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One Of The Clouds

Back in school, Sweetie Belle met a colt name Sonic BassBoom, and they became friends, but later on in life, will their friendship turn into something... More?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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Talentless_Brony

Talentless_Brony #1 · Aug 16th, 2012 · · ·

Three things.
1) This is bordering certain boundaries that do not need to be crossed.
2) Slow it down a bit. If this is a Prologue, specify that it is, then hit us with a chapter.
3) More importantly, in my opinion, you could definitely, definitely restructure or rewrite this. The way it starts out is kinda awkward, not to mention the fact that we don't know what age they are. Then it just gets worse from there.
Rewriting this wouldn't be bad, actually. The idea for the whole thing is just fine. It's more, how you came about it that makes it awkward.

This is all just my opinion though. Don't base anything on it.

xXOverWorkedXx

xXOverWorkedXx #2 · Aug 17th, 2012 · · ·

1096837 No problem, fixed it, thanks to help from... Well, I don't want to go into detail, but yeah, I got some help with it, and I'm sure it's ok now?