What is mob to a king, what is a king to a god, and what is a god to non believer?
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Griev thought he could escape his past, but his demons continued to hunt him. those who took everything from him, took him from his life, to be their lab rat, and now they returned, and he will repay them for every knife they stuck in his body, as bullets into their mind. He is the Black Wendigo, and he will have his revenge.
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Can't wait for more pilgrim
9699062
I don't get it
9699130
I cant wait for more chapters or do mean pilgrim
Is this similar to Sly Cooper and the Thievius Racoonus, with a Clockwerk OC?
9699155
No, it's more of red hood meet cable that have been through winter soldier experiment.
9699173 Ah, I gotcha
9699173
Oh that is so cool for a character like that.
9705416
you like it ahh
9705428
I sure do lol and I can't wait for more.
Great chapter pilgrim
9706082
Agreed this chapter is great I can't wait for more
9718235
If you enjoy the story please check the group Equestria's warrior and join to the shared universe of the group.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/214434/equestrias-warriors
now thats EDGY
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9757194
what?
Cyborg griffin holding a gun. If that doesn't scream edgy I don't know what does.
9757562
If in edgy you mean awesome, I agree
9757570
I'm fairly sure that he means "edgy."
9792573
Edgy is good isn't it
So. You wanted constructive criticism. Here's my two cents. Edgy is not good.
Now for the long winded criticism.
The grammar, and for that matter, the quality of the writing, is atrocious. Numerous capitalization errors, typos, etc. plague the story and it looks as if a third grader had written it. I'd suggest either installing Grammarly to assist you, or popping over to Khan Academy and taking the free english course offered there, because you sorely need it.
Your OC here is, for all intents and purposes, cut from the cookie cutter mold of "Edgy heartless killer that occasionally gives a fuck and has morals." I can certainly see why you think it's cool and badass, but your OC has about as much depth as one of those kiddie pools you'd buy at the dollar store for ten bucks. Incredibly uninteresting to read, and combine that with the poor grammar it makes for a... less than ideal mix. Attached are some articles to help you make this character, as well as future ones, interesting and compelling on at least some level.
All I can suggest from there is read other people's work and see what they did right. I'd recommend Law Abiding Brony's "Of The Hive" series, as well as "Bad Mondays" by Handyman, and "What is Love?" by Little Big Pony.
9792587
Thank you, and I would be glad if you give to other works of me feedback
9792588
Remember what I said about cookie cutter molds? Nearly all of your stories are the same thematically. Edgy OC wanting revenge on so and so or is fighting against the odds. I can certainly understand sticking to your style, but that's all you write. It's like expecting the newest Fast and Furious movie to be any different from the past eleven in the series.
I can guarantee you that if I took a look at each individual story of yours I would find the same issues I did here.
The action was fun in spite of your spelling and grammar errors. I like the mysterious heroic figure.
Everything feels rushed to me, but I do appreciate the time taken for a little backstory. There are still many errors.
Spelling and grammar are of vital importance in any written work... this one has many errors that need to he corrected.
Fast pacing is fine, but in this case it feels too fast. More precisely, it feels like details are missing that would be enriching to include. A harrowing escape, which is what it felt like you were doing here would make far more sense than your griffin killing everyone and everything he comes across.
There were some great analogy/metaphors, but they were few compared to what is going on. I guess it just feels to me like everything needs to be fleshed out better. I like the concept and the characters.
9808024
so you like it?
9808688
I like parts of it. As a whole, it's just not quite there.
That having been said, there are enough good elements to this that it could become a great story if you keep working at it. Write until you reach the end, then come back and flesh out everything, fixing the spelling and grammar.
I'll give it another try at that time.
9808735
Please P.M me what do you think need to be approved and what you liked so I won't take it out
Very fast pacing, but this is also a very different sort of story than I've seen before here. Intriguing. Very intriguing.
Okay, I know I haven't read this and it's probably wrong to judge a story by it's description... But, can anyone blame me?