“Oh, delicious, where are you?” It sang as it slithered down the cavern, following the mental scent of it’s tiny flightless meal.
It knew it had spent far too much time with that group, and it had not expected the queen herself to arrive to ensure the capture went without a hitch. In fact, it could still feel her presence too close to for comfort, but at least she and her posse were still leaving.
Meaning none of them felt the little prey that it was salivating about. It’s spit was splashing on the ground like a leaky faucet, sending little tufts of steam up as it dissolved the rock.
Reaching a section it knew as a dead end, it had to stop itself from bouncing with glee, a half dozen or so extra mouths appearing at random point all over it’s body, all of them grinning evilly.
“Come on out my little delicious, don’t you know that friendship is yummy!” It sang, using both mental and physical feelers to grope down the offshoot looking for it’s prey.
Only to find disappointment. The little yummy morsel wasn't here!
Backtracking back the way it came from it searched hard to ensure that it had smelled correctly.
“How did it escape? It demanded the darkness, angry with itself as it returned where the trail ended it stalked up and down the space. It was frothing at the mouth in anger, spittle was flying everywhere, sending puffs of steam up as it lashed out with with it’s tentacles in anger, cracking the stones nearby and sending flakes flying everywhere.
With a grunt of anger it flopped down in anger, settling in a watery form, letting it’s body flow into the cracks and the holes in the uneven floor. Grumbling in a unsatisfied way in felt a chunk of it’s body flow into a deeper hole, and continue flowing as it didn’t feel the bottom.
Solidifying itself, it quickly forced it’s body through the hole and the maturation cocoon on the other side it found itself looking down on the hive, sitting directly above the ‘Royal Palace’. Sending one of it’s tendrils back into the cocoon, it tasted the transformative liquids and instantly tasted the fear of the young one in the fluids.
Looking down it could now also detect the faint smell of the small one all the way down, and judging by the fact there were no bright splashes of blood or body parts below, it guessed that something had caught it on its way down.
Grumbling over the lose of a wonderful meal, it glared down at the ‘Palace’ in anger. If their Princess had spent more time getting food and less time building to the excellence of the empire, then perhaps maybe so many of it’s sisters and brothers might have not starved to death.
“Well, that’ll teach it for also not taking one of the ponies from the group and keeping it also.” It mused out loud.
Giving the palace one final look before it slithered back through it’s hole it noticed something odd. One of the windows below was shattered.
Odd, knowing how the queen liked her palace to be the shining symbol for all changelings. It figured that the queen would not allow something like that to deface her precious for long, not unless if it was recent. Looking down it followed the faint mental smell to that hole.
Good enough evidence for it, it decided as it dissipated into a liquid and fell like rain down towards the palace.
“And I will be gone before the queen returns.” It sang as it fell.
Scootaloo floated in the glowing green, her body numb and unresponsive. She could not even take a breath, the jello like substance clogged her lungs but somehow she also didn’t feel like she was short of breath in the slightest. Also any aches and pains she had have had dissipated into a blissful nothing.
The only thing she could focus on was the broad human chest inches from her face. It was just a mere blur, but it was the only thing she could see. Her arms were stuck out in front of her, her hooves close enough to feel the warmth of his skin.
And what truly scared her was the fact she could see on her arms patches of fur that were missing and the skin underneath black and dead looking.
“What have I done to deserve a life like?” Scootaloo wondered.
“All I’ve done is be the best me I could have been.” She sobbed, trying with all her might to force herself forwards into Cass’s arms, to try to find some comfort in her newly-found fathers arms.
“Why, Celestia, why?” She cried as she closed her eyes tightly, tears welling up but lost in the jello.
Still floating motionless, she sobbed in helplessness for what seemed like hours when she felt something brush against the side of her face. Snapping her eyes open, she saw a human hand floating by her face.
Rolling over in my luxurious bed I felt for the familiar figure of Pumpkin, only for my foreleg to flop onto nothing. With a sigh I cracked open one of my eyes and scanned the room for any sign of my perky pink wife.
Of course if I had just used my ears I could hear her downstairs singing a silly song as she cooked a breakfast for the twins before they went to school. I still found it hard to believe that we had been married for twelve years now.
Rolling out of bed with a clop of hooves on the hardwood, I left the room still drowsy and worn out from the lack of sleep the prior night. I don’t know where she got the energy but thank goodness that when the door was shut our room was soundproof. Last thing I needed was the police interrupting us every night due to noise complaints.
That, or needing to explain to the twins. God, that was not a conversation I was ever looking forward to having with those two little girls. I guess I’m just lucky that they didn’t have their mothers energy.
Carefully stepping down the stairs into our small but comfy living room, I looked across the mementoes of a life well spent. The pictures of our wedding day, the twins off to their first day of school, and a couple of others, like their school play and such.
Smiling, knowing how lucky I’ve had to have been to have such a good life I step into the kitchen, only to have the floor fall out underneath me.
I fell for a few short feet before face-planting on the plain white floor. Grumbling for a few moments I sat up, holding my nose to stem the flow of blood from it and looked around the featureless white plain I had landed in.
“What the hell, where am I?” I asked nopony in particular.
“Pumpkin, are you here?” I yelled louder, looking up hoping to see the kitchen above me.
“Cass, you need to wake up.” Came her voice, lacking her ever present happiness.
“Pumpkin? I am awake! Where are you?”
“Right here.” She said as she laid one of her forelegs around my shoulders, scaring the crap outta me. When did she get there?
“Pumpkin, what’s going on?”
“It’s time for you to wake up Cass, there’s nothing more for you here.” She said, starting to cry.
“I’m here Pumpkin!” I yelled as I wrapped my legs around her in a tight embrace. “Please stop acting like this, you’re scaring me.”
“Cass, remember how I’ve always told you this isn’t real? I was not joking. This ‘world’ was only just a prison to keep you here so they could feed off of you. And right now you need to wake up and escape.” She sobbed into my shoulder.
“What? Escape from what, the perfect life with you and the twins? I want to stay here with you!” I yelled as she pushed herself away from me.
Ignoring what I said, she continued, “And there are others that need you.”
“And I need you, I don't know what to do without you.” I begged.
“Go, now!” Pumpkin yelled as she shoved me away.
“Pumpkin!” I yelled as I continued sliding.
“Remember, I will always love you.” She said as parts of her started floating off and fading.
“Pumpkin, no!” I sobbed as she disappeared in a blur.
Jolting awake, I cracked open my eyes, expecting to see the familiar surroundings of my bedroom, but was shocked to see a dark, dank chamber.
I instantly started crying knowing that Pumpkin had been telling the truth, my life had been fake. The loves of my life had all been nothing. Trying to move my legs I found them stuck in this jelly goo that buried me up to my face.
Looking down I saw the shape of a young orange pegasus stretched out as if trying to reach me. Trying hard I saw my hairless foreleg slowly move forward until it collided with it’s face. It’s eyes immediately snapped open and looked up to me as if pleading with me.
Mustering all of force, I reached out with my other foreleg and and grabbed it’s other shoulder and lifted. I sank down a few inches but my rear hooves found the bottom of the vat I was an and I was able to lift the small pony up and out.
The second her head broke the surface, she started coughing up the goo that had filled her lungs. After she had hacked up a good fist sized chunk, she immediately smiled and launched herself at my head, burying my face in her breast as she sobbed.
“Cass! You’re awake! Thank Celestia!” She sobbed.
“Okay, two questions.” I started, my voice sounding unfamiliar to myself.
“What?” She asked as she let go of my head and used my shoulders to climb out of the goo fully, flexing her wings to shake the goo out.
“Is that contagious?” I asked using my hoof to poke at a balding black spot on her belly.
“Umm, no, I don’t think so dad.” She said, shaking like a dog flinging goo everywhere.
“And who are you?” I asked as she froze instantly.
...really...
3340361
really what?
One word comments don't really do much for me to help resolve issues or clarify issues
and they also don't tell me what I need to fix/improve/continue doing
3340390 oh nothing really. i was just confused and then i realized that he thinks hes a pony. or im confusing the story with another..
3340420
Yeah, thinks he's a pony for now, something to do with Chrysalis being a complete jerk
There's a typo in your description; it should be "ways". The first sentence is also a severe run-on; it should be at least 3 different sentences, and there's not nearly enough commas to follow what it is trying to say.
3340833
Thanks for the heads up, "fixed it"
anyway I can recruit you to help me do that with the chapters?
3340839 Sorry, but I'm already editing too many other projects (I also detest HiE as a general rule). I just figured I'd point it out since I was passing by.
If you are looking for editors, I would personally recommend the Proofreader Group or the Looking For Editors group (the former more than the latter).
3340892
tried both those groups, got a few bad editors and have no intentions on trying them out again
and as for your hate of HiE, I don't blame you, alot are poorly done and I will not try to convince you otherwise or that mine is special.
But thank you for taking your time to help me
3340901 Well, I will admit that both groups can turn up some duds; I personally review all the editors I hire from either group (either by reading their stories, or by reading stories they have edited for). Some of my better editors have come from the Proofreader Group. If you do not want to go through that much work (in which case, why write at all? ) you can also try WRITE; all their members have to take a test to be allowed to review things, and I've had good experiences with them.
3340954
Thanks, will check them out
3344469
Thanks for the compliment, I think
And It got better because I grew as a writer and got better, where most writers start writing and are bad at it they stop, and that's the end of it, hence the reason if you look around you'll find alot of stories that are short, poorly done, and to put it plainly, utter crap that died before the could bloom into anything else.
now there are a few like me who are too bull headed to stop, to stubborn to quit(for long) and will come back and will improve with every chapter as the readers provide input and feedback. As you accumulate good editors and proof-readers who help you and guide you to better than what you where and remind you that you started out writing crap to something people actually enjoy.
and there are also those here who for whatever reason, become insanely popular despite all of their mistakes and failures simply because they write something unique and different that take people by surprise.
And also don't forget those in the community who have had experience writing before they got to Fimfic or have multiple accounts, of which only one have their 'finished' products and the rest are just them learning.
Truthfully, Shouldn't Be is something more than just a pastime for me, it is something I really can't put into words, mostly because I don't know what it is for me. I know it's not the life I want for myself because it would suck being there. Sgt Castle is not me in the slightest, and nor do I want to be him. Hell the only thing that was based off of me is his accent because it's easier for me to write how he would speak if I did it from something I know. Hell, in fact every OC in the story is not based on someone, but their voices is someone I know. Well, other than 'It' who is based off of Harely Quinn(all of them)
I'm sorry about such a huge reply to such a simple question, but It just kinda....flowed and before I know it I had all of that.
I appreciate you reading through the crap and into the good and I hope I can live up to the expectations that I know you all have, if anyone has question, feel free to ask
3362030
I'm awesome like that