Lonesome Has Finally Reached Whispering Sands and has came closer to his goal. Along the way he's picked up a mare, Cinnamon, who's very existence has plagued him since he found her lost in the desert out side of town. But She turned to be more use full than he thought. Now all he has to do is survive her mother. Good luck Lonesome after all, Hell Hath No Fury Like That Of A Women Scorned
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Welcome to the Fo:E univers, do not pay attention to the 2-3 down votes that you proberly will get in this day or the next. There is some Fo:E haters out there that down vote all the stories.
But a little kind advice. Try to tell a little more about what your history is about, for with that 1 line text and no picture is there problery a lot that wouldn't give it a change because of that.
But good luck with it
1181647
Thanks man. and i'm alreay aware of the Hates out there. My friend Cascadejackle has warned me of them
Something about this fic seems awfully familiar...
I has to be something...
That's right it's the title!
I was actually going to go with this title but decided to drop the 'long'. Check it out if you've got the time and i'll have to give this a look see when I get out of school.
Well welcome to the group of FoE authors and like the previous guy said, don't mind the parasprites, they feed on your torment.
1181715
I'm aware of this. The story isn't the best right now. still kinda new to writing. But hey you got to start somewhere.. and i'll give your a good look.
1181723
Very true, the only way to improve is practice. Good luck with the tic and remember... have fun with it!
P.s. Wasn't trying to call you out on the title, sorry if it came off that way.
1181826
It's cool. it should be better than my othr stories though. Because I GOTS AN EDITOR NOW
Sorry it took so long to drop back by, slipped my mind for a bit. Ok time for some helpful stuff!
1st off I noticed this ' [i[The Silence is deafening ' the first bracket closing is backwards. Should look like this. ' [W]The Silence is deafening[/W]. I used the letter 'W' so you could see what i'm talking about, you would still use the letter 'I'. You may have the closing bracket I couldn't tell but the text is getting the italics effect.
Next is the capital letters. Try to keep in mind only the 1st word in the sentence and proper nouns(specific people, places, or things) get capitals. Furthermore, the word after a comma or semicolon is not capitalized which brings me to my next point, semicolons.
They're all over the place. This isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but it is a bit odd to see so many of them, and a few were used incorrectly. Remember if you use a semicolon opposed to a comma, they most both be independent clauses, meaning they could function as a complete sentence by themselves. Here's an example.
"Hello, sir. Nice to see you. Sorry I haven't came by yet; Been busy getting resettled. Long trip, too. I was kind of tired last night."
While technically it is correct, I think the semi should be a comma. I could be wrong, but I think it would just roll smoother. Also, you could drop the commas in hello sir and long trip. They've unnecessary. I could go on all day about them damn semi colons, but instead just give this page a look.
link
Well that's about it, hope you found some good info. Only other thing is the dialogue. With two characters you can get away with it, but its good to just toss a 'blank said' in every couple statements just to keep the readers on track. Only exception would be if a characters speech is so unique or 'different' per say that they couldn't be confused with any other. Example would be a young character speaking in broken English or an alicorn THAT USES THIS MUCH VOLUME EVERYTIME THEY TALK.
As for the story itself, I did enjoy. it and ill be tracking for sure. I do have to commend you for picking third person perspective and sticking to it. So many fics start out switching perspective so much you'd think the narrator has some crazy mental disorder. Best advice I have is listen to your editor! They'll help you avoid some very embarrassing mistakes and help you improve on your weak spots. God forbid you do something like misspell and canon character's name, Twylite spracle would horn-rape you so hard you'd think a freight train just passed through your rectum. On that note I must be off, for my bed is calling.
1191841
Thank you for the support. I'll take this up with my editor. I'm glad you like my dedication the the 3 perspective. It is infuriatingly hard to stick to it. I also struggle to maintain the present tense.
1192564
well for the latter you only switched tense one time that I remember and it wasn't that significant. Ill definitely agree on the difficultly of writing third person, first person just feels more natural but comes with its own challenges as well.
1193031
All very true.
2008943
Huh? What's that noise I heard? OH! A FAN! About Damn time someone says somthing. And Thank you.
I'll start work on the Next chapter as soon as work on Chapter 3 of my new fic s done.
This story has an interesting premise for sure, but take care to avoid letting technical error get in the way of the story. A good idea would be to go back through each chapter and read it aloud to yourself, so that you can catch mistakes, or phrases that don't sound quite right. Better still, try to find someone to proofread it. Going through I found a lot of words capitalized that didn't need to be, and a few that didn't which needed it. Moreover, be very careful in making sure that you use a consistent tense. All of that goes a long ways into turning an average story it a great one. Good Luck!
3680857
Thank you for still supporting this. I'm glad to see I still have a fan even after nearly a year of no updates on this. You'll be pleased to hear The next chapter is in the works. I'm going to make sure I run this by my editor this time. I didn't last time because I was in a rush to get it up. I was home for the holidays and didn't have a lot of time to get it up. Most of the last chapter was actually typed back in June and July with a few revisions made right before I put it up.