No Longer Alone

by SparkleForever

Internal Dilemma

The avalanche had taken its toll on the once-beautiful valley, and it was only now in the aftermath that Luna realized the full extent of the damage, what all that had been lost that day. The mountainside was disfigured, having lost part of itself in a simultaneous landslide, and the ground below was marred by deep gouges and jagged boulders. All of the snow was sullied by the upturned soil.

Luna surveyed the damage quietly, her face burning with shame. It had been her responsibility to stop the debris while Celestia melted the snow. Alas, in her haste to erect a shield Luna hadn’t thought her spell through; a novice’s mistake. In the heat of the moment, Luna had merely thought to stop the debris’ descent. And it did stop at Luna’s shield… but then it all promptly fell the rest of the way to the ground.

The tons of debris from the mountain dropped even from a low height was enough to decimate the ancient forest, a forest that had been young when Luna first began her reign as princess. Many of those great, magnificent pines had been felled that day, and tears pricked at her eyes for the loss. The landscape was unrecognizable.

Imbecile! How careless I have become. Is there nothing that I can do right? How in the world did I let this happen? She berated herself, then stopped as a sudden thought struck her. Unless… it was the result of something not-so-innocent. Am I... tainted? Did my time as Nightmare Moon make me so self-serving that it removed my sense of care for the things around me? Do I subconsciously view everything as expendable?

Deeply troubled, she thought back on her spell for any signs of what she suspected. The subconscious after all played a major role in influencing the outcome of a spell, and considering the results of her basic shield spell it was not outside of the realm of possibility. Her frame of mind might still be twisted, and they just didn’t know it yet.

After all, not enough time had passed since her reformation for Luna to examine herself for the effects of her power spell, the one that had transformed her into the monster that confronted her sister in the battle for the throne. But as much as she wanted to immediately analyze her actions now that she had a new perspective to look from, her introspection would have to wait. They were still out in the wilderness and Celestia no doubt would have a lot to say to her.

Luna, mouth dry and gut twisting in dread, finally turned to face her sister. They hadn’t even been reconciled for a year and here she was, making a disastrous mistake. Celestia would surely express her disappointment for the carelessness she displayed today. She steeled herself, preparing for the scolding that was to come. Irresponsibility on this scale demanded it yet Luna’s heart raced at the thought, the trepidation suffocating. Would she call into question Luna’s motives for botching the spell? Did Celestia… did she suspect the same?

As she forced her gaze to meet Celestia’s, Luna was shocked to see no traces of anger or resentment in those clear purple eyes. No, her dear kind sister hadn’t suspected a thing and now her smile was gone, replaced by a frown of concern. She seemed somewhat lost as to what to do, as if she were confronting a frightened foal and not her millennium old sister. Sadly, if Luna’s face betrayed even a bit of the turmoil she felt inside she couldn’t blame her.

Me and my stupid assumptions, she lamented internally, struggling to calm her racing heart. If only I hadn’t overreacted then Celestia wouldn’t be looking at me like this.

Not only once, but twice today had Celestia seen her in a state of vulnerability. First it was the frozen humiliation on the river bank, and now here where her emotions were out for all to see. But perhaps she could still remedy the situation and keep what little pride she had intact, for her sister had yet to be enlightened of her current dilemma.

No, she would not enlighten her. What good would it do for her to know that she was more damaged than either of them had thought? It was only a theory at this point anyway, and the last thing Luna needed to do was incriminate herself further when she was already suspect. As much as she hoped that her agony over the possibility ruled out her guilt in the matter, she was not so certain that would be the case. But until such a time came where she could definitively say that she was guilty, she would keep quiet.

(What would happen if Celestia ever found out before then, Luna did not want to think about).

Decision made, she began to retreat, desiring nothing more than to be wrapped in the healing embrace of solitude. As she slowly backed away, Celestia finally snapped out of her thoughts and called to her. Typical.

“Wait Luna, what’s wrong?” There was urgency in her tone, not to be ignored.

Luna stopped her retreat but she shook her head mutely. All the reassurances that she could think of wouldn’t leave her tongue. When it became apparent that she wasn’t going to answer, Celestia tried again.

“Please, I only want to help. We were doing so well! Tell me what troubles you.” Her eyes glistened in the light. Sincere pleading, a sure guilt-trip if there ever was one.

Luna could not bear to look at her anymore and turned around, back not quite to her. In the corner of her eye she saw alarm pass over Celestia’s face, but she relaxed when she saw that Luna wasn’t leaving.

“Blast, this has been a dreadfully long day,” Luna muttered with a sigh, unceremoniously plopping down in the dirt. I’ve never wanted the day to end this badly before, not even when I was Nightm--… She did not finish the thought, banishing the shameful memories.

If only Celestia had been preoccupied a moment longer, then she could have made her escape. No matter, a half truth would have to suffice. Louder, she continued, “I am merely disappointed that I was not able to preserve more of the forest from the landslide than I did. The amount of damage caught me by surprise. I’m afraid I’ve become out of practice with my magic.”

It was only half of the issue, but the truth of it seemed to assuage Celestia’s worry and Luna knew she wouldn’t press further. Still, Celestia had already seen the effect that the damage had on her sister, so as much as Luna tried to pass off her reaction she could not get out of Celestia’s commentary completely.

“Don’t be hard on yourself, Luna. You’re still getting your bearings and adjusting to all the changes that have happened for you. I could understand you being upset with yourself if this was before… you know. But it’s not.”

Luna turned and faced her wearily, ears pricked in guarded interest.

“Honestly, you got the short end of the stick dealing with all those falling projectiles. Melting snow is a piece of cake compared to what you had to contend with, and the forest may have caught fire without your efforts.”

“Yes, yes, it could have been worse. It always can be worse.” Luna dismissed, ending in a whisper. The day had been emotionally draining, and now that the adrenaline was wearing off she could feel the exhaustion seeping in. She didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up. “... Sister?”

“Yes, Luna?” The concern was back in her eyes.

“I… I need some time to myself. Is it alright if we work on separate tasks for the cleanup?”

“... Sure. Just let me know if you need anything.”

………

Time moved swiftly as the valley cleanup progressed. Luna assigned herself the task of ‘replanting the flora,’ a job she was anxious to perform. The sight of splintered wood and broken limbs sent pangs of guilt through her, and Luna was eager to assuage the nagging feeling as quickly as possible. If there was even a little she could do to restore the pines-- preserve a piece of her foalhood-- she would do anything in her power to do it.

She rode in the air on the breadth of her mighty wings, grasping entire uprooted trees in her magical aura and securing them in the ground. Her work was not limited to the valley floor; It also took her up the slopes and even to shallow cliff ledges.

It was a tedious task, first locating trees that had not been too badly damaged, then finding appropriate places to put them, and finally repairing any major disfigurements. The work was challenging enough that Luna was able to keep her mind off of things for a couple of blissful hours. She was at peace with herself, fulfilled.

Alas, as with all good things it came to an end. The work, as varied as it was, soon became a routine and the routine left room for thoughts. Before she knew it, Luna’s troubles were at the forefront of her mind and she still had no idea what to do about them.

Our strained relationship, my princess duties, the distrust and fear of my subjects, the possibility that my subjects are right to fear me, all of my secrets that are to come to light--Luna listed off the issues one by one, agonizing over them until she could focus on her work no longer. She closed her eyes, choking back a sob. The issues were so pressing that, try as she might, she could not stop her thoughts from spiraling. She felt herself become more and more despondent as the minutes passed.

A rustling sound came from nearby, followed by soft twittering. Her ears twitched at the noise, but it wasn’t until the tweeting abruptly turned into a rougher call that she was able to break free from the prison of her mind. She raised her head, searching for the source of the noise. To the right, she found it.

There on the branches of a fallen tree that she had been about to move stood a black-capped chickadee, plumage ruffled to twice its size. The little songbird cocked its head to the side and stared at her curiously, tweeting out a softer call.

“Greetings to thee, my dear sweet chickadee,” Luna rhymed to it fondly, mindful to keep her voice low lest she scare the poor creature. “My, you are a sight for sore eyes.”

The bird flew to the snow covered ground and took a couple of hops toward her, eliciting a breathy laugh.

“Though I had heard the bird song earlier,” she continued, “I had yet to lay eyes on a single soul ‘til now. I am relieved that life will go on after all that has happened here.”

She recalled the eerie silence that had followed their fight and shuddered at what could have been, what would have been should they have failed. Though it wasn’t the best outcome, at least the valley was salvageable.

At least I can make it right, she added.

And she was going to make it right to the valley dwellers, one tree at a time. Her heart swelled with new resolve, and in the back of her mind she had the first real flicker of doubt that she was tainted. Afterall, how could she still be that monster if she cared this much?

“Do not worry, fair chickadee. This forest, your home, will stand tall once more.”

I promise.

Author's Note:

I'm so happy that this chapter is done and that I finally have new artwork for it. I sketched this chapter's picture last spring I think and there is even another one from earlier in the story still waiting. I'll eventually get to it... Anyway, I hope you liked the update. See you next chapter! :)

Comments

[BleuBlooms]

Love the artwork. When ever I see your artwork, it always makes me want to pick up my pen and draw!

I'm curious though what art supplies do you use?

[Carbon]

Good story!
Beautiful art!

[SparkleForever]

10701808
Sorry I missed this! :(
Thank you!! I use alcohol based markers on mixed media paper with pigment fine liners. :)

[SparkleForever]

10704034
Thank you very much! One of these days Chapter 6 will be done.