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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This was a super interesting beginning.
Interesting start, a bit fast paced and a few grammatical errors to stumble over but otherwise a good effort! Look into a proof reader if you can otherwise read your work aloud, if you stumble on anything or you feel it’s a bit off, try rereading it a few times. Sometimes you’ll need an extra word in places or to get rid of one that isn’t necessary.