The Storm King has returned to Equestria, fully restored and stronger than ever! This time, he's made sure to account for a few important 'meddling ponies' in his plan alongside the princesses and other figures of power.
With the Bearers of the Elements trapped far away from Equestria, how will they ever save their home?
Well, the way they always do: With strange new friends and the powerful forces that have guided them all along.
My final entry for the Feghoof Festival, and the 11th place runner up!
Chapters (4)
I thought these entries were all only going to be one chapter long. Please respond to this comment.
9722812
I don't think there's a rule against it, so long as I stay under the word limit.
Ha! And of course it would be a gnome. An island is a chunk of earth, after all.
And apparently you're telling an actual story with a feghoot in each chapter? Very nice. Looking forward to more.
9724067
Figured I'd give it a shot. Have to find a way to stand out from the other entries, after all. Glad you're enjoying it.
Oof. That's terrible. Not even enjoyably terrible. After all, Blueblood's failing was ego, not dullness. Still, interesting concept with the pigman mercenaries, and I assume the shrimp are the setup for a brick joke. This is definitely headed in an interesting direction.
9725352
Yeah... this one fought me. I didn't want to have just one chapter with no pun in it, but I just couldn't make anything fit cleanly. Even this joke started as boorish but then the second half fell apart.
Might have wanted to rearrange things so it was the last line, but still lovely stuff on the wordplay and narrative fronts.
Honestly I think I would have liked this even more without the cringe ending each chapter.
Poko?
9731511
Reference to another author's work. An incredibly potent alcohol, horrendously expensive, and just about the only thing that can get a dragon drunk.
There's definitely an arguement to be made for a single-chapter epic. This is definitely the best pun in the story, especially given the thematic connections. But even as is, this was a very fun read. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
Loved this, thank you for such an awesome entry into the contest! I hope you win.
9739994
Thanks for the love! I doubt I'll win (really fierce competition) but it was fun nonetheless!
Oh boy. Oh boy. Joke aside, that's some cute, clever and unexpected world-building right there! :D
9749224
Thanks! That's what I'm good at (sometimes to the detriment of plot and pacing).
big oof
'Falstaffian', eh? And you just had to name a pig 'Porkins'. XD
That's a really good pun though.
I hate you so much.
Just finished reviewing this for the contest. Gave you a few bonus points on pun quality because the ones earlier in the story were better than the final one.
9749949
Thanks! The first chapter pun I can understand. The third...maybe. But even I know that the second one didn't do me any favors.
Thanks for judging, and I hope you enjoyed!
OH GOD NO PLEASE.
I was expecting one more child, so the kings little piggies would have been the three little pigs.
9757600
We don't talk about his eldest daughter. She ran away from home to experience life in the big city, much to her father's disapproval. For a swine, Babe was rather the black sheep of the family. And her leaving was just the last straw.
How did you not say, "Gnome Anne is an island"?
9762544
Nearly did. Cheeky little secret pun.
There's like two or three puns in this chapter that aren't explicitly stated (and a dozen more in the wings that I couldn't plausibly work into the conversation).
For one thing, how exactly did Pinkie summon her?
Ha! I saw "gnome Anne is an island" halfway through, so I wasn't looking out for a *different* Gnome Anne pun! Ya got me good!
Wow. Wow. That was magnificent and I totally didn't see it coming.
Right near the end I started wondering if it was going to be another feghoot on the MLP theme song or something, so sortof on the right lines, but even if I'd pursued that line of thought doggedly for ages though I doubt I'd have worked out where you were going with it. Delightful.
(Nitpick: aren't the shrimp boiled, not fried?)
I also liked the multi-chapter presentation, especially with puns at the end of each chapter. Some story styles work with 10k word chapters, but this kind of comedy I think is definitely better broken up into more approachable chunks.
Great stuff!
9765712
Thanks! Glad you like it!
And, yes, shrimp is often served boiled, but can be served fried as well (usually deep-fried and breaded nowadays, with a heaping of spices).
9765766
Sure, but specifically what Twilight did to them was boiling, not frying, which interferes a tiny bit with the punchline.
9766392
Ah. Right. Now I see what you meant. What Twilight did was definitely boiling. I thought I had a line about ponies watching them bring in a large pot and barrels of oil, but it seems like that critical last bit didn't make it in. I'll fix that after the contest officially ends. Thanks for spotting that!
9766392
That was only for themselves when they ate on the ocean. The shrimp that Twilight gave to the swine king were still alive, not even raw yet, much less boiled or fried. Also, the swine king turned down the only money we saw as well, and Twilight traded a luxury good, not currency. The pun doesn't really fit with what we've seen in the story.
9777362
The idea with supposed to be that it was ham's money. His nation is already independently wealthy, but since Twilight has something he wants, he uses finances from his own personal account to pay for the mercenaries. Plus, since he's rich already the turncoat bribe didn't work.
Then again, if I have to explain and justify the joke this much then clearly I didn't do a good enough job making it clear in the story. I'll go back in and make a few tweaks after the contest officially ends.
9778144
If there was a scene where the ponies and swine ate shrimp together, and a scene where the swine king explained that shrimp were somehow a special currency that his nation used and not a luxury good inasmuch, then the joke would fit.
Wario is quite pig-like indeed! Porkins just needs a yellow hat, I guess.
This really stands out from the other contest entries! Solid adventure on its own right, and the puns were oh-so-painful.
I love puns, but these are just starting to hurt. I LOVE IT!!
Bless you for making this, I can't wait to finish it! 