Chapter 4: Temporary Head Case
Chapter 4: Temporary Head Case
PSST. This is your brain thinking. You realize we just made a pun?
Yeah, that was stupid, and I barely get it. Louis thought back at his imagined conversational partner.
Hee hee! Okay. Back to reality. Brain, over and out!
"-And the whole place was covered in frosting!" Pinkie finished... Something.
"Hate to interrupt again, but..." Louis announced, waiting once again for the ponies to stop talking and give him their attention.
"My girlfriend is coming over today, and there's no way I can persuade her otherwise, Especially now since I told her that Twilight was here."
Twilight broke out of Pinkie's grasp to turn towards Louis, an indignant, betrayed look on her face. "I thought I needed to stay secret!"
"I figured telling her would minimize the damage of the surprise that would eventually come."
"Why not just run?"
"Where the heck to?"
"Is she cute?" Pinkie interrupted the duo's argument.
"Yes, she's cute." Louis answered, only to be bombarded with more questions.
"How about smart?"
"Yes, she's smart."
"Geekish?"
"You bet."
"She's just like Twilight! I sense a love triangle coming!" Twilight blushed with ill-concealed flattery when she realized Pinkie called her cute and smart.
"No. Extrovert. Twilight's introverted."
"Okay. That makes things run smoother."
*Ahem!* Twilight ahem-ed.
"Yes?"
"I theorize that the moment your girlfriend sees us, she will run off and never be seen again because she thinks she's gone crazy and nobody will believe her. Who knows what will happen? That's why you can't let us be seen."
"Uh... Dramatic theory. What if I said, 'I see them too'?"
"She'll call everyone she knows and this house will be transformed into the home base of a freak show. That's why you can't let us be seen!"
"That's even crazier, and you don't know her."
"What? You said other people are not to be trusted."
Louis looked at Pinkie, who had been interestedly watching the argument fling from person to pony. "There... Are some exceptions to the rule."
"HA! I win! Showing ourselves is NOT the worst thing we could possibly do, it's just-"
"A very bad idea." Louis cut in.
"...A very bad idea. You're still right..."
"Yeah, but I'm stinky. I need a shower. See you girls later." Louis got up and casually made his way to the bathroom.
"What just happened?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, that's easy! *Hic* Your personalities were so alike and corresponded so well with mine that we could partake in such a peculiar conversation without even batting an eye until afterwards. Wasn't it funny that you took it all in stride?"
"Uh... Yes. Where did you get that vocabulary?"
"It comes back when I get one of those weird, lonely hiccups! See, I ate a dictionary once without trying to. Don't worry, though, I'm still friends with Rarity, and nopony was hurt!" Pinkie got up and trotted to the kitchen, singing a happy little wordless song.
Twilight pondered this extremely odd information. A... Dictionary? Why would Rarity be upset? She doesn't even have that many books- Wait. Now I've GOT to get to the bottom of this.
Louis had to be presentable for his girlfriend's visit later that afternoon. That goes without question.
The actual question was how to remove the rainbow colored pegasus from his bath mat without causing her to go berserk. His headcanon always said that she had a much shorter fuse than shown in the show, but he had to consider it for all it's potential inaccuracies, since, what if the show itself isn't accurate?
Pick her up and rush her to the exit, then lock her out? No... She's faster than me... Probably much stronger too.
Poke her to wake her up, and then remain hidden while she leaves? Not that either... She'll seek me out.
...Give her mane a little stroke? NO WAIT HECK NO. That's just trouble right there.
...Maybe if I just yelled at her... Yeah. Scare her and then lock her out before she can think.
Louis silently took a huge breath.
Rainbow Dash's bright purple eyes shot open as she turned quickly to face him, giving him a glare that any idiot would think could probably kill it's recipient ten times over.
"Pleasedon'tbuckme" the unfortunate tenant blurted desperately.
She didn't buck him. Some unknown form of pony martial arts, perhaps, but it certainly wasn't bucking.
bucking would probably be more focused on the gut, and would hurt considerably less, anyway. Also, the assault would have less focus on the face, which was promptly smashed full force into the neighboring hallway's wall.
"DDDGGGGHH OHH FFU- ...Uuudge." Louis slid down the wall to collapse in the hallway.
"Answers. Now." The cyan pegasus demanded of the now prone form of Louis Anderson.
Contemplating his answer very carefully, he said what came first to mind. "I come in peace?" It sounded kind of muffled, as his bruised and slightly bleeding nose was crushed against the wall.
Rainbow Dash blinked once. She turned to look at the bathroom, turned back to Louis, and blinked again.
"Eeh, that'll do. Sorry about the face."
Rainbow Dash flew sheepishly down the flight of stairs as Louis slowly recovered.
"FREAKING OW" Louis shouted after her.
"Sorry!" She hollered back up the stairs.
Louis indignantly went into the bathroom, hoping for all he was worth that he would not need to come back out prematurely.
"Okay, this is kind of freaking me out. WHAT did I hurt upstairs?" Rainbow asked her two friends, who were currently catching up with the events of Ponyville, wondering what their other friends think of this, and wondering how many different ways Equestria could go to crap without them. You know, the usual for situations like this.
"That was a human, and from what little evidence I have, he's keeping us safe from others of his species."
"Wait. A human trying to save us from humans?"
"Well, he promised to save me, but you two kinda showed up suddenly." Twilight glanced at Pinkie, who was currently batting at the curl of mane that was in her eyes.
"So you showed up, panicked, and asked him not to tell anyone about you, is that it?" Rainbow asked, giving Twilight an odd, knowing smile.
Twilight scoffed at this. "Actually, I was about to talk to the landlord myself, but he was rather certain that he wouldn't like me."
"Oh. Well I'd expect that too. You under-think things just as much as you over-think them."
"Ouch." Both Twilight and Pinkie said at the same time.
"I did it again, didn't I? 'Shootin' my mouth off', as Applejack calls it?"
"Yeah." Pinkie said. "Even I felt that one."
Twilight remembered something important. "Pinkie, do you remember when you told me about the time you ate a dictionary? What exactly happened?"
Rainbow's face twisted with confusion.
"Oh, that? Don't worry about it, Twi! I was just as scared as her! ...Why are the doctors so good at fixing that sort of thing?"
"... That raises a million questions." Rainbow told Twilight.
"You're telling me." the unicorn responded.
"Uh, girls? Is that you out there?" A small voice asked from the nearby closet.
Alright. Awesome. I'm ready for whatever potential psychological disaster may come from Chelsea, and perhaps several other kinds of disaster, because DANG IT, I FEEL GREAT! ...What are they all staring at?
Louis had descended the stairs, only slightly damp, but a lot cleaner and garbed in a fresh set of clothes. Of course, he was understandably confused when the three ponies were staring at Louis' futon with concern, said futon's blanket containing a lump similar, but not quite the same as the one Twilight had formed twice.
"What did I miss?"
Pinkie helpfully informed Louis, although he could barely keep track of the breathless ramble that was "informing". "Well, we found Fluttershy in that closet over there so we spent like two minutes trying to convince her to stop hiding and come out of it, but then we spent another minute figuring out how to open it because she couldn't push it open, but then she saw the room and was all like 'AAAAAAAAAAH!', except really quiet like some sort of cute little squeak and now we've been trying to get her out from under this blanket!"
"Hmm. Must be an awesome blanket, since she's the second pony to burrow under it."
"Yeah! I wanna try it myself!" Pinkie agreed.
"Well, if you can make the shy pegasus currently underneath a bit more sociable, you're welcome to."
Pinkie grinned widely, then Fluttershy squeaked with surprise as she suddenly dove under the blanket.
"Guess what, Flutters?"
"...What?"
"I'm gonna tickle the shy out of you so much that everyone will have to call you 'Flutter'!"
True to her promise, Pinkie aggressively tickled the butter yellow pegasus, and Louis had never heard such an angelic giggle in his life. All three observers couldn't help but laugh slightly from the intrinsic charm and funniness of the situation.
Fluttershy rolled out and plopped onto the floor, out of breath, tearing up and still giggling, as her playful assailant poked her head out from under the blanket. "It IS awesome! I've never been able to do that before!"
Louis sat on the floor next to Fluttershy and offered a hand. "Hi 'Flutter'. I'll be you and your friends' host for the next uncertain quantity of time."
Fluttershy put her hoof in Louis' hand and shook it. "It's Fluttershy. Pinkie didn't change my name yet."
"Aww... I thought I did..." Pinkie said in mock sadness.
"So, considering you all have shown up within the past ten minutes, I can expect two more ponies soon?"
They all glanced at each other.
"Uh... I guess?" Rainbow, well, guessed.
"Lovely. Six times the mental trauma for the expectation of crazy boyfriend. I think she'll suffer a heart attack or something."
"Hey! Could it be because of Fluttershy? Twilight told me that humans kept getting heart attacks from her!" Pinkie jumped in. Funny how she knew that stuff so quickly.
"Twi, that's known as a joke. Granted, it's also a compliment as it basically says she's so cute it'll cause physical harm, but it's just a joke."
"I know. I'm not sure if Pinkie knows, though."
"Duh! Everyone knows you suffer a diabetic stroke from her, not a heart attack! I always keep this with me, because I know that, as her friend, she wouldn't want me dying because of her!" Pinkie pulled a bag of insulin from nowhere.
"...Where did you get that from?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I have them stashed all over Equestria! In case of cute friend emergencies! But I had this one in my mane, although I was considering wearing some pants just to say I kept it in my pocket, but then I thought, 'Silly me! Why would a pony need pockets? Twilight never needs them when she's carrying scrolls!'"
"Um-" Louis said, noticing Rarity casually trot down the stairs, although not like she owned the place, but rather, as though It was her grandmother's house and she was comfortable there, yet respectful to the building because she would never dream of hurting the owner's house.
There's not much difference, but what difference there is is significant enough to remark and describe.
"Oh! Hello girls! I was in my boutique a minute ago, but I somehow ended up here. Do you have any idea where we OH SWEET CELESTIA WHAT IS THAT YOU'RE WEARING?!" Rarity shouted at Louis.
Louis shouted in kind. "Oh, shut up! I just changed into these clothes and I like them! It's called casual wear for a reason!... Besides, aren't you supposed to be shocked about what I am, and not what I'm wearing?"
"Well, that would be rude."
"It's just as rude to insult a foreigner's attire. What if this stuff was considered high class?"
"But it isn't! You said so yourself!"
"Doesn't excuse your first impression."
"But my first impression was accurate!"
"Okay, look. Can we go past the clothing thing? I know it's your job and all, but- What are you laughing at?"
Applejack's here now. All present and accounted for, now to wait for my girlfriend's inevitable arrival and subsequent breaking of her brain.
Applejack, having appeared from an uncertain portion of the apartment, leaned against the coffee table and smirked. "Heh heh, you put up more of a fuss than I did when Rarity first commented on my hat!"
"So I did. Clothing talk. Stop. Enough. I'm going to leave before I'm put on the spot for any longer." Louis quickly made his exit.
Okay, so I could ship Fluttershy and Twilight together...
But I don't know the address for Timbuktu. No, wait. Stupid Idea. I don't want the whole world to go to crap just to avoid the... World going to crap as she spills the beans to her roommate Laurie. AAAARGH. Maybe there's some sleeping pills in my medicine cabinet?
Louis paced furiously in his room, thinking furiously how to avoid the extremely problematic encounter concerning six Equestrians and one girlfriend who would not be swayed by any known force to not arrive at Louis' humble apartment.
His ideas, since in panic, were by no means the smartest ones someone in the same situation could come up with, but you have to pity him for the predicament that he was in.
Yeah, if I can sneak them into something they would all want to eat, I could bring them upstairs and let it sink in before they start peppering her with questions and the like, and she won't be horribly shocked about the whole thing.
That's a horrible Idea. I couldn't do that to them. I just met them. ...And organizing them all when Pinkie's around is like trying to herd cats, I'm sure of it.
At that moment, Louis' appearance suddenly looked slightly manic, in a similar way to Twilight when she was worried. This would be disconcerting to all involved...
Doomed. Everyone on Earth is doomed! The ponies too! They're all going to know about them and then they'll lock them up and they all will fight with each other for the secrets of their wings and horns and everything is going to die when the nukes come out and it'll be just like Fallout! ...Minus ANYONE BEING ALIVE WE'RE ALL DOOMED!
"Hee hee hee hee-" Louis' brain was on the edge of complete collapse when he heard a rat-tat-tat on his door.
He smoothed out his inexplicably frizzed hair and shook the bags out from under his eyes, rather confused and astonished by the sudden physical transformation. "Who is it no I'm not panicking just thinking?"
The door was kicked open by a beautifully average looking girl wearing medium sized glasses. She had a ponytail in her red hair, and a simple black jacket with matching sweatpants and tennis shoes.
This was a typical outfit for Louis' girlfriend, but he was surprised by the ridiculously huge grin she wore, and the fact that she was clutching Fluttershy tightly in both arms... This was far cry from the faint/terror/anger/total confusion that he expected.
"This is awesome! Why didn't you take any pictures?!" Chelsea yelled in excitement
"Not that it isn't nice but I don't know you all that well... Could you please let me go? If it isn't any trouble?" Fluttershy squirmed in Chelsea's tight hug, but only received an ear scratch for her meager protest.
The pegasus "reluctantly" accepted this, suddenly okay with cuddles from a random stranger.
"I... See you made it."
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Huh...mmmokay im mean it was weird for us too.
not gonna blame ya!
Heheheheh, okay, you scared me for a moment.