Epilogue: Morning
"Good morning, Morgan. Today is Monday, March 15th, 2032."
Ocellus woke up to the slightly muted, cottony taste of rubies, habanero and spiced cider. Her receptors were open, and her mushy morning senses were making Smolder's love taste funny. The nymph's first instinct was to roll over, burying her head in her pillow. She didn't want Smolder to see her making a face.
Ocellus remembered her dream. All of it. Every conversation. Every pain. Every horror. She also remembered doing exactly what she was about to do. And why.
The nymph forced herself to roll onto her back instead. She looked up to find an anxious Smolder watching over her fretfully in the dim light of the room.
I have a second chance!
"Sorry if I made a face," Ocellus apologized groggily. "Sometimes things taste funny right when I wake up."
Smolder blinked. The expression of worry eased a little, a smirk curling on her muzzle. "I get that," Smolder said. "Just be thankful you've never tasted how some flavors warp during a molt."
"Instantly happy to be a changeling," Ocellus teased, raising a hoof.
Smolder stuck her tongue out at her.
A second chance to kiss her! Ocellus suppressed a gasp at her miraculous luck. No creature got a second chance at a proper first kiss... yet here she was granted one. And this time, I'll do it right!
The nymph lay there, soaking in the familiar sights and smells and tastes of the dorm room and Smolder. Enjoying the warm comfort of her soft bed. She found herself comparing it to frigid marble floors and dunes of nasty regolith. She much prefered her bed. Not that she wanted to sleep again. Ever.
A fear slid through her. She tried to ignore it.
Ocellus wondered what became of Tantabus. After all the hatred and self-loathing was burned away by love, was there anything left to be saved?
If there was, it hadn't been in the white with her. Neither had Luna.
Luna is mother.
Ocellus felt sure that if there was anything to save, Luna took it with her.
Something thudded against the door. Ocellus' heart lurched, her mind immediately conjuring images of the Nightmare just outside their room. She sat up, looking around frantically.
Smolder's mirth vanished, her anxiousness returning.
Ocellus' eyes were drawn to the window. The room wasn't dim because the curtains were closed. They were open, allowing the gentle light of pre-dawn into the room.
The skies over Equestria were still a deep indigo, sprinkled with stars that twinkled like they ought to. Peaceful violets and pinks painted the eastern sky, with a band of apricot orange tracing the edges of the horizon.
The dream had seemed so impossibly long. Yet it was early.
Ocellus looked to Smolder, surprised the dragon was even awake.
"Uh, we've got about twenty seconds before the rest of the gang bursts in here," Smolder told her. "Want me to hold them off?"
"Hold them off?" Ocellus asked slowly, confused.
Smolder nodded. "Right." The dragon girl turned and marched to the door, opening it a crack. Ocellus saw her strain to keep the door from swinging wide thanks to the weight pressed against it from the hall. The nymph could smell yak hair and a familiar flurry of less pungent scents.
"She just woke up, guys," Smolder scolded through the door. "Give her a few moments, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, the orange-scaled dragon shoved the door shut with a grunt. Then locked it for good measure.
"Wh-what's going on?" Ocellus asked, wondering if she escaped one nightmare to find herself in yet another. But even as she questioned her reality, she recognized deep down that she had awoken. Whatever this was, it was absolutely real.
"We were all asleep about two minutes ago..." Smolder turned away from the door, looking at her with a level of worry that deeply troubled Ocellus. "When Luna yanked us all into Silverstream's dream and told us in no uncertain terms that you just fought the Tantabus and won."
Ocellus' jaw dropped. She had wondered why Luna wasn't there in the white with her when the dream ended.
Smolder let it out in a rush. "Luna wanted to make sure we all knew that what you went through during the night wasn't just a dream, and that what the Tantabus put you through was very bad, and you would need your friends when you woke up." The dragon stared at Ocellus, her blue eyes begging the nymph to be alright. Or, at least, not be so hurt that Smolder couldn't help.
Ocellus stared at her closest friend mutely. After a moment, she simply nodded.
Seconds ticked by. Ocellus opened herself up, allowing herself to recognize the fear she tried to ignore. Checking for what she was afraid of.
Nothing.
The only love she could sense was coming from Smolder. No matter how deeply she dug, there wasn't any more to be found. It was all gone.
She gave Tantabus the love she had secretly stored away. The love she had hoarded for years. From her friends. Her teachers. Her family.
All of it.
She didn't realize she was crying until she felt Smolder move onto her bed next to her. The dragon's claws gently brushed her shoulder. "O-Ocellus?"
Ocellus wiped her ocelli with the edge of a blanket. This... this was something she could tell Smolder about. Not the others. But Smolder would understand.
"I-I had to give up my h-hoard," she said. "It's gone. Years of love. Collected and kept. And..." She shuddered. "...I had to lose it all."
She turned, looking into Smolder's wide, glistening eyes. She knew the dragon could understand the weight of her sacrifice. "It was how I beat the Tantabus."
Smolder was silent a moment. Then the dragon gently tapped her elytra. "Open up," she said softly. Ocellus obeyed, making herself vulnerable to her dearest friend.
The nymph shuddered as she felt Smolder's claws play over the muscles between her wings.
They sat, letting a gentle blanket of quiet fall over them. Smolder stroked and tickled gently, soothing her. Feeding her a banquet of cinnamon and jalapeno and spiced cider, with just a hint of strawberries.
Ocellus knew that the dragon was processing the news that her roommate hoarded too. But Smolder was being exceptionally graceful and understanding. She thanked her silently for that.
"I'll help you build a new one," Smolder finally said.
Ocellus gave an involuntary buzz of her wings. She lifted her head back and gave the dragon a heartfelt, teary smile.
Eventually, she had to ask. "Smolder, we don't have any mysterious field trips coming up, do we?" She was sure the answer was no, but the shadows in the back of her mind were restless. "And we don't have a mysterious test in Professor Rarity's class that we can't study for because she won't tell us what it's about, right?"
Ocellus could see the relief on Smolder's face. The dragon was likely trying to imagine how horrible her nightmares had been. And this put a face on them that the girl could handle.
Smolder shook her head to both, slipping a claw under her right wing to give the connecting muscle a playful tickle. "Nope. And nope. We're good."
Ocellus shivered, her wings buzzing again.
She felt a little mean as she asked, "And what's outside, pushing on the door -- that's our friends, right? Sandbar, Silverstream, Yona and Gallus? Separately?"
The dragon girl had started to nod again, but stopped as the last word hit her. Smolder's brow furrowed as she tried to parse Ocellus' meaning. The play of the dragon's claws between her wings slowed cautiously.
"I mean, not all one creature?" Ocellus clarified, earning a wide-eyed look from her roommate. "Not a giant blob of changeling body parts with heads for teeth that hiss my name?"
Smolder's irises shrank, her pupils becoming slits. Her claws froze. "Uhhh..."
Ocellus looked down and smiled. Mostly with relief. Maybe a little tiny bit of wicked delight. "Okay. One more question. Then we can let them in."
She looked back to Smolder. "Secret tea party tonight?" I want to talk to you privately, just the two of us.
Smolder's face brightened a little. She nodded: I want special time alone with you too, Ocellus. The dragon chuckled nervously. "You were just messing with me about that other thing, right?"
Ocellus sighed and shook her head. "I didn't really think it was outside," she admitted as she pulled away from the dragon's touch, closing her elytra and arranging herself in bed to face the door. "But no, that was real. Really real. And much, much worse than what I said."
After what Luna did for her, she wasn't going to play this down. She was going to let herself get the help she needed.
The dragon pulled her claws away, understanding. She slid off the bed, brushing Ocellus with her tail. Then walked to the door and unlocked it.
"Go ahead, Smolder," Ocellus said once she was comfortable. She opened her receptors wide.
I'm going to stop doing this so much, she told herself firmly. Starting tomorrow. She knew how much she sounded like an addict's cliche. But she hoped her resolution was stronger than what was usually behind assertions like that. Because right now, she needed this.
"Let them in."
Ocellus braced herself as Smolder flung the door open. Their friends were bunched up comically. The wave of flavors hit her almost as fast as the stream of concerned voices as her friends pushed past each other to tumble into her room. One voice rose above the others.
"Yona's friend saved the world in her sleep! Yona have best friends!"
There was a moment of awkward, all of them talking and none of them knowing what to say. A flurry of are you all right's and how can we help's. Broken through by Gallus announcing, "Fuck it, I'm just going to hug you."
Ocellus blinked. She knew it was coming, but... Gallus was the one who started it? Gallus.
As the tidal wave of friends crashed down on her, the nymph opened to mouth to thank him. Instead, what came out was, "Gallus, you swore."
The swirling orchestra of flavor enveloped Ocellus like a warm blanket just pulled from the dryer. Mixed berries and ghost pepper and cotton candy, tar and mackerel and fennel, creamed mushrooms and burning paper lanterns (Silverstream's love always had the most peculiar notes)...
Ocellus snatched choice bits, starting a new hoard.
"It's... really weird," Ocellus told the friends circling her. "I remember all these conversations I've had with you guys that never actually happened."
The conversation has turned to a mostly lighter discussion of the dream as her friends' concern slowly gave way to their curiosity.
"Also, I have a number of new forms." The nymph beamed at her friends. "Some of them are going to surprise you."
She was surprised to realize that the experience had been real enough that the new forms she changed into within it, such as the cockatrice, were now within her repertoire. Including all the forms she had taken of her friends.
She reminded herself that she was not going to turn into Greed-enlarged Smolder without a lot of talking with her friend (soon, girlfriend?) first.
Ocellus smiled at Gallus, pointing a hoof at the griffon. "Also, I promised dream-you that I'd learn to turn into your homework for Professor Pinkie's class. Just once. Are you still holding me to that?"
It was the most ridiculous question.
Gallus's eyes widened, and his grin followed. "Oh absolutely."
The group laughed, the merriment in her friends' voices filling the room with a sound sweeter than honey and warmer than golden sunlight.
Silverstream fluttered her wings. "I wish I had been there for you too." Ocellus could hear the remorse in the hippogriff's voice. She reached out, putting a hoof on Silverstream's nearest talon, smiling at her, trying to let her know it was okay without actually voicing how silly that guilt was.
"Yeah, same here," Sandbar said. Something in his tone made Ocellus suspect he was wondering why he didn't rate, but he was too considerate a friend to ask.
Ocellus frowned. She didn't want that eating at either of them. "I was alone at first. I think Tantabus tried to keep any of you from being in it. But our friendship is so strong that it couldn't stop me from adding you to the dream..." She was pulling the idea out of thin air, but it felt plausible. "...And so it instead prevented any it couldn't figure out how to use."
She looked to Smolder, Yona and Gallus. "Not that making nightmare versions of any of you worked out for it."
"Nightmare version of Yona?" her friend asked, worried.
Ocellus nodded. "But that didn't last long before you -- dream-you, I mean -- turned into the friend I knew."
"Wow. I know it was horrible, but I kinda wish I could have seen it," Silverstream blurted out. "The moon sounds like a blast."
Gallus stared at her. "Were you even listening?"
Ocellus felt a wave of relief as she was saved from having to figure out a non-awkward way to admit dream-Gallus was never a nightmare-Gallus. "I think you can."
"Whut," Gallus asked. The others looked at her in a mixture of blank shock and surprise. And, from Silverstream, barely-restrained excitement.
The clocks tried to warn me...
Even in her sleep, Nightmare Moon created things of dream magic that were beyond the very real Tantabus' control. A thousand years of Luna empowering the place through dreams created a dreamscape that persists without a dreamer.
Even though the dream ended and Tantabus is gone, Ocellus thought, the palace should still be there. For very unusual definitions of there and be.
"We could write Luna and ask if she could give us a shared dream that allows me to give you a tour," Ocellus suggested. "Now that it is unoccupied and relatively safe."
Her friends had predictably mixed reactions to the idea.
Yona narrowed her eyes."What friend mean relatively?"
"The dreamscape is deteriorating, and I have no idea how having stuff that came from me woven into it will affect its integrity," Ocellus carefully admitted. "But this time, we can ask Luna to see if it is safe before we go there."
Maybe Luna could even come with them. Ocellus suspected the night alicorn might benefit from the company.
"That... may have to wait a bit." Sandbar's tone was cautionary. Ocellus looked at him questioningly.
"Yeeeeah, I got the feeling Luna might not be available right away," Gallus jumped in, backing Sandbar up. "Luna pulled us all into Silverstream's dream, told us it was an emergency, and then said she needed our permission to do what she kinda already did."
Silverstream nodded. "It was weird, even for a shared dream with Princess Luna."
Ocellus felt a jolt of worry. She wasn't sure just what to be worried about, but the tone of her friends warned her something was wrong. She looked to each of them for help understanding.
"Luna might be in a bit of trouble," Sandbar explained when none of the others could offer insight.
"What kind of trouble?" Ocellus needed to know.
"I overheard my parents talking about it last summer," Sandbar told her. "A council of ponies pushed for Luna to need consent to enter dreams. Not everypony is comfortable with the idea that somepony is spying into their heads while they sleep."
I must seek them out in the physical world and ask their permission," Luna had told her, although fragments of her words were lost. "Procuring creatures' consent is but one of many concessions I have had to acclimate to in retirement."
"One of their arguments was that her knowledge of ponies' dreams and nightmares put those ponies and even the security of Equestria at risk." Sandbar quickly waved a hoof. "Not that anypony thought Luna would ever misuse that knowledge. But they were worried about it falling into the wrong hooves."
Sandbar sounded like he felt guilty just saying this. "She has been captured before."
Including twice by Chrysalis, Ocellus couldn't keep herself from realizing. Being trapped by Queen Elytra and having her memories drained... that had been a personal nightmare of Luna's. One the Tantabus tapped into.
Ocellus closed her eyes, thinking just how much Luna suffered last night too. Her heart reached out, wanting to be there for the night alicorn as much as her friends were here for her.
"Mom and Dad kinda had an argument about it," Sandbar admitted.
Ocellus' heart hurt as she understood that for Luna the nightmare wasn't quite over.
It wasn't entirely over for her either, was it? She was awake now, but there was a long road of rebuilding ahead of her. And not just her hoard.
That brought her to the big admission. Ocellus held up her hooves, quieting her friends. One by one, they all looked at her. Concern and worry began to creep back into their faces.
"I have something I have to confess," she told them, her tone somber and serious.
"I've been losing my sense of identity," she admitted, speaking slowly, choosing each word. "This isn't something from the dream. It has been going on since before I joined Cheer Squad. And it's been getting worse and worse."
The words felt heavy, just like they did in the dream. "I haven't felt like I know who I really am. There have been days when I wake up and I have to fight to remember I'm me."
Ocellus heard gasps from several of her friends.
"And you kept this quiet because?" Smolder asked, her voice scolding. So much like the dream.
"Because I have been selfish and stupid," Ocellus stated, staring at the carpet. "I felt it was personal and my own problem. And I was worried you wouldn't understand, or think it was silly..."
"Uh, Ocellus," Sandbar interrupted. "Finding who you really are is such a big thing for ponies that we get a magic mark on our flanks when we do. It is not silly," he insisted. "No creature is going to think that."
Ocellus winced inside. She should have realized that and opened up so many months ago. "I didn't let my friends help me when I should have. And I let it get so bad that I gave Tantabus a whole arsenal of horrors to throw at me last night."
Ocellus looked up. "But last night made me face what is wrong with me. And... I'm going to be working some things out over the next several months. I might even change."
"Ocellus? Change?" Gallus couldn't help but snark. Humor was how he dealt with heavy. Even in the dream.
Ocellus' friends glared at him, but she gave him an understanding smile. There was an irony there, and she could appreciate it.
"But even if I change," Ocellus insisted, "My friendship with all of you never will."
Classes made everything feel more grounded. Ocellus was relieved when none of her teachers acted weird (although there were looks of concern when she did). None of the other students approached her to ask about her experience.
Ocellus had begun to hope that no creatures other than Luna and her friends even knew what happened. She needed normal right now.
Everything that happened kept tumbling through her head, threatening to derail her. Fears clung to her like her shadow, forgotten but not gone, finding moments when her guard was down to jump at her.
As Counselor Trixie led her down the hall towards the Headmare's office, Ocellus found herself eyeing the cup sitting on the hall table next to the bowl of wax fruit.
It's not a drone in disguise!
How long was she going to have to keep reminding herself of that? She got the strangest looks in Professor Pie's class when she freaked out at the jack-in-a-box. And she knew that was coming.
"I can't believe you went to class today," Trixie told her, shattering that hope. Ocellus understood it had been an unrealistic one. "I would have taken a great and powerful break from everything if I just saved the world."
Ocellus knew she meant well. "But I want to go to class," she protested. Not getting to would feel like punishment.
"You are a very strange girl," Trixie stated in a good-natured tone bereft of offence as they reached the door to the Headmare's office. The School Counselor knocked, then pushed the door open without waiting for a response from inside.
Headmare Starlight Glimmer was waiting. Ocellus noted the lavender unicorn was standing in front of her desk to look casual rather than sitting behind it. The smile the unicorn wore was clearly meant to put her at ease. Ocellus had not suspected she was in trouble. She was pretty sure she knew what this was about.
The gift box on the desk made her question her assumption.
"Ocellus," the Headmare greeted her as Trixie led her into the room. The office was much like it had been when Twilight was Headmare. Except for the kite on the wall. And a few pictures of Starlight's friends. And Phyllis. "Please, come in. Make yourself comfortable."
Ocellus walked in and simply stood there. She looked at Starlight expectantly.
The nymph was annoyed as her thoughts flickered back to the first time she saw the unicorn. Invading Chrysalis' hive. Ocellus had hissed at her. It was not a good memory. There were many better ones.
"Ocellus," the bored and clearly distracted Counselor Starlight said with a wave of her hooves, "It's perfectly normal for a changeling to struggle with identity issues, but..."
That wasn't one of them. Ocellus frowned, hoping all the darkness dredged up by the nightmare wasn't poisoning her. She needed to get this under control.
Starlight blinked at the change in the nymph's demeanor. She walked to her desk and picked up the present. It was wrapped in dark blue paper with a silver ribbon. There was a note attached.
"Princess Luna teleported this to me an hour ago," Starlight told her. "I waited until you were done with class. I hope that's okay."
Ocellus took the box, looking at the note.
"It arrived with a few letters to myself and members of the staff," the Headmare continued. Ocellus' heart sank. "I haven't passed those letters on yet. I wanted to make sure you knew first."
Ocellus looked up at Starlight, a hopeful question on her tongue. But the Headmare clearly anticipated it. "This isn't something you will be able to hide from them for long. I've already had a few of your professors come to me concerned. And Luna herself will be coming sometime next week to ask you and your friends for formal permission to help."
Starlight Glimmer paused, a familiar look of concern etching into her features. Ocellus was growing tired of that look.
"Apparently, Luna thinks what happened to you two is beyond my ability to help with," Trixie stated bluntly.
Ocellus looked at the School Counselor. Beneath the touch of wounded pride was actual concern. But more than that, Ocellus felt a swell of gratitude toward the mare for not framing what happened as if she was the victim. For those words you two.
"Y-yeah, it kinda is," Ocellus agreed. "No offense."
Trixie waved a hoof. "None taken. Dream therapy is a little outside even my skills."
Ocellus giggled just a little as Starlight rolled her eyes. The nymph returned to the note, this time reading it.
Dear Ocellus,
I regret that I am required to be in Canterlot through the weekend. But after things are settled here, I will be with you every night that you have need of me until all the damage that Tantabus inflicted has healed.
In the meantime, I have crafted this nightlight with my magic. Keep it lit by your bed as you sleep, and it will always be there to guide you out of your nightmares.
With love,
~Luna
Ocellus stared at the note. Then, on a whim, she opened her receptors. The nymph's ocelli widened, her wings buzzing beneath her elytra as she tasted lingering notes of honeydew and crude oil.
Luna actually did her best to infuse the gift with love.
Ocellus paused, re-reading, feeling a niggling worry return. "Luna's required to be in Canterlot?"
Headmare Starlight nodded, assuring her, "Nothing that can't be smoothed over."
"You have to admit," Trixie added unhelpfully, "In a way, Tantabus kinda made the council's point."
Headmare Starlight shot the other unicorn a look.
"What?" Trixie asked obliviously.
Ocellus put aside the note and began to open the package.
"What is it?" Trixie prompted before the wrapping was even off.
Ocellus gave her an intentionally enigmatic, "My own version of Luna's clocks." She smirked a little at the Counselor's confused look.
It wasn't exactly true, but Ocellus expected it wasn't exactly wrong either. Granted, the clocks were in Nightmare Moon's Palace, entirely the stuff of dreams. For her, Luna evidently tied the magic to a physical object -- but then, Luna couldn't have left the spell in the realm of dreams since Ocellus didn't have access to a persistent dreamscape.
Ocellus lifted the top of the box and let out a gleeful squeal, clapping her forehooves in delight at the sight of her little friend.
Ocellus skipped down the hall heading back to her dorm room, humming a happy tune, feeling the swing of the lantern below her chin.
She gave the hall table with its bowl of wax fruit and its misplaced cup a passing glance, utterly unconcerned.
The cup opened its eyes and winked at her.
Ocellus froze.
The cup rattled, then lifted into the air. The swirl of magic as it transformed was not lime green.
"Well, good to see you back in the land of the awake," Discord drolled, sitting on the fake fruit.
Ocellus stared at him.
"Honestly, I wish I could have done more. But dreams are so not my forté," the draconequus claimed, and for once, Ocellus didn't doubt his words.
"So tell me..." The draconequus gave her a big grin, leaning forward enough to precariously tip the table, his paw and claw under his chin. "What did I end up giving you?"
Ocellus blinked. She carefully set down her little friend to ask, "What?"
"Oh come on! I know I gave you something," Discord insisted. "The magic I sent into that dream would have manifested in some form or another. I'm sure of it. So what was it? Was it helpful?"
He doesn't know.
He legitimately doesn't know.
"How did you even know something was happening?" she asked.
Discord gave her a condescending stare. "Really? I'm the Lord of Chaos."
Ocellus raised an eyebrow. She wasn't going to just swallow that as an answer.
"Luna's pet monster would have turned the world into a living nightmare. A sort of chaos I can't control. You don't think I'd sense that coming?" Discord points at her lantern. "Luna isn't the only one who can make things like that, you know."
He has his own version of the clocks. Ocellus wondered if Discord created his... whatever his variation of the clocks was after the first time the Tantabus threatened reality.
The draconequus crossed his arms a dozen times. "Now I've answered your question, but you still haven't answered mine."
Ocellus gazed at the draconequus, understanding the strange creature's eagerness. Discord used his magic to intervene, but he had no way of knowing how its effect would play out in the dream. No way to observe it. There was something perfectly chaotic in that complete lack of control.
Of course he needs to know.
Ocellus found herself smiling. "You made me cheat on a test by giving me the questions ahead of time," she told him. "And all the questions were keys to understanding what was happening to me."
Discord's grin widened as he leaned closer. Unbalanced, the end table toppled, spilling wax fruit that rolled across the floor, leaving the draconequus floating in the air. "Do go on!"
Smolder sipped at her tea, her smallest claw held out in a dainty fashion. Ocellus watched her, marveling at how the teal dress made her orange scales seem more vibrant and brought out the shine in her eyes. Professor Rarity was right.
Ocellus felt thankful for the professor's help. She wanted this to be perfect. Especially considering the unspoken weight hanging over them.
Setting the pink ceramic tea cup back on its saucer, the dragon looked at her between the burning candles. "A new dress? Tea by candlelight? Okay, what gives?" Smolder asked her pointedly. "Because it's either really good or really bad."
Ocellus remembered back near the beginning of the nightmare. In the dream, her thoughts had turned to these tea parties. How they were times when she and Smolder shared deeply secret things with each other. Things that made them vulnerable. Like Smolder's story about Dragon Lord Torch.
There is one thing she hasn't.
Ocellus took a deep breath. She had been thinking about how to word this all day. Or, at least, nearly every moment after Headmare Starlight helped her send a message.
"I have something very important I have to take care of," she began. "Something I haven't been strong enough to do on my own. I want your help."
Smolder frowned slightly. This wasn't going where she hoped, but she was clearly already in.
"But first... I need to ask you something," Ocellus said as the dragon opened her mouth to respond. "And I don't know if I should be asking, but I would really appreciate the most honest answer you can give me."
Smolder tensed a little. "Lay it on me." No secrets here.
Ocellus didn't want her to be tense. The nymph quickly rearranged what she needed to say, taking a different approach. "In the dream, there was a moment when you froze up..."
Smolder visibly relaxed. "Okay, you know it's not fair to put me on the hook for something I did in your dream, right?" She smirked, pointing a claw. "That wasn't actually me." The dragon took another sip of tea.
Ocellus nodded, sipping her own tea, then offering to refill Smolder's cup. It was Yak Tea, as she called it. Yona's secret blend. A rich black tea with spice and subtle herbal notes. Yaks really did make the best teas.
"I know. But it does mean that I have been worried about something, and only you can put my mind at ease. Or, if it is bad, let me in to help." Her words were deliberate, invoking Smolder's earlier scolding about not being open with her identity issues.
"Tell me about you and phoenixes."
Smolder froze. But only a moment. Then she sighed, slumping a little. "I was wondering when you would ask about that."
Ocellus' eyebrows lifted. "Really?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's not something I want to talk about. But I know I haven't been subtle," her friend admitted. "I figured you were giving me my space about it, and I've been thankful for that. But I also know you care, and you weren't going to just let it go forever."
Smolder sighed. "Plus, Yona kinda demanded to know what made you cry. I didn't know when she asked, but it didn't take long to put that puzzle together. It had, like, two pieces."
Ocellus smiled at the metaphor, knowing Smolder was using it for her benefit.
"I secretly like cute things. You know that." Smolder slumped back in her chair, looking up at the ceiling. "We'd just migrated to the new Dragon Lands and I was exploring the border of our new home. I think I told you about the redcaps once, right?"
Ocellus cocked her head, her ears shooting up. She had totally forgotten about that! Consciously, at least. From the dream, part of her sure hadn't.
Smolder leaned forward again. "Well, turns out..." She lifted one claw, "Baby phoenixes are super cute." She lifted a second claw. "And mommy phoenixes really don't like dragons crawling up to their nests to get a closer look at their babies."
Ocellus couldn't help but enjoy the image of a younger Smolder on a limb, poking her snout into a nest of baby phoenixes, eyes wide. But she suspected that did not end well.
"I might be fireproof, but adult phoenixes are scary." Smolder let Ocellus fill in the gaps.
"I couldn't exactly tell my brother I was trying to get to the nest because I thought they were cute." The dragon's voice held a note of bitterness. "Dragons don't like cute. Hell, I couldn't even tell myself why I did it. I was in full denial back then."
Ocellus' eyes widened as the picture painted itself.
Smolder finally returned to her tea, sipping it. Her eyes stared at the table.
"One month after the School of Friendship re-opened, Headmare Twilight pulled me into her office. I thought I was in trouble," Smolder confided. "But I was totally blindsided when she asked me if she should pull one of the upcoming lessons because it put dragons in a bad light."
The dragon stared into Ocellus' eyes, her expression earnest and pained, needing her friend to believe her. "I swear I had no idea what Garble had started doing until Twilight told me."
Ocellus swallowed. This wasn't what she expected. None of her fears or guesses had looked like this. The nymph slid out of her seat, walking around the table to put a hoof on her friend. "It wasn't your fault."
"It kinda was," Smolder replied painfully.
"If I hug you, will it mess up your dress?" Better than asking her directly if she wanted one. Ocellus was giving Smolder an out while letting the dragon accept a hug without looking like a dragon who is desperate for one.
"If it will make you feel better..."
Ocellus wrapped her friend in her forelegs, holding her tight. Letting her love flow to Smolder, even though she knew the dragon couldn't taste it. Trying to bathe her in it.
Smolder closed her eyes and let Ocellus hug her.
For about two minutes. Then the dragon's eyes opened. "Uh, Ocellus...?"
"Y-yes?" The nymph broke the hug, stepping back and wiping a tear.
"You're glowing."
Ocellus blinked. Then looked down. Smolder was right. It wasn't a bright glow. Definitely not a love beam. But there was a slight shine penetrating her saffron dress right over her heart.
"Heh. Y-yeah." Ocellus smiled bashfully, rubbing the back of her head. "I'll tell you about that..."
"No time like the present," Smolder said, waving a claw at the tea party.
Ocellus had to give her that. Still, there was something else that needed to come first. "I will, but first, I really do have something I need to face, and I want you with me when I do so."
Smolder had her full attention.
"Come with me to Canterlot this weekend..."
Memories flooded over her -- old ones she had buried but that the dream had dredged back up. She remembered attacking Canterlot. Surrounding herself with her collision barrier as drones rained down on the vulnerable city like a lime green meteor shower. Shooting down a hundred feet at an olive mare with frilly, butter-colored hair. Slamming into her at full speed. Feeding.
"...There is a pony there who I hurt really badly. I-I need to find her if I can." Ocellus' voice trembled slightly. "A-and apologize."
Smolder slipped out of her chair, seeing the pain in Ocellus' face. "You can tell me about it on the trip."
Gratitude swelled in Ocellus' breast. She felt tears in her eyes, but not ones of sadness.
"Afterwards, I really need to visit Luna," she added. "She will be at the castle. Headmare Starlight wrote ahead to make sure it was okay. And to ask a little favor. If you're feeling brave."
Smolder rolled her eyes at the obvious manipulation. "You don't need to play me. I'm already there. What favor?" Smolder raised an eyebrow.
"Celestia will be there too. And she'll be bringing Philomena. I think it would do you some good to talk to her."
Smolder took a sharp step back. Her eyes narrowed, but a smile broke across her muzzle. "Why you little schemer. Are you sure you're not a dragon?"
Not today. There will be no being a dragon today.
Ocellus stepped forward, closing the distance again, looking into Smolder's eyes. A step closer.
Smolder's smirk faded, her eyes widening. "Ocellus?" The dragon braced for another hug.
Ocellus leaned closer, their noses almost touching. She felt the heat of Smolder's breath tickle her muzzle. The glow from her breast was lighting up Smolder's face from beneath.
"Uh... Oc-"
Ocellus kissed her.
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It seems all's well that ends well.
Oof my heart, the feels right there. So good.
So by the looks of things we still got another epilogue chapter, or maybe a flash forward. Can’t wait.
Also I had been wondering where the quotes were from this whole time, of course there from the game.
Given this is listed as incomplete there's gotta be more but I was right when I thought this was sorta a retelling of Prey the game in a sense and it has been quite a good read.
Its been years since you've wrotten da pony words but this, was well worth the wait.
Incomplete? Epilogue wasn't the end of this story? Or forgot to update?
Will you write MLP-theme story(s) in the future? Since the official series ended, we have to live on fandom fictions, and we all love your story!
Personally, I like purely MLP-background more than crossover or fusion. Because many of them just replaced the characters' names and the plots had very little relationship with MLP. But your FoE is the best crossover I have ever seen.
And the game Prey is too hard for me!!
And then their love flooded the castle and everypony wondered...
the lantern was a nice touch.
Aww, that was the best epilogue. Still reading as incomplete?
Overall, a good fic. I have some criticisms, but if I don't mention something, assume it's at least acceptable.
The prose near the beginning was really shaky. It improved as the fic ran on, but still popped up here and there. Like:
I get what it's saying, but try dramatically yelling that, and yeegh. There are also a lot of sentences along the lines of "Ocellus turned her ocelli...". Again, I get the point, but it's still jarring to read the same unusual word twice in such a short amount of time.
The twist was kinda "eh" for me, and I think it's because getting the anti-Elements relied very heavily on fight scenes, so major plot points become essentially worthless once it's revealed to be a dream. What I would've done is, for each AE, make retrieving it easy, but one of Ocellus's friends gets their manipulative appendages on it and she has to talk them into giving it up in a scene that relies heavily on her knowledge of them (basically, the bit with Yona extended). Maybe, rather than Pharynx being sent to the moon and getting the last AE, Ocellus gets it and decides she doesn't want to give it up, but now her friends are the ones convincing her to let it go because of their love for her. Sprinkle a little bit of self-realization on each talk, maybe some offhoof encouragement from her friends ("I knew you could do it. It's who you are.") and then Ocellus can use that self-realization when she confronts the Tantabus to realize she can beat it and tie up that particular subplot in the process.
Sometimes, it feels like you include Prey references just because this is a Prey-inspired fic, and most of the time it works, but sometimes, it feels like an obligatory shout-out, like Gallus randomly producing the Huntress equivalent in the middle of the fic. The epigraphs being quotes from the game is four-fifths neat, one-fifth headscratching when the quote doesn't fit within the context of the fic. (Like the one on this chapter. To someone who's never played Prey: who the bumbleduck is Morgan and why is the year 2032?)
But feel free to take that with all the salt you want; I was just going to start writing a Prey fic, and I may or may not be annoyed that people are almost inevitably going to compare mine with yours and projecting. It was still a solid fic and I'm glad I read it.
On a more sarcastic note, no wrenches, techno-backed bar fights, or 0451 references, 0/10.
...With, as I currently have a bit of headache and over fourteen kilowords to get through here, my comments might not be quite as thorough as they have been; sorry about that. Still, let's see what we have here!
Chapter 17:
""A runaway train is bearing down on five people tied to the track. You could stop the train by jumping onto the track, but you would die.""
...See, this illustrates one of the big problems with this particular sort of thought experiment: insufficient data. Because exactly what's going on that I can stop a runaway train by jumping in front of it, but will also be killed by it? Also, are four of those people actually in danger, given apparently a single person in front of it can stop the train? Or are they tied up in some way to prevent that? Those are just some of the questions that come to mind! And yes, I know that's not the point, but the thing is, if we're trying to figure out how I'd act if that was really the situation, I have to know what the situation actually is, and if we just say "Don't think about it, it just works that way", well, then whatever "me" is deciding whether or not to jump in front of the train is one who lives in a world that they somehow know just works like this, and how am I supposed to predict them?
...Er, anyway, on with the reading. :)
"Still laying on her hooves"
"Still lying on her hooves"?
"but there still a worrisome"
"but there are still a worrisome"?
...Interesting... What is the issue with waking up?
Well, the bright side of having so many words to get through is having the next lot of words to read already! :D
Chapter 18:
Oh, and the headache seems to be pretty much gone now, too. :)
"Ocellus thoughts are"
In the style you've been using, "Ocellus' thoughts are"?
"found it familiar; a reason that"
"found it familiar, a reason that"?
"allow it through to, and"
"allow it through, and"?
Ah, so I'm guessing Luna didn't know that Ocellus would just enter a lucid dream state rather than waking up.
(Oh, and by the way, is there a reason you're using just "Tantabus" instead of "the Tantabus"?)
"eyebrows raise in surprise"
"eyebrows rise in surprise"?
...Okay, and the "Would you sacrifice all of your friends for everyone?" being a trick question thing is, or at least was, confusing me. I think it's saying that it counts as a sacrifice but isn't really one, since the act of that sacrifice can't not also restore your friends, since they're part of "everyone"? Took me a bit to think my way through to that, though.
That thought seems to be holding for now, though, happily, so continuing. :)
"a glowing white empty. The"
"a glowing white emptiness. The"?
"There is no sign of the Tantabus."
Ah, and there's a definite article. Interesting.
Epilogue:
Oh, tense shift; interesting.
I wonder if the damage to the palace will still be there? And if any modifications the Tantabus made are, and what they were, vs. the original construction.
(And, relatedly, if Nightmare Moon knew she was dreaming while she was trapped in the moon. ...If so, I guess all the palace's systems, vines and such, rather than just willing things into existence, were probably just overcomplicating things for the sake of making them more interesting, which, given some of the things I've done in Minecraft, I think I quite understand. :D)
"offence as they reach the door to"
"offence as they reached the door to"?
"And Phyllis."
Ah, glad she made it. :)
"Keep it lit by your bed as you sleep, and it will always be there to guide you out of your nightmares."
...Is it going to be the lantern? :D
Eee, yes! :D
"eyebrows lifted. "Really.""
Was that supposed to be a question?
"Plus, Yona kinda demanded to know what made you cry."
When was this? I'm afraid I'm not remembering.
Hee. And a nice heartwarming ending. :)
Though I do notice the story's not marked complete yet after all.
10179239
"Wait, when was this?"
Back in Chapter 3:
"Queen Chrysalis didn't bring grubs to battle. And the magical pulse generated by Shining Armor and Princess Cadance did not gently deposit them back at their hive -- it flung them into the badlands. Where they rebuilt their hive anew.
Retrieving their grubs from Equestria was not a high priority for her former queen. Ocellus knows at least one survived to find its way into Ponyville, but she suspects most did not. And they certainly never rejoined the hive."
10180217 10180216 10180319 10180401 10180457
That is the end of the story. I had just forgotten to set it to complete.
Thank you for reminding me. 
I hope you enjoyed the story!
10180545
Nooooo I want moarrrrr
O well, you have plans for any more fics now, or anything g like that?
10180556 Not at the moment. But I love these characters so much that I want to write more of them.
10180566
Your a fellow dnd player and well known for your crossovers, have them get sucked into one of the campaigns the same way spike got sucked into the comic books. Have all the characters get replaced with mlp characters, make Sombra strahd that would be pretty fun.
Heck just have them playing the game bonding over that...
On a serious note I look forward to whatever you do do next. I said before that this fic has been a real treat to read every morning while this quarantine has been going on.
Yeah, that was a thing that she just did. Sweet, right?
Actually, yeah, that's not something you can truthfully say everyday.
All in all, a tidy enough conclusion to the story, and considering I'm walking away from it satisfied, that's good enough.
A wonderful story with a wonderful end that left me with just one real question: Will you ever do a short story or one shot about Ocellus apologizing to that mare in Canterlot? I need to know how that would go down because that just spirals me down with so many other questions.
Also, I am so gonna make a reference to Ocellus' little lamp in my own works. The opportunity to pay a little nod to this great work of art is too good to pass up.
It became a little black filly with turquoise slit eyes and wings and a horn. Luna decided to name her Nyx.
Something something Inception reference.
Not gonna lie, I would not have previously pegged Ocellus as the Captain America analogue among the Young-6, but now you've got me doing it. Not sure about the rest of them quite yet.
Good point, Sandbar. He's actually got a really good point, too; if ponies have any kind of psychiatric practices, issues of self-identity are probably pretty well researched and organized for them. Maybe. Either that or because ot the cutie mark thing it might be drastically underdeveloped.
Whoooo! The lantern made it! She's going to be taking that with her everywhere for the next few days, isn't she? And also not want to go to sleep without it on. Speaking of, is the fire still going to be blue? Does it need oil?
If Discord had acted consistently like this throughout the series' run, I wouldn't have an issue with him. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
Hmm.
I...can't help but feel like this is almost a cop-out. You've written this story and built up the idea that Smolder did a Bad Thing due to peer pressure, and looking up to her brother, and so on. And then likewise this story makes it pretty clear that Ocellus herself has done some Bad Things, so it's not like we're shying away from the idea.
It's not like Smolder revealing that, yeah, she smashed some phoenix eggs would change how Ocellus viewed Smolder, as it was something she believed to be true and yet still loved Smolder despite becasuse she knew Smolder regretted it and would never do it again. So translating this into the real world wouldn't have damaged the relationship.
Likewise...not sure that this was necessarily any better timed than it was in the dream. Good that it's not purely utilitarian, but also still feels...not right.
Okay, final thoughts.
This is still a very solid, very good story. The "it was all a dream" twist isn't sudden, it's well set up with hindsight...buuut it still undercuts a lot of the emotional moments in the story and makes things turn in a wholly unexpected, and kind of not really as good or weighty, way. The build-up on the Stars That Aided in Nightmare Moon's escape and coming to collect on what was promised was, frankly, more interesting than the Tantabus.
So this was a good story, but I can't help but feel that if you hadn't gone for the eleventh hour twist it would have been better still. I don't know if Prey (the game) contains the same twist and thus what made you feel compelled to do it here, but, in the interest of total honesty, I regret that you did.
Still, the prose was very solid throughout. You were great at writing each of the Young-6, and especially Ocellus. The pacing was good, and you were great at keeping things suspenseful, scary, creepy, but also funny. I don't regret the time spent reading this, and look forward to your next story.
10180545
Oh, for some reason FIMFiction did that thing where it didn't notify me of the comment; glad I happened to check! No idea why that happens sometimes...
Anyway, you're welcome, and yes; thank you for writing. :)
10181195
I don't feel the part about Smolder and phoenixes was at all a cop out. The story actually has several instances where Ocellus jumps to the wrong conclusion about her friends. One of the points of this bit is that even if you know someone really well, even if your reasoning is perfectly sound, if there is another explanation that fits the facts, then ultimately you haven't definitively deduced anything. Whenever Ocellus reflected on the question of the phoenixes, she found herself worrying over the worst possible outcome and had to remind herself that she didn't know. And really, I know the world can suck and it's easy to get jaded, but that's a lesson more people need to take to heart - that until you find out the truth, you don't know, so don't be so hasty to think the worst of people.
I can understand where you're coming from with regards to the ending, but can you honestly tell me another way to tell a story about the Tantabus, a creature of nightmares, where it isn't all a dream? At least short of introducing the sort of waking nightmare apocalypse that Ocellus averted? Yes, the very end of Prey reveals that all along you were actually a typhon in a simulation meant to determine if any typhon could feel and understand human emotions. But you have to understand that Kkat did not "feel obligated to include the twist" because it was in the source material. The twist was at the heart of the story driving everything. She didn't "go for the eleventh hour twist". Instead because she loves the game and has played it through to the end, played the DLC, and she got me to play a little of it even though I hate horror games (It is a fairly mild horror game for the most part), and because she loves the Student Six, she constructed an MLP story featuring them that could have a similar and meaningful twist. If she could not have found a way to include that twist in a story with the Young Six, there would have been no story at all, and that would have been a terrible shame, don't you agree?
10181323
I think my point was rather more that it would have been a stronger story if the Tantabus wasn't included at all. I haven't played Prey and am not familiar with it, so I'm judging this story purely on its own merits, and...well, while the twist is set up well in hindsight, I still think it's ultimately weaker than what the story had been otherwise building up prior to it.
10181349 I have very much appreciated your feedback throughout this story. Which, in turn, has made your statements that amount to "it would have been a stronger story if the story hadn't been written at all" a bit painful.
The part you have an issue with was the very idea that prompted me to develop the story in the first place. Everything was built outward from that reveal, and no part of the story would have ever been written if that central conflict had been abandoned.
If you wish to judge the story by its own merits, you must abandon your preconceptions. As Smolder said in the epilogue, it is not fair to judge what is real by the version of it that only existed in your dream.
Well, a Kkat story with a mildly divisive reception (ranging from meh to great), seems history repeats itself, albeit, it’s for different reasons.
So, yes, I read the entire story, I commented on it twice. However, I can state that this story is pretty well-written. I did enjoy it, but I didn’t absolutely love it. That’s because this story just isn’t my genre, but I kept reading the entire time because I know you’re a good writer, and you didn’t disappoint.
I especially like the last few chapters.
Unfortunately, I’m not gonna go out and check out this game, unlike I did with FO:E. But that’s only because it’s not my genre. As for the twist, I thought it was fine. I appreciate that you’ve done a little different with that trope, though.
Good story, please keep writing.
10181425
Okay I'm starting to feel a little less bad after a comment that could be interpreted as "you're not reading my story correctly". I'm going to assume that that was not your intention, but that was what it came across like at a glance.
Kkat, you spent seventeen chapters building up the idea of the Stars as being the force behind Elytra. Pivoting away from that to a used villain whom the series had already given a satisfying conclusion to and who could not be intuited as the villain of this prior to the twist (that is, while the Tantabus makes sense after the twist, there's no way other than a wild guess to figure out out head of time) is not getting caught up in my preconceptions, it's a simple narrative judgment: it is not, in my opinion, a very strong or, more importantly, satisfying twist, as I now have to take everything you had previously built and apply it to something that frankly just isn't as unique or interesting an idea.
Or, for that matter, as smooth or natural. The Tantabus twist required Luna giving a significant amount of exposition as to why it worked. The reveal of the Tantabus raised as many questions as it answered. Rather than making all the pieces fit in place, it's more like it put some pieces in place but then Luna additionally had to hastily manufacture some additional pieces since we had questions that couldn't even be intuited until the reveal: why the Tantabus is still around, why it's pissed off, how Ocellus connected to it, etc.
Consider as a point of comparison probably one of the most famous mystery stories, Murder on the Orient Express (spoilers, I guess, but this is like an 80 year old story). The twist that every one of the suspects was guilty, that it was a group effort, isn't immediately obvious and certainly not what would be expected from a typical whodunnit, but once Poirot reveals that every suspect was guilty all the previous evidence adds up logically, all previous motivations stand, all previous theories about how the murder was done are still valid, and so on. The audience needs only be filled in on how they could all be guilty, but it is still something that someone could have intuited or pieced together ahead of time if they merely abandoned the idea that there had to be one murderer.
Conversely, how am I, prior to Chapter 18, supposed to figure out that the Tantabus was behind this, given that the show provided nothing about the idea of the Tantabus being sealed in the moon, or in a dreamscape, or resenting Luna, or otherwise still being a going concern?
Interestingly I actually recently (like, within the past six months) read another story where the Tantabus was the surprise reveal villain. Since you might want to read it one day I won't tell you which one, since that would be spoilers. However, the difference between that story and this one is that while the Tantabus is only revealed as being the villain late in the story, no alternative is presented beforehand that fits what's going on. We just know that there is something causing problems, but nothing else is presented that fits the existing evidence better (or more interestingly).
As for "it would have been a stronger story if the story hadn't been written at all", you and I both know that is just not true. You could have written the story with a different villain, without the twist, with what you had written prior to Chapter 18, and you and I both know you have the skill to make it work. It's not like stories have never been conceived one way but then written out another. When Empire Strikes Back was first being written out, Darth Vader wasn't going to be Luke's father and Luke was going to be visited by the ghost of Anakin Skywalker. In the movie Speed, Jeff Daniels was going to be revealed as being the villain, not Dennis Hopper. And so on.
Now if you didn't want to, that's fine. You gotta write the story you want to write, be true to the vision you had. But I'm free to judge the finished product according to what was written, too, and my personal judgment is that while this story was extremely strong until its end, it did kind of fall through in that end. Not enough to make me regret having read any of it, not nearly enough that I won't be recommending it to others, but enough that I am left mourning what might have been, since that feels like it would have been much more fulfilling.
I'm sorry if this hurts whatever relationship we may or may not have built up while you were writing this and I was reading it. But I have to be honest.
10181522 I do appreciate your input. Unfortunately, we will have to agree to disagree.
I am sorry "you're not reading my story correctly" was your first interpretation. Like you, I wrote something that did not parse as desired. Likewise, I assume that "the story would have been stronger never being written" was not your intention, even though that is how it comes across.
We do not share the same view on "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep". You see the Tantabus as having been re-absorbed by Luna in a conclusion with absolute finality. I see a resolution that was very vague and ended with Twilight Sparkle making a dubious guess at what happened.
Either way, my story would not exist without the reveal and core conflict that the story was built around. What was written prior to Chapter 17 wouldn't have been written at all if I had not already written Chapter 18 first.
10181552
Then in that case I wish you had done more to establish the possibility of it being the Tantabus, so that when the reveal happens it didn't require Luna dissatisfyingly telling us why it makes sense after the fact and instead becomes something that plausibly could have been figured out ahead of time. Mentioned it more, perhaps - I just checked, and the Tantabus is mentioned three times prior to Chapter 18: Chapters 4, 7, and 14. In Chapters 7 and 14 they're just single throwaway references without any weight; only in Chapter 4 is the Tantabus actually dwelt upon, and even then only for a single paragraph.
There could have, perhaps, been more overt while still subtle Tantabus references, something that meant that the reader was at least thinking about the Tantabus a lot. Purple color schemes, more frequently referencing the Tantabus (Luna brings it up perhaps), more overt dream imagery (like for example instead of the books being written in Old Ponish, they're instead complete gibberish), none of the Nightmare Moon imagery having wings (since the Tantabus didn't), etc.
10181522
Romance. Drama. Horror. Those are the tags. Not Mystery. It's hardly fair to judge a horror story by mystery story standards.
As for the bit about whether the story could get written or not, you are talking about skill. Yes, Kkat has skill. I was talking about motivation. Kkat is not getting paid to write, so she has to write the story she was motivated to write. This is that story and not what you describe. I'm sorry that doesn't please you.
10181582 I understand wanting more clues, but with how much I was giving, I feel if I had given more, the ending would have been spoiled early.
I mentioned Tantabus several times, as you note, including a description of the events of "Do Princesses Dream..." early on. I didn't want to overly mention Tantabus since there were other clues that could easily have lead to a premature revelation of the villain.
There was the fact that Ocellus couldn't read most things -- the exceptions being that she could read what was created by Discord's chaos magic, and what was written by Gallus (the latter writing actually coming from her own mind and thus she knew what it said). Even before "Old Ponish", there was a scene in the treehouse where she found herself unable to read a book and uncertain what book she was even reading.
The Tantabus is referred to in "Do Princesses Dream..." as a monster of blue smoke. I was a bit worried that readers would figure out the Tantabus was behind everything from the heavy use of blue smoke as a descriptor for what everything is made of. (Ocellus even voices the connection by mentioning the idea of Tantabus being made of "dark essence".)
Other things were given reasonable-sounding excuses but actually worked the way they did because of the nature of the dream. (For example: Luna never found Ocellus' friends before Ocellus did because they didn't exist in the dream until Ocellus found them.) The reality behind the clocks was similar. The stars were never a possible plot avenue. They were a reasonable-sounding explanation that Luna voiced could be wrong even as she suggested it.
And, of course, virtually everything Elytra claimed about what happened to her mimics what happened to the Tantabus in "Do Princesses Dream..." from the Tantabus' point of view.
10181624
The Tantabus might be full of stars, but the purple (being brighter) pops a fair bit more, not to mention being the color that actually gives the Tantabus its shape (that is, arguably the color that defines it). It doesn't help that you made it clear that the most concentrated form of dark essence was a bright sky-blue, which emphatically is not the Tantabus' color and retroactively had me thinking of all the blue smoke as being bright as soon as I read it. The Tantabus was never the color of the daytime sky.
On top of that even the cover image undercut that; I was imagining the blue smoke as being the same color as the blue of Ocellus' lantern friend and Ocellus herself. It's the most prominent blue associated with the story.
Finally, it doesn't help that our first introduction to the needles and the blue smoke simply describes it as that: blue smoke. Not dark blue, just blue. You can make an argument here about "assumptions" if you want but, again, with Ocellus and her lantern's flames being bright blue, and with you making it clear later that concentrated dark essence is bright blue, that's not an assumption, that's essentially an active attempt to make sure that we are not thinking about the dark blue of the Tantabus. And no mention of purple at all.
The thing is, by having exceptions at all you undercut the idea of it all being a dream in the first place, since you can't read coherently in dreams, period. Especially once Ocellus/Galus starts writing her own stuff, which only reinforces the idea of the books being in "Old Ponish" rather than gibberish.
Thoroughly enjoyed this. I was worried when the twist came but it was handled very well.
10181607
I’m judging it by the standards of forging a coherent and satisfying narrative, which to be clear it largely does until the end and even then the ending is merely not as satisfying as it could have been,, which is not the same thing as unsatisfying entirely. To be completely honest until you mentioned the tags just now I hadn’t even looked at them.
But that being said a mystery story presents a puzzle and then invites the readers to solve it alongside the characters. That’s exactly what this story does, with the puzzle an integral part of the plot, to the point where the fact that it’s a puzzle is even an important part of what causes Ocellus to realize that she’s still dreaming and leads to the “whodunnit” scene. Saying “it doesn’t have the mystery tag” comes across as a deflection rather than a defense. “You found the action in this story dull? Well it doesn’t have an action tag”, after writing a 10K word fight scene, would not be a solid defense.
10181548
Yes! I loved editing this chapter for all of the reasons you give, Seraphem!
I really loved this story! While I might be biased because the story has elements that already really appeal to me (smocullus for instance) I wouldn't have kept reading if I thought the story was bad. Thankfully I thought it was really good! Some random thoughts, first; I didn't know much about the prey game going in, so I've been looking it up after the fact, and I'm realizing you tied game elements to the story in some really clever ways. Stuff like the eye needle thing being a deeper part of Ocellus' nightmares and a nod to the game, shows that the story was really well thought out.
Secondly, the characters were especially good. Ocellus in particular was a very compelling protagonist. I felt so much for her throughout the story, and I was always interested in reading her reaction to the horror around her. One line of hers that stuck with me was when Gallus was admitting his feelings towards changelings, and she says to him "You think I'm scary!?" The things our fiends may think of us, that's scary, and works for a great character moment. Lastly, since Silverstream and Sandbar aren't super important characters in the story, but still important to Ocellus, I like that you still found ways to have them be there in some small way. I'm thinking of when Ocellus cries at the dice bag, and when she transforms into a seapony. It feels like they're there in spirit!
So yeah in short I really liked it and I'm glad I kept up with the updates! You said you wanted to write more of these characters right? Well this fic has proved to me you're a quality writer so if you decide to write more I'd probably read it, so once more, great fic!
(I'm not a reviewer, but I hope I managed to convey my thoughts here well enough anyway.)
This story was an absolute treat. Specifically the characters, which I think were written fantastically; their interactions with each other and the environment were right on point. There were some things Ocellus went through that I feel I should take to heart.
, and is obvious in hindsight. I especially loved how you used all the small details to set everything up. The epilogue tied up all the remaining loose ends nicely; I cannot describe the satisfication I felt when I finished reading. That is something I haven't felt for a long while.
The twist was very well done. It doesn't come out of the left field, makes you feel like
Thank you Kkat for creating such a compelling narrative and good luck on your future writing endevours.
Mimics? check. Gloo Cannon? check. Recycler grenade? check. Not-A-Mimic Stickynotes? Hilarious. Twist ending I didn't see coming? I put this on my list of things to keep an eye out for and STILL didn't see it coming! You even got the moon sharks from the DLC!
This is a perfect example of a video game crossover fanfic done right. Lot of other stories I read get bogged down trying to get a game element to make sense outside of a game. Here you molded the game elements to fit the story instead of trying to write a story around an element. Like Prey's crafting system. If you had Ocellus hunt around until she has enough mineral, synthetic, organic, and alien components to craft an item, it would make for a very dull read. Having the entire palace be made of one magically universal crafting component was a genius way to prevent this story from becoming Ocellus digging through desks and stuffing her bags with garbage for hours. Huge bonus that it fits the lore you crafted for this world perfectly.
So now that Kkat has written another fic, will we get another thousand fan-written spinoffs like we got for Fallout: Equestria? (I doubt it since this story was fairly self-contained unlike an entire wasteland was, but I wouldn't mind if someone found a way to do it.)
Well holy damn. That was awesome. I didn't see that twist coming at all, but in hindsight I really should have. Especially since I really like who the twist turned out to be.
I'll admit, from an editor's perspective, there was a lot that could be fixed—I saw someone making lengthy comments with suggestions as I read, and I didn't want to end up making all the same ones and be an annoyance in your comments, so I held off on doing it myself—and occasionally it did break the immersion for me, but as a whole it wasn't really overly jarring. That aside, the characters were written very well, and I was able to see practically every moment in my head. Sure, there were some things that could've been done better, but overall—
Awesome job, KKat. The first story of yours that I've read to completion (I SWEAR I'LL READ FO:E EVENTUALLY, I SWEEEEEAARRRR!!!), and I enjoyed every minute of it. Looking forward to the next one.
I really liked a lot of the individual moments but not the overall story. Ocellus and the rest of the student six that show up are the best parts, lessened for me by the twist. Which was a part of what brings it down for me, I was hoping you wouldn't take that from Prey. Mostly though it was not being drawn into the horror, I was never scared or scared for Ocellus. Part of that was me dwelling on the potential twist and I might still reread to try getting a better feel for it, even though it actually happened. But the scares never pulled me in before kicking off and I eventually I started skipping through them.
I don't know, maybe giving it another go through would help, I don't think the twist does anything besides reduce the impact of everything before it, and I'm left feeling pretty in-between-y about it all.
I really, really liked this... until the “It was all a dream” twist came about. It kind of made everything that happened previously deflate and lose its unique charm. It was beautifully written, with great horror and mystery, but it all screeched to a halt near the end. It felt like it completely came out of left field. It makes sense in hindsight, but it felt like a hole had been punched in my heart when the twist appeared, and it still hasn’t fully healed.
I’m probably not remembering these 100% correctly, but I loved the thought that the moon was a place where you could still breathe and live, even though it’s just a barren world. I loved the explanation that The Mare in the Moon was Nightmare Moon’s dark essence sprayed across the surface of the moon, enriching the lifeless soil to be able to grow crops. I loved that this “dark essence” was just a tool of creation, not inherently good or bad. There were so many fun details that I loved about this story that all went down the drain after the reveal that it was all just a dream.
I was also really interested in what was going to happen at the end portal home. Was Ocellus going to stay behind? If so, how would she deal with the Nightmare? And the love-starved changeling? We know she would’ve been rescued, but when? How? How could she have survived that long?
If she didn’t stay behind, who would? Would she have found a way to bring everyone home?
So many questions! I was wondering what would happen and how it would play out until... it didn’t. The story kind of... stopped. Dead. Sure, it kept going, but it felt like a giant barrier was erected between the story that came before the reveal, and the story after.
Sorry, I’ve been rambling on and I forgot to stop myself. Long story short: you are a brilliant writer and it was an amazing story, but the story’s twist ruined the whole thing for me.
I do love that Smolder gives Ocellus a massage under her elytra whenever she’s feeling stressed. The fact that opening them up makes her vulnerable and she’s so comfortable and willing to do it with Smolder is really cute!
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*rubs fore hooves together* Yes, good! Another good Seraphem reaction post!
Wow. Just wow. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to read such a well thought out story. So many elements of both the game and the naturally occurring canon of MLP you just wove together perfectly. Ocellus being an eye, and the overlap of the Mods being injected through the eye being one of them. So much cleverness put into your writing and such an awesome portrayal of the characters made this one of my all time favorites.
Okay, that was incredible. You're really have a talent to blend foreign stuff into MLP like it belonged there in the first place : )
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As established, at least in the earlier seasons, the episodes were aired in anachronistic order. There is nothing in either ep that prevents Winter Wrap Up and Hearthswarming Eve from taking place during the same winter. (See also all the complaints that Luna spent over a year back from he Moon and was still that out of touch with things when she finally showed back up, seemingly spending the whole year+ locked in the castle, when there is nothing beyond viewer assumption that this isn't the NMN of the same year she came back, thus having only been back for about four months.)
Plus it's easier to buy it's only been about a year or so, given the longer they know each other, the more and more unlikely Twilight having a brother never came up gets. And that's not even bringing in the implication in Twilight's Kingdom that the first three seasons all took place during a single year, luckily that dialog is ambiguous enough, that while it could be read that way, it doesn't mean it is a certainty. Though seasons 1-3 being over a two year period total does work.
Either way, even it was two years, point stands that there is no conceivably non-contrived way for the split to have happened during that limited time period, Ocellus to be old enough to take part in the Battle of Canterlot, and her not knowing the whole Elytra thing took place. Not unless Changelings go from freshly hatched grub to battle ready drone in less then a year, and if that's the case, Chryssi would have been able to literally swarm Equestria into submission just through shear attrition. And yet, as noted, yeah it's not till you stop to actually connect all the chains of logic that the thing falls apart. For reasons I'm about 99.9% sure are the case at this point and have already made clear.
Thanks for the fic Kkat! It was thoroughly enjoyable, giving something to look forward to especially during quarantine. Always a pleasure to read your work and glad you're back on the writing scene!
I can't believe all the things happened on the moon were dreams, I don't know what to say……surprised or other feelings.No wonder no adventure tag and it's written in present tense.
But I have two questions about the story:
1. Why only four anti-elements were planned? Because the picture in S1E1, four stars came close to the moon? Or the length of the sotry? Or just no reason...
2. Why Sandbar and Silverstream didn't involve in the palace? Could they took place of the others characters?
Besides, I'm afarid you missed some Ocellus' awsome forms in offical MLP comic: Feasts of Friendship.
They're Hydra-Ocellus, Minotaur-Ocellus, and Cyclops-Ocellus. I think she could go through the tasks more easily with those forms.
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Yes. (That is the reason for four anti-Elements, and for only four friends. Additionally, take note of Ocellus' answer to Sandbar when he asked about this in the Epilogue.)
I don't have all the comics and did not treat them as canon for this story.
I'm willing to bet that the Typhon are real, and that they're the alien entities who gave Nightmare Moon the four anti-elements that she used to break the seal and escape the moon.
If so, do you think you'll be able to make a story based on Equis (the planet that MLP: FiM) takes place) vs the ENTIRE Typhon Race, with the Nightmare Typhon's being second-in-command and the Apex Typhon as their leader, as well as recruit the Legion of Doom, The Pony of Shadows, The Storm King, and the REAL Queen Elytra into their ranks?
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I get where your coming from but I’d disagree that nothing really change, considering smolder and Ocellus opened up and became a couple because of this these events. Ocellus also got some more insight from Gallus about how he finds changelings scary, that was gunna be something she had to work on when they got back.
The idea that it’s all a dream doesn’t automatically make everything redundant but it runs the risk of doing so, while Ocellus would remember her friends would not, meaning that she would either have to redo all the relationship building she did in the dream or just ignore it and forgot about it all.
lucky everything manages to get smooths itself out in the finale chapter, while it was a dream it’s events still held true. It’s a problem a lot of these it was just a dream stories have but thankfully not this one
Okay, time to wrap this all up and see how Ocellus reacts to her insane night, and what she does with her new revelations.
Okay... I'm guessing this is from Prey itself....... were all the quotes from the game? If so, would explain why they kind of fit the overall tone and mood, but were disconnected enough to not really mesh right beyond that.
Holy shit I freaking CALLED IT! Oh well played story, well played indeed.
"Do you have any idea how exhausting a night I had? I need some sleep!"
Given what a huge part smell plays in taste, yeah I can believe it.
Wait, given you have hard chitin out layers, wouldn't you also need to molt at times?
Well, not really, the first one wasn't real and was more or less you just imagining it with a mental construct of Smolder you created to interact with.
Is she going to start having insomnia issues?
Yeah, but like I said, this is actually one thing I thin works better if kept unanswered.
Yeah, dreams are like that.
Why? Did they like, see all this somehow? Also, d'awwwww come to make sure their lovebug is alright.
Like that would stop Yona. Yaks best at bursting down doors!
Nah, just a massive group hug incoming.
It feels like it's being narrated differently and everything.
Okay, so she gave them a very brief 'Hey Ocellus has been through some shit, go hug her' info? Also Silverstream? Well... I mean I'd guess her head has the most room for all of them.
So yeah "Thou shalt go forth and perform unto thine friend the sacred right know as 'The Hug of Grouping!' That's 'grouping' not 'groping' and yes I am looking at you Smolder."
Oh crap, I do not thin this is a situation Smolder knows how to handle. Get the others in here STAT!
Seriously, story... I do love you, but if there is one persistent thing I found disjointed and that really did not work for me, it's the overuse of that term. I get the idea but, it did not work the way you wanted it to.
Ah, yeah Dragon's would get that one.
Huh, just an odd thought but, could that actually not be healthy for Skittlebugs? Yes they can hold onto and store love reserves, but till now, they never had that much, always just enough to stay on the edge of starvation by the way it's talked about. So they had some, and it is likely healthy and a good idea to have some stored love. But could overdoing it, storing too much emotional energy, be unhealthy? Lead to the emotions bleeding into the holders thoughts, messing with their ability to focus, lead to some of Ocellus issues with feeling like she has no identity beyond what her friends see her as? Due to having too much of that inside of her?
D'awww, of course they will just..... don't over do it this time.
Yeah, 'There is a test I can't study for' is far more normal an issue for Study-Bug nightmares and far easier to deal with lightly.
Right now I'd say it looks more like all four of them merged into one blob of fur and feathers as they all push in to get their ears to the door.
Yeah, now getting to the actual 'Nightmare' parts of that nightmare. Have fun dealing with these images.
Ohhhh she wishes she was.
YAY!
Yeah, some love reserves are healthy, but as noted, might be the case that too much leads to some psychological side effects.
That was a given.
Yaks best at having the best friends!
Pfffffffft, Gallus, you really need to teach her how to swear right, there was so many times she needed to really express her thoughts last night and couldn't do it quite right.
He's a good feathery birb boi!
1. Not surprised.
2. I love how this implies it actually changes rather regularly, and is always something utterly bizarre.
"Well, with my mental image of you in any case."
"Before I start showing some of them off, you all know what 'hentai' is right?"
Likely a smart idea, but good to have that as a major ace in the hole if things start going bad at some point.
Going all in on this, aren't you?
Of course he is, why would he not want to do something that awesome?
Well, you were just too bland to register as an appropriate vessel for one of the Totems. Try being greedier, or angrier.
Eh.... depends on how much input it had into the dream, and it didn't really use any of them much at all, the only one that was the least bit of a threat was Smolder, and that was more just because of how badly Dragons react to Greed.
Was utterly AMAZING!
Yaks best at being Nightmares!
Yes, but it's Silverstream, how are any of you surprised at this?
"Oh ad it turns out you're too much of a cuddly birb to go all evil."
That or just too full of cynical snarkiness, that does seem to serve as a good bit of mental armor against temptation when you are just as likely to spot every way this could be a trap and be smart ass enough to joke about them.
Well, what's left of it in any case.....
Technicalities.
Given whose dream you all were in... I don't doubt that.
"She was wearing this shiny suit with a fishbowl on her head, and there was this other pony there who kept bugging her about being overdue for a 'Cherries and flying dream'. Then Celestia flew down in this little flying saucer and Luna hopped on top of it and they both flew away."
Bah, screw that idiocy, Best Princess knows how to do this right. And yeah that is... kind of pointless feeling in adding that in, it's Luna, Let Moon Butt Moon Butt,why try to cram in unneeded idiotic drama over this?
And? If they could use Luna at all, I'd be more concerned about them having control over a being that could crash the Moon down into the planet, or bring about Eternal Night then knowing a few nightmares.
Also what about when some Freddy Kruger type entity shows up and start killing you in your dreams? Going to hobble the only being on the planet able to deal with it? And don't tell me that won't ever happen, this is Equestria!
Really... why.... what is the point of bringing this up? How does it add anything but annoying, idiotic drama over something there's clearly never been an issue with before? Am I just so opposed to this idea I'm failing to see the point to it under my "Oh come on!" knee jerk Whiskey tango Foxtrot?
And in a story with so many twists, that seem to not be taken all that well by many, that goes for the 'it's all just a dream' that I do usually dislike (But this story used it well) all the stuff that could cause someone to have an issue with the story..... It's this tiny little detail that has no bearing on the actual story itself that's throwing me for a loop. That alone is just odd.
Twice? Are you counting the finale? At that point, yeah, you all had WAAAAAAAY bigger issues then anything this is talking about.
Yes there is.
Again..... I am wondering if this might not be some physiological effect caused by holding too much emotion in storage causing it to leak into your psyche and scramble things a bit. Or at least exacerbating it when added to Ocellus slightly Twilight-ish base line level of being prone to negative self introspection.
So damn lucky........
And the largest reason I am all aboard the whole 'all just a dream' reveal (Plus how well it was hinted at and works into the story as a whole to make it really feel that way from the start) is that in the end, that was what the story was about, Ocellus dealing with her internal issues and learning how to move past them and confront the causes of them. This was all about her journey of self discovery. And that is exactly the type of story that 'all just a dream' works best with.
Also story.... that last bit....
"War... war never changes. Neither, does Friendship."
Yes, I used the flimsiest excuse possible to work that into the commentary just for the sake of using the line, do NOT act like you are the least bit surprised at this.
Hehehe, are we sure? Better poke it with a stick just to be sure. Or put a sticky note on it.
Trixie, you would take a 'Great and Powerful break' if you just saved 10% off your traveling wagon insurance by switching to Gecko. (no that is not a type, remember where we are)
Also this. NEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay! Best potted plant!
Wait, wait wait wait wait.......
Oh..oh damn... okay story I missed that the first time. oh.. OHHHHHHH damn that is..... damn that is goooooooooooooood. Very nice story.
Pinkie Pie WILL find out, and the longer that takes, the bigger she's going to make the "Congrats on saving Equestria from eternal nightmares while working through symbolic version of your own inner conflicts that ended with you coming to a healthy understanding of what you need to do to take care of your own mental health" party.
Still feel that is a really, really stupid idea.
Ohhhh?
And you just keep doing it for some reason. I know I know, I made my point already.
No, no it didn't. See again, do you really think some Freddy Kruger scenario isn't going to pop up at some point? See also, again, these are the being you rely on to keep all life on the planet, you know, alive. Sure they are letting Twilight do the heavy lifting for now, but it's still ONLY possible for her to do it with their help and permission.
Again another reason I don't really like the way things ended with Twilight. Works as a capstone to her own personal story, does not work when looked at from the view of Equestria as a whole.
Also, this is coming from Canterlot? This is a bunch of rich assholes with fancy, meaningless titles that just don't want her to be able to notice them dreaming about all the ways they are planning to try and use this change of government to fuck over everypony else for their own wealth and power, isn't it?
Seriously why is it this small little thing added in the epilogue that is what sets me off out of all the stuff in the story?
Yay Lampy! (Still a bit confused about the whole clock thing)
Though, honestly, I'm not sure the story really sold the idea of her being so attached to the lantern. Yeah I made the remarks about that happening from the start, but that's cause I saw where this was going and figured it would happen anyway, but... IDK, felt like the story didn't really focus on the lamp that much as being something she'd get that tied to and more, like I did, just took it for granted it would happen. I totally see how it was meant to play but, do think this is one part the story could have executed the idea a bit better.
Bu wha? Pinkie?
Oh, Discord. Oh right still need to find out what he was doing.
Okay, I can buy he was limited in what he could do, but why give her that list? just to get her thinking along the right lines? Try and spark her to consider certain things that would lead to unraveling all this? Why not something more direct... beyond, you know, it's Discord.
Oh...... or he was so limited he didn't even know what exactly he was doing, that works too.
Yeah... this. Just, don't question it.
.... You know....she's not wrong there. That is very fitting.
It's a question about fashion and looking fabulous, of COURSE she was right!
Yeah, going to those extremes is kind of one or the other.
Time to find out what the hell is up with her and Flaming-Troll-Birds?
Yes, though in this case it's more because that moment highlighted an internal conflict in Ocellus regarding her feelings about some piece of data she knows she is missing and is filling the blank in with worst case scenario thoughts instead of getting the truth.
Yaks best at brewing! When older Yona share secret Yak Ale too!
Yaks best at caring about friends feelings and finding out complex inner turmoil by being extremely direct!
See, not guilt, PTSD.
Okay maybe a little guilt too, also.....damnit Garble.
Smart.
?
Oh ohhhh... doing the whole, face your past guilt thing?
Well, look at the bright side, if this had been a certain other invasion, odds are the apologies would be from Twilight for how many times she likely killed you, and in more and more creative ways, over numerous time loops.
Or being chastised for impeding her attempts to add to the sum of pony knowledge by killing her before she'd properly determined the LD50 of Donuts.
Okay, try to help Smolder get over the guilt as well... I get the idea. Could come off more like Ocellus projecting her own guilt issues onto Smolder and assuming she needs what Ocellus needs, but at the same time, she does mean well and this might help.
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, that was a good ending. And oddly... yeah I'd say the epilogue was my least favorite bit of the story for obvious reasons, but everything already said stands, this story was amazing, and now, Kkat. 1. Thank you for another wonderful story. 2. Hurry up and write more amazing fics I can dig this deep into!
So, in the end, our MC was indeed the real Ocellus. I was actually betting on her turning out to have been the Tantabus, but other than that, everything turned out as I predicted.
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To the best of my recollection, not even ponies have been shown receiving injections, so it's safe to say this is Kkat's take on changelings. That said, please note that this is specifically talking about the head of a changeling as the substance needs to be injected into the brain to work. I'm sure the rest of the Young Six would tell you that there are definitely some parts of the love bug that are soft, but canon doesn't really comment on that.
This is a fantastic piece of fiction. The characterisation of Ocellus is just beautiful, and you've left me craving just some whimsical slice of life from the personality you've left us with. Thank you.
A lovely end to a long night.
This really was quite enjoyable from start to end. Through the whole thing, Ocellus learns much about herself, and comes back out with a chance to change both herself and her relationships with her friend. I see some don't like the twist, but I think it works out nicely.
Thanks for the words!