No Longer Alone

by SparkleForever

Picking Up the Pieces

The silence was broken by the sweet serenades of countless birds. They flitted about the damaged landscape without a care in the world. Squirrels ran up and down the trees in pursuit of one another, and even a few rabbits appeared from the undergrowth with noses twitching. It was as if the valley had been holding its breath before, and only now that the danger had passed did it release it. Life had been restored to the once silent valley.

Considering that they were in the middle of winter, the flurry of activity was very odd. Normally, all of these creatures wouldn’t be out for a couple of months yet until winter was wrapped up. Although, it wasn’t too odd considering that Celestia was involved. She did have a tendency to bring out life wherever she went, like a ray of sunshine. There was something calming and reassuring about her presence and her warm demeanor put ponies at ease.

Luna had noticed it especially with the castle staff. One moment a pony could be having a meltdown, and the next be as untroubled as a foal. It was as if Celestia’s presence alone was enough to inspire trust and confidence in anypony that walked through her doors. Now it could have been attributed to Celestia being an experienced leader, where her reputation preceded her, but that reason had never sat right with Luna. Looking at her sister now, she thought that she had finally figured out why. Not because of something she could see, but because of the absence of something that had been there.

“Sister, your celestial aura is gone!”

“Yes, it is,” Celestia replied gravely. “I poured as much magic into it as I could to stop the avalanche. Evaporating that much snow at once drained the spell.” A shudder ran through her body and she pouted, dropping the serious tone. “Ugh, I cannot believe how cold it is! How do you stand it?”

Luna laughed, smiling despite herself. That smile faded as she thought about the troubling implications of her sister’s aura. What if there had been an ulterior motive behind the celestial aura? Persuasion? Outright mind-control? Celestia certainly didn’t sound happy about losing it. And what could Luna do about it if she was right?

I mustn’t overreact, Luna thought. It’s true that I have been absent from this land for centuries. Perhaps some of the ancient laws regarding leadership and magic have changed… under Sister’s rule. But if it is what I fear, it’s not like she has been abusing it. Ponies are so much happier with her around. Either way, though, I must know the truth! For Sister’s sake, as well as my own. A glimmer of hope stirred in her heart.

With her suspicions in mind, Luna decided to broach the topic carefully. “Come now, Celestia, tell me. What is this celestial aura really? Surely there is more to it than winter insulation. I have not heard of it before today! And if I ‘of all ponies should know what it is’ as you said earlier, then tell me.” She finished off with crossing her forelegs petulantly.

Celestia pursed her lips, and she seemed to choose her words carefully. “Well, you know how drafty the castle can be. Is it so far-fetched that I would engineer a spell specifically to help with that?”

Luna’s eyes narrowed. Celestia wasn’t being up front with her. This was going to be harder than she thought; she would have to point out the holes in her story. She replied, “It wouldn’t be, if it were cast on the castle itself. I don’t believe that you would be that selfish to keep the warmth all to yourself, considering how many non-unicorns are in our employ. And then of course the aura’s only visible when you’re outside during the winter because it isn’t cold enough in the castle. Yes, I put two and two together on that one. I also find it odd that you named it after yourself, if it is so far removed from yourself.”

She sighed dramatically, then continued, “Really, sister, I’m hurt that you won’t tell me what it is.” The words were spoken lightly, but Luna could feel her heart sinking with each passing second. She didn’t know how much more of this avoidance she could take.

For a split second pain flashed across Celestia’s face, but it was gone as fast as it came. She schooled her features before replying. “Very well then, if you must know. The aura was a reflection of the connection I have with the sun, essentially a part of me. So yes, it was closely related to me and I had thought that ‘celestial aura’ was an appropriate name.”

“So how does that work? Or rather, how did it work?” Luna pressed her.

“I’m not sure what you are asking, Sister.” Celestia seemed genuinely puzzled. “Do you mean how it kept everything warm?”

“No, the connection.” Luna’s impatience was starting to leak into her tone. “You said that it reflected the connection you have with the sun. You’ve been leading me to believe that warmth is all there is to it, but that cannot be.”

“Well, there is more to it but I don’t see the point in discussing it further. Really, I don’t know why you are so interested in it. The aura is gone now.” Celestia spoke with finality and shuffled her wings, but Luna would have none of it.

“I’m not finished, Celestia. The connection I have with the moon is not just about coolness or even darkness. To speak in no uncertain terms, it’s a relationship that would be abusive if it were between ponies. It’s one where I’m completely in control, and when I speak the moon listens. She does what I command her to do, regardless of the season or time of night. I imagine that it isn’t all that different between yourself and the sun.”

“Sister--!” Celestia tried to break in, but Luna swiftly cut her off.

“My concern is this: All this time you have been projecting that connection, that type of relationship, on everypony you meet, haven’t you?” Luna was breathing heavily by the time she finished.

Celestia’s eyes were wide with shock and she stepped back, but she made no motion to answer. The accusation had come off stronger than Luna had intended. Already she was ashamed of herself for giving in to her emotions. It was a mistake talking to her about this, Luna decided. I have failed as both a princess and as a sister. Just as she was ready to bolt, to be anywhere else but there, Celestia found her voice.

“That’s not entirely wrong, Luna, but it’s not completely true, either.” Celestia’s eyes were troubled. It seemed like she was going to say more, but then she closed her eyes and sighed, “Let bygones be bygones, Sister. What’s the point of talking about something that can’t be changed?”

Luna felt something die within her; perhaps it was hope. Immediately her vision began to swim. “Then what’s the point of us discussing what happened to me on the moon?” She was shaking; the cold and quiet words had slipped out before Luna could stop them. She couldn’t bring herself to regret them though, even when Celestia whipped her head up to look at her, mouth agape in horror.

Luna’s mouth went dry. She couldn’t speak while looking Celestia in the eye, so she averted her gaze before continuing. “You know that I am weak. I’ve struggled to do the right thing in the past; that’s why our relationship is so strained right now.” Her voice grew stronger and her eyes now met Celestia’s. “But not a day goes by that I don’t regret what I’ve done. I have scars from it, Celestia, that run so deep I’ll never escape them. Every single night I have to fight this hopelessness that threatens to overcome me. I can barely stand to think about my past, let alone speak it aloud. How then am I supposed to talk to my perfect older sister, the spotless ‘Princess of the Day’, about m-my failings, failings that should not even exist on a princess’ record?

“Yet I have grown tired of hiding my thoughts from you, especially with all the pestering as of late, so I will give you my perspective. I already have a bit, but if I wasn’t clear before I’ll say it now. I’m not comfortable sharing my...pain...my grief, with somepony who can’t relate. The pony I see before me is different than the one I grew up with; so graceful, so strong, and so perfect. I don’t even know you to make mistakes besides small, inconsequential ones. Of course, I just accused you of corruption, but I am inclined to believe that is my desperation talking and I’m merely grasping at straws. I have no proof, after all. But let me ask you this: If you are hiding your guilt, what example does that set for me? And what do you gain from it?”

Luna fell silent, allowing the question to hang in the air. Celestia began to pace back and forth and appeared to be deep in thought, so she patiently waited. She was rewarded a few minutes later when Celestia stopped and started to speak.

“Luna, dear sister, I love you greatly. You must remember that. But also know that I am by no means a perfect pony. I have told this to all of my little ponies many times, even though they never listen.” Frustration was evident in her furrowed brow. She exhaled slowly before continuing. “That is where the problem lies for me. I have never done anything so public as you have, and there are no other ponies alive to speak of my youthful misadventures. There were countless generations of ponies that came before those living today who thought me a goddess, primarily because I single hoofedly guided this country into an era of peace and prosperity, and unfortunately that belief still persists today.

“I am prefacing this because I need to contrast our situations to help you understand where I’m coming from. I was hurt deeply by your banishment; my only family, my only friend had been taken away from me. Literally overnight our diarchy ended, and my anarchy began. All of the responsibilities that we shared were suddenly mine alone to bear, and I had to be strong for the nation to keep all of our hard work from falling apart. It was sometime during the worst of my grief for you that I resolved there would be a country for you to return to when you came home, and so I put all of my time and energy into being the strong leader that our little ponies needed.

"Within the first two centuries I was very successful, and because of that everypony thought that I was some perfect deity. As much as I hated it, I couldn’t afford to prove them wrong, not when even the smallest display of weakness could jeopardize the country. I have ruled alone like this for so long that I forgot what it was like to have someone I could talk to, someone I could be myself around. I didn’t even realize what I was doing to myself… and to you… how hypocritical I was being.” Her ears drooped as she finished. She moved away and began to pace again.

Luna was silent, contemplating Celestia’s words. She shook the snow from her coat and stretched her stiff legs. Before she could think of something to say, Celestia faced her once more. She was surprised to see tears staining her fur.

“Luna,” Celestia spoke softly, “You were right, earlier today, when you called my celestial aura a shield. It’s not exactly what you thought it was, though, and I am sorry that I wasn’t upfront with you. As you already know, it isn’t easy talking about one’s failings. I hope you can understand a bit better now why it is especially difficult for me.”

Luna moved closer, placing a comforting wing over Celestia’s shivering frame. Celestia continued with a sigh, her warm breath fogging the air. “The celestia aura was a mistake. It was something I invented some years after our battle. As much as I told myself that I was strong, I wasn’t. It was a struggle to adjust to all of my new duties, and in those days many ponies lacked respect for the crown. Pony after pony would come to me to file their complaints about anything and everything, mostly about how I was doing an inadequate job; it didn’t matter to them how much good I was accomplishing.

“Naturally I came to dread every encounter. I had no one to talk to anymore, to help me through it, so I finally did something about it. If the little ponies of Equestria were going to come to me to ask for help, then they would at least believe that I had the ability to assist them instead of questioning my authority. I designed the spell to project the connection I have with the sun on those in my presence. Not mind-control, mind you, but a type of influence. I rationalized it because everypony had the power to reject the feelings if they really wanted to, they had a choice. Of course, at the time I was grateful that very few ponies did. I justified it as being for the greater good of the country, but at the end of every day my mind was troubled. It may have made my job easier, but deep down inside I knew that it was wrong, that I was projecting feelings on ponies that were not their own.

“I tried to end the spell at different times over the years, times when I was feeling particularly disgusted with myself, but I never could. I was too much of a coward, afraid of what ponies would think of the ‘real Celestia.’ But do you know what the scariest part of it all was? When it stopped bothering me altogether. I knew I was too far gone then.”

“Sister,” Luna began, giving Celestia a hug, “As much as our little ponies believe us to be infallible, there is no such thing as a perfect pony. I know that and you know that, or at least you know it in your head. I believe that you have yet to know it to your heart, and that is why you struggle still. Because where the heart leads, the mind follows. You have put too much pressure on yourself, trying to be perfect. I see that now.”

Luna’s eyelashes glistened with unshed tears, heart aching and guilt prickling her coat. She continued, “To think that this was all because of my foalishness. I hurt you so much that you hid yourself behind a shield. I thought you were better off than me, remaining on equus, but you were just as isolated as I was. Worse yet, because you had to be a pony you are not.

“But listen to me, Celestia. You were perfect just the way you were, and you were a strong pony. You never needed a crutch. You could have ruled the country without that shield, and you will rule the country now that it is gone.”

“How do you know? How can you be sure?” Celestia whispered. Tears continued to flow down her face.

“Because I know you, sister. You said it yourself, everypony had a choice with the celestial aura. I subconsciously rejected it, because I knew who you were before. I was searching for similarities, but I mostly saw what you wanted me to see. Every once in a while, though, I saw through the facade and it gave me hope. Everything I loved about you is still there and, even better, you have become one of the greatest leaders there ever was.”

After a moment, Celestia said quietly, “You have been home not even a year, and you have discerned the truth of this millennium old secret of mine that I kept so well hidden until today.” Her expression became pained. “Yet when I was in the same position as you all those years ago prior to your banishment, I did not see what was in plain sight. I did not know my own sister.”

“No, you didn’t, but you’re not quite as observant as me nor I did not make it easy for you, Celestia. I hid myself from you because I knew you would not stand for my jealousy. Of course, it was because of that that my jealousy festered until I became the monster I was.” Luna pulled her wing away.

Celestia frowned slightly, but did not argue. Instead, she stretched her wings and broke into a smile, leaping into the air. She flew a few laps above the clearing laughing all the while. When she landed, Luna tilted her head to the side questioningly.

“Forgive me, Luna,” Celestia started, “But I could contain myself no longer. I feel so free, as light as a bird now that I’ve told you everything. I feel so much better.”

“Yes, thank you for telling me about your demons," Luna replied. "You can put them behind yourself now. There must be no more talk of artificial feelings or relationships.” Luna smiled, sighing, “I think I can almost speak about mine now. Let’s wait a little bit longer, though. These poor creatures need help rebuilding their homes.” And I still need more time, Luna thought anxiously.

When would the misery end?

Comments

[BleuBlooms]

That was great!

[SparkleForever]

10530534
So glad you like it! I'm making progress on chapter 5, though now it's looking like the ending is going to be pushed back another chapter because of how much I have left to write, haha. ^^;