The teacher and the faithful student meet for the last time...
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 15th May, 2012
- offline last seen May 22nd, 2016
TranscriptBrony
I'm strange, but I am who I am, and I accept my being
TranscriptBrony
Joined 15th May, 2012 ·
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Sad shit.
Well, that was fast. I honor you, dearest sir or madam.
And sad as well. Congratulations! Please accept my Gif alongside with the thumbs-up and a favorite.
i.imgur.com/Nli0Z.gif
And a one small thing. Whenever someone speaks, you start a new line. Do this, and this will be even better.
Have an example:
"It's tragic, really," said Celestia. "Losing your true love while being an immortal creature that can't go on."
"True there, Princess," answered the Doctor, giving Celestia an understanding look.
...you bastard, that was beautiful...
Manly sears were shed...
good work on the story, a real tear jerker :(
But... I dont want to feel sad today
brilliant story, very well executed :) have a favourite
Bravo! Bravo!
I LOVE YOU!
This was a cheap tear jerking mess. The whole thing was designed to simply get people to cry at how sad things are while doing little justice to the impact and meanings behind such a loss. You SAID that twilight's memory would last forever and that she was important but when she died, she had little importance then, just a lot of ponies crying about how unfortunate her death was. Sure it is sad and she is a powerful asset to lose but there was no real need of her anymore as far as you indicated. Life continues on as usual and the memory fades from everyone's eyes. Even though Celestia might remember, you merely talked about how important she was to her. There was no intimate examples of the happiness that twilight brought, there were no students of twilight who also wish to spend time with her. It seemed as if all her "close friends" and "admirers" didn't really exist until after the funeral as they certainly didn't try to spend much time around her when Celestia was there. If you had ponies clamoring to see her, others trying to figure out how they would do something now that they didn't have Twilight around to help, and maybe some duties that now needed others to fill the position, then she would have felt like a much greater loss.
Don't just tell us how sad the situation was; explain to us how great Twilight was to everyone, mention the impact of her exploits in detail. HOW did the things she did bring peace to the land? Show us a few moments where she selflessly helps someone else or goes out of her way to do something nice for others. Then show us that we are, in fact, losing her forever and that all the things she had kept doing to help others will now need someone else to take on that task. Make her something worth keeping on both the emotional and objective scale, then take her away.
This fic is another attempt at making people like a story while skimping on effort.
Its very good and very sad, but you need to space out the conversation pieces.
@Starfield, you are right in your own way, after I published this story I realized that I probably didn't add as much detail as I should have. More effort should've been added, but then again...I did write this at night...
The sad fics are always the best.. And the worst at the same time.
This story was awesome.
However, there is only one thing wrong with this. WHY WASN'T SPIKE THERE AT HER DEATHBED???!!!!!!!
That was beautiful. I'm going to go cry now.
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I once again thank you guys so much! It really humbled me in seeing that people actually read my stories and really do help them grow literature wise. The only people I can thank for the success of my past two stories are the viewers like all of you. Both stories have made appearances on the popular stories list, which makes me very happy as an author on this website. I also thank you guys for your criticisms and suggestions. They will all make my next stories even stronger literature wise. Thank you all and God Bless!
Why couldn't Celestia just teleport to Ponyville?
i cried and i loved it
@Starfield, I also never thought that my story was going to make readers actually cry, when I first saw that people were crying I was in a state of amazement. I never thought my writing could do that, but here we are, thanks again for reading my story, all of you guys!
soooooooo sad.
I gotta say, I really liked this fic, but it's not very well done anyway.
Apart from the few gramatical errors, it's like the story goes in a rush or something. For instance, Celestia's talk with the messenger happens in the same paragraph, you don't make a "full stop/periods" after each quote. Same goes with Celestia's first talk to Twilight, and every other dialogue in the fic.
Other than that, I agree very much on what 1137433 commented, it was a mess too because there aren't enough punctuation marks (or they aren't effective enough), you can try adding more "full stops" and separating paragraphs by a row.
It was good anyway, but it can be polished to a whole new level.
Great story! I almost cried! Have your 50th like!
I found the perfect cover art for your story! (Not that the other is bad, I just think this might fit the story better.)
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwjKmPi7v6_YAhWFnOAKHXOaAH4QjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fende26.deviantart.com%2Fart%2FVisit-at-the-memorial-gardens-437344557&psig=AOvVaw3zl1ekKn3lmoOud4Yf0fNB&ust=1514646036070169