The Storm King has defeated the reigning Princesses and put Twilight Sparkle to flight. Now more than ever, Equestria needs a wise and selfless leader. Instead, they have Blueblood.
Trapped in Canterlot Palace, Blueblood must lead the ponies held captive there to safety. Can he rise above his failings and overcome Tempest Shadow and her army of raiju? Or will he and the ponies under his protection go down like a flaming airship?
An entry for FoME’s Imposing Sovereigns II contest. The prompt was for Blueblood and War.
Chapters (3)
"Harmony guide my aim" can be a curse or a blessing, depending on who you're aiming at and what they need to do in the future.
"Well, Miss Donut Steel? How edgy are you?"
Seriously, magnificent.
My apologies for forcing you to fit this inside of fifteen thousand words. You still managed to pull off an incredible tale of struggle against both impossible odds and Blueblood's own self-loathing. Fantastic work throughout. Thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.
9931293
Thank you! I've read some of the other stories; competition is stiff.
Also, I am totally failing at not hanging around the site obsessing about my stats. 
Great story, Captain! I always enjoy seeing Raven, but she was especially bad-ass and snarky! And writing Blueblood as a self loathing, reluctant hero really made me cheer for him. Your portrayal of him here made him much more interesting and humble than I imagined he could be.
Well done! Good luck in the contest.
I really liked the idea of this story, and the description got a smile out of me before I'd even started reading. From there, though, not all of this worked super-well for me. I think this was the part that first bothered me:
Just because there's so much character motivation and probably-complicated feelings and everything, all packed into a single paragraph of essentially exposition. I'm totally willing to believe that that was an issue of the wordcount limit, because I think a scene that delved into all that more naturally would've been an improvement, but also probably taken up more space.
And I think most of my other issues with it could be explained the same way; there were some pivotal moments that I think could have been really amazing, but just didn't get enough room and development to feel earned. There's a moment where Blueblood insists that the Raiju aren't monsters, and my first thought was "why does he think this," because the story didn't really show the Raiju being much but monstrous.
Still, this was a fairly engaging read with some really nice touches throughout, and I think there's groundwork for a really good story in here. I'd love to see this expanded upon after the contest's over, if that's something you ever feel like doing.
I don't care if he came around in the end. For what he did to Raven I am, now and forever, the eternal enemy of Prince Blue Blood!
On to chapter 2... I am actually enjoying this fanfic a lot :-)
Pones, "Why don't we just shoot them?"
Alondro appears and pops a cap in the Storm King's head. It's super-effective! "Yar velcome!" He leaves.
Pones blink out at the audience of young kids traumatized by character brains splattered all over the screen, "Oh THAT'S why!"
9931360
This is the feedback I feared. And yet knew I would get? Yeah; even when I saw that the most effective entries in the contest were more like vingettes I persisted in trying to bit a multi-character action-packed epic in under the word count limit. I am very stubborn
Anyway, it did well enough that I am motivated to fiddle with it more and/or write sequels/prequels, so your feedback is super helpful. Thank you!
9931369
I think I might agree.
I think Blueblood might agree.
This is really good.
An absolute thrill from start to finish. You packed a lot of great character moments and some pretty awesome action sequences into a relatively small space, and I can appreciate that. I don't typically read fics of this grittier nature, but I enjoyed it all the same—even if it felt a tad constrained in certain parts.
Thanks for writing this!
Very awesome story! I think it's going to do well in the contest, but you should be proud no matter what.
Well this certainly is an interesting read
interesting read
This was a really surprising opening, I really enjoyed some of your character choices with Fancy Pants and Blue Blood. A little different to how they're normally portrayed, but despite this you have a very nice descriptive grasp of torture, shooting and depression that makes this to be an enticing read.
Reloading Colt Walker, afk 3 minutes
As if a mere bullet could stop Commander Tempest Shadow. :V
9955816
Haha I feel both validated and called out by this comment.
You have truly captured Blueblood, the disaffected aristocrat.
Damn, that ending was raw.
Curse you, FOME, for forcing this to fit into fifteen thousand words! >:V
10257849
Don't blame FOME; I shoudl have pulled it from the contest and given it the length it deserved.
When I wrote this, I thought 15K words was a decent length. Most of a Fallout: Equestria novel later I'm like "that was an eyeblink WFT?"
10258812
Well, naturally you're planning a sequel to continue it, yes? :V
10259597
That WOULD be nice.