First story in my Unified Fiction universe. Crossover between My Little Pony and Serenity/Firefly
Several years back, a spaceship landed on Equestria, changing the lives of its inhabitants, and probably not for the better. In current day, a medical researcher gives his life to send an ex-colleague a message about the material he was researching, prompting a few questions from the crew of the Serenity.
What is the main ingredient in the G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate? Why has there been no attempts to colonize outside of this solar system? What is the average flight speed of an unladen swallow? Oh, wait...
Chapters (1)
first!
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You know, I don't mind in the least if people go "First!". What I do mind is if people go "First!" and then don't say anything else. Really, it's pretty rude.
Ok, one thing I noticed was the letter Twilight sent to Celestia. She saw a shooting star and her message basically said "Hey, I saw a thing, do you know what it is?" if someone sent me that as a text message I'd slap them upside the head. It wouldn't take that much longer to have her mention what the hell she's talking about would it?
Second, I'm not sure how I feel about Pinkie being able to interrupt the narration, I avoid things with the comedy tag for that reason. I guess maybe that's what the random tag does? In any case, not an actual criticism of the work, I just don't get it.
Third, right before Pinkie interrupts the narrator you switch into present tense for a moment, change finishes to finished and you should be good. You do it again here (Twilight takes the scroll) change it to took plz.
Oh, I almost forgot. You're putting together two of the things I like most on this earth, Firefly and My Little Pony. Do it justice, please.
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Thank you very much for the tense issue, I find it to be a major issue with my writing that I have trouble remembering what tense it's supposed to be in occasionally. I will edit it now.
Suffice it to say, Pinkie's 4th wall powers are actually relevant in this story, so please bear with me on them.
firefly and mlp crossover, interesting
Good start. Although the end of the chapter seems a bit sudden, but otherwise, this looks like it could go very well.
1115773 I'm really sorry but I simply didn't have time to write anything else anyway keep up with the good work
please make more this is awesome!
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keep it coming!
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Thank you. The sight of Nathan Fillion (Hmm Fillyon?) trying to ride that bike has actually helped motivate me to get started on Chapter 1.
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Awesome can't wait!
i got a kick out of it too it really made laugh
it's too bad this story is dead