Sear (Alternate Ending)
Vision blurred by tears, Twilight saw blobs approaching her, pink and white and dark blue. For some reason, this seemed significant, but she didn’t understand why. She heard voices, but they were muffled, as if she were underwater. One of them grew louder, but it just made her head hurt; she couldn’t understand it, and so she just kept walking.
Suddenly, her limbs were locked into place and she gasped with fright. Thrashing did nothing; straining did nothing. So she lashed out like a frightened animal in the jaws of a predator, pushing raw, unfocused magic against the force holding her. The pressure released and she was free.
Deep breaths cleared her head, while a quick wipe with her hooves brought her blurry vision back into focus. Her breath caught at the sight before her.
Luna was on the ground, her horn smoking, eyes clenched shut as she winced in pain. At either side of her were Celestia and Cadance, who looked at Twilight with disappointment and concern, respectively. Twilight tried to think of something, anything to say. Even if they would understand why she had done it, that didn’t mean the pain would magically go away. All thoughts fled her mind as Luna’s eyelids opened, slowly at first, and then shot open when she saw Twilight.
Luna looked at her with fear.
Twilight’s breath caught, and her heart began beating faster. She felt invigorated, as if she had just drunk a triple-shot of espresso. It was a remarkably pleasant feeling, one that left her hooves and wings tingling. In the clarity this feeling gave her, however, she realized it was the pain and terror writ on Luna’s face that brought this feeling.
Horrified, she tried to wrench her gaze away from Luna’s, but it was impossible. Luna was afraid of her. Her. It was so disgustingly captivating to see, like a cross between an engaging novel and a train wreck. The pleasure didn’t fade, but a bevy of new emotions swirled up with it in her gut. She felt sick. She felt like she was going to be sick. Why did this feel good?
Why did this feel bad?
“Twilight.”
She wasn’t sure who said it, and she didn’t really care at that moment. All that mattered was that it snapped her thoughts away from Luna. She gasped, clenched her eyes shut, and teleported away.
Twilight reappeared on the stairs which led into the dungeons. She took a deep breath to still her mind, and then another. It was harder than she had expected to clear away thoughts of Luna on the floor, terrified—
Twilight grimaced and shoved the thought away. She began her descent.
After what seemed like an eternity, she finally reached the bottom. Her friend would be in one of the cells here. Was Pinkie her friend anymore? She still occupied that space in Twilight’s shattered heart, but did she deserve it? She turned to look for her, and spotted her to the right of the stairs.
Twilight stared at the imprisoned mare; Pinkie was smiling brightly, as if nothing was wrong. Twilight walked over to her cell. Pinkie was sitting on the cobblestone floor, humming some song Twilight was certain she recognized.
Pinkie Pie looked up, and her eyes brightened. “Oh, it’s Twilight! Hi Twilight!” Pinkie exclaimed. She craned her neck and looked past Twilight. “Are the other girls with you?”
Twilight shook her head. “No, no, it’s just me. They wanted to come with me, but I… I needed to do this alone.”
“Yeah, that’s fair. So, how ya doing?” She looked Twilight in the eyes, and her gaze turned empathetic. “Aw, don’t feel bad, Twilight; this was bound to happen eventually, after all!” She shook her cuffs and giggled. “Get it? Because I’m bound right here!”
Twilight opened her mouth, but she struggled to find words. Despite everything, Pinkie was still as carefree as ever, and she couldn’t wrap her head around that.
“Why?” she finally said.
“Same reason I do anything, Twilight. Because it’s fun!” She tapped her chin with a hoof. “I mean, it definitely isn’t fun for anypony else, but you’ve gotta be selfish sometimes, you know? Just like Rarity always says, self-care is important!”
Twilight shifted uncomfortably as the memory of Luna staring up at her from the floor returned, unbidden. She tried to push it out of her head, but she couldn’t deny the pleasure it brought her even now.
Pinkie blinked at her before a grin erupted on her face. “Oh gosh, that’s so funny!”
“What is?”
“C’mon, Twi, don’t play dumb. You get it! It feels good to show ponies that you’re better than them, doesn’t it?” Pinkie giggled.
Twilight swallowed heavily. “No. No, I’m nothing like you. I don’t kill ponies. I will never kill ponies.”
“I didn’t say you would, silly! I just said you get it.” Pinkie shrugged. “I don’t think you’ve gotta kill anypony to know we’ve got something in common.”
Twilight shook her head frantically, but it didn’t do any good. Pinkie had a point. Loathe as she was to admit, it was probably correct as well. The thought sickened her; she wanted to understand, but not like this. Not like this.
Barely holding back a wave of nausea, Twilight’s horn lit up as she prepared a teleportation spell. “I—I need to go. Goodbye, Pinkie.” Twilight just couldn’t bear to be around her anymore.
Pinkie pouted. “Aw, that’s too bad. Well, tell the girls I love them!”
Twilight didn’t acknowledge Pinkie. She just closed her eyes, and vanished.
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This “Cupcakes” garbage is still a thing?
God damn, this was so real and bloody and visceral. The emotions you capture here are fantastic: the gore isn't even that big of a component which can be a mistake many make in that they focus on a gorefest over a story. But here the story is so tragic and real that it just works. This is an exemplary piece which captures this unique genre perfectly and executes in an unforgiving manner. Great stuff!
This, imo, is exactly what the original Cupcakes story is missing: grounding and consequences.
The gory stuff is fun and all (and you do an absolutely brilliant job with the spine-chilling prose, by the way), but this is what leaves a mark. This is impactful horror and gore. Because it has a firm footing in reality, in the world of the show, and we get to see the blowout aftermath following Pinkie's choices. That's what has the effect of lasting horror, and it's just such a rare gem-- particularly when paired with the more traditional slasher-esque gore in Cupcakes pieces.
Just an incredible job. This is one of those fics that's going to root itself in my psyche for a long time to come. Sorry about that, Pinkie
I quite like this. You’ve taken the comically insane Pinkie Pie and placed her in a grounded reality in a way that doesn’t cheapen the reality but enhances her creepiness. She’s wrong, yes, and the characters and readers alike are given the go ahead to recognize that.
Probably the best sort of sequel a story like Cupcakes could ever have. Bravo!
10851324
10851339
10851357
I'm really glad you guys enjoyed it.
The fact that you focus more on the consequences and aftermath of Pinkie's killings, rather than on the blood and gore, makes this stand out quite a bit from the rest of the Cupcakes stories on this site. That alone is worthy of praise, Well done.
This... is probably the closest I'll ever come to liking Cupcakes. Your writing is stellar once again, and I like how it isn't just gore for the sake of it. The characters seem so real, so accurate...
10851403
Same, I went in expecting to hate it but now I kinda just wish it was longer.
In a different timeline, this was the first MLP grimdark ever written that spawned a thousand copycats. I'd like to think that was a good timeline.
This was very well written, the scene shift was a little jarring, but I suppose it was intended like that so it worked!
I'd really like to see a small continuation of the alternate ending, maybe several meats with her friend to discuss The Feeling more.
10851535
This is one of the most flattering comments I've ever received. Thank you.
10851751
I’d want to see this too. There’ve been a few Killer Twilight stories that have been well-written (and more that aren’t.) One I haven’t seen before is a sadistic/murderous Twilight that actually seeks help for her urges rather than solve it by herself through (understandable) fear of being seen as a monster (and then failing). Maybe a friend or Luna or even a former villain.. That’s just me though, you do you.
As for this story, it’s very well-written and made me feel what Twilight feels. Keep on writing!
I'm not a fan of Cupcakes, but you managed to make it into something very interesting, and genuinely affecting. The psychological angle was super well done, and I only felt a few bits that felt like "telling instead of showing", but the good portions far compensated for that.
The prose and descriptions in this are indeed fantastic and grabbed my attention far better than most. You really got the emotions going, there. The tension, the fear, the nausea.
Nice, not about psychosis but an innate primal instinct of hierarchy. A need really to show that they are higher on the food chain than other's.
Hmmm
Yeah, not a fan of the alternate ending. I like your original idea much better.
But why did Celestia show disappointment? Surely she would understand as well as anyone what Twilight was going through. And come to think of it, all three of them combined should've been able to restrain her and take her somewhere else once she started putting up a fight, magic included.
10855930
Maybe Celestia really is disappointed, or maybe Twilight just assumed she is. One of Twilight's greatest fears is disappointing her former mentor, and she isn't exactly in the best mental state at that moment.
I mean, they could have, but why would they? They're worried about her, yes, but all three of them respect her autonomy. In my mind at least, Luna's decision to restrain Twilight was impulsive, and not one she would make if she had thought about it more. Twilight is hurt and scared and confused, and she acted in self-defense. She isn't some dangerous criminal "putting up a fight" that needs to be restrained.
10852677
What are the stories called? If you don't mind me asking?
i dont really like meat it maaekes me nauseous and puke. last time i ate meat i puked
From all the praise I could come up with nothing comes close to what Aurora Dawn 10851357 said. Pinkie Pie was so delightfully both a murderer
and a character from a show for little girls
. That is a feat of writing
This is one of the darkest and most mind-twisting stories I've read yet. I felt Twilight's disorientation and my head actually started spinning for a moment, I had to pause reading before continuing.
This is a freaking MASTERPIECE. BRAVO!
Honestly, this fic is such a mood.
The story is in good shape, the writing is quite nice, but that is why I don’t like it.
It just felt realistic and it gave me the chills.
The original “cupcakes” has become more or less just a meme that we can laugh at now, but this story made the cupcakes story feel real, the fact that it made the characters murderers just hit me harder than a ton of bricks.
The ponies we knew are beautiful creatures that we can love, so it hurts me to see stories like this.
You are very good at making stories with feels like this. I hope to see more from you in the future.