I'm Leaf. (Fledgling) Author Extraordinaire. Everyone loves me.
Shipping đź’–11,675 stories ·9,745 members
The Fillyfoolers3,947 stories ·3,490 members
Fluttershy4,017 stories ·2,924 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,291 stories ·5,462 members
Pinkie Pie1,027 stories ·491 members
Fluttershy has always had difficulty with love. She gets into her own head, worries that she isn't doing enough for her partner, and ends up getting too stressed out to enjoy it. She would rather just avoid romance.
Rainbow Dash thinks she just needs to find a pony she doesn't feel that way about, so she sets her up with Pinkie Pie to try again.
Page generated in 0.146 seconds
Total duration
988 users online
21,975 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Pretty good! I love Pinkie and Fluttershy as a pairing. I do have some criticism for you.
1. You might want to consider writing in past tense. It isn't incorrect to write in present tense, but people will likely find it distracting.
2. You shorten words far too much. For example, "What, are you gettin sick of animals?” Rainbow doesn't talk like this and it's a little strange to read. It's also gettin' technically but that's neither here nor there. When Fluttershy starts doing it, you know you've gone too far.
3. There is too many lines that are nothing but dialogue. What are the characters doing? What are they feeling? How are they delivering their line? Are they sayin' it angrily, impatiently, somberly? Are they fiddling with something nervously?
That's it! Thank you for contributing to this underrated pairing.
Well, this is probably the "sweetest" couple in the entire existence.
It was definitely a lovely reading.
Aww, that sure is a cute story! Awesome job with the character interactions as usual
Nothing much to add for critiques this time, it's just a pleasant story. You should totally add your story to some groups or something though! That'd go a long way toward boosting exposure
9730175
Thanks for the feedback! I hadn't considered that the tense might factor into readability, but it does certainly seem worth thinking about.
IRT the word shortening, I admit it's been a while since I've seen the show and just kinda wrote Rainbow Dash how she sounds in my mind. I should refresh myself on how the mane 6 speak, honestly. If I did it with Fluttershy that was definitely a mistake.
For the third point: Fair. Just a fair critique. I'll keep it in mind.
Glad you enjoyed it though! They're definitely a wonderful pair, and while I imagine my interpretation of how they'd have a relationship doesn't exactly line up with most peoples', it is still very fun.
9730239
Thanks for reading! Glad to hear you liked it. ^w^
9730728
I'm definitely still gettin used to the whole groups thing, what the etiquette and such is. It felt weird to me at first to just... add stories to groups without some kinda invitation? Shrug. I did add it to a couple, though. I'm just not really sure how to tell which groups are still active. Like, the biggest Pinkie group doesn't really seem to have an active forum, but I don't know if that means people don't pay attention to it or if people in the group just use it for new story notifications. I think I'm startin to figure it out though.
I'm glad other people are finding it as cute as I do.
Thanks again for reading! I'm thrilled to be getting a good reception.
9730756
9730175
Ah, the only time I saw Fluttershy shortening words was in response to Pinkie doing it.
Probably could have been made a little more obvious that that's what she was doing, but yeah, just thought I should point that out. Shortening words is fine to show character, as long as you don't overdo it. And add the apostrophe at the end, dangit!
Sorry, I can be a bit of a grammar nazi
9730811
I will consider the apostrophe but I make no promises. I don't like them they're clunky and largely unnecessary.
But yea she was copying Pinkie there. I generally try to keep shorthand like that to dialogue where it feels appropriate (I have to stop myself from putting it in the narration sometimes but I know it would be jarring and read poorly) but I know I'm not infallible. A refresher on their speaking styles would surely do me good either way.
Actually, in retrospect, I should have done something with that line to highlight that it was kind of forced. Quotes or something, just somethin to show her hesitation.
Beware Rainbow! For you have created something far worse than you could ever imagine. A somewhat uncommon ship.
published on my birthday
and one of my favourite ships, too :D
Fluttershy is aaalways the submissive one, always the, well, shy one... I do quite like this interpretation of how she would behave in a relationship. And I always liked the idea of Pinkie needing someone to let her hair down around, someone she can be quiet(er) with. So yeah, this worked out great.
Thank you!
PS.: Oh and I've got to agree: Past tense doesn't throw you off that much.
I generally agree with what MemeSurvivor said.
10516981
oh yea for sure, I switched to past tense a good while back and it was a Very Good Decision.
Glad you liked the story!