The world is in shambles. All worlds are in shambles.
When in nothing short of a miracle a soldier in a united galaxy's war for survival stumbles upon a peculiar planet inhabited by equines with incredible abilities, he and his associates are determined to do whatever they can to turn the tide of their own war. But as they spend more and more time on the surface, some things there may turn out... not as foreign as they might have imagined. And not nearly as friendly.
And these poor officials are going to have a really hard time filling immigration forms of a goddamn horse.
Featured on 04/13/2020! Thank you so much! 
Featured again on 05/27/2020! You wouldn't believe how much this means to me!
Editor of the first chapter: Mind Jack
Just a quick disclaimer: this IS NOT a crossover. The universe MLP interacts with here is entirely my own creation. More and more of the lore will be gradually unfolded as the story progresses.
The Alternate Universe tag is not there because, despite the changes in how magic works (most prominently the dreamscape), this is no 'alternate universe' - it's canon with small adjustments, and I ultimately decided to remove the tag as it only served to unnecessarily confuse people.
More tags will be added as the story progresses.
Also, this is my first fic, so I can't say it won't have issues. As such however, any form of feedback is greatly appreciated, be it positive or negative.
The switchs between point of view are confusing. You should divide the text in a whole half from Equestrian's perspective and another with the human one.
9899318
Thanks for the tip! Most of the time I try to mark it every time a perspective changes, its just that last section that's been made like that. It was kinda done to emphasize how all of this is unfolding simultaneously, with no intervals whatsoever, while still keeping the dynamic (if I had split it into two perspectives, one after the other, it would've already been known what is going to happen when the story moved on the the second perspective - obviously the same, and that's what I tried to avoid). It was originally meant to only be a short segment.
Nevertheless, I get it's more comfortable to read it as you suggest, and so I'll try to go with it in the future. Thanks again for the tip!
Huh! This is a really fleshed out sci-fi world you've got here! I like it.
You're not a native English speaker? Seriously, I had no idea! You write really well.
9900850
It's really nice to hear that! I'll try to keep it up! 
Thanks!
9900824
Then you may be happy to hear that it will be explored a bit more in the coming chapters, as I think it would be only better if the lore used some more explaining!
Can't wait for more
A few remarks:
Firstly, I'd urge you to not obsess too much over why your story is getting downvoted. Just going off of my own experiences, it's hard to try and go down that rabbit hole and not get a whole slew of maybes. So, I get that they're not fun, especially when you're just starting out, but I would suggest trying to not fuss over them--I think they're much more helpful for readers than they are for authors.
Secondly, if you haven't already, I would strongly suggest you read Ezn's Writing Guide, which is here on Fimfiction--it covers quite a lot common new writer mistakes, and I found it super-duper helpful in cleaning up my writing when I was just starting out. And if you have read it already, then, uh... well, it probably won't hurt to look at the examples it provides and see if you can spot similar trends in your own work. I found a fair number of common new writer mistakes were reasonably easy to self-diagnose once I knew what to look for.
Now, I haven't read the whole story--I don't have that kind of time right this second, so I've only gotten through part of the first scene. But I think that's still a good bit to try and pick apart, because first impressions are important and all that. Let's start with the first paragraph:
There are a couple of red flags here. Lots of passive voice ("was standing," "was enjoying," "was too experienced"), some vague descriptions ("white admiral clothes"), a repeated word, "probably-brief silence … and, probably, most of the fleet," and some telling ("he was too experienced"). Now, none of those things are intrinsically bad, but all of them at once in the first paragraph... sorta screams "novice" to me, and it doesn't make for a very good first impression.
It's tough to know what to suggest there, since the opening of a story should suggest the story's tone, and I don't know what you were trying to go for. But the language here makes this feel kind of subdued, melancholic, maybe tranquil to me, and from context that sounds like an odd choice.
Next paragraph:
Okay, this has something I like. Highlighting how Nikolai's thinking ahead like that is a nice way of conveying some character--from that, I assume he's sort of careful, meticulous, experienced, that sort of thing. Nice work there!
However, "in the most calm tone possible," feels kinda weak to me. I'm not sure that you gain anything by saying that instead of just saying, "calmly," and using one word instead of six.
The word choice here seems odd to me. Punctuation is a writing thing, meant to capture the sort of natural cadence of speech--we don't, like, indicate in our speech where a period would go. So "ignoring all punctuation," to me is something you would do when writing, not when speaking.
Now, just to highlight why I think all this stuff is reallimportant, there's this little tidbit in another paragraph:
Okay, first of all, that should be "particular." But, more importantly:
To me, 40s is pretty decisively middle-aged; not old, but I wouldn't say young either. Now, I think there are two ways I could read this sentence--probably more, but just for clarity, let's keep it to two.
One way: you made a typo when you said he was in his 40s, and meant for him to be younger than that.
The other way: this is a neat way of establishing that futuristic science has dramatically extended people's lifespans, to the point where someone is still considered young in their 40s, making this a nice bit of worldbuilding that's suggestive but not too invasive.
I assumed the former, just because there'd been so many other little janky bits throughout the story up till that point. So I'm not even a full scene into the story, and already I'm predisposed to nitpick and not getting super-into it.
I hope this isn't too discouraging--I know there's a fair bit here, even though I just looked at the first couple snippets, and I can't imagine it's the kind of thing that's easy to hear. But I think there's a lot of room for your prose to be polished and refined, and that'll probably go a long way in making your stories more palatable. Best bit of advice I can give there is basically to read. Read a lot. Read the writing guide, think about what it says, read stories by good authors and take note of how they tend to do things, etc. I hope you keep writing!
9902301
Actually, it's not discouraging at all! I actually anticipated there would be a lot more things wrong, even if it's just the first couple paragraphs. The comment actually gives me a lot of guidance, while also kinda providing belief that... you know, there is at least some potential to build on.
The thing with this story is that it was LONG in the making. At least technically. The very beginning (what you've read) was written like, a year ago, while the rest over the course of the last few months. The 'newer' part begins somewhere in the middle of the talk with the AI, although I sadly can't remember exactly. Personally, I feel like the newer part is better, but then again, I'm in no way objective. That's why I'd be extremely glad if you took your time sometime in the future to at least look the rest over, although I'm a bit hesitant to even outright ask, since, you know, it would kinda be like a chore for you.
I even thought about rewriting the beginning for a while, but ultimately decided not to, which I think was a huge mistake. Then again, as I'm in no way objective in my opinions, the rewrite could have not improved it at all.
As for the '40s' part, it was actually the latter. I also feel like only giving hints to the lore of this world confuses people, which is in no way good.
Regarding the vague description ('white admiral clothes'), it was actually intentionally written like this, since the purpose of this part wasn't to describe the uniform, but rather to 'subtly' say 'Nikolai is an admiral'. If it reads badly though, then it clearly seems I've done it... poorly, at best.
The thing that demotivates me the most is getting dislikes while not knowing the reason, but that is fortunately changing for now
9903134
I'm glad you found it helpful
I hate to say this, but I probably shouldn't agree to do that, mostly just 'cause of the time investment--20 kilowords to read and nitpick would be, um... I don't really see myself making it through the whole thing and I don't want to get your hopes up
Sci-Fi isn't usually my cup of tea, nor are AUs and OCs in fanfiction, so I'm probably not the best judge for a story like this anyway. Best of luck with it going forwards, though!
9906480
. And thanks, I'm definitely going to move forward with this, hopefully getting better along the way!
No problem, I completely understand
This story, is AWESOME!!!
When next awesome chapter!?
9908335
I'll try to get it out in about two weeks, so that it'll be published three weeks after the previous ones. Although I'm trying to make the chapters a bit shorter in order for them to be more pleasant to read, that also involves changing my writing style a bit, so it might take a while. I'd also like to get an editor before the next chapter's out, though I AM going to publish it anyway if that takes too long.
9909509
I look forward to it!
haven't started reading this story yet cause I'm currently reading YHaY The Ballad of Nasty Jack and its a pretty long one but I'm hoping yours will be an interesting one when I get to it, good luck to you and your first fanfic. ^-^
I thought this chapter was AWESOME!
I look greatly forward to the next one, please update soon.
9949124
Thanks!
I certainly hope I'll be able to entertain you.
9949993
I've changed my style a bit for this chapter, and I'm still getting used to it. Glad you liked it, though!
As for the next chapter, well, I can only say I most likely won't publish it before I find an editor. It shouldn't be longer than it had been now though.
9950241
👍
An awesome chapter!
10018159
Once again, thank you! Glad you liked it!
Another AWESOME chapter! Xd
10048944
Honestly though?
10049677
Yes!
Its always interesting to read about the ponies learning about humanity. Xd
10050254
I'm only glad then! That's most pleasant to hear!
So far, we've only covered a small fraction of this universe and, well, our non-fictional history as a whole. So, if you enjoy it, then yes, more stuff like that is coming - only not just yet.
Definitely informative. Xd
Looking forward to more updates!
10060412
Yes, well, it pretty much wrapped up any remaining threads from Act I. We're going to be moving on soon enough, and as I had said, the updates should be much more frequent now!
10060585
Sweet!
Do you know how happy I am that it's not a crossover? Crossover stories are for people with no imagination and no spine. Reeeeeeeeee
10099979
I'm happy that you're happy!
Also, I don't want to bash crossovers, since there certainly are some really good ones out there, but I've decided to write what I wrote partially because non-crossover stories of this type seem to be somewhat absent recently (or at least more than they used to), and partially because, well... I had this idea in my mind, and simply had to go with it.
You have no idea how much forward the plot is already planned... generally of course, adjustments are always due!
Also, with an original world, I just have a lot more freedom... or at least that's what I feel like. Keeping more characters in-character is certainly more difficult, but besides that it just seems not to be my cup of tea (in terms of writing, at least).
10100005
I say that because I see so many damn stories where people just take characters, put them in a pony body and make the ponies do what happens in the other world as other characters. It drives me nuts because not only is it lazy and unimaginative, it's literally plagarism. I'm glad to see that you got some originality, though!
How dat hell does the Prologue become the longest chapter out of All the chapters
Sierra-0117 strait from halo to fan fiction
10140563
That's what you call a reference, my friend!
I'm actually surprised you're the first one to notice it.
There are a couple more, to various franchises actually, further on, but most are far more obscure than this one here.
10140562
I learned later on to be more laconic, and I think what you noticed is simply the effect of my growth as a writer. Of course, the Prologue itself has been edited over as well - the very beginning even rewritten, but the general contrast remains. 
Well, if you count both parts of Chapter 3, it isn't the longest, but that one I split for reading convenience, so that kind of speaks for itself.
And how did the Prologue become so long? Well, in this case it kinda serves as an introduction to this world, to this story; an introduction that is meant to become the base for the reader's experience further on, that's why it's so... overgrown. That and, well, the fact that I tend to make my texts expansive, like, expansive.
Saying 'hi' to break the silence...
Well, hi!
I really like where this story is going! Very enjoyable read so far!
10294962
Thank you, Sir! It's an honour, Sir!
Good story so far. Can't wait to read more.
10308342
Thank you! And, well, I hope it will continue to be entertaining!
Over 100k words, but less than 1k reads? I get not everyone wants to read long fics, but such hard word deserves more recognition.
10341057
Thanks.
Yeah, it's... been a bit hard. I'd love to add more, I really would, but I just don't know what or how to say. I apologise.
I wish it went better or I had more activity. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
What are they fighting anyway? I guess, I'll found out that later
10367270
Indeed!
The nature of the enemy is a part of the plot.
(The above could be considered as spoilers by some. Proceed with caution, or refrain from doing so!)
And now the poor bastard discovers that he is being trolled by the fake medieval technology. Honestly, had he even seen the electric power dam in the Ponyvile?
10370675
He hasn't... unless I'm thinking about a different character.
The MLP setting has been slightly modified for the purposes of this story, however as the changes are not very substantial, the Alternate Universe tag has ultimately been removed so as not to cause unnecessary confusion (this is no 'alternate universe'; it's canon, just slightly altered - in terms of how magic works, or a rewrite of the details of pony society, so to say, etc. This is still canon, though). Instead of the tag, a note in the story's description clarifies the matter. However, although said alterations really aren't significant, it is important to note they are there nevertheless - I'm sure you've already noticed some, anyway.
Eh,
a bit strange place to end a story.Sorry, thought that the story has ended.10373830
No worries, it's still going!
Progress has slowed down a bit, but don't worry. It's not cancelled or anything.
Lovely
10533445
It is?
Golden, I love this story
10533529
Yes, sorry for not seeing your reply sooner. I am really enjoying!
10533642
10533674
I'm glad I've been able to entertain you, then!
And sorry for the late reply...
I was thinking... would it be okay to talk to you about the story for a bit? I don't get much feedback, and although the story has been halted for a while... for... some reasons, I... it hasn't been cancelled, of course. It would help me a lot... on a few levels...