Impact
Part Five - Impact
Another “Back to School” flier fluttered past Sunset’s feet. Walking towards one of the smaller parks Canterlot hid in its downtown core was usually nice, but the last week or so of summer meant that the whole journey saw Sunset beset by obnoxious advertisements for pens, notebooks, computers, and more.
The remainder of the last month had been more or less alright. At Rarity and Applejack’s insistence, Sunset had made more time for activities with them and the rest of the gang. Consequently, she’d found it hard to make as much time for wallowing as she’d done for weeks prior. A few days of aimless wandering and talking about nothing in particular had done wonders for her productivity, and even as she walked she was listening to the latest version of her song that the Rainbooms had put together. Minus Fluttershy, of course.
‘Fluttershy…’
It wasn’t that Sunset was angry at her. Not really. More than anything, Sunset felt calm. She remembered Pinkie’s reaction upon hearing where she would be going that particular day.
“Just remember you’re not solely responsible for anyone’s happiness except your own. That’s gotta come first, otherwise you’ll be all frowny and won’t help anybody else feel happy either, which is the worst possible thing!”
The energetic girl had been there for Sunset a lot since their rather awkward phone call a month prior. Without the wake-up call that day… ‘Let’s just leave it at that, huh?’ Sunset shook her head. Her thoughts weren’t quite cheerful, necessarily, but at the very least they weren’t incapacitating anymore. The pressure in her chest, and eventually stomach and head as well, was manageable, but still weighed on everything she did. There would likely be no end to her guilt, she figured.
The music in her ears was interrupted by a bright little *ding!*. Reflexively, Sunset pulled her phone out and deftly flipped it the right way up. Immediately opening DragonFlare, she skimmed over the active chats.
Logged in as ShimmeringSplendid
Private Chat with FlutterButter
Preview Links enabled
Preview Images disabled
Chat created three years ago
Last Active two hours ago
> [13:58] FlutterButter: Hi, Sunset! I know it’s been about two weeks since I talked to you… I hope you’re alright? I’m back in town, actually. Since yesterday afternoon.
> [14:03] FlutterButter: I actually had a few text messages waiting for me from Pinkie and Rarity. They uhh… They said I should meet you in person, and that this wasn’t something to put off. Are you actually okay? I’m so sorry, and I’m really worried about you! Please be alright. I talked to my family and it should be fine if I’m at Daybreak Park around 4:30 in the afternoon.
> [14:08] FlutterButter: I wish I hadn’t given you such short notice. You’re probably going to be too busy anyways. Someone like you deserves better.
> [14:14] ShimmeringSplendid: Alright, then. See you there.
> [14:16] FlutterButter: Oh! Thank you! I’ve really missed you, Sunny. It’ll be great to see you again!
‘She really has no idea, does she?’ Sunset looked down at her feet, then back at her phone. She scrolled through the supportive messages the two or three Rainbooms in the know had sent, expressionless. It was one thing, she supposed, to know what kind of talk you were about to have with someone, and another to go through with bringing it up when you had a chance to get away from the problem altogether.
Then her phone buzzed. It was a text from Pinkie Pie. “Don’t get cold feet now, you silly pony! There’s no better option hiding around the corner. Good luck… again!” Sunset muttered the text to herself, fighting back a smile.
In fact, Pinkie’s timing could not have been better. Just as she turned the corner, Sunset saw Daybreak Park. It was beautiful. The steely grey-blue of the modern buildings that mixed so well with the solid, stalwart bricks of red, white, and brown that made up the older elements of downtown all gave way to the park. The green expanse may not have been more than a few blocks in any direction, but it was nonetheless a quiet, tranquil space. ‘Perfect,’ Sunset thought wistfully, ‘for a little privacy and space.’
She crossed the street, eyeing the large statue of some man she’d never heard of on top of a horse that undoubtedly deserved better that marked the entrance to the park proper. It was late enough that a good few people were already rushing home, giving Sunset a delightful feeling of anonymity and purpose while actually walking deeper into the park. As she walked, she noted the few couples taking up some benches, and resolved to take the longer walk around the park on her way back. She idly put away her earbuds and let the faint drone of the downtown activity wash over her. Looking ahead down the path, between the trees lining the paved sections, she saw a familiar head of hair. ‘No time for awkward. You’ll back out if you don’t just go ahead and do it.’
When that wasn’t enough to get herself moving, Sunset shook her head. ‘Well, at least you won’t be lying about being a fucking coward.’
Fluttershy took that moment to turn around. Seeing Sunset, she waved and sat down on the nearest bench. It took the redhead under a minute to reach her, but it was enough time for the dizziness to catch up.
“So…” Sunset offered lamely, “how’ve you been?”
Fluttershy frowned. “Fine, I guess,” she said. “But honestly a little worried. You’ve been… quiet.”
“Yeah?”
“You know what I mean.”
“I guess so, yeah…” Sunset dragged her hand through her hair. “Does it really matter?”
“It should, shouldn’t it?”
“I guess I hoped you’d ignore that.”
Fluttershy looked down. “I’m sorry.”
Sunset blinked. “What, why? You’re fine!”
“You can’t honestly think that, Sunny. I basically ignored you for half the summer!”
“Yeah, but I don’t really blame you.”
Fluttershy stayed silent, a concentrated frown on her face. Sunset continued.
“I mean, you haven’t been comfortable talking to me about a lot of things. I get that you’re kinda used to dealing with your stuff alone, but you also don’t hesitate to share about your animals, school work and such. I guess that means it’s more about being a problem with me, isn’t it?
“Not that you’re being inconsiderate or anything! I know I’m too intense. I know I’m always judgemental, and trying to tell you what to do and stuff… I’m sorry. I need to stop, cause it’s stupid and it’s toxic and even though I warned you it would turn out like this you still went for it and that still makes it my fault.”
As Sunset finished her small rant, Fluttershy stayed silent. Sunset looked around, taking deep breaths. Looking back at Fluttershy periodically, she started counting backwards in her head. Her third time through starting from thirty, she heard her girlfriend speak up.
“I don’t see why that means you’re the only one responsible,” she said, “it really seems unfair to yourself.”
“Is it, though? I mean, think about it! I’m super toxic to you.”
“I can’t think of when, though. Is this about the fact that you give me advice? I actually really appreciate that about you… You know I don’t do well when I’m unsure, but you always show up to help me figure out what I need to do!”
“Yeah but I’m a total bitch about it, aren’t I?”
“Well… I can see why you’d be a little peeved at some of the things I need help with. I’m fine with your tone being a bit more curt than usual. You’ve never actually called me names or anything.” Fluttershy fiddled with her hair while looking pointedly beyond Sunset.
‘I had no idea I had this bad an effect on her…’ Sunset squared her shoulders and followed Fluttershy’s line of sight. “Well, even then, I always make it about me. I don’t stop to support you or anything, and it’s gotta be stressful putting up with me whining about my life all the time.”
“Y—aren’t you an alien from another world, with a constant struggle to appear like you belong here?”
“That isn’t even what I complain about and you know it. Not to mention I constantly spam you about stupid junk artsy stuff I make.” Sunset waved her hand around in an arc. “It isn’t something that I’m proud of, but at least I can tell when I’m actively doing someone a disservice.”
It seemed that Fluttershy would not be taking this rant like she had in the past. “I’m really sorry, Sunset, but you have to listen to me this time. It’s really unfair that you’re doing this! I’m not the best at staying in touch, sure. I’m trying to work on it! I promise! But… the way you’re talking… you’re the one that taught me that relationships were about empathy and respect, even when we can’t communicate.”
“That’s exactly the fucking problem!” Sunset laughed. “Even if I just went to the rest of the gang, I’m just draining their time and effort and energy. It’d probably be better for everyone if I just went off somewhere none of you had to care about me.”
“Please take that back.”
“What for? Honestly, we were doomed anyways. I was only ever going to be a learning experience for you. Once we move on from CHS, what do I have? I think you’re more than ready for your life beyond me. You deserve better regardless.”
Fluttershy grabbed Sunset gently by her forearm and looked angrily, tearfully at her.
“Please, don’t look at me like that, Flutters,” Sunset croaked, “I promise I’m not gonna do anything stupid like actually disappear on you guys.”
“Even without that, you also said that this kind of conflict was natural in young relationships, didn’t you? Why is this different? I don’t understand…” Fluttershy was actually fighting back tears at this point. Sunset could tell she was frustrated and confused, but as much as it hurt, she still didn’t see any better options.
“Well, at least now you see what I meant by arrogant, don’t you?” Sunset cocked her head back and stared at the sun filtering through the trees. “I still think I’m right, and I think my mind is pretty much made up.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath and remover her hand from Sunset’s arm. Another couple of minutes passed with both girls staring awkwardly off into the park.
At last, Fluttershy spoke again. “If that’s what you really think is best… it would be stupid of me to fight it, right?” She shook her head. “Then I’ll have to respect your decision even if I think we could have made it through, right?”
All Sunset could bring herself to do was nod, her hands drumming quietly against her thighs. She was in exactly that position when Fluttershy hugged her.
“What?” ‘Shouldn’t she be yelling or running or something?’
Fluttershy’s grip relaxed just enough for Sunset to get her own arms around the quietly sobbing girl. After a few seconds, she started stroking Sunset’s hair softly. “There, there… Just like you've told me so many times, as friends or lovers or whatever we end up being, I'll be here to help you out if you need me. I understand this is something you feel you need to do, but that's no excuse for being a shut-in. It'll be awkward for a while but I think we can both get past that. Can we manage that, Sunny?"
“Uhh…” Sunset couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She sat there and let the girl whose heart she’d just broken comfort her, the lump in her throat becoming more painful by the second. After another minute or two, she finally found her words again.
“Of course, Fluttershy. You’re still a great friend and such a kind and caring person I’d have to… be an idiot to abandon you…”
"I understand. I still love you, Sunset. Thanks for everything you've done for me."
Sunset swallowed again. She… she was right, wasn't she? Instances of harsh words and bitter thoughts came readily to her mind, but here Fluttershy was… thanking her?
'Though I suppose I've helped her come out of her shell haven't I?'
That put some things in perspective. 'I was right, I'm a big problem here aren't I? But not quite for the reasons I thought… she isn't deluded, this just plain isn't working out!'
"I promise. I'll be better. You've changed me for the better too, Flutters. Thanks for being here."
"I kind of thought this was how this conversation might go, but… yeah," the paler girl sat back and wiped her tears onto her forearm. "I… I guess I should go, shouldn't I?" She asked.
As much as Sunset wanted to say no, she couldn't deny that she wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep until she couldn't feel anything anymore. "Yeah. I think we could use some time to think about it. For what it's worth… it was a privilege to be your girlfriend."
"The same goes for you, Sunny," Fluttershy said, "and please take care of yourself."
Sunset only nodded, and the two girls got up. After a tense moment, they hugged, letting all of the feelings come out through the physical contact. Regret, resentment and determination all mixed together, and when they parted, they found they could at least smile at each other.
"See you, I guess."
"Goodbye, Sunset."
'Well… that's that.'
The whole trip back home was empty for Sunset. She registered no one around her and barely noticed her music helping her tune out the world. Once she got home, she took off her jacket and draped it over the sole chair. She walked up to the mirror, squared her shoulders and exhaled.
'I'll be better. I have to be.'
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Sadness supreme
great chapter
Well, that encapsulates many unhealthy relationships quite well... I would love to see Fluttershy's side of this (since Sunset is... an unreliable narrator), and the ending has me curious for an epilogue... Do they end up platonic healthy friends or is it just awkward for eternity?
Good stuff. Well, bad stuff but written well but not that I think your story is bad just that the content is bad --n NOT that I think you have bad content because this is --- never mind, you know what I mean.
Have an upvote.
9834793
Thanks!
As for an epilogue... I'll let you know once I've lived that part as well :)
That's fascinating you picked American Idiot because I kept hearing Brand New's "Jude Law and the Semester Abroad" in my head while reading this.
9850076
Emotions through songs are totally subjective! I'll check that out, it might do the same thing for me as American Idiot, who knows? Thanks for reading!
Ahh, well said. :)
Have to say, I was kind of wishing Sunset would realize how self-absorbed she was being and get over herself. Like, they're both really open with each other in that last exchange... it doesn't seem like a prelude to an end. But the contest wills what it must.
9889321
I think that not acting on your self-awareness is a perfectly valid element of the teenage emotional conflict experience. Sometimes, though, it's exactly when it doesn't feel like an end that you feel that the end is a better option than trying to fix it again. A good relationship for them would require Sunset to act on some realization of her own self-absorbed tendencies, you're absolutely right.
Honestly, I should re-read this thing. Thanks for your comments and your time!
9889444
It just seemed at the very start of their conversation that things might go that way. I think you set it up well enough for it not to, though.
If this is only your first story, then I absolutely must see more from you!
9937214
Technically I have two published prior. This is my first finished story, yes, but the rest aren't abandoned! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
9937420
*first finished
Either way, I’d love to see more from you.
How you used a Physics equation taught at early high school to make a heart-warming and yet heartbreaking story is a wonder indeed.
It's a really beautiful story.
Finally got around to reading this. This was a good story. While reading it, Sunset and Fluttershy's breakup seems totally avoidable, but I can see why they felt it was necessary. Ultimately, these characters are teenagers, and that's just how it is sometimes. The chat segments were a lot of fun, too.