9986280
Nope, you're good brother. Love the enthusiasm

good old isstvan the original cadia

plus i will like to see more

9986660
I appreciate the in depth critique of the story actually. Thank you for notifying me. Perhaps in due time, I can potentially make some rewrites of the prologue chapter and correct any deeper issues that may cause inconsistencies. Although I will admit that I do tend to lean more on simply telling a creative story apart from the more traditional lore of the universe I may be writing in. But I will be taking your critiques under advisement going forward and see about doing any corrections where necessary.

Thanks for the review brother ^-^

Am I correct in assuming that I inspired this story through Lost Loyalty? Looking good so far. Warpsmith pretty covered most of the first two chapters' problems, except there's a part in Chapter two where you called the World Eaters the 9th Legion instead of the 12th.

As for this chapter, biggest issue is that he didn't attack the Eldar outright. It would make more sense if she was hoping from tree limb to tree limb while he was cutting the trees down in an effort to reach her.

Also, you brought it up in a previous chapter that the World Eater is psychic himself, so I don't think he'd have a hatred for the unicorn's magic. ( He's not a Space Wolf after all )