DopeySpike
Joined 15th Aug, 2012 ·
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Why don't u just put them as chapters?
That escalated quickly.
Rainbow Dash is two words. That's all I'm going to say.
1094999 lol I wanted it to be a speed-clop, wasn't sure whether I should have put it into chapters, because this is my first book as well! ;)
Thanks for reading!
Is this a troll-fic? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash2/41787_214277156210_9019_n.jpg
Prepare yourself...you have to deal with this now..
mercy be with you man...you dun pissed off Fluttershy..
1095407 LOL came up with "Access Denied." What happens?
Ty!
DopeySpike
It's amazing that you have these two ponies named Applejack and Rainbow Dash, because I also know of two ponies named Applejack and Rainbow Dash, and yet these ponies seem to act nothing like them (from what little I could tell around the sex.) It's quite a coincidence!
what the....?
First off, I completely agree with voltman, there should be chapters. I noticed you put hoof instead of hand(I say this 'cause it's humanized), Applejack doesn't seem to be talking in her usual accent, it would be better if you put them in paragraphs, and you should also describe the chapter more. they orgazmed to early, it seems RD was already naked, same as AJ, when AJ started licking her, and why would RD say crap after having sex with AJ? Just my rant.
1095496 Hmm lol! Last I checked, ponies don't wear clothes!
Sorry if I failed guys, but really hope I can do better in the future. I just noticed that in th other Clop-fics, it took forever for them to cum and it just got so tedious! I didn't want to make it too fast though, and I also thought that a Speed Clop is too small to have chapters. Sorry for failing! :'(
DoperSpike
1095536
it's not that much of a fail, and remember you tagged this human, so it'd only be natural for people to wear clothes, don't you agree?
1095576 Oh! I wasn't allowed to publish it unless I added a "Human" tag. Probably the cover image or something. Not THAT bad though, is it?
See, a "speed-clop" fan-fic has the same problem as premature ejaculation: they involve people who've never done it before. Obvious problems are obvious, virgins skip the foreplay; the cliches came instead of the characters, and you have enticed my bastard tongue.
(Was that a poem? Holy shit, dude... I may owe you for that little artsy leak alone.)
Let us detonate the Cliche bomb in this Blast-Proof Comment box so nobody else gets hurt, mmkay?
1. "This is my first doodle! Look, Mom!" (Evil Level: 4/5)
2. Main character wakes up in the beginning. (Evil Level: 4/5)
3. Instant, hackneyed simile where it was completely unnecessary. (Evil Level: 5/5)
4. Not-so-subtle-whatsoever foreshadowing. (Evil Level: 3/5)
5. Tell, tell, tell some more--who cares that the kids want to SEE your awesome new toy? Fuck the kids! (Evil Level: 5/5)
6: "It started like this." (Evil Level: 6/5)
7. Four lines of dialogue. Porn. Cheese. (Evil Level: 5/5)
8. Cheese dialogue, cheese description, cheese on my computer screen; I could open a bank for rats with all this fucking cheese. (Evil Level: 8/5)
9. "She felt some dried liquid crack on her soft naked body." Ha ha! A ha ha ha ha! It's like watching the gross parts of The Rugrats! (Evil Level: 4/5; Boner-Killing Power: 6/5)
What's the saying, again? Three strikes, eat your monitor with a steak knife and no water? Eh, well--it was nine. I sentence you to eight hours of chewing and swallowing all the sharp, jagged pieces of your computer. Once I smash it. Because that's what happens first.
Unlock the door, I've sent Pinkie Pie over to take care of it. Also, I paid her off with coke, so enjoy!
1095496 Everybody knows what AJ sounds like, you don't need the accent. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_cake.png
the things wrong with this story are as followed
to much use of the word vagina
you switched between hand and hoofs
you did not give applejack the right accent
and it was all in bat taste but that is my opinion
and another thing was cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/24630434.jpg
i fell disappointed that i had to read this troll fic
1095809
true, but it'd be, in my opinion, a better read because the writer tried to make AJ talk like she normally would.
1095593
no, it's not the worst, but like I said before, you should add paragraphs, and why did you make the cover have humanized versions if it wasn't humanized? I also recall that ponies don't have boobs, just nipples, I think.
1097822 But if you're changing the word to fit the accent wouldn't it be harder to catch spelling errors near this accent? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_unsuresweetie_flip.png However you make a very good point.
1099158 so do you, I guess people can look at it anyway they want, just with what they're most comfortable works as well.
This has a "human" tag, yet there are several mentions of the word "hoof" in it. Care to explain?
Da Fuq is this shit?
1104229 Yeah, I think that when I tried to get the story approved, I was not able to. The human tag was necessary because of the cover picture. Thanks!
DopeySpike
Spike wasn't even in this...
I like it