- Member Since 4th Jan, 2018
- offline last seen April 20th
NovaShoxx
Just another casual writer, casually reading and casually writing.
NovaShoxx
Joined 4th Jan, 2018 ·
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Ya got my attention, that's for sure.
Will report back when I get a chance to actually read it...
I’m real thankful for that mate, hope you enjoy it.
10287647
Haven’t read the story yet, but would you believe me if I said that I was thinking of writing one story that would be almost identical to premise of this one? The events wouldn’t be the same, but the overall idea is practically the same.
Really good story
good job
Hmm... That tag salad is making me hesitant.
Not bad, not great. I cant wait to see where you go with this.
That's one way to start a story.
I like it.
I'm digging this, like a Deathclaw digging my innards my last play-through.
10287866
Too much detail.
10288039
Never enough detail.
10288041
Fair enough.
I'm not gonna lie, I would do the same thing too, if there was a bunker near by.
DOOOM DOOOOOOOM DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations on hitting the top of the featured list.
Well this is one way to start out a fallout fic, atomic annihilation.
I can imagine a deathclaw saying that
now we need a story of a swarm of cazador in equestria
10288239
Thanks mate, though I couldn’t have done without folks like you giving my story a chance. I’m real thankful for that.
10288380
You know, that’s not a bad idea.
Maybe...
I‘ll definitely be losing some sleep over that tonight knightmarepony, thank you kindly.
Well that seems an entirely appropriate response.
Well that's a heck of a start, let's see where you go from here.
No joke this is a hell of a lot better then SOOOOOOOOOOO many other stories like this.
You have my attention. My only hope in the future is little diablo is somewhere in this world. Most likely as something else.
10287705
Honestly mate, I would.
After all, clever minds think alike and all that.
10288165
Ah, I see your a man of culture as well.
Glad someone managed to get my little reference in the beginning.
My heart dropped when the bombs started falling
Tracked
Lmao what is this
quite an intresting start! liked and faved! hope its not gonna be a short fic :)
10288380
No, just no. Burn them with atomic fire a second time with a mini nuke.
God I hate those things.
10288422
10288380
Sweet Celestia, no!
It would be the end of sapient life on Equestria!
I really don't know why, but your story reminded me of this gem.
10288891
The second worst creature was the feral ghoul Reaver.
First time I encountered one I used all my bullets and stimpacks, med x (addiction), psycho (addiction), alcohol (addiction), and was fighting for the fact it was going down for being a pain in my flank before I dropped a mine and took it out.
Crippled in three limbs, concussion, almost no health, and alone in the tunnels I got out and survived too tell the tale.
Please, author, have a swarm of cazadores fight a reaver and they can both die while deathclaw hides, quivering in fear of either surviving and coming after him. (Dream sequence?)
Good start.
Things:
1) At the start you state lizards don't have eyelids and can stare down death, then the next moment the lizard blinks.
2) Don't use personal clarification (not that kind of doggy style) because it breaks the immersion. Use a different phrase, such as "He had to crawl low on his hands and the tips of his foot claws, barely keeping his knees of the floor."
3) Don't write in roars, loud shouts, specific noises, such as *clunk*, or sound effects. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
Breaks the immersion.
You're showing, not telling. The ideal moment is when you describe something and let the reader make it their own.
"He screamed and roared with his monstrous voice; the ground seemed to tremble, loose rocks and dust from above fell onto him as the vicious roar reverberated through the cavern."
4) Keep writing for yourself. Don't let someone change your story based on their likes and hates. I've offered advice for your prose, not a change to the story.
Write on, fellow author!
Update: sentient pet lizard is confusing at this point.
Has he tried talking yet? Describe it when he's looking into the water.
5) Keep in mind time. New authors tend to use time arbitrarily and can say minutes when seconds should be used.
Example not related to this story.
"They looked at one another for ten minutes before she spoke..."
Think about looking at someone for ten minutes doing nothing before doing something.
Would you really do that?
Would the characters in your world do that?
Just keep in mind. :)
Also, grammar and spell check.
Celestia likes to eat desert?
A deathclaw in equestria..... Have god rest they souls
Even at the end of the world you can rely on a Fallout game having bugs.
I have to wonder what kind of Deathclaw he is? There are the fallout 2 intelligence Deathclaws that could speak. Something he might relearn to do later given his different body. Fallout 4 had the chameleon type.
Given he was playing a new Vegas game is he a standard or an Alpha?
Of course any type of Deathclaw is still a Deathclaw!
10289303
from the picture its a Mythic deathclaw
Makes sense. Not much to do besides this really. Can't hide or outrun it in a huge building.
Beware, o cake. Thou hast ascended the table of... Cakeflanks the Devourer!
Thy remaining time in this world be mighty short.
*gasp!*
*shock!*
An unexpected reprieve! Flee, thou foolish tongue pleaser! Escape whilst thou canst!
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/ce69f0e8-3564-474f-b19f-5214ccdd1f07/dci55cc-b780f123-2b60-487e-af5e-17640a8eb504.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3sicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvY2U2OWYwZTgtMzU2NC00NzRmLWIxOWYtNTIxNGNjZGQxZjA3XC9kY2k1NWNjLWI3ODBmMTIzLTJiNjAtNDg3ZS1hZjVlLTE3NjQwYThlYjUwNC5qcGcifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6ZmlsZS5kb3dubG9hZCJdfQ.EIqWgZCkJ9a6gKUBchXyFc0SIRzEdLKp3GXe0Jxs3ls
...while I can understand being mad at Discord, the fact he switched sodes the moment it became apparent the Tartarians were evil says hes ultimately a good guy. And that Celestia and Luna are dickweasels for turning him to stone.
I'm so living for this!!!! I LOVE DEATHCLAWS!!! HECK YEAH!!!! YOU WROTE IT REALLY AWESOMELY ON TOP OF THAT!!!!!
Deathclaw displaced? Neat, also rip Diablo. May he be causing havoc in lizard hell.
Sounds like he ragdolled harder than the robots in Big Town. Often seen the Protectron sling shotting itself to parts unknown. Equestria is a possibility for the impact site.
10289114
Dream? More like a damn nightmare.
I'll definitely be considering this potential bed-wetter of a sequence.
Thank you kindly for it mate!
10289201
Hot damn! Now these are the kinds of pointers I was hoping for.
While I’ll have to consider some of this stuff for later chapters, I really appreciate the help nonetheless.
I thank you kindly, sir.
>twenty thirty-five
>morning
Is this intentional? 'cause it doesn't feel like it is.
I’m surprised that the ICBM managed to avoid all anti air missiles during each stage of the accent, cruise, and decent. I wonder if he would have heard multiple explosions in the sky as it was trying to be intercepted.
10291027
Most ICBM's Have Dummy Warheads and Chaff. It's Called Saturation, overload the Anti-Missile systems with enough stuff and they are about as useful as throwing a wet paper on a stick at them.
Sadly I think the Intercept percentage is like 3-5% at best and is onyl useful against Limited Nuclear Attack.