Sunset Shimmer, prized pupil of Princess Celestia, has taken the most brash decision of her life. She will now have to live in the human world for years before being able to return. Fortunately, she has the help of some natives to endure this experience.
Fair warnings:
This is a different take on Sunset's story pre Equestria Girls, where things happened differently. This story will contain Sunset exploring everything she possibly can about the human world, leading to subjects some might find uncomfortable. So you have been advised.
There is no sex in this story, but there will be talk about sex, although it'll be later on. Nudity will be common but not in sexual situations (at least not early on).
This story will also deal with bullying, but not too dark.
I will appreciate greatly all forms of feedback :3
I do feel intrigued! And I cannot find any faults so far.
I too will await the next chapter.
continue ?
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Thanks!
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Yep, I have 3 more episodes already written. I'll be releasing them weekly to give me time to write more :3
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can you post the next chapters on Sunday?
so the following Sunday you would post what you managed to write until then.
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Well, I'll do it this Sunday and see what kind of reaction I get :3
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I hope it is very good
the good side, and that you will receive a lot of comment.
Pretty good start. Can’t wait to see the misadventures that come out of this
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Thanks!
I also changed the cover art. I did it so long ago I completely forgot! xD
Really good start, can't wait for more!
I always thought Bits to human currency (one would assume dollars) would make Sunset not really need to worry about money. So its cool to see you use that. Although it does make me worry if she'll ever get tricked out of her only resource.
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Thanks! I'm happy your rating improved :3
So far great story!
Where did the art cover of the story originated from? Whether it was you or someone else that made it, it’s great!
😁👏👌👍
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Thanks!
I drew the cover art myself :3 I'm glad you liked it.
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Cool!
This looks really good!
This is really really good! I'm excited for more. Sunset's process from Equestria to Earth is just so much fun to read. And besides, I love your sunxie stories. Definitely tracking. ♡
Seems interesting. Looking forward to more!
Enjoying this so far,it brings to mind a million different thoughts on how and why Trixie grows to the way she is in High School, ranging from sad to cute. I can only imagine how much an impression someone from a magical world living with her will make.
It's also amusing the different level of maturity between them, it's subtle but I'm sure we'll see more of it as time goes on. Or perhaps we just haven't seen alot of it from Trixie yet.
Also, charging $1500 a month for rent? I feel like Sunset is getting scammed considering the conditions of the place, but I maybe she is in a richer area despite the looks. Or the mom is in fact taking a little advantage, not that I can fully blame her with what we know so far.
The mom just happens to know someone who can figure out the cost of coins? She has ways to get Sunset into a school despite no papers at all...Makes me feel like Trixie's mom is either experienced in the black maket or Daring Do.
I look forward to seeing how this develops, discussing it with CrowCrow, and seeing how close to the canon you stick to what happens when they get near High School time.
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As for the $1500 for rent, it is something that I most certainly got wrong. I have no idea how things work in the USA. I asked a few people about the price for rent and came up with a number close to the one I chose, which, incidentally, is also the price for American Gold Eagles (not face value). So I thought it incredibly convenient to have Sunset pay 1 Equestrian coin per month for rent.
Let's just say that, as you mentioned, the place is this expensive despite its looks.
I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far :3 Your insight is much appreciated.
Great chapter!
I would condemn you for the lack of bewbs and discussion of accidental/or otherwise touching, buuuut they are thirteen, and thus, I have no interest in hearing about it at all. So, thank you for not making this reading experience anymore awkward than it has to be.
It's funny, because Trixie's issue with seeing Sunset makes me feel it is because Trixie is immediately attracted to her, but really I think that is my own shipping goggles. Trixie's conflict on nudity is actually understandable outside of that; Sunset is not a family member, and they just met the other night. Being asked to bath with someone the night after just meeting them would be fairly awkward for most people I imagine.
I also like Celestia's explanation on why there are less unicorns, though "They tend to blow themselves up." would also have worked for me considering the things Twilight, Trixie, and Starlight get up to.
I suppose Celestia believes in a natural balance of the world keeping everypony in order.
I would say there is a difference in their two worlds, but it's not Earth, and the EQG movies show them to be disturbingly aware. I often consider that only around areas of magic for my EQG stories, but that's my own thing.
So far so good, looking forward to more.
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Another welcome insightful feedback. Thanks!
I did avoid any accidental touching exactly because they're children. Once they grow though, I'll make no promises ;)
The thing with the animals is infact because the EQG universe seems to be more magical than originally intended, even before the fall formal events. I won't have the animals suddenly have intricate thoughts like in Equestria, but that won't stop Sunset for thinking they are capable of such :3
Great chapter!
It's odd to me, i'm trying to piece together the issues I have with this chapter but it's hard to explain. At least the first half doesn't seem like your usual style I suppose? The amount of errors or places you use a word that throws off the sentence, or doesn't quite fit right is rather high. Perhaps the subject matter was uncomfortable for you? I don't know, but this if different than your other chapters so far.
I kind of wonder now if Sunset has started deluding herself into thinking Celestia meant for her to jump into the portal. Or perhaps she is simply referring to her cover story. Hard to tell.
She is going to make someone/somepony very happy in the future with that level of dexterity. *wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more*.
I wonder on Trixie in this part. I mean, good that she stayed, but also strange to me that she just stood there and watched Sunset cry without doing anything for what could have been several minutes. And afterwards, Trixie is still acting like it never happened, or like it didn't affect her in anyway. Nudity embarrasses her but crying she couldn't care less about? Just seemed odd to me.
Apart from that, here is some edits I'd recommend. As always, it's your story, so feel free to keep it as it is. There are more, but this is some of the more noticeable ones.
Sunset rolled her eyes, exasperated. She had been forced to team up with the airhead for a research project. Dawnshine was a complete idiot who lacked the knowledge and discipline for anything other than gossip. Fearful at what this waste of space would do to her grade, Sunset had offered to do all the work.
“I can think of better things to do, like throwing myself from the castle’s highest tower face first.”
Sunset placed the book on the table, sitting at her favorite spot in the school’s garden. She breathed in the sweet scent of flowers and relished the warm air before opening ‘Three Dimensional Spell Casting’, volume four.
Equestria's educational system only had two levels: Elemental School and University.
Also not sure if you meant Elementary School or if it is a actual Unicorn only school that teaches the elemental magics, or something.
She pulled her pants and panties down just as she sat on the toilet.
What did the barrette have to do with anything?
Kk, I look forward to the next chapter.
Great chapter!
Will Sunset try to eat her hair to see if it tastes like bacon?
Great chapter!
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I just figured it was the location like Manhattan or something
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I thought that was the Sacred Band of Thebes? Eh... given it's ancient Greece, both probably did to greater or lesser extents.
Great chapter!
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Heh, I have to learn to update more often.
Glad you liked it :3 Next chapter is in the works.
New chapter, woo! I've missed this story, glad to see it's still being worked on. It's got such a unique and interesting premise, that I keep coming back to think about it^^
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Thanks a lot for the kind comment :3 I hope you like what I have in store for next chapters
First day in school and Sunset already got a groupie!
It was a alright chapter. Not a big fan of Rainbow Dash being the antagonist in this story and making fun of her. Maybe later on, if this isn’t canon to EQG, Rainbow and Sunset can make peace.
A decent chapter, the lack of Trixie is a shame, but I have a bias.
I am not surprised about the school trying to punish Sunset, it sucks, but my own school wanted you to let yourself be a victim, else you also shared blame. If RD doesn't get suspended at this point though *especially with her record of attacking people* the school is likely to open themselves up to liability I'd think.
Also not surprised about RD's actions prior to her friend circle and her growing a bit, even now in the show she rushes in, she just holds back the more punchy parts. I always thought of all of the mane six, that RD and EQG and the pony version are the most different. RD in EQG's is alot more selfish, and at this point is probably hyper aggressive when it comes to FS, seeing her as 'hers'. Buut we don't see quite enough of RD in this yet for me to be sure of that assumption.
Kinda sad how Sunflower is replacing Trixie as Sunset's go to, but I can see why. Sunflower is more mature, takes her grades seriously, and has some knowledge of how Sunset can come off as a more important person in the school. Trixie is, well, alot more of how I expect a normal 13 yr old to behave.
Looking forward to seeing more, though I am curious on Trixie's situation in the school too. She can't be happy that Sunset insists on them acting like strangers, but with Sunflower around, I don't think Sunset will worry quite as much about Trixie now.
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Always a pleasure to read your comments on my stories :3
Would you believe me if I said I didn't plan to have a Trixie-less chapter? I just couldn't include her without making it seem forced. And yes, most schools would rather you let others beat you up than fight back. It sucks, but school sucks anyway so who the hell cares amirite?
I always thought RD felt a whole lot more selfish in EQG than in the main show. I've also never been a huge fan of RD to begin with, so... In any case, I don't think I'll be writing much more of RD in this fic, at least not early on, but she'll be back in a later chapter, I can tell you that much. AND I have many things planned with Sunflower. She was originally devised as just another classmate, but hoo boy did that change! Future chapters will get wild!
I do hope you like what I have planned!
Honestly, the best thing Sunset can do is to befriend Fluttershy and be super nice to her. That'll put pressure on Rainbow to be civil and any aggression towards Sunset will drive a wedge between her and Fluttershy.
Or she could just break Rainbows leg...
Great chapter!
is Diamond Rush trying to get Sunset to join her to be even more powerful due to her bad girl gettup? Does Diamond want to confront Fluttershy with not so good intentions with Sunset part of the group?
Oh, sure she's playing hard to get right now, but soon...
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Also, gasp! a ponk cameo!
I see there is more Trixie in this chapter, so I'll postpone the riots.
Great chapter!
Sunset is indeed, very bad with people. She completely didn't notice Trixie's deflection.
I may be looking into this too much, but from other chapters it feels like Trixie has some experience in this. Quite curious to see how close what Sunset is going through it hitting home for her, or is similar in something she has gone through.
I do give Diamond some props for not implying doing anything to Sunflower instead, but I kind of feel that may come up later once Sunset starts acting up.
Heh, yes, the neurotic Unicorn planning has begun! It feels like the standard for unicorn villains and heroes in MLP to go the path of study and planning to the point of obsession with their target/victim.
Looking forward to more and what Sunset plans out around Diamond...also how Diamond may push her power over Sunset, like how she made that one girl do a back-flip on command.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving this story. But for once could Sunset please read the room.
Great chapter!
What was the agreement Diamond made to Trixie?
I'm glad Trixie is back. I was alittle bummed out she hasn't been featured for awhile.
Are there any school busses we can push DR in front of? xD
Hurrah to see Trixie's return. Makes more sense now why she was so inactive.
Calling it, Diamond is going to spread nasty rumors of Sunset bullying Fluttershy. Rainbow already made her mind up, she was going to apologize earlier but she wont' now. In her head the moment Sunset start hanging out with Diamond earleir is the final nail to the coffin. Only way she gets it through her if Fluttershys the one defending Sunset, or slapping Dash for trying to hurt Sunset again
Tsundere Sunset alert. Pft, admit it you were totally didn't see Dash owning to her mistake and apologizing Sunny. It felt nice doesn't it?