Living in a Van Down by the River
Life had been difficult for the Dazzlings after being defeated by the Rainbooms. They had lost their magic, their ability to sing, and were now living in a van down by the river.
“Ugh,” Aria Blaze groaned as she lay on the back floor of the van, “why do we have to live like this?”
“Because we don’t have any other choice,” Adagio Dazzle replied from the driver seat as she brushed her hair in the visor mirror, annoyed at having to answer that question for the third time this week, “when we lost our magic we couldn’t hypnotize the landlord into letting us have our apartment for free anymore. We were lucky we had enough money put away to afford this van.”
“I get that part,” Aria said as she sat up, “by why do we have to park the van down by the river?”
Adagio stopped brushing her hair and turned to face her disgruntled sister.
“Because,” she started to answer, her annoyance more obvious now, “we can’t even afford to live in a trailer park and the cops don’t patrol this area much.”
Aria rolled her eyes as she lay back down on the floor, bored out of her mind.
“So where’s Sonata?” She dryly asked. She didn’t really care where Sonata was or what she was doing, she was just looking for some conversation to help break her boredom.
“Don’t know, don’t care,” Adagio just as dryly stated, “She just said she felt like going for a walk and wondered off somewhere.”
“What if she fell into the river?” Aria quipped as a small smile crossed her face, imagining her sister clumsily falling into the river and being swept away by the rushing water.
“Haha, very funny.” Adagio sarcastically commented.
“Hey, she’s done clumsier things.” Aria stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
Adagio didn’t reply to Aria’s statement (partially because she knew it was true) and simply went back to styling her hair. The visor mirror made it difficult to get her hair the way she liked it because it was so small and her hair was so large and poofy. But, much like living in a van down by the river, she had no other alternative.
The silence in the van lasted for about five minutes before Aria spoke up again.
“I’m gonna make some lunch,” she said as she sat up once again.
“Make some for me too while you’re at it,” Adagio replied.
Aria didn’t like being bossed around by Adagio like that, but she wasn’t in the mood to make a big deal about it and just decided to make her sisters lunch as well.
“Whatever,” she answered back as she crawled over to the kitchen area.
The Dazzling’s van had a small kitchenette complete with a toaster, mini-fridge, sink, some burners, and a few cabinets for storage. The mini-fridge was mostly filled with soft drinks and bottled water but did contain a few small packets of shredded cheese and taco meat. The storage cabinets contained a few loafs of bread, a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, some taco shells, plates, and eating utensils.
As Aria opened one of the cabinets she pondered what to make for lunch. In reality, she knew she only had two choices; PB&J sandwiches or tacos. She was tempted to make tacos for herself and Adagio, but noticing that doing so would leave none for Sonata she decided against it. If there was one way she wasn’t going to mess with Sonata, it was when it came to tacos.
“I’m going to make some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,” Aria stated.
“Uh-huh,” Adagio half-mindedly replied, paying more attention to her hair than what Aria was saying.
The sandwiches were easy enough for Aria to make, taking her no longer than a minute a sandwich. She took out a knife to cut her own sandwich in half diagonally and the crusts off of Adagio’s.
“Here you go,” she said as she placed a plate with Adagio’s sandwich on the center console between the driver and passenger seats.
“Thanks,” Adagio once again half-mindedly replied, showing no real gratitude in her voice.
Aria ignored her sister’s less-than-appreciative response and sat back down on the floor and started digging in to her sandwich. All-in-all, Aria felt that she did a pretty good job making lunch, not that making PB&J sandwiches was especially difficult, she knew, but she still took some pride in how her creation came out.
Just as Adagio was about to start eating her own sandwich, the door to the van flew open.
“Girls, girls!” Sonata Dusk exclaimed as she got in the van and closed the door behind her.
Both Adagio and Aria couldn’t help but notice that Sonata was even more hyper than usual, which in their experience was never a good sign.
“What?” Aria asked, “Can’t you see I’m eating lunch here?”
“I have great news,” Sonata continued, practically ignoring Aria’s words, “We don’t have to live in this van down by the river anymore!”
“And why is that?” Adagio inquired in a completely patronizing way.
“I got us jobs!” Sonata explained.
Adagio and Aria shared a glance that seemed to say ‘You want to ask or should I?’
“Jobs doing what?” Aria asked as she returned her attention to Sonata.
“Motivational speaking!” Sonata proclaimed.
Both Aria and Adagio nearly choked on their sandwiches upon hearing what Sonata had just said.
“Motivational speaking? You can’t be serious.” Aria finally said after coughing up a few pieces or sandwich.
“But I am serious, for realizes. I ran into Sunset Shimmer and…” Sonata started to say before being cut off by Adagio.
“Sunset Shimmer?! What were you doing even talking to her? She’s the reason we’re stuck in this stupid van down by this stupid river.” She angrily professed.
“I know, I know, but hear me out,” Sonata pleaded, “I ran into Sunset and she asked how we were doing. I told her that we were living in this van down by the river and she was genuinely concerned about us. She said that Principal Celestia is looking for some motivational speakers to help distraught students at CHS and thought we’d be perfect for it.”
“And Principal Celestia agreed to this?” Aria wondered.
“Well, Sunset hasn’t talked to her yet,” Sonata admitted, “but she said she was confident she could convince her, especially if we went with her to plead our case.”
“Okay, assuming Celestia is okay with this,” Adagio interjected, “How does it get us out of the van and away from the river?”
“Oh, we’d be paid of course,” Sonata said, “And Sunset said she’d let us stay with her until we could afford our own place.”
Once again, Aria and Adagio shared a look. It was clear that neither of them was particularly thrilled about being motivation speakers, or about living with Sunset Shimmer, but if it got them out of the van and away from the river they couldn’t really complain.
“Okay, we’ll do it,” Adagio relented.
“Whatever,” Aria replied.
“Great!” Sonata joyfully shouted, “Sunset said we can meet her at CHS. Let’s go!”
Adagio quickly finished her sandwich before starting the van and heading off to CHS.
“One thing I still don’t get,” Aria commented, “What made Sunset think we’d be perfect for this job?”
“I don’t know,” Sonata said, “I guess there’s just something about living in a van down by the river that makes you a good motivational speaker.”
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PB&J sandwiches? I thought they'd be eating a steady diet of government cheese.
9766899
Dang it, I didn't even think about that.
I’m just gonna leave this here.
9766903
Maybe it's because you've been using your fanfics for rolling doobies.
you get a like for the reference.... don't even need to read it... bam! you get the like!
9766949
Thanks, but you'll still read it right?
I can picture Adagio's speech going like this:
Adagio: Now kids are probably saying to yourself 'I'm gonna use my siren powers to take over the world!' Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you’re not gonna amount to Jack Squat! You’re gonna end up eating a steady diet of tacos and PB&J, and living in a van down by the river!
I just realized that the Dazzlings have the potential to be the MLP version of the Three Stooges: a pack of unsympathetic schmucks who pick on each other. I wish Hasbro had made a miniseries about that.
9766951
not yet.... I just worked 14 hours and drove 120 miles.... Imma slep TwT
9767006
If I ever do a sequel I might just have to use that speech!
If only they could have asked the trailer park boys for help:/
This little story made me laugh out loud.
And, unlike Matt Foley, it actually explains how one's major life mistakes lead to living in a van down by the river!
This was genuinely sweet, funny, and interesting!
Excellent job!
Totally Fresh!
Great Chris Farley homage. Of course, FiM has also made their own homage to this sketch with Spitfire's motivational speech to Scootaloo about being in a "Full Wing and Body Cast Drinking through a Straw!"
Now I really want to see a sequel where the Dazzlings are called in to give a speech about the perils of dark magic use to Wallflower Blush.
"Oh, you like gardening do yah? Well there will be plenty of plants to take care of when you're LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!"
So why was this chapter by itself, and not a part of the sequel?
9812614
When I wrote it I hadn't considered doing a sequel.
Why am I getting Welcome to the Show flashbacks
9767006
The MLP version of the Three Stooges, huh? I imagine it's safe to say the Dazzlings were a victim of coicumstance.
9812648
Have you ever heard of chronicles of Narina?
Take a shot everytime the phrase “van by the river” is said 😂
Good lil short story and now I’m curious on the skit it was based on.
10889461
Matt Foley: Van Down By The River
9766925
I was just gonna say that lmao!
You don't wanna end up living in a van DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!
She's got a point.
Yep, since she really likes them, heck her outfit she had in backstage pass has them on it.
That last past will certainly be a nightmare for sunset to handle.
I always wondered what the Dazzlings would be doing with their van, but seeing them living in a van down by a river just breaks my heart. No three teenage girls have deserved to live in a van down by a river, even if they have mind controlled school heads, divided students and wanted to take over the world. Now, if four teenage girls would have the fate of living in a van down by a river, then it would be acceptable, but with three teenage girls living in a van down by a river, they won't be able to substain themselves.
But I'm glad to see that Sonata was able to found a job and help them get out of living in a van down by a river, as there is no way it would be otherwise easy to live in a van down by a river, but it's kind of surprising that Sunset gave them the particular job of making motivational speeches. Nonetheless, I assume that Sonata told Sunset that they were living in a van down by a river, and that gave Sunset enough reason that these girls were only fitting for this job, as when you are able to survive living in a van down by a river, then you are able to survive anything else.
These three girls definitely deserve the job, as hopefully they will never face the cruel fate of living in a van down by a river.
I think the universe has played a joke on the Sirens in a way that kinda benefits them.
It beats them having to live in a van down by the river!