Princess Celestia sent her student, Twilight Sparkle, to meet five mares in Ponyville who will help set up the Summer Sun Celebration.
She just never said they'd be hot.
Chinese translation by SoothingBell!
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
- offline last seen 9 hours ago
PresentPerfect
Fanfiction masochist. :B She/they https://ko-fi.com/presentperfect
PresentPerfect
Joined 3rd Sep, 2011 ·
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This was hilarious! Although I’m a little sad there wasn’t additionally a “please dominate me and rule me forever more” Nightmare Moon part. Or actually I now can’t get Twilight imagining Nightmare Moon quoting Jareth from The Labyrinth out of my head. “Love me, adore me, do as I command and I will be your slave.”
“Do we!”
Oh, my fucking god. I would genuinely read a full blown MLP retelling of this, altho leaving it be on that note is fine as well
9858929
Seconded, this is absolutely hilarious and with so much shenanigan material. The banter this this'd allow, oh dear!
missing a word
I learned a new word today
Overwhelming beauty causes mental typos
I learned another new word today
Funny hoers in funny love
9858939
ghhghgh how did 'sister' get lost? I KNOW IT WAS THERE
thank you :B
A million upvotes for the use of "pulchritudinous." It's been one of my favorite words since the moment I learned it.
I feel like this was just an excuse to get some poetic descriptions of each of the other mane 6 down on paper, but who am I to question it? They were all awesome. And got a couple laughs in there, too.
So I see Applejack got The Police talking (and maybe Linkin Park snuck in there, too).
And I'm not sure, but I think The Corrs saw Rainbow Dash...
Just wait till she gets to the Royal Wedding.
"So, Shiny... can I have her if you're not interested? It's the one-size-fits-all entomology package I never realised I've always wanted!"
Edit: There's no way you aren't planning bonus chapters for Trixie, Sunset, Starlight and Tempest, right?
In my experience, lesbians love the term, and use it all the time just for the laughs.
~Signed, a useless lesbian who read this story specifically because she couldn't stop giggling when she realized what "the Useless" meant here.
this... is pure gold!
thanks so much for this, have a mustache my friend
you know what? take all of them!
I love the contrast between the stuff like that and the more poetic bits
Headcannon accepted!
Did you post this under the wrong account?
9858958
If there was any purpose to this story beyond just the joke, it's trying to figure out what anyone, not just Twilight, might see in each of her friends.
9859022
It's just so funny and descriptive. :D
9859124
Nooooo...? :O
This is an absolute trainwreck of lust at first sight that's no basis for a healthy and longterm relationship you poor adorkable purple shut in.
And it's beautiful.
I love it.
This is so hilarious and so stupid and I need more of it right stat now you absolute madman.
9858974
this this this this THIS THIS THIS THIS!!!
9859022
I must be out of the loop, because im I'm not familiar with that term.
Dear Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student,
Enclosed is something we in Canterlot call a 'Restraining Order.'
No, it has nothing to do with the padded hoofcuffs that you and Cadence played with, or the 'Fungeon' in the palace basement where we had our little 'lessons' in magic. It is a legal document, forbidding you from entering the city of Canterlot for any purpose, or approaching within three miles of my sister.
Your loving teacher,
Princess Celestia
P.S. You should know, I saw her first. Hooves off, kid.
Same energy.
Honestly.. I want this to become a full story
it may seem odd but darn it I'd love a full story of this
so if you can PLEASE make a full novel of this! I'd really appreciate it. If you can't I'll understand just recommending it.
OH MY!
Shut up you useless lesbian
Sweet!
Hahahahaahhhh......
this would be amazing for a full story :D
This is stupid, funny, but also surprisingly useful.
...Why the hell do I now headcanon Twilight being this ravenous beast repressing her carnal urges through books and academia and scientific inquiry, with the horniness to match, or quite possibly surpass the Princess of Love herself?
9859799
now this just needs a sequel to where she sleeps her way through the main six followed by one where she runs into chrysalis, starlight, Sunset, and the Dazzlings and has the same issue getting over the fact that they're all sexy too.
I've had that headcanon for years.
I need her reaction to Nightmare and the other mares, like Zecora and the mare villians.
9859643
You are very strange
9859136
y'know
the first part of the story may as well be a list of examples as to why various groups within the fandom love their respective ponies as they do
the rest of it's just goddamn hilarious
This... is gold. Just fucking GOLD. We NEED Twily to ogle Chrysalis--who doesn't love sexy bughorse?!
I knew this line would have to come up, and I still laughed out loud. I thought Rarity's would be my favorite, but then Fluttershy's happened, and then Luna's.
Hilarious and slightly stupid and a very good job at catching an adorkable, possibly way too horny, Twilight's inner thoughts.
EDIT: I would love to see chapters with Twilight meeting some other prominent mares: Cadance, Chrysalis, Trixie, Starlight, Sunset.
So, can I just say.................this story is actually the best thing ever and I want to know the answer! DO THEY FUCK! SCIENCE DEMANDS ANSWERS!!
This was honestly just very sweet and nice and just... lovely.
I really must learn that last word. So beautifully sesquipedalian, so delightfully rare.
Getting naughty, are we?
Can "conjugal visit" and "cute pony snuggles" coexist?
*thinks*
Yes, yes they can.
Straight to the point with your new "friends," Twilight.
Sure your entire life's sexual energy wasn't repressed until Ponyville and then it burst in the moment you laid eyes on AJ?
Twilight! I entirely agree with your elucidation on Fluttershy's world-class cuteness!
Now, just describe yourself like you did the others, and I'll be perfectly happy to bask in the glorious depictions!
Oh, and I'm saving that art.
*looks through comments*
Wow, the number of likes here are the highest I've ever seen.
And I've posted entirely too many comments in my enthusiasm.
9859022
Never knew it that adjective was connected to lesbians.
I thought it was "the Useless" because she was entirely too busy staring and salivating at mares to do anything useful for the Summer Sun Celebration.
Wait... is it a double entendre?
Short, silly, hilarious. Thank you for this one
!
9860550
I mean, what else do ponies do on a conjugal visit? :B
9860703
Oh wait, I got the meaning of conjugal wrong.
Had quite a different image in my mind.
Offscreen, Twinkleshine, Minuette, Lemon Hearts and especially Moondancer are having an epic attack of jealousy. "Hey! She was our girlfriend first!"
Needs 10% more naughty.
You seen Lyra as Diplomate? Some compliments would have gone a long way.
Twilight, you need to get laid.
9860961
What do you think she's trying to do here?