Golly!
Twilight Sparkle reclined in her chair and regarded the mare seated across from her thoughtfully. Luster Dawn, Twilight's protege and current representative of the Element of Magic, had grown in many ways over the past decade. Once solitary and naive toward the magic of friendship, Luster had eventually embraced it, paving the way for her and her friends to become the next great protectors of Equestria. In doing so, they had inspired others along the way to adopt the ethos of friendship, many of whom had become heroes in their own right. This, in turn, had created somewhat of a domino effect, with tales being told far and wide of creatures banding together to overcome the many threats to Equestria and beyond. The resulting state of peace throughout the lands was nothing short of extraordinary, and could be directly attributed to the efforts of Luster and her friends.
Of course, nopony was perfect.
"I see," Twilight said. Her horn flared with a reddish-purple aura of magic as she levitated her porcelain teacup into her awaiting hooves. She held Luster's gaze as she brought the cup to her lips and slowly sipped the amber liquid. She closed her eyes and made a show of breathing in the tea's aroma, then put on a blissful smile as she exhaled. "So have you always disliked tea?"
To Twilight's mild annoyance, Luster did not blush, or look even the slightest bit ashamed.
"Well, pretty much, yes." Luster said. She leaned back as one of the castle servants collected her cup of tea and replaced it with a cup of much darker liquid. After giving her thanks, she lifted it in her hooves and took a sip. "Honestly, I've always been more of a coffee girl, but I thought it rude to say anything," she confided with a giggle.
Ten years. For ten years Luster had been joining Twilight for these little get-togethers. Each had been planned with the utmost of care to mirror those Twilight had shared with Celestia back when she was the student, and Celestia the mentor. Tea had been an integral part of every one of those meetings.
Well, it's too late to start over now, Twilight mused. She would have to learn to accept the fact that her pupil had just, in no uncertain terms, shattered her dream of reliving the past. No big deal. Nothing to stress over.
"Are you okay?" Luster asked, breaking Twilight from her thoughts. She looked at Twilight with raised eyebrows. "You seem a little, um... unwell?"
Twilight summoned her most genuine smile. "Never been better," she said before taking a prolonged taste of her tea.
"Twilight!" someone called just then from outside her room. The royal guards posted at the door opened it to allow a burly dragon inside. He looked as if he'd been flying or running very fast, and it took him a moment to catch his breath. "Sorry to interrupt, Twilight, but I've got bad news. Cozy Glow has escaped from her stone prison!"
"Again?" Twilight asked, nearly spilling her tea. "Spike, are you certain? That would be the third time in just over a week!"
"There's no doubt about it," Spike said. "Reports have been coming in from all over Ponyville. It's definitely her."
Luster hopped down from her chair and reached for her saddlebags "I'll take care of her," she offered. "I'll just gather up my things, go meet with my friends and—"
"No!" Twilight exclaimed. She ignored the looks that Spike and Luster gave her. "No, thank you. I'm the one who Celestia taught the stone imprisonment spell to as a precaution in the event that such a thing should ever happen. It's my responsibility. And don't worry, I'm certainly capable of handling Cozy Glow." She indicated the cups left behind on the table. "Why don't you just stay here with Spike and... enjoy your coffee!" She put a considerable amount of effort into keeping her smile from faltering.
"Don't mind if I do!" Spike said. He delicately squeezed himself into Twilight's chair and picked up her teacup, then took a small sip. "Ah, that's good. You'll be back in a half hour or so, then?"
"Yes, Spike," Twilight said, already on her way out the door. "This shouldn't take long at all."
Twilight arrived in Ponyville to see that half the town had already shuttered themselves into their businesses or homes. Because of course they had. It didn't matter that it had been nearly a decade since anything resembling a real threat had attacked: some habits just had a hard time dying. She took to the air so she could scan the area from above, and it didn't take long for her to spot her target.
Down below, near the large fountain in the town square, walked Cozy Glow. The little pegasus filly might have once seemed like the most harmless creature in Equestria, with her big blue curls and innocent expressions, but looks could be deceiving. Long ago, Cozy had teamed up with Lord Tirek and Queen Chrysalis, two of Equestria's greatest enemies, and had nearly succeeded in defeating Twilight and her friends in their attempt to take over all the lands. Not to mention the time she nearly drained all magic from existence.
The trio of villains had been magically encased in stone for their troubles, leading to years of peace and prosperity. At least, things had been peaceful until Cozy somehow managed to escape her stone prison. On multiple occasions. Now, it was getting to be annoying.
The troublesome filly stopped in her tracks the moment she noticed Twilight descend and land before her. Almost immediately, Cozy lifted her front hooves to her cheeks and put on puppy dog eyes.
"Oh, golly! I sure am glad to see you!" She wrapped her hooves around her midsection as if hugging herself, and her eyes widened with what might be concern. "You should have seen it, Twilight Sparkle. There I was, minding my own business—on account of being turned to stone, of course—when out of nowhere this shadowy figure appeared and forced me from my prison." She frowned at this apparent affront to her good name. "Didn't even provide an explanation. Just one minute I'm stone, the next minute, I'm free." She looked up at Twilight and tears formed in her eyes. "And here I've been, trying so hard to serve my sentence with dignity, only to be set free against my will." Her tears vanished, and she pointed a hoof to the south. "I'm pretty sure he went that way. I bet you can catch him if you leave now!" she said sweetly. She then put on a big smile, sat down, and watched Twilight expectantly.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Glad to see me?" She frowned down at Cozy. "You tried to kill me!"
Cozy rolled her eyes dramatically and dropped the act. "Oh, please. You're still going on about that? That was, what, thirty years ago?" She reached up and patted Twilight on the head. "Might want to try to get over it before the grey hairs start to appear."
Twilight's eyes widened, then narrowed dangerously. "I'm talking about what you tried to do to me three days ago!" she roared.
"Oh, that." Cozy gave a devilish chuckle. "Yeah, I almost got you that time. You should have seen the look on your—"
Cozy's words were cut off as the stone imprisonment spell was cast, freezing her wicked grin for what Twilight hoped would be the final time.
"Oh hey, Twilight. What brings you to the School of Friendship?" Starlight Glimmer stood from her desk and trotted over to Twilight for a hug.
"Just visiting a friend," Twilight said with a giggle. She returned the hug, then took a step back as Starlight returned to her seat. "So how are the students handling preparations for the upcoming exams?"
Starlight leaned forward and adjusted a few papers. "Actually, this year's graduating class might be the most well-prepared I've seen in years. Every creature has been really focused on their studies, and with almost no distractions popping up, they've had plenty of time to really let the lessons sink in."
Twilight smiled. "That's wonderful news." She walked over to a plant that was suspended from the ceiling in the corner of the room. "Is this one new?"
A grin instantly appeared on Starlight's face. "It's a maidenhair fern," she said. "This one's Adiantum Capillus-Veneris. I was thinking of getting another Adiantum Trapeziforme, but then I saw Brenda and fell in love." She shifted her eyes back and forth between Twilight and the plant, her smile still wide. "That's her name. Brenda."
A series of knocks at the office door left Starlight visibly dissatisfied that this particular topic of conversation had been interrupted, but she composed herself with dignity and said, "Come in!"
An armored member of Twilight's personal guard peeked his head in.
"Apologies for the interruption, Princess, but I've just received a report that Cozy Glow has been spotted heading towards Ponyville."
Twilight's hoof found her forehead. "Seriously?"
"Wasn't she found wandering around just a few days ago?" Starlight asked.
"Yes!" Twilight said through gritted teeth. She rubbed her hooves against her temples as if a migraine were coming on.
The guard saluted. "Would you like us to bring her in?"
"No!" Twilight closed her eyes and took a moment to breath slowly. "No, I'll deal with her. Again," she added under her breath.
With the streets once again devoid of any other ponies, it didn't take long for Twilight to spot the little deviant. She seemed to be heading toward Sugar Cube Corner, of all places. Within moments, Twilight landed and cut her off.
"And just where do you think you're going, Cozy Glow?" Twilight demanded. She spread her wings, and her horn lit up with the essence of magic.
Cozy's eye roll was exaggerated for extra emphasis. "Listen, do you have any idea how long it's been since I've had a drink? I figure if I'm going to keep getting set free, I may as well go get a milkshake."
"Well you can't!" Twilight shouted defiantly.
Cozy lowered her eyelids. "You see, this is why ponies try to kill you," she chided before trying to push past Twilight.
"You're the only one who ever tries to do that!" Twilight retorted.
"I promise to stop if you let me have a milkshake!" Cozy's smile seemed genuine, but a moment later she frowned. "You mind getting out of my way now?"
Twilight narrowed her eyes, then charged up her horn and prepared to cast the stone prison spell.
"Really?" Cozy fumed. She didn't waste any time and made a break for it, but only made it a few yards before she tripped and was turned to stone once again.
"So you still don't know how she's doing it?" Spike asked. He leaned forward in his advisor's seat next to the throne and rested his chin on a clawed fist. "And you're sure nopony's seen any creature do anything suspicious near the statues?"
Twilight nodded. "There have been no reports of irregular activity: no mysterious visitors, no magical presences detected. All we know for certain is that she gets loose every three days or so without fail."
"You think maybe she still has a bit of alicorn magic in her from when she used Grogar's bell all those years ago?"
"No." Twilight sighed. "Something else is causing this."
A shrug. "Well, I've got nothing," Spike admitted. He turned to face Twilight. "So I guess it makes sense now that you sent a squad of guards to watch over her statue. And considering how the last time she showed up was three days ago..."
"Exactly," Twilight said. "She's due to escape sometime today. If she does, my guards will bring her here and tell me how she did it. Then I can use that information to devise a way to keep her imprisoned permanently. If she doesn't, then we know that she's somehow been receiving external help that wouldn't be able to assist this time due to the presence of the guards, and we can devise a plan from there."
The great door to the throne room opened. Gallus, the griffon captain of the Royal Guard, entered and bowed.
"Your Majesty, my guards have captured Cozy Glow as per your orders."
Twilight grinned and raised her eyebrows at Spike. She turned back to the captain. "Bring her in, Gallus."
Several more guards entered the hall and took their places on either side of the throne. Once they were settled, Cozy was ushered into the hall led by Gallus, and flanked by guards on either side of her. She walked slowly, her face set in a scowl. When she finally reached the base of the ramp leading to the throne, she was made to stop and wait to be addressed.
"I can see by that scowl on your face that my guards must have discovered your secret," Twilight declared. "It will be good to finally be able to put an end to your mischief."
Cozy's eyes widened. "My secret?" she spat. "Your guards didn't discover any secrets. I'm peeved because you just had to go and turn me to stone right as I tripped over. So you want to know how I spent the last three days? With my bottom stuck in the air! All the while I'm on display for the whole city to see. Couldn't even be bothered putting a blanket over me or something, could you?"
Twilight tried to ignore the embarrassed looks the guards were giving each other. She addressed Gallus. "Is this true? Her method of escape couldn't be determined?"
"It couldn't, Your Majesty. The guards report that she was simply imprisoned one minute, and free the next. There was no outside help, no visible use of magic or other means of escape."
"Golly, I guess you could just let me go free," Cozy suggested with a flutter of her eyelashes.
"Ugghh!" Twilight growled. She turned Cozy back into stone and dismissed the guards in a huff.
It was just after dawn when Cozy was next freed from her stone prison. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight. A moment later she turned around to find a frowning Twilight Sparkle waiting for her.
"Oh, good. Just the pony I was hoping to see! How about we—"
Cozy took a moment to stretch before addressing Twilight the next time she was freed.
"You know, that last position you froze me in was really uncomfortable. Maybe if you just let me—"
The moment Cozy was freed, she raised her forelegs into the air.
"You know what? Let's just get this over with."
Luster Dawn was out for an early morning walk when she spotted Starlight Glimmer on her way to the School of Friendship.
"Hey, Starlight. Have you got a minute?"
Starlight stopped and allowed Luster to catch up. "Oh hey, Luster. What's up?"
Luster's eyebrows raised. "I'm just worried about Twilight. She's been a little... frazzled lately."
Starlight chuckled. "You don't say. Cozy Glow?"
A nod. "Yes. Frankly, I don't see how you seem so unconcerned. Cozy escapes every few days, and Twilight's at her wits end trying to figure out how it keeps happening."
"It keeps happening because it's meant to keep happening."
Luster stopped in her tracks. "What do you mean?"
Starlight grinned. "Yeah, so Discord might have let it slip to me that the version of the stone imprisonment spell that Celestia taught Twilight has a three day limit to its effect. You see, Discord and the princesses believed that Cozy might one day be redeemed. Tirek and Chrysalis, less so. So they intentionally weakened the area of the original imprisonment spell that surrounded Cozy. This is the year she was due to be set free."
Luster's mouth hung open. "So they... but she..." She blinked. "Shouldn't we tell Twilight?"
Starlight shrugged. "Nah, it's supposed to be better if Twilight herself realizes what she should do." Her eyes lit up. "Hey, I think today's the third day since the last time she got free. Want to go watch? I think there's popcorn in the teacher's lobby. I can grab some real quick." At Luster's hesitation, she added. "Come on, how often do you get a chance to watch your own mentor learn a friendship lesson?"
Luster smiled. "You know what? Sure, let's go see what happens. You think either of them will figure it out this time?"
"I hope not, this has been the most entertaining few weeks I've had in years!" With that, the two left to see how things would play out.
And then did so again three days later.
And again in another three days...
The End
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Knowing how stubborn Twilight is? What happened to Luna will look like a short nap!
10268891
Haha, glad you liked it. I could be wrong, but I felt there was a serious shortage of good Cozy comedies with Twi.
10268891
You know funnily enough cozy is probably going to have the worst puberty in existance because of this. Lets say it takes (being generous) 3 minutes for her to get restoned. She'll be aging 3 minutes every 3 days for however long it takes twilight to shape up. And she's apparently conscious while stone. So all those lovely hormones and weird thoughts just sitting there.
10268908
She is definitely my favorite villain (sorry Discord!) there's just something about an innocent child (not so secretly) being evil. It's fun.
10268931
Oh god, now people are gonna make a crackfic between Twilight and Cozzy in this 'universe,' what have YOU done?!
so... How long before Twilight realizes?
Let Cozy have a milkshake!
Both an amusing, sad and annoying story. I liked it!
I am rather dissapointed with Twilight here, but I guess she's at least suffering for it and at least Cozy doesn't seem to tramatized or anything about being constantly reimprisoned like that. I do wonder when Twilight will finally give up and just pull a Discord on Cozy. Although given her persistence it'll probably be a while.
10268946
I did what must be done.
10268956
She totally promised to stop trying to kill Twilight, so why not?
Knowing Twilight she's probably going to get the bright idea of just setting up a permanent working of some form to cast the spell for her. Or reexamine the thing and fix the "flaw". Either way, this is a technical problem that she's going to feel compelled to solve, and since the original sentence was handed down by Celestia she'll never dream of contesting it.
Just look at what she was trying to do with the tea meetings.
R34 Artists: vigorously taking notes
10269253
Or she and Cozy could become the best of friends!
... I guess Cozy is doomed.
Definition of insanity, etc.
Aw man, downvotes.
I'm sorry for writing such utter trash. I'll try harder next time.
This is a nice headcanon. Discord isn't that evil, and I can imagine Celestia would totally troll Twilight like that. It's better than crushing the statue into gravel, I suppose.
I wish Princess Twilight would redeem Cozy.
Small detail, but the cover picture doesn't really match the tone of the story. Without the comedy tag, I thought I was reading a very dark/serious story.
10269254
Ah, new fodder for the grist mill of the mind's eye.
*Wanders by with a sledgehammer*
Don't worry, I got this.
...
KARACK!
"AURGH! MY LEGS!"
CRUNCH!!!
"MY WINGS!!!"
*Wanders back by with a slightly bloodied sledgehammer.*
What? You think I'm going to smash a statue and murder a filly? What kind of ANIMAL do you take me for? Also, you'll probably want some morphine before the shock wears off, or the screaming will be a problem.
Golly, this fanfic sure was amazing! x3 In all seriousness, this was pretty dang freakin' enjoyable! The annoyance that Twilight displayed was just so adorbly funny as heck! Hope ya didn't mind, but I just had to make a reading on this!
Audio Linkey!: https://youtu.be/eY2L4hiDN4Y
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment!)
Cozy, learn the difference between "bad" and "good" attention.
Twi, stop being stupid. Hilarious piece.
Great story!
...
Nice touch!
...
And the reveal! Wow!
I'm wondering if at any point, Twilight might just set up automatic spell that just recasts it every 3 days on the clock...
But, as she's getting more frazzled, she's likely to start leaning towards letting Cozy go free, instead of something obvious like that. Which is good.
...
Cozy having muscle aches or something while being stoned... Interesting...
"Alright, I give up." Twilight said. "Go get a milkshake. Here, have some bits. Buy a cherry-changa. I no longer care."
Cozy blinked. "What?"
Twilight sighed."I give up. Bye. Do whatever you like."
Cozy bounced along after her. "But, I'm a super dangerous villain. Aren't you going to put me back in stone?"
"Nope. Obviously, that isn't effective."
"W-wait! Come back here! Miss Twilight! Miss Twilight!"
10269580
10269415
I regrettably agree with this statement.
Myself? I'd most likely dump her off in the ocean while she's still stoned.
10269037
Yeah for a pony with the title of Princess of Friendship she's kind of a cunt here. I mean at least let the filly have her milkshake or have the decency to cover up her privates after being stoned in an awkward position.
It's a good read nonetheless. Starlight or Luster will hopefully have to tell Twilight the truth eventually. For Twilight and Cozy's sake.
10269841
The downvoters need to understand that she has no fingers or toes to break individually one-at-a-time. So I had to improvise. It's hard work being Sparkle's Harmony Enforcer (Friendship OR ELSE.) . Because sometimes the rainbow lasers don't work too well. But, now that Ms. Glow knows I'm serious, she'll be much more inclined to accept Sparkle's offer... Once she recovers from the near-crippling bone fractures.
Don't worry, I only broke ONE leg, and one wing. Opposing sides, for balance reasons. The balance is important.
Kids today, no respect for the finer art of coercion.
10269865
"As the Princess of Friendship, I try to set an example for all of Equestria. But today, it was Cozy who taught me that a new friend can come from anywhere. I guess everypony still has things to learn about friendship. Even me! And if Cozy says I'm her friend, then she's my friend too."
It's a bit of a cycle. Twilight can't trust her enough to help her because she keeps attempting assassinations and has no safety net because she gets out so fast that she doesn't care about punishment. Cozy can't learn because she keeps getting stoned and angry because shes getting stoned.
10269960
I mean, Cozy is a filly. Twilight could probably give her an escort or just magically bound her wings. She's not exactly physically imposing and pretty much everyone knows about her enough to avoid her manipulations.
10269982
I'm not saying it can't be done, I'm saying that they will keep going at it untill someone interferes
more please!
Huh.
10269867
You have my respect and admiration my friend.
10269960
Weird. I got stoned once and anger was the FARTHEST emotion from my mind. Maybe Twi's doing something wrong?
So even in retirement Celestia won't be open with Twilight? serious, who taught that mare to mentor? Oh, wait - Star Swirl.
10269580
"Golly, Miss Twilight, are you really going to leave little filly to fend for herself? I have no bits, you know. Everypony I know died of age, except you, by the way that's one of the reason I've tried to kill you that time... "
10270098
Buuuurrn.
How soon until Twilight puts Cozy into a cage then tosses the statue inside the cage into the deepest part of the ocean?
10270123
you may be joking, but you are not entirely wrong either. Twilight WOULD be responsible for Cozy, as while Chronologically she may be a mares age, Physically and Mentally she'd still be a kid, and most likely if she DID have family pre-stoning, said family is probably long gone
10269498
I meant to address this comment earlier, but have been utterly overwhelmed at work and had no time.
Anyway, cheers for the reading! I'll be sure to check it out once it's available. Will probably link it in the description once it's up as well.
Hey, I just wanted to say to everyone who's read this as well:
Thank you! I'm pretty sure I only ever hit the #1 Feature spot once or twice before (probably way back in 2012).
Life has been pretty stressful lately for everyone, including myself. Today was a real dog of a day as well: I'm stressed out of my mind, overworked, and feel kinda hopeless overall.
But knowing that people can give this a read and get a bit of a break from the horrors of reality gives me at least a bit of inner peace. Hopefully I can bring laughter or a smile to you guys.
Love, Slorgy
10270912
This was super cute! What a great read!
All fun and games...til Twilight finally snaps and just smashes her with a hammer.
Any chance of a sequel to this?
10271115
...only to have the hammer itself shatter on impact.
Dang I actually do want to see how a chapter 2 would go. Well done!
Was not the definition of crazy doing the same again and again and again and trying to have a different result? Just throw her to Tartarus or something
10269867
Ugh, but a sledgehammer?
That's so... unrefined. Single large pain. Crude. You want a chisel with that.
10269580
When you've spent so long stooped in villainy obsessed about defeating that one person that when that person gives up you don't know what to do and have a crushing identity and existential crisis.
Awh cute. I had a giggle.