tailsopony
Joined 20th May, 2012 ·
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Thanks for posting this for the guy. He liked it. Btw it's the guy from reddit. Thanks again.
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRW_TC8qdm0ndX2L1HM_DU9R1oaqCiAsxVtLUtuR7cZlGnLjSJs
But I liked it... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
Needs a followup where they try to explain this to the others. Surely hilarity shall ensue.
You know, I always joke about wanting to read a story where Rarity's coat, mane and tail are completely shaved off. This was close enough. Thank you.
1071675
No problem! Glad he likes it.
1072457
That was sort of the idea. Muhahahaha.
1072481
I thought about it, but probably not. I sort of made this on a whim though, so if it strikes me again, then whatever.
1072601
No problem!
I felt weird and not weird while reading this...
1073733
I'd call that a success. Merry Christmas!
1073369
tailsopony: encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQpvu_44NeOyrEHJUj_5ium7_ceYe8Zum5ZIpdwE3GzrmTKK4A5
Me: Cuuuuuurse Yooouuuuuuuuuu!!!! 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lskdbfV6ur1r0z1wao1_400.gif
1073967 since you were aiming for that, that's my early Christmas gift for you :)
Isn't it weird how even the strangest fetishes become slightly attractive when written well?
This was-- oddly erotic, even if a shaved Fluttershy should fill me with horror, what with the naked dock wiggling about- both terrifying and lewd, but I liked it.
1076154
Thanks for the comment! Yeah, that's kind of the weirdness I was going for. Mild success I suppose. I do disagree with the well written part. It's just not horribly written. I'm sure I have comma issues and misused words in there somewhere along with poor dialogue syntax. I'm never sure whether to use a ." or a ," for starting. It has to do with how I'm describing the beginning of Dialogue, I know, but still... And lets not forget that I used shivered a whole bunch when I could have thrown in quaked or shuddered or trembled or flinched or... you get the picture. But yeah. Thanks for the comment!
1076304
You're very welcome
Well, this was well written in regards to how the imagery came across.
You've seem to have a good grip on your writing, though. While well written, you're probably right about it not being- godlike, or what have you.
Isn't it odd how it feels a bit icky to say that to a writer you enjoy? It's not good for anyone in creativity to be... sugar coated.
Random positive comments probably does not help any more than a blank thumbs up, so I'll throw in a small piece here.
Shivered is actually- you should be careful about using synonyms where you don't need one, a lot of those synonyms have other implications to them that shivered don't. It didn't stand out to me as repetitive, and often the simplest way is the best way.
Sometimes you want to avoid the "Lavender mare" syndrome, or whatever they're calling it.
I know you're a very hard critic on yourself, and I still think that's a good thing, but if you want help on comma and punctuation, I would honestly suggest reading up on grammarist.com/grammar/clauses/ and their other article about run on sentences, which I've beautifully demonstrated here by slaughtering the comma rules.
As for starting and ending dialogue- that is a difficult one. I personally think that reading up on clauses would help, as any sentence that begins on a new clause would need to begin after a full stop. At least, that is my understanding of it. I may be horribly wrong, but if my understanding /is/ correct, then you should treat the quotes as invisible. I think I'm going to read up on that, just to make sure I'm not mangling the English language any more than I have to.
I hope- some of this helps. Even if it is pretty basic, that site really is helping me to finally get around to learning this stuff.
To be more confident when writing, and so forth. Though, I'm not sure if you're insecure in your writing, or just really aware? Either way, I hope this is interesting for you!
1076484
Thanks! A lot of that is really helpful!
And it looks like I was wrong about the "shivered"s in this story. There were only two... I must be getting this mixed up with something else I was writing. Admittedly, the sentences start the same way "Fluttershy shivered as..." and they are fairly close to each other. But if they weren't noticed, then whatever.
I'm not particularly insecure or particularly aware. I'm over educated and bored, so I write crappy fan fiction in my spare time. And oftentimes, I know I am breaking rules I've long since forgotten. I don't take anything seriously online, so a lot of my self criticism is to help me get better and to lower people expectations. It's also to cover my laziness. I can just say "I wrote something with a terrible plot!" or I could fix said plot. Which is easier? Do'h.
But I am trying to remember things and implement proper rules and whatnot. Slowly but surely, I'll get there. And posts like this help! Thanks!
1076608
Glad to be of help! Even by proxy, ha.
I think you notice how all your paragraphs/sentences begin much easier when you write than when you read.
Then again, fixing it is probably a good thing, polished silver vs. unpolished, in a way, but seeing as I didn't notice, and often catch myself doing the same when writing, I'm probably not the best to give advice on that. Probably.
a healthy balance between not taking it too seriously, and giving it an honest effort.
It is a nice hobby isn't it? I think for us who only do this for fun, that's the best approach. Of course, improvement is always good, but I think I'd too shy away from fixing a plot, that is a monumental task.
And I'm no surgeon, Hey oh! (I just had to!)
Rarity is on an evil streak ain't she?
1088255
Sorry. She'll be good in the next thing I put her in. Hopefully.
1088347
"Hopefully". Luls. I have no problem with Rarity being bad. It's quite amusing. If I thought she were the best pony then I'd be flippin' out.
I really love unique situations, this was fabulous. A+
Very well written. I enjoyed reading it. And I mean I
enjoyed reading it. Winkwinknudgenudgesaynomore
Have a thumbs up!
This was great!
That was... Why did I like it? More please?
I have seven things to say in response to this sir,
and they are as follows:
1. Why
2. The
3. Buck
4. Did
5. I
6. Enjoy
7. This?
once again, im stuck in the opposite side of the planet!
ill spare you(but that doesnt mean im pleased). one question though? what went in your cranium and you decided to create this..... this... thing?! kinda feel sick. (not to offend ya though)
This is so wrong, but so right...
........
I like it.
Stay fabulous.
this is FREAKY, CONFUSING and yet INTERESTING and ENTERTAINING!
I WANT MORE OF THIS...
its so BAD but its so GOOD!
1167775 It's Mistress Rarity, everything she does is enjoyable
5376506
Sorry about all that. I guess maybe I took it too far. Maybe you'd like something better, eh?
5376588 People in glass houses, darling. I really cant say too much with this in my body of work.
I liked the story though. It was just so...
See previous post.
I can dig this.
I did this in a story as well, in a story I still intend to expand from novella to novel and try to publish. Mostly as a nod to the friend who inspired it, who DOES have a shaving fetish.
In fact, track down Pedantia Pixel and she'll probably give you lots of praise.
Gave me a nasty case of the why boner.
Whoa, this was gross. Why would you want to get rid of that beautiful, soft, fuzzy fur? It's madness, says I. Utter madness!
I suppose this means I do not have a shaved pony fetish.