners to be their best fucking friend like a little bitch.
The story would have ended better if he died, because then his life wouldn't be knowtowing to people who'll shit on his life and not care.
Tl;dr the ending makes me extremely salty.
What happened to the first chapter, and why was it so long?
10238715
Hi Vaalintine,
Thank you for the review, I can see why you would feel that way. I wrote this because I like Sombra but when you try to write a redemption story for him you have to think about the ramifications of slavery and what should happen to those who support it. And then, you have to ask yourself what would likely happen in MLP and not the real world. Him dying would be justice so, you are right about that. Anyway, your opinion is valid, I’m glad you gave this a shot and thank you for reviewing.
Aw damn a lot of comment got deleted too. That’s kinda a bummer
I have to say this is a damn good read and a fine wholesome story. The Characters were great i loved your twist to the characters of sombra's backstory. you've done amazing and while i hope to see more from you in the future. no pressure.
MUCH better. Much easier to read.
And still fantastic.
Shame the comments got axed, but that's what happens, I guess. It's a weird quirk of the site.
~Skeeter The Lurker
10238821
Hello DarthVendar,
Thank you for reviewing, I’m glad you liked it.
10238788
Hi ppg1998,
I’m trying to get them back. I feel awful about it T-T
10238842
Hi Skeeter The Lurker,
I’m glad you wrote again; I messaged the admins to see if I can get the reviews back. Thank you for your thoughtful review the first time. I regret the loss of comments but I’m glad it’s easier to read.
10238670
Gah! Same here! </3
10238861
No problem! This was a fantastic read, no question.
I do very hope you've other stories to tell.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Liked it more in the one chapter version
10238715
My main problem is that the epilogue seems too perfect. There are a lot of stories untold there, like how he found other Umbra, how he reacted to being an Umbra, how it was revealed that he was still alive, how he fell in love, just a lot of stuff that I would have liked to actually see.
10238777
Honestly my preference for him to have died from the blast was less about justice and more about a better end for him. Either way there wouldn't be justice because he isn't the same person who commited those crimes, he has total amnesia which effectively makes him a seperate individual. That and the EoH were ne er going to redeem him, that was a false assumption Discord led Twilight to and refused to correct knowing it would kill him, so even if he WAS totally redeemed and innocent it would still have killed him.
Why it would have been better for him to die ris that it woukd be less cruel than him living his life blaming and hating himself for things he never did and rejects, sucking up and worshipping those who blame him for it even with being a seperate individual. Plus after knowing that it would ONLY kill him no matter what they aren't beggi g forgiveness from him, but he is asserting that they are right. Such a life woukd only lead to him being self-hating and thinking he deserves to suffer and die, with those around him agreeing with that.
Also, since this is the MLP comic you're basing things in Amore was racist and evil, knowingly using the crystal heart despite it torturing him because he was an Umbra.
Will there be any sequels to this Fanfic?
Or any small mis adventures with Sombra and his other friends or the main 6?
Or heck even a fanfic on Sombra trying to ask out Moon Dancer would be an absolute Godsend.
10238675
I will rewrite my comment: Depending on what you count as a Sombra fic, this is either the best or the 2nd best one on the site. Truly a gem of this degenerate website. 11/10
Literally my all-time favorite Fanfic on this site! (Then Again I have only been here for like- Oh Fuck A Year?
Shame about the nuked comments, reposting mine:
A very nice little touch. I don't know why but this bit of Moondancer's characterization out of the entire story really stood out to me and I just love it.
Enjoyed this.
10238675
Next time, either unpublish the original version, or edit it to only contain the Epilogue, and slip all the new chapters before it. I don't know how to do those things, mind, but I have seen other authors do it before.
I wasn't actually expecting you to republish the story with it put into chapters instead, that's a welcome surprise. IMO, it makes stories more enjoyable if they're put into parts, but I can see why people would like a story that starts and ends in one chapter.
10238675
Honestly I don't know why people were nit picking about splitting it up. Its a short story and crying about not having to hit a next button to read more is assinine.
So when is the sequel going to be up?
Oh Noooooo he's umbrum!
This story... may need a bit of editing.
Very nice. Could use a once-over with a copy-editor for spelling.
I disagree with Vaalintine - the resolution works for me. Twilight's coming to his home and explaining/apologizing seems to cover it.
I do find the epilogue a bit weird, but no big deal there.
Hahahahaha...
I like this Spike
Um..he's an Umbra. Or descendant of one. Plus my theory is that his 'dark' magic is actually a from of shadow magic. An old, rare, and very primordial magic.
Congratulation Elements of Harmony! You, all six of you, are murderers. You. You have killed the last of the Umbra species. How does that feel? Eh. To kill the last of an endangered species. To finish the work of Princess Amor. Congrats. Your all murderers. Hear that everyone? The beloved Elements of Harmony are Murderers! Now...I have only one person to apologize to. And that is Fluttershy, sorry. I truly am.
hahahahhahahhhhhahah!!
Tom and Jerry. Have you seen that cartoon, or did you just not notice that you made a reference.
Nice work there, the diolouge and Sombra's forgetfulness was what sucked me into the story the most, if I'm being honest.
Leather? Do they use cow leather or... horse leather?
I didn't think that ponies might've worn leather, but then again, Sunset Shimmer coming from the pony world has a leather jacket... I wonder how I would feel about that if I came from a pony world.
I gotta admit I was kind of expecting a deeper look into the Umbra’s history in this universe. I was expecting some sort of horrific truth behind the Umbra’s that alluded to them being more advanced then what the records claimed before being forced off their lands and killed off by the Crystal Ponies. Even the book’s description of the Umbra made me think of their use of dark magic being exaggerated as some sort of post genocidal justification created by biased historians. Like even with the ‘banished to a cave’ thing gave me instant thoughts of it being a sensitised way of saying mass graves.
rushed ending tbh
Yeah I hope there’ll be a sequel to expand upon the situation depicted in the epilogue.
This is neat. A polite sombra
It could be a "fake" kind of leather or maybe they just don't give a hoot and accept that leather is used... though i would have no clue what kind of leather it is?
Rip Mud the mighty.
He started in mud and he ended in mud.
10239087
That makes a lot more sense.
I'm binge reading this and the total lack of comments was weirding me out
This is a very, very good story. But... honestly, I was a little disappointed that Sombra didn't regain his memories in the end and have to reconcile the two sets of memories.
Also, thank you for splitting it up into chapters. I actually didn't mind reading the whole thing in one sitting. Haha But it makes it easier to reread the parts I really liked. And... probably good for those who want to split it into different sittings.
If i want to describe the beginning of this story, i would use "confusion".
MC is confused, I am confused, what the hell is going on.
Well.
It's a bit of an awkward writing.
I would say... Stifled and dry.
Like you had no time, and merely jolted down the most important action, while cramming as much as possible into every paragraph. Too rushed.
Character behaviors are weird, i think, too. Too cliche. TOO cliche.
Why does m6 attacks him immediately after his awakening?
The hell, first of all, it's been days after empire had returned, before Celestia told Twilight about it, and even then, Cadence and SA were already inside.
Then, they wouldn't attack him like that anyway. He was feared, and suppressed the whole empire alone. Without Crystal heart m6 and royal pair still felt completely helpless and tried to outrun him.
So even if he didn't used his power outright, they would never jump at him like that and act like complete cliched idiots.
Then this old man, who wouldn't help someone out of the swamp, but suddenly share his food and whatever. Change from selfish sarcastic jeezer to npc-behavior is just too obvious.
Then goes Sombra himself.
He just too polite. No other ponies polite like him. He acts like a bullied school kid. Yet you kinda "say" he is affected by his past, as he refused though to help pony back in the castle.
And then, he thinks with curses.
That's just too wrong. It does not feel believable.
And the idea i expected didn't happen: i expected no one to remember him as well, so he can rebuild his image before anyone comes to the empire.
What i got, in fact, is another "woke up in villains body, running from the good guys" template, but with amnesia twist and original person.
It's a first chapter here, but i don't have high expectations.