No Longer Alone

by SparkleForever

A Mare Out of Time

The sun was nearly set, touching down on the horizon and ushering in the night. Luna’s night. She felt a familiar tug; Soon she would need to call forth the moon. Time was passing all too quickly, but Luna reminded herself that in the winter the days were always much shorter than the nights. She was still adjusting to there being seasons again.

The clouds from earlier had not returned, affording the sisters a perfect view of the setting sun from where they now sat, at the top of the tallest mountain’s peak overlooking the capital. Celestia was perched across from her, eyes shining in the firelight. The wind this high up was unhindered and they both kept awkwardly adjusting their manes as it whipped around them mercilessly. A pitiful fire was between them, nearly smothered by the wind. It was only by magic that the fire was still going.

The temperature steadily dropped with the dwindling light and Luna scooted closer to the flames, preferring fire burns over frostbite. She forwent casting any more spells to preserve her strength; a full twenty-four hours had passed since her last slumber and she needed to stay awake. Besides, this cold was a mere trifle compared to what she had suffered through on the… Regardless, she had survived much worse.

Celestia eyed her intently and Luna opened her mouth to question her, but then she abruptly stood up and lit her horn. A golden aura, not unlike the celestial aura, expanded and surrounded them with a warm embrace. The wind died down and the fire grew to a healthy size. Seeing Luna’s questioning gaze, Celestia settled back down and shot her a smile. “We won’t have any eavesdroppers this evening.”

As a shudder passed through her frame, Luna snarked, “There better not be.” After a moment’s hesitation, she added, “Thank you.”

The beaming smile she received was too much. Averting her eyes, Luna looked around their little bubble. Celestia’s golden shoes were nearby, ruined from the earlier scuffle. They would have to be reforged once they returned to the city. She had somehow managed to keep track of them in all the chaos; How, Luna had no idea, especially considering that she had lost them in the first place.

As if reading her mind, Celestia gestured toward them with a huff. “Yes, Luna, they are all accounted for. I can keep track of my things.”

Luna narrowed her eyes and cracked a smile, “Didn’t seem that way earlier.”

“Well, no,” Celestia blushed, “But that was because I wasn’t trying. I took them off for a reason. They’re so heavy, and the last thing I wanted to do was put them back on.”

“Really?” Luna blinked in surprise. A glow surrounded her horn and she removed one of her blue shoes; her hoof felt so exposed and she grimaced. She lifted her forehoof and swung it, testing the weight. It was quite a bit lighter; She’d never noticed that before. “...but that’s not what you said earlier,” she muttered, confused. “You only said that you liked the feeling of snow on your hooves.”

“You know, it’s just, UGH, those nobles earlier were so infuriating.” Celestia shifted the conversation as if she hadn’t heard her, dragging a hoof down her face. “The nerve they had, holding me up when I had the day scheduled off. My celestial aura did nothing to dissuade them. Not that they haven’t pulled something like this before, but I expected better of them this time; my mistake. I had been looking forward to today for so long, and then that happened, and you went ahead and left without me… I couldn’t stand the weight of them any longer.”

“Oh.” Guilt was creeping up, flushing Luna’s muzzle. It made sense, in hindsight. Of course something would happen as soon as she tries to leave, she thought. That was a roundabout way of saying that the shoes were merely on the receiving end of Celestia’s frustrations. Luna swallowed the lump in her throat. “I hadn’t realized that was why you were taking so long to come out. I suppose I was too eager to leave.”

“I don’t blame you, although I won’t deny that I was a bit miffed with you for not talking to me first. I could have used your help.” Celestia sighed. “The moment their backs were turned I took off as fast as I could and got as lost as possible. I figured you wanted to be left alone with your thoughts instead of spending time with your big sister so I was going to make the most of exploring on my own. Then you called me. I was really surprised. I mean, I was so shocked that I tripped over my own hooves!”

“Tch, what little faith you have in me. I wanted to spend the day with you, too, just sometimes…” Luna bit her cheek, trying to find the right words for her conflicting feelings and overwhelming emotions. She couldn’t. “…sometimes I need to sort myself out before I can be good company. Regardless, I came up with the ultimate sister bonding experience and then you just had to go and ruin it.”

“I ruined it?”

“If not for you, and your snowball shield, of course---”

“---Please don’t call it that!” Celestia cut in.

“---My ambush of fun would have succeeded otherwise!”

“Didn’t you get your revenge already?” She groaned. “It seemed like you had a blast one-upping me on the mountainside when my back was turned. Plus the cheap shot during our standoff.”

The response Luna had ready died on her tongue at the mention of the second snowball fight. She tensed, unease filling her as she was reminded of her most recent dilemma: the fear she harbored for her sister. Emotions were still too raw for Luna to address what had happened there and she felt herself pulling back from her sister, retreating into the questionable safety of her mind.

Unfortunately, Celestia noticed when she remained silent for a moment too long and she was quick to pull her out of her thoughts. “Luna, what’s wrong? Was it something I said?”

“Pay it no mind… please.” The plea came out hoarse, her voice betraying her roiling emotions.

A horrid silence filled the air between them, so much like earlier in the day. This much was clear: Celestia was mulling over whether to push her for answers or to leave it be. After what felt like an eternity, a look of defeat passed over her face signaling that she had decided to let it go… at least for the moment, which Luna was grateful for. The tension gradually left her and she slumped in relief.

“Hey, I had a lot of fun today,” Celestia began, treading lightly. “The snowball fight was a great idea. The last time I had this much fun was when Twilight was just a filly. Thank you for today. I… haven’t been myself lately.”

“I haven’t been myself for a long time.” The words left Luna’s mouth before she could stop them.

A sudden flash of light mercifully dragged their attention away to the populace below them. The bustling city of canterlot was far below them, already aglow with light for another sleepless night. The flash was apparently a part of a light show near the central fountain, however, so there was nothing to worry about.

Luna marveled at the ancient city, built not long after she had left Equestria. Stone walls and golden accents, monuments as large as buildings, spires reaching toward the stars--- no expense was spared in the construction of the capitol, and it was a testament to unicorn ingenuity. Its law-defying location of the mountainside spoke of the massive unicorn involvement in its construction. Even without the aid of modern technology, the realized vision of the ancient builders far surpassed that of contemporary architects.

Throughout all of the city’s history, the population as a whole was predominantly unicorn. Most ponies assumed that it was because the nobility, namely the strongest and most magically inclined unicorns, flooded the city in the beginning to draw near their monarch; a fight to climb the social ladder. Although there were a few outliers to support that fanciful theory, the true reason for the unicorn population was much more mundane, according to what Luna had gleaned from Celestia’s wistful remembrances.

The fact that most ponies tended to overlook was that a high number of unicorns resided in the city long before its completion. These ponies of course were none other than the construction workers themselves and most stayed behind after the work was finished. They took up permanent residence, establishing their Canterlot roots for countless generations to come.

In fact, many of the family lines of the current nobility had roots tracing back not to the nobility of the time but to the city’s humble builders, a reminder they sorely needed. Unlike the modern day nobles, these were honest souls that came from every corner of Equestria, filled with such zeal for their country that they answered the crown’s call to raise up a new capital at the cost of their years. Celestia cherished every last one of them.

The enormous mountainside city was now home to more than 100,000 ponies, and that was only a fraction of Equestria’s population as a whole. Ponykind had proliferated in her absence, and the country’s borders reached farther than ever before. In that moment, Luna had never felt so small under the weight of the countless lives that depended on her. She turned to her sister, who was silently watching her on the other side of the fire. They needed somepony strong to lead them, to protect them. There were just so many.

“Equestria has grown so much,” Luna broke the silence. “So great a burden, so many lives depending on.... on us now. It weighs heavily upon me, sister. How do you bear it?”

Celestia did not answer right away, shifting her gaze to the horizon. Luna followed suit, taking in the pinks and purples of the twilight sky.

After a moment, she replied, “How did you handle it before?”

“I stepped up and did my best, but back then everything was different,” Luna protested, frustration furrowing her brow. “Ponykind was much smaller and our suffering was great at the hooves of those demons. There was nopony else to stand up to them. Truly I know not how we were able to best those creatures, the Elements withstanding. But even Harmony found worthier bearers for those, with time.” She sighed. “Now Equestria is recognized as a world power among the nations, and there are other alicorns now. It stands to reason that the bar has been set higher than ever before as well. I don’t know that I’m even what our little ponies want, let alone what they need.”

“Principles don’t change with time, no matter the situation. You get up each day and do your best. Nothing more, nothing less. That’s the only way that I have gotten through my reign.” There was weight to her words and her eyes were unfocused, as if she was reliving a memory. “Don’t sell yourself short, Luna. You are a Founding Mother of this country, of pony civilization as we know it. You are a pillar upon which Equestria was built.”

Luna snorted in disbelief. “What did I do that was so great? I rotted away while you worked your flank off. You did all of this, not me. ”

“Equestria wouldn’t be the same without you,” Celestia’s eyes bored into hers, a tinge of desperation coloring her words. “You and I founded Equestria together. It took so many years. Have you forgotten how hard you and I worked alongside each other, setting up the country?”

“...no.”

“You, Luna, were my inspiration to keep going, but even after you were gone, your ideas lived on to shape the country. I suppose this is as good of a time as any to confess that I read your diary.”

“Wait, my… diary?” A vague memory stirred, bringing with it an unsettling feeling.

“I found your list of propositions. Your take on the issues the country was facing at the time was nothing short of ingenious, and then all the thought and detail that you put into those documents for structuring the government? I was not the only one impressed. Suffice to say, it didn’t take long before most of your ideas were written into law. Your name was on every single official proposal, I made sure of it.”

For a moment, Luna’s mind drifted away from their conversation as she chased down the memory. It was there, just out of reach, and anxiety twisted her stomach. As she was about to give up, it came to her with sudden clarity. Her diary, the one she was never without. It went everywhere with her so that at the slightest inspiration she could capture her thoughts. Being a business-minded pony, it rarely included her personal feelings about her relationships, but rather was full of her viewpoints on how best to help all of ponydom.

At least, it had always stayed with her until… until she had her breakdown. In hindsight, maybe if she had written down her feelings sooner it could have been avoided. It made sense that she had forgotten about the book; it was the epitome of her wretchedness. She was at her breaking point when she finally gave voice to those treacherous thoughts in ink, filling page after page. She could still vividly remember the shaking of her hooves and the blurring of her eyes as sobs wracked her body. As she reread her work, it was then that the darkness of her heart bled out of her eyes like tears. The diary disappeared after that.

“Do you still have it? My diary?” Luna’s voice hitched. She could not stop the tears from escaping her eyes.

“...Yes.” Celestia’s own eyes shined with worry. “I’m so sorry for looking through your diary, Luna. There was no ill-will behind my snooping.”

“No, no, I’m not upset with you. I would have done the same if our positions were reversed. I’d actually like to see it after we get back.” Luna began scrubbing the tears from her face. It may not be the best idea, but a small part of her wanted to behold the evidence of her descent into madness. That, and she needed to hold in her own hooves the proof that she had been a good pony, once upon a time.

“I was desperate to understand what happened, what went wrong, but there was nothing.” Celesita continued. “Instead I found a treasure trove of resources, the means for Equestria’s prosperity.”

Luna paused at that, embarrassment warming her ears. “Surely that is an exaggeration. I wrote those propositions never expecting them to see the light of day. But did you really not find anything more personal in my diary?”

“There were only pages upon pages of your business entries in that diary. Although, I’m fairly certain that you wrote more but I couldn’t read it. The rest of the pages were blotted out with black ink.”

“...I did write more. It was not for anyone’s eyes but my own, though.” Luna shuddered, but not from the cold. She left it at that and Celestia kept her thoughts to herself.

“So from an official standpoint, I really am a Founding Mother?”

“You are as integral to Equestria as I am.”

“Be that as it may,” Luna had to ignore the way the hopefulness left Celestia’s eyes. “You are the one everypony wants, not me. You’ve earned that right. I feel like I do not belong here.”

“And why is that?” A determined look passed over her face.

“You know why,” Luna said bitterly, staring into the flames and imagining herself being swallowed by them. “I am a traitor, and a mare out of time. I do not belong anywhere.”

“Then make a place for yourself,” she challenged her, “Starting right here, right now. A place where you can be free, where you don’t have to hide any part of yourself, a place where I can help you.”

An uneasy quiet fell over them. Celestia was staring her down. The last thing Luna wanted to do was disillusion Celestia about her imprisonment, but there was now a silent expectation in the air for her to speak. Luna steadied herself with a deep breath. She was still struggling to put everything into words, and worries from earlier came to mind.

How would she react when Luna gave voice to the bitter hate she had felt? What would she think of the havoc she had wreaked even while imprisoned? Would she have any sympathy for the tortures and torments that Luna faced alone against for so long?

There was only one way to find out.

Luna opened her mouth.

I’ve made my bed, now I must lie in it.

Author's Note:

In this chapter we got a glimpse of Luna's past and delved into her narrow perspective on the influence she had in founding Equestria. This was supposed to be part of the last chapter but it got too long, so here it is! And it took less than a month to write, so I'm really excited about that. That's the power of comments for you. Now I hope that I can keep the momentum going to dive into chapter 8!

And yes, I totally ripped off the term "Founding Fathers" and applied that to the diarchy. Because, why not? ;)

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[Ice Star]

“You are as integral to Equestria as I am.”

The truth comes out, and it is wonderful.