For thousands of years, Equestria has been held together by love and the magic of friendship. That is, until one unicorn decided to take matters into his own hooves. And in casting out what he viewed as weakness, he inadvertently caused the very downfall of his country that he so feared.
I wanna thank TheExhaustedBrony for letting me make an extension of his story: A just betrayal. Please read his story before you read this one, because this story starts right at the end of the original story, just slightly different.
Chapters (7)
Hope when they invade that shining’s forces is totally ineffective and he sees how badly he screwed up and how equestrians all hate him
hope he gets sent to Tartarus
Hope twilight and spike survive the fall of equestria and make a new life somewhere else
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I can't say whether they do or not, but I can definitely say they aren't going down without a fight.
Yeesh, you know what shining needs. A good old war to shake up Equestria fake an attack by the griffons and go to town.
Hope that shining and his army learn that while they have taken the land by force but they will be utterly to get cooperation or actually trying to rule
Hope all the businesses go on strike while shining is in charge and his empire gets attacked soon
Hope twilight and spike stay away from him and survives the story
If they do end up meeting I hope twilight takes him down with him reluctant to fight back but twilight having no such qualms saying that her brother is dead
And just whose fault would that be, idiot?
Hmmm?
Oh, lemme think......
Oh, yeah, I remember!
It's yours!!!
And I hope it comes back to bite your sorry, worthless a$$!!!
And that Twi and Spike are there to laugh in your face when it does!!!
And as to this:
Seriously?!
You really think that she's gonna send a "letter about love and friendship" to the stallion who ordered her best friends to be murdered?!
I'd stop looking for one, if I were you, 'cause it ain't gonna come.
Love what Luna told them, too.
And her line "jesters in armor"?
LOVE it!
Anyway, this is getting really good, and I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter!
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Yeah, let's just say the ripple effect is bigger then he knows.
As for Luna, I really enjoyed writing her response.
10202413 I bet it is.
Good, 'cause it was fun reading it.
Hey, everyone needs a good reaming out every now and then.
And none more so that a bunch of idiotic jarheads like Shining and Co.
Never really thought that a story of mine would get it's own spin off. Feels really good. I definitely enjoyed where you took things. Now for a bit of constructive criticism. The rapid changes of POV were a bit confusing and left me a bit confused and required me to reread parts. There are a few things here and there that I personally would have avoided doing but bringing them up would be a bit too nitpicky for my tastes. I truly appreciate you dusting off one of older, and not exactly my favorite, story.
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I’ll admit the changing POV is something I have a problem with. Hard to tell when I should and shouldn’t do it. I’m still fairly new at writing. But I’m glad you like it so far.
Welp Shining going to be in for a bad Time.
10205456 Yeah, he is.
And Celestia had a point about why the griffins and dragons hadn't attacked Equestria.
Would YOU want to go up against a country ruled by the mare who controlled the sun and moon (before Luna's return)?
I sure as heck wouldn't.
Which is why I'm thinking that Shining and his traitors are in for just as much of a shock (if not an even bigger one!) than the dragons and the grifs before this is all over.
Call it a hunch.
Just found and caught up today. Normally not a fan of this sort of fic as
. Mostly because they are often written so OOC with little to no explanation. Even going against the writer's own established canon
. Ex. One story I read started Celestia as the typical politically savvy, kind-hearted, mischievous princess that tolerated her spoiled nephew only to become a murderous psychopath giving her 'adored' nephew rape victims for his private dungeon. Apparently, all you need is an out of nowhere prophecy to justify pulling a 180 in her personality halfway through the story. And then, to drive home the point that she was always secretly evil right after the midway, they introduced Cadence as a violent racist bigot, brought Sunset in so Shining could rape and execute her, and had the Wonderbolts kill some foals. You know, so everything could make sense
.
1) RL doom and gloom problems don't fit MLP as the core of it is having a better way despite adversity and
2) I don't typically like good characters written as evil or tyrannical. Partly because I tend to be attached to said characters
I'm not sure about point 1 here as I'm still waiting and hoping to see the turning point (please let there be a turning point for Equestria
), but point 2? It actually looks pretty good so far
. Whether a TV show or a book series, a lot of writers get lazy with AU character and just say 'Oh! Hey! They're evil because...uh...evil universe!' You, on the other hand, have written something a lot more believable. Shining Armor disillusioned desiring to be more aide to his country but being reduced to glorified door man. Eventually deluding himself into justifying atrocities due to the combination of growing bitterness and naïve grasp of military action due to living in a peaceful kingdom. An unlikely, but possible scenario like any good AU.
Speaking of naïve
. Can't wait to see him get schooled in military rule the hard way.
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I can understand where you're coming from. Personally, I would have gone with Sombra returning as a ghost and possessing Shining Armor (which would explain his sudden willingness to kill the citizens he's supposed to protect). Sombra would want to hurt Spike and Cadence because they're the ones who actually got the crystal heart to the place it needed to go. Making someone they're both close to do the things Shining did, would not only hurt them in the worst way possible, it'd also give Sombra resources and solders to reclaim the Empire. However, the point of this story is to show the consequences of Shining's actions, so there are certain things I can't change and keep true to the original story. I will however, try to keep them as in character as I possibly can, given the pre-established AU. Please let me know if any character starts to enter too far into OOC territory (I say 'too far' and not 'into' because Shining is already OOC, though he's ment to be in this AU).
And as for everything Shining and that soldier talked about, that's pretty accurate to what I was going for.
I put the spoiler tag because I didn't know if it classifies as a spoiler or not, so i just wanted to be safe.
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? Sorry. I get so caught up in some of these I sometimes bury my point in text walls
. While I do normally like Shining as straight up good guy, I do think you did well with him here. Mainly, in providing an AU that may act OOC but in a way that makes logical sense
....if, that makes sense
?
Did I seem critical of your depiction
Also, do you want me to remove the conversation in the previous comment? Just meant to have a little fun but, don't want it to overly spoil anything
.
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No, it’s fine.
Yeah, it does. Gonna be difficult to write this without falling into the lazy methods many authors use. Example: like how some use the characters as mouth pieces while everyone else is unable to come up with a proper retort (hence why the only argument that Twi made, that Shining couldn’t counter, was about the changeling invasion).
I didn’t see anything that seemed like a spoiler. I mean, given the title and the description, it’s fairly obvious what direction the story is gonna go (for the beginning anyway). So don’t worry about it.
Shining's still being an idiot, I see.
That's going to come back to bite him, AND his fellow traitors, in the end.
And I sincerely hope that, when the time comes, it's Twilight that delivers his due Karma to him.
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That Story you just read is F******* MESS UP! I hope their is a Alternate Story where a Badass Human Hero show up. And he will give the Horrible Evil Versions of Celestia, Blueblood, Cadence, Shining Armor, and the Wonderbolts a WORSE TIME EVER!
Plus, those "reasons" like a Prophecy sounds F****** STUPID! And sounds like a retarded excuse coming from Celestia, Blueblood, Cadence, Shining Armor, and the Wonderbolts to be horrible, evil psychopaths.