Town
The Long Road Home
By The Midnight Stalker
(Remember I'm Watching You)
This is my first FoE side fic. I've been inspired by Kkat and my friend Cascadejackal. Kudos to you, My Friend.
The sun was setting just as he reached the edge of town. It had been a long, hard trip, but it was well worth it. He hadn't gotten what he had left for, but he was closer to his goal... He hoped. Now all he wants to do is rest; Three days with little or no sleep is hard on a fellow. It didn't matter how tough you are. He knows that he has things to do, but for now he just doesn't care.
He slowly makes his way towards his house. It isn't much, but he doesn't care. It doesn't matter anyway. As soon as he was done here he would be moving on, as he's always done. Being a Nomad is who he is; He was and always will be a wanderer of the Wasteland.
He enters his house. It will always be just a house to him, never a home. He has his reasons as to why, and anyone who's smart knows better than to ask why. Ask once and you will be warned, ask twice and you'll be met with a punch to the face. And if you're dumb enough to go on, you'll have the shit beat out of you. Thankfully most ponies are smart enough not to ask too many questions.
He's glad for that.
_________________________________________________________________
After a long day he's just glad to be back. The last week was rough, but it's something he's used to. Really, he enjoys the work. He likes helping others, but only The Boss truly understands him. As only he truly understands the Boss. They both have a past that they don't wish to speak of and both know not to ask. But he'll worry about The Boss later. Now, it's time for sleep.
Sleep seldom comes easy for him and tonight is no exception; His head is filled with thoughts of Them. They haunt him all the time, but it's always the worst at night. Not even The Silence can comfort him then... Soon enough, though, he does drift off to sleep.
________________________________________________________________
He wakes up with the sun, like always. He is, as are most ponies, a creature of habit. That's okay. Life is easier that way. But for now he isn't concerned with thoughts like that. For now his focus is breakfast.
As he leaves his house others look at him, curious. They didn't see him as he came in last night. He gives them a smile. A few smile back. Some continue to stare at him, but he ignores them, trudging his way to the market in the center of town. Today he has plenty of Caps, so he thinks he'll buy himself something good.
He walks up to a familiar stall with a familiar, kind looking mare. She's a nice mare. He likes that, but not all are nice.
"Morning there. How're you doing?" Asks the mare in question. She a lovely mare, he admits, but nothing more.
"Fine "
"You sure?"
"Yes"
"Oh! I swear, I'll get you to say more than that yet. Now, what can I do ya for?"
"Well just give me some eggs and a few of those." He points over at something wrapped up in foil. She nods and grabs a few along with the eggs in front of her.
"Okay. Sounds good. That'll be 60 Caps"
He digs out some Caps and gives them to her.
"Will this be enough?"
"Yes, plenty. Now how about sneaking in last night? Oh don't look away. You know how the Mayor is about stuff like that. She doesn't want the whole town going crazy just because you don't-" He holds up his hoof, stopping her mid-sentence.
"Enough. It's my business, not yours. Now, goodbye."
With that he leaves the dumbfounded mare. She may wonder about him, but he won't tell her anything. Ever.
__________________________________________________
He trudges back across town to his house. He takes care to avoid others, but isn't outright rude.
His house wasn't anything to look at, but it was his... For now.
When he enters, he looks around and sets everything down.
"Well, hello. I see you're finally back."
Standing in the doorway to his room is a midnight blue pony with a silvery gray tail and mane; The Boss. The Boss is an enigma amongst ponies. Nopony know much about him.
"Hello, sir. Nice to see you. Sorry I haven't came by yet; Been busy getting resettled. Long trip, too. I was kind of tired last night."
"Oh, I understand. That's none of my concern, I'm just glad you're back in one peace." The Boss smirks as he says this.
"Thank you. Now, I assume you're here on business. You're not the type for a social visit, after all."
"Yes, you are correct. I am indeed here to see how things went."
"Well I would love to tell you that I found it, but I didn't." With that a frown forms on The Boss' face. "But I do have a lead. It's a long shot, but about three days south of here is a good sized town. Not sure of the name off-hoof, but there are some old ruins nearby that haven't been touched yet."
"Astounding! Not touched in 200 years? Why not! Why think of all the valuable things in there!"
"Well... The locals won't touch it because the place is supposed to be haunted. And anyone else who's gone in there hasn't come out. Personally, I think it's just something to do with the local conditions; Like how Hoofington has enervation, but something different."
"I guess that makes sense. So, when are you going to check it out?"
"Not for some time yet. I need more information on the place first; Like where in the ruins it might be, or If anyone knows why the place is taboo to start with."
"Ah! I knew there was a reason I liked you."
"So... How about your end of the deal?" That makes the Boss grimace.
"Well, I'll be honest; I haven't got a single solid clue or lead. I think I'm close to finding out what may have happened, but that's about it. Nopony is really sure what happened afterwards. Sorry, Lonesome. "
"It's alright" Looking rather less enthusiastic he looks away. Then he looks up when The Boss speaks again.
"I know we agreed not to pry, but it would help if I knew exactly what you're looking for."
"I know, but I just can't speak of it. And you know that. "
"Okay. I'll leave it be... for now. I promise to keep looking, but only if you can promise to find it."
"I will. I'm leaving again tomorrow. I'd hoped to stay longer this time, but there are more pressing matters out there. Now if you'll excuse me I'v got a breakfast to make. Stay if you want, but I really don't care."
"I'd like to but, as you said, there are more pressing matters afoot. I do have other obligations that those to you. Farewell."
With that, The Boss goes to the front of the house and out the door, leaving Lonesome to his breakfast.
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Welcome to the Fo:E univers, do not pay attention to the 2-3 down votes that you proberly will get in this day or the next. There is some Fo:E haters out there that down vote all the stories.
But a little kind advice. Try to tell a little more about what your history is about, for with that 1 line text and no picture is there problery a lot that wouldn't give it a change because of that.
But good luck with it
1181647
Thanks man. and i'm alreay aware of the Hates out there. My friend Cascadejackle has warned me of them
Something about this fic seems awfully familiar...
I has to be something...
That's right it's the title!
I was actually going to go with this title but decided to drop the 'long'. Check it out if you've got the time and i'll have to give this a look see when I get out of school.
Well welcome to the group of FoE authors and like the previous guy said, don't mind the parasprites, they feed on your torment.
1181715
I'm aware of this. The story isn't the best right now. still kinda new to writing. But hey you got to start somewhere.. and i'll give your a good look.
1181723
Very true, the only way to improve is practice. Good luck with the tic and remember... have fun with it!
P.s. Wasn't trying to call you out on the title, sorry if it came off that way.
1181826
It's cool. it should be better than my othr stories though. Because I GOTS AN EDITOR NOW
Sorry it took so long to drop back by, slipped my mind for a bit. Ok time for some helpful stuff!
1st off I noticed this ' [i[The Silence is deafening ' the first bracket closing is backwards. Should look like this. ' [W]The Silence is deafening[/W]. I used the letter 'W' so you could see what i'm talking about, you would still use the letter 'I'. You may have the closing bracket I couldn't tell but the text is getting the italics effect.
Next is the capital letters. Try to keep in mind only the 1st word in the sentence and proper nouns(specific people, places, or things) get capitals. Furthermore, the word after a comma or semicolon is not capitalized which brings me to my next point, semicolons.
They're all over the place. This isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but it is a bit odd to see so many of them, and a few were used incorrectly. Remember if you use a semicolon opposed to a comma, they most both be independent clauses, meaning they could function as a complete sentence by themselves. Here's an example.
"Hello, sir. Nice to see you. Sorry I haven't came by yet; Been busy getting resettled. Long trip, too. I was kind of tired last night."
While technically it is correct, I think the semi should be a comma. I could be wrong, but I think it would just roll smoother. Also, you could drop the commas in hello sir and long trip. They've unnecessary. I could go on all day about them damn semi colons, but instead just give this page a look.
link
Well that's about it, hope you found some good info. Only other thing is the dialogue. With two characters you can get away with it, but its good to just toss a 'blank said' in every couple statements just to keep the readers on track. Only exception would be if a characters speech is so unique or 'different' per say that they couldn't be confused with any other. Example would be a young character speaking in broken English or an alicorn THAT USES THIS MUCH VOLUME EVERYTIME THEY TALK.
As for the story itself, I did enjoy. it and ill be tracking for sure. I do have to commend you for picking third person perspective and sticking to it. So many fics start out switching perspective so much you'd think the narrator has some crazy mental disorder. Best advice I have is listen to your editor! They'll help you avoid some very embarrassing mistakes and help you improve on your weak spots. God forbid you do something like misspell and canon character's name, Twylite spracle would horn-rape you so hard you'd think a freight train just passed through your rectum. On that note I must be off, for my bed is calling.
1191841
Thank you for the support. I'll take this up with my editor. I'm glad you like my dedication the the 3 perspective. It is infuriatingly hard to stick to it. I also struggle to maintain the present tense.
1192564
well for the latter you only switched tense one time that I remember and it wasn't that significant. Ill definitely agree on the difficultly of writing third person, first person just feels more natural but comes with its own challenges as well.
1193031
All very true.