Cloperella
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Here’s my theory: think of it as “Human in Equestria” fic but instead the human wanders into the mirror world seeing as it is not like ours but preeetty close enough, stumbles forward and realizes he has become a horse, but loses his memories as a human because of magic, and spends the following years in the EQG believing he’s a horse being tamed and ridden, until he encounters Sunset who radiates EQ magic which slooowly starts to jog his memories of his former life.
9967874
Lonestar is a normal horse.
got a image number for the cover pic?
9968009
I'm not entirely sure if I can link it directly, but it's on derpibooru if you look up the artist name.
Nothing spicier than straddling that line between sapient and animal with a sapient that looks like an animal. Yum!
The chapter could use a few tweaks though.
The first is to take paragraphs like this, where multiple people are the focus, and split them into separate paragraphs.
To:
There are a bunch of them, and splitting them into their component viewpoints just makes the story easier to follow.
Next, I'd suggest working on keeping the wordiness down when going for evocative descriptions.
"...she watched the flesh stand upright from the sticky sensation glazing over it." Is quite a mouthful, even when read, and kind of slows the pace of the story. You don't necessarily need to lay everything out for us; give readers the choicest juiciness and let our imaginations do the rest for you. "...she watched the flesh stand upright from the sticky glazing," for example.
Economy of words is not an easy skill, so just keep practicing. You're already most of the way there!
Last is more a pet peeve:
While extremely accurate, just telling the reader dimensions like that doesn't do anything for the reader when the goal is to titillate (pun intended!). Give us dimensions in the way Sunset would feel them while using her hands on herself, not in how a textbook would state.
Similarly, there's another point where you detail the exact dimension differences between her hips and shoulders. Show us how she perceives the difference, even if it's simply by admiring herself in the mirror.
So, all that said, I'll be keeping an eye on this... guilty pleasure.
9970317
Must have been a formatting issue when transferring from google docs to here. It'll randomly merge paragraphs together that i originally spaced out. I'll have to go through and see if there are any others like that. Thanks for pointing that out.
This was amazing
9971771
Thank you very much. Hope you and others enjoy the next chapters just as much.
I don't know if you'll do but I would like sunset to get pregnant because true love can be a powerful thing
I’m with succubisamus on this one -- the world needs more Sunset x horse!
I’ll be eagerly awaiting when this fic gets finished.
Not gonna lie; I am actually happy to see someone is still into SunsetxHorse.
So far I am really enjoying it, but I am looking forward to seeing when their love is declared and lust fulfilled.
And I wonder if Sunset will get pregnant with Lonestar's foal?
10007810
Wouldn't you know it, life decided to be, well, life, and throw me a curveball. Without going into detail, I've had to put up with a lot of crap that's put me behind on a lot of stuff, so I'm having to race to catch up. I'd probably expect the next chapter to come out toward the end of January, so that'll put Sunset just a bit closer to, well, stuff.
And I'll just rip the band-aid off for you now by saying, no, pregnancy will not be a thing. I know someone could argue that it's possible since Sunset originated as an equine, but that's a headache I don't want to put up with. Sorry if that disappoints.
10008197
Yeah, I know the feeling. But, that's life. Looking forward to the next chapter.
And it's ok about the pregnancy part, it's your story, no hard feelings. On one had it would be sexy and cute to see Sunset a mother, but it would also open up the floodgates of a lot of other issues and questions, which would just serve to complicate this.
So yeah, perhaps it's for the best. But we can dream of Sunset having a little foal with Lone, just for fun.
It pays to have a true friend
Sunset has her magic so would that help her?
10026997
Help her with what?
10027100
Getting the full mast in her should she timed it right with her magic.
10027117
Oh. No, that's not a thing. Sunset doesn't have any magic at this time.
Is this going to be like a romantic story, or just a clop?
I think it'd be pretty awesome as a full length story with clop in it!
10028241
Little bit of column A, little of column B.
There's only one chapter left, for whatever that's worth. And an epilogue.
So what will happen next
Are you going to do a sequel where she gets pregnant or is that it
10036188
I replied to someone else who asked the same question, forgot about yours.
Sunset is not getting her human body pregnant with a horse child, no ifs ands or buts about it.
If Sunset can get away with going at it with a horse, would any girl can get away with it getting with a dog?
10041027
Absolutely
10041478
They're some stories about the pairing of Spike and the Dazzlings.
10041492
That's great.
Incredible work
Awesome finish
Ya know I think I've commented on another story of yours in the past but I always find your stories an interesting read as far as I can remember.
That being said, Nice story! Had great build up, everyone was in character, and by god if I didn't believe with all my heart that sunset would fall for a horse before in a believable way, I sure as hell would now. I loved how you made her origin from Equestria play a role in her connection with the horses and Lonestar. Also, AJ getting off to the spectacle was kinda funny. I mean lets face it, if I was in her position watching them do it, i'd be fingering myself long before AJ lost her restraint since well, how is my friend going to judge me for stripping nude and getting off to her getting banged by a horse!
My only critic being that while I agree horses are extremely intelligent, a horse would have NO IDEA how to lower itself to her comfort level or be able to show as much restraint as Lonestar did when he began to mate her. Empathy aside, even human males have been known to pound the living daylights out of a pussy with reckless abandon when they are close to climax usually abandoning any form of concern for their significant other until they climax.
10088394
Very happy to hear someone's found their way back to my stories, even if it was unintentionally. I'm not as productive as I used to be, but it feels good to know some people still manage to find these things.
Yeah, the horse lowering himself to a comfortable position is something that requires some "suspension of disbelief". I did try to give it a little bit of explanation even in the beginning; how Sunset and Lonestar can understand each other without speaking the same language because of their hearts connection -- very sappy romantic drivel, but that's my way of saying "Lonestar can understand what his girl needs and how to accommodate her". Very illogical, but it's a leap I felt was necessary.
I'm glad you enjoyed this story nonetheless. I always look back on something I've published and can't help but think "I could have done more with this". I could have added some kind of conflict, maybe have AJ be apprehensive about it at first, forbid Sunset from coming to the farm, then take it back after seeing how miserable Sunset and Lonestar are. But that would have required an additional chapter if not more to properly convey that, and my own impatience wanted me to just get this out there. Still, I'm glad I got some sentimental bestiality out there, and do it in a serious way instead of a "lel, human fucking animal, how weird and icky xD xD xD" like a lot of people do. So I'm proud of this for the most part, despite it barely making a blip on the radar. Thank you for your continued feedback and support.
Nice... Time to go to the real juicy wild ride.
Nice juicy chapter. So are all horses potencialy that smart? Equestrias magic effecting that stud? Anyway a nice romance.
Romantic wholesome end ♡
Well, I have to admit that odd as this paring is I kind of like it, it would be interesting to see Sunset take LoneStar to Equestria to have fun in her pony form, also, nice to see porn with story (my favourite kind btw)
10752821
To be completely honest, this story kind of killed my interest in writing fanfiction anymore. The reception for it was barely a blip on the radar, and I don't really want to put that much work into something people aren't going to notice.
I'm writing comic scripts now. Even if they aren't getting noticed as much as others, I still get way more satisfaction out of seeing my work represented in a visual format.
10763674
Is a shame hearing that :(
Your work was interesting and very high quality, but I understand why you feel this way. Is kind of annoying to break your back in a project only for it no not be noticed it.
Something I have experience on as I spent 2 months writing a fic only to not get that much attention. It was a little mess of a fic that was 27K words long called: “The King’s Lewd Redemption”.
However I know why it flopped, you see I’m not a native English speaker so there where a lot of mistakes, and even though I was able to get 2 editors the help out, both had to stop because of 2020’s habit of screwing people over, and well, I get the feeling that something similar happens to your fic.
Now I apologise if this comes out as mean, that’s not my intention at all. You see, this fic (your fic), is very high quality, however being about a nish pearling featuring a “character” that we haven’t seen since 2017 (if I remember correctly) and basically being very close to flat out bestiality (something that has a relatively small audience), means that the fic underperforming was sort for predictable (just as it happened to my own badly edited fic).
Now I as I said I don’t meant to be mean or anything, maybe is just your perspective and this fic didn’t underperformed as you think. In act I checked and this is the highest rated fic featuring this ship (although I might be wrong as I did the search on my phone). True it might have fly done the radar in comparison to your other work, but for the nish world that is part of, it did very well. So maybe you shouldn’t let this “failure” stop you, you can always come back with a short story.
All that being said, I understand why you might not want to return, the interaction and reception of your work by the audience is a vital part of the content creation experience, and so is personal satisfaction. So if you get more of the 2 with your comics that’s ok, is the content you want to make, that being said remember that if you ever want to return to write, you can always do it, maybe not for this community but other
10763980
Mostly valid points, except for this being the highest rated fic with the ship-- just a quick search of "Lonestar" has the top story at 1K upvotes and 45K views. Other combinations still show mine not even being on the first page as far as ratings go.
I think there is an audience for this kind of niche, but it's not in the reading side of things. People want to actually see a high school girl getting railed by a massive horse cock instead of reading several pages about it.
Who knows, maybe if Moon Pearl and I can find some more success with our collaborations, we can revisit some of my old stories and make more abridged visual versions of them, including this one. But that's more of a pie-in-the-sky at this point, nothing concrete. What I can say for certain is, my interest in writing text stories is pretty much gone at this point.
This is kinda hot
Definitely one of the best Sunset x horse fics I’ve ever seen! Surprisingly sweet and romantic.
Only two complaints:
1: I want more! How about a sequel where they finally get married, which means her friends find out about it at the ceremony. And then maybe a few of her friends are feeling curious about it… Ooh… Or maybe they decide that they want foals, so Sunset helps him mount a mare. For that matter, does Sunset get jealous when springtime comes and Lonestar has to do his studly duties with the other mares? Or maybe she could take him to Equestria with her, where she’ll finally be able to take ALL of him as a pony…
2: The use of the word ‘buttocks’ was kind of weird and awkward. Almost any other word for ass would be better and less distracting.