• Member Since 11th Nov, 2019
  • offline last seen May 5th

dawnbreez


I'm the smuggest horse that ever lived.

Sequels1

Comments ( 26 )

interesting, keep it up

All rise for the yandere national anthem

I have read the first few chapter and I do enjoy your story so far keep it up.

Excellent story, though not 100% sure if you .meant to leave so many things up to interpretation?

10139027
I absolutely meant to leave a lot of things ambiguous.

Firstly, because most of this is symbolic, just like in Silent Hill, and there's no fun in symbolism if you explain it. Secondly, because it's not really necessary to know exactly what's going on in everyone else's head, or who exactly Gilded Glider was, or any number of other things.

This story was about Sunny coming to terms with his flaws and failures, and how he responded to those flaws and failures. Cloudy's state of mind, what Petunia's gone through, where Long Night came from--those details aren't that important to the story, so they can be left up to interpretation.

So I'm guessing this is inspired by Silent Hill.

10139035
I get it - just wasn't sure if the parts about what was implied to have happened to him as a colt or Gilda's return/disappearance were dropped on purpose.

Or the little tumor dude.

10140176
The little tumor dude, along with a couple other things, will be addressed in a sequel.

What happened to him as a colt was left ambiguous because the details weren't important.

As for Gilda: She doesn't see the monsters because she doesn't have any crippling fears or self-doubts, and as a result the Rakshasa had no power over her. She "disappeared" because she's actually able to leave the town; to her, it was just a normal trip to a surprisingly empty bar, followed by an uneventful walk out of town.

Okay, this was... interesting. I've neither seen the movie or played the game it's inspired by, but I found the story dragged me along nonetheless despite the frequent switches between present and past tense (which I usually really turn me off a story). Not entirely sure what to think, but have a green thumb. Entertaining.

On edit: what were the prompts from the bingo card?

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The bingo card was "Gilda Breaks Up With Sunny Skies, Livestock Character, New Mythos".

Also, did I still have past/present tense shifts? Dammit, I thought I caught all of those...

10163138
Thanks, you did well on those prompts ;)
And yeah, there's still a lot of those tense hops, sorry.
Well, I was entertained. :twilightsmile:

No. No-no-no-no-no. None of this.
Rant time.
Sunny didn't choose to be a father. Unfaithful, certainly, but he didn't choose to be a father. He chose to risk becoming a father. The secretary, Glider, they chose to have those children. At least Glider knew she was ovulating, she wanted children, and one might suspect something similar with the secretary. If they didn't want single-motherhood, they could have used contraception, abortion, adoptions, etc. Glider can call Sunny pathetic all day long, but she's still the dumbass who chose to screw a married guy, and she will likely blame him for not taking responsibility for her choices. But maybe that's what the gutting of the mother-monster was hinting at? If daddy-long-legs is a metaphor for Sunny (given the daddy-part, I guess a bit obvious in hindsight), the image of it binding of the child to the mother with the rope seems, again, somewhat distorted on the matter of responsibility.
I just want to make clear that I'm not trying to argue against the author, here. They/You might simply be portraying the thoughts of the characters, flawed as they are. I don't know, I just want to bavoid any misunderstanding that I'm somehow offended at you.

In other commentary, it sure is quite Silent Hilly in this story so far. Letters from ex-wives, though not dead. Meaningful paintings. Gratuituous symbolism. Although I can't quite figure out the daddy-long-legs, or why both Sunny and Gilda are running each their respective town - metaphor for family?
Quite brisk tempo on this story, which keeps the interest of the reader, but doesn't quite get across that Silent Hill atmosphere. Could be more slow-paced, sure, but honestly it seems like what the story is trying is done well-enough at this pace so far.

Sure hope Sunny gets out of this with evidence of Rakshasa infestation in his town so he can prove to Gilda that the monsters were actually real.

What do ya know, he can learn!

Looking back, I thought I might have overreacted in that previous comment, but...

"I was trying," he muttered, "to work out where my wife is."
"Oh." Cloudy frowned slightly.

OH COME ON! Unless this is a(nother?) case of unreliable narrator, Sunny really seems to be a magnet for bitches and hos.
And on that note, what's even more clear at this point is that Torque is best girl.

Whatever happened to Ramooh? I didn't even notice he was gone until most-way through this chapter.

"She drinks a lot"

- Not as much as Sunny did yesterday night.

"I...I'm sorry."

- There's got to be a point at wh-

I guess it's...half your fault?

- a hint of sense! A brief glimpse of sunlight in this misty valley of darkness! Callooh, callay!

Troughs full of blood and jism

- He finally got it. Next, Sunny'll start interpreting the symbolism. Like breaking the 4th wall, but less obnoxious.

...like a broken condom. Sunny winced as he remembered the 'prep work' he did for that night--stabbing the condom wrapper with a pin, ensuring that the condom would fail. He was going to get his way, no matter what...

Well, that changes things... Sure would like to know what that was about, almost as much as I want to know more about the guy who taught Cloudy to hotwire - he sounded interesting.

Her hooves were spattered with ugly black, and she had a two-by-four slung over her back, with the same oily substance dripping from one end. Sunny saw her, and with an awe-struck voice, breathed out a single word:

I love it when other characters have their own adventures in the background. Makes the setting feel a lot more real.

"How strange. I guess Ramooh was right, they really are different for everypony--"

So that's where he went! It all fits!

Ey, proud to give the like that made that 100% public. Well deserved.

10206889
Sorry I didn't respond to all of your comments as you made them; I've been running all over the place and haven't paid as much attention to FiMFic as I was when I was writing this.

I was gonna write a giant spoilerpost explaining everything, but then I realized--that'd be perfect for a blogpost! So I'll go draft that up and think about whether or not I really want to release the writer's commentary before I finish up either of the planned sequels.

SQA

That was a very satisfying read. Although I am left with one question did Moody survive, or is he dead for real?

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Moody is alive, and is convinced that the whole thing was a terrible nightmare.

I totally didn't forget to resolve that and I certainly am not currently panicking about how to write a resolution into the sequel.

SQA

10420334
Lmao! Happens to all of us. Thank you for clarifying though, and good luck finding a way to work it in!

This story is giving me some serious "silent hill" vibes. Good work man.

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That was the idea, yeah. Just wait 'till you get to the later chapters...

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