Sunset has put the past behind her. Chrysalis hasn't.
Entry into Oroboro's Sunset Shipping Contest: Endings
Chapters (5)
MaxKodan
Joined 21st Jan, 2012 ·
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MaxKodan · 2.9k words · 211 views
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This is full of some very interesting ideas!
This was a fantastic exchange, particularly coming from someone like Rainbow, usually so unperceptive.
This was one of the more interesting and enjoyable cold opens to scenes I've read, and I liked how it fitted the rest.
This... doesn't sound all that extreme, given half the other stuff that's gone on at Canterlot High? Lots of schools have lost a building or two to arson, it's kind of predictable when you have delinquent teens cooped up there all day. And far less scarring for everyone involved than the things Sunset did at CHS, or than she fears Chryssi will do to Other Sunny.
This was a nice touch, and a sweet moment!
But this was much sweeter!
This was an interesting story. I liked the plot, the setup of both relationships, the characterisation of Sunset and Rainbow. Chrysalis' characterisation was slightly harder to judge, as we mostly only saw her from afar, but she managed a good balance between understandable and threatening. I wish Other Sunset had waited just a moment longer before coming into Chrysalis' apartment, as it sounded like there was about to be a 'but' there of Chrysalis being disheartened with just using Other Sunset for revenge.
I must say I didn't like the wings thing. It felt very deus ex machina, and kind of broke the tension of an otherwise-grounded-in-reality story. I'm also not quite sure we saw enough of Chrysalis being Chrysalis and doing diabolical things for the final line to really have the impact it needed.
But I liked the story as a whole, I liked its balance of action and drama, and more than anything I liked Chrysalis as something more than a one-note villain or a comical failure. Especially one who lives to lie another day
Thanks for writing!
9835608
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed!
I do wish I'd been able to come up with a good enough reason to push in another Chrysalis flashback. Probably could have fit one in between chapters 2 and 3, or even 3 and 4. I just couldn't get the creative juices flowing enough to come up with a cohesive scene that would have served its purpose. There is definitely a lot more to explore here.
I do understand where you're coming from, from an objective point of view, with the whole arson thing. But to Rainbow Dash this wasn't some supernatural magician from another world, or magic wood elves or whatever happened in the movies. This was just Chrysalis, a kinda weird girl whose style Dash might have liked. I wasn't trying to elevate her to superdemon levels. The fact that school buildings are occasionally burned down and the fact that the person you knew was planning on doing it are two different things, like the difference between knowing that murder happens and hearing that your neighbor murdered someone.
Also, it's funny you mention not liking the ponying up, I've gotten the opposite criticism in the past because I don't like using the canonical magic powers the characters develop in one of the movies. Can't please 'em all, I suppose!
Also if you haven't checked them out you should go read Dappled Shores and possibly some of the other recentish stories I have on my authorial list okay I'm done with the self-promotionThanks again!
9835646 Another flashback might have been good, yeah, though it's hard to know for sure without seeing it
That might have upset the balance of Chrysalis being stable enough for Sunset to be with for that long but unstable enough to be dangerous, so I could see arguments either way.
That's a good response about arson, changing how Rainbow saw her and stuff. And Rainbow initially being ok with Chrysalis is something that maybe another flashback would have helped with, yeah? That was certainly an interesting angle, that Chryssi wasn't so bad until Sunset came along.
I'm less sure about this, though. Murder seems an enormous shift in thinking, something that would totally and irrevocably change the lives of everyone involved. Whereas a few petrol bombs thrown at a school would cause, what, an insurance claim? A year in temporary classrooms while the building is rebuilt? So while I agree that that's a great contrast from the magical happenings at the school, it still doesn't seem anywhere near the same level of damaging for the students as Sunset's antics before the first EG movie.
I don't think there's anything wrong with using those in a story, but it ties to what you said in your previous paragraph. You'd made an effort to keep Chrysalis grounded as a human villain, separated from the magical and the supernatural and not elevated to demon levels. So the magical powers then used to thwart her plan don't really feel like they belong in the story?
Do those stories have Chrysalis in...?
9835676
Yeah, I can understand that. I looked at it differently when I wrote it, but it's definitely a valid question about the apropos...ness...Aproposity? Of using it as a sort of resolution.
On the other hand she's used it just to punctuate a song that she was singing for 10 hours straight as the sun rose up from the exact position it set in when the song started, so it's not like they're sacrosanct. Either way, I'll keep it in mind moving forward!
And as far as you know she is.Man, Rainbow and Sunset are surprisingly good partners-in-crime here. Fun thriller, and a really good job of hindsight-characterizing the twisted relationship those two had.
Spoiler comments:
Best a' luck in the contest!
So this is basically a story about Sunset stalking her ex. Who she never broke up with. For ostensibly noble reasons, but other reasons besides.
I like that.
Needed a few more qualifiers in that action scene to keep straight which Sunset was which. :B
Otherwise, this was good. I hope those dinner promises turn into something more. :D
9927765
Y'know, that was probably what I spent the most time fussing over and I'm convinced that I could never get the balance between properly explaining and overloading the qualifiers just right. Kinda wrote myself into that one eh?
Fantastic story
It was tense, it was good.
That's an angle I wouldn't have thought of - if you can't get back at the pony-in-human-world, get back at the human.
Yeah, Chrysalis is the sort of person (in any universe) that will notice someone stalking her.
I can see that burning down an empty school building is much different than hypnotising someone off a rooftop .. but it is in Chrysalis' character to be able to cold heartedly control someone like that.
Good story :)