The Student Six all get together to write a letter to their old Headmare, now that the dust has settled and things are running smoothly once more. More specifically to ask her "what's next?"
(I would formally like to request a review from a Judge if possible. Not necessary if you got betted things to do, but it would be nicely appreciated.)
Artist Credit: JaDeDJynX
(Still waiting on the Artist's permission before I use this image, but if you're curious anyway, here's a link.)
(This story is written in the style of a simple letter to Princess Twilight, because I couldn't think of a dirty and quick way to come up with a 2K word story. Hope you enjoy! Also, wish there was a "Wholesome" tag on here.)
(This story is part of "The Discovery" Project, being held by Miller Minus. I had another story in the works since January featureing the student Six but it's not likely to be released in time. Nor would it neccessarily fit the themes of the contests rules, though it is about the student six, and about Discovery.)
No I'm not sorry. I just hate that Hasbro made Twilight move away from Ponyville when she could have just as easily run the country from there. Lazy as fuck writting by someone on the staff.
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Ha! That's pretty cool. Glad I could make you feel that way.
And nah, I wouldn't call it lazy. Celestia and Luna have everything set up in Canterlot. Embassies, Banks, train stations for transit, all of the official government buildings, post offices, museums, defenses.
Plus this is a town that's motto up until a few months ago was "MONSTER! AAAHHHHH!" and gets attacked by forces of the supernatural on a weekly basis. You telling me you want her to start paying for new Government Buildings every week? :P
Anyway. Lovely talking with you! Thanks for the fav and comment, always love to see these.
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Who says she would move the whole government to Ponyville? Make those who want to see her, come to Ponyville, and go from there.
Would probably cut down on a lot of the more useless things that go on with politics. Besides, there are real world examples of a country where things are split between two seperate capitols.
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Hmm, cuz. Then Ponyville would lose some of it's charm, becoming a big touristy destination for where the Princess currently lives.
Also. You did.
'Ease' means being able to oversee how things are running, and being a part of the actual system. If she wasn't in the Capitol, don't you think some political scheme to overthrow her would start? ... (Actually, that sounds like a good idea for a story. Saving that for later.)
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It would. But that idea is stupid and unoriginal at its worst. People seem to ignore that Celestia moved the capitol to Canterlot from the Everfree Forest after Nightmare Moon.
Ponyville already is a bit of a tourist spot I feel by the end of the series. It's already international with the School of Friendship.
So yeah. I'm not hearing anything that says my original comment wouldn't work. Unless you're a stick in the mud.
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My friend, believe what you like. It's all a show, and the stage is open for your creative input. My writing instinct just says it's not a good idea to work out of Ponyville. Simple as that.
Sorry I'm a stick in the mud, but it's your opinion.
Thank you again though for your comments it was a lovely debate on the ideals of a pony run government.
Well...
That was...interesting. Not in a bad way...
I would think the Student Six would be A LOT more curious as to why they were floating thirty feet off the ground, with the "Rainbow Lasers" thing EqG Rainbow Dash was so impressed with...and why it included THEM. In fact, I think Silverstream wouldn't stop talking about it for months...
Be that as it may, this is a very good story of the Student Six trying to come to grips with the changes. I think Starlight would have graduated the group about six months after the ensorcelling of the villians...
As far as Twilight...
Yes, she heads the government and state. But after 1,000 years, the various organs and appendages, the bureaucracy (hate that description; but it is what it is), exists in Canterlot. It's not just the decrees; it's the meeting spaces and environment, the security elements (though that Royal Guard needs tuning up; hopefully Flash Magnus is having some effect on that), the staffing, even the ability to PRINT UP all the paper and parchment circulating around!
And MAYBE, Ponyville thought about it...and said, "Naw, Princess...we're good..."
The_Whovian16! Hello. Thank you for writing A Letter from your Friends. This is a Comment from your Judge, and specifically, it’s the feedback you requested.
This story is really sweet, and I’m really glad you submitted it. And I can see, underneath the “surface” of the Young Six processing the changes in their lives, a hidden parallel to what a lot of us went through when the TV show ended. Where do we go from here? Scoff at it all we want, but a lot of us have invested a lot of time into this fandom, and the ending was always gonna make us feel something. So I thought that was really cool.
By the way, you may already know this, but what you’ve written is called an epistolary--literally ‘a story in the form of a letter or letters’. I like this format a lot, because it’s one of the most immersive out there (when done correctly!)--it gives the reader something to latch on to that exists inside the story. This isn’t just someone telling a story for no reason--the story itself is a physical document in this world, and it holds purpose for these characters.
That being said, I’m not sure the format has done you many favours here. One of my favourite epistolaries is, in fact, a piece of MLP fanfiction (linked here). And the major difference between this story and that one (and, for that matter, most epistolaries), is that it’s written by one character at a time, not by six characters in one room. The way this story flows, every time Ocellus tells us what her friends are up to over her shoulder, I find myself wishing I was being shown what they were doing. Young Six banter is great, but Young Six banter being translated by Ocellus leaves a little bit to be desired.
Don’t get me wrong: There’s nothing wrong with what happens in this story, but I can’t help but feel that it would be more enjoyable if we spent less time inside the letter, and more time in the room with these six characters. Or, on the flipside of that, what if Ocellus was alone in her room writing this letter, and therefore unrestrained by her friends’ suggestions? I’d be curious about that. What does Ocellus write to her former teacher when nobody else is watching? Truly, the best parts of this story are where Ocellus exits the conversation and speaks personally to her teacher.
That’s my main piece of feedback with the story. The format you’ve chosen is so intimate, and yet the story itself is a group effort, and that clashes a little bit.
The only other thing I can say here is that there are quite a few typos and punctuation mistakes in here. But hold on! That’s another benefit of the epistolary format. If you think Ocellus would make a given typo/error, then you're free to put it in there. So I can’t really use that as a critique. You’re bulletproof!
And that’s all from me! I hope you enjoyed entering this contest as much as I did running it. Thanks again so, so much for submitting, and I wish you all the best in future.
Bye!