• Member Since 24th May, 2019
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Rubae


A newbie writer honestly

E
Source

(Spoiler Warning)Past Thanos snapped his fingers and created his new universe almost killing himself, and just like the last time a universe was made, the stones were sent away from the point of origin. However, their initial appearance given and initial location is pretty much the same as each other this time. Reminds me of the elements of harmony, wait a second?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 1 )

It's bad.
Seriously, it is.



Sorry to be blunt but the first "chapter" was already a pain to read.
This? this is literally everything you do NOT do in a story : explaining everything in the first chapter, ultra-rushed, ect...
Please rewrite this, I like the idea but this is badly written. You need to construct a plot, don't make the revelation that soon, make it so that they slowly realize that they possess unnatural powers (make an arc about them fighting a villain, preferably an original one).
But most importantly you need to "hide" the plot, having Celestia telling them everything in the first chapter is the worst thing you could have done.

I know it sounds nearly painful to do but please, give the story a slow and steady pace. It will be much better in the end! Trust me.:ajsmug:
I'm still giving you an upvote because I hope the best for this story.

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