• Member Since 28th Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen Oct 6th, 2019

TwiPON3


Just a few more steps...

T

Midnight Fang, an 8192-year-old vampony, accidentally meets one of his friends from Quarrel and has to learn to put the past where it belongs and move toward the future.

Update: Evidently, according to people who are more important than me, depression (at least in my case) is nothing more than drama for attention, nevermind what I've tried to do in the past. As a result, for now at least, I will be halting progress of this story as a result.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 7 )

Noticed this story by chance while browsing the site and, deeming it fairly short, I decided to take a look. And I'll be brutally honest with you, this story needs a lot of work. It's not that the grammar or spelling would be that bad--as is a rather normal occurence--in fact, these are quite solid. No, sadly the issues are far more substantial. Honestly, reading this whole thing felt as if I was overhearing a random conversation on a bus. I heard all of it, but didn't understand a thing. The first, rather exposition-y sentence tells us that our main character is an ancient vampony, he meets somepony else and then the two suddenly start talking about, well, all sorts of unrelated stuff, it seems. I'm sure it all makes sense to you, but remember that the readers can't see into your head. All the audience sees is a bunch of lines of dialogue without any atmosphere. They don't know where is the talk taking place, how do the characters behave, what kind of background Midnight and Speedy share with each other, and, mainly, there is nothing to get the readers invested in the story, nothing to make them care and want to read on.

I'm sorry that the first comment on your story has to be such a negative one, but I felt I could help at least a little bit rather than blatantly sugarcoat this. So, let me know if any further explanation is required. Also, should the Soviet Union be brought into light later again, I'm curious about your ponified version of it!

9672506
This story is actually the result of some depression I'm dealing with.

9672572
Oh, I see and I'm sorry to hear that. I know I'm a stranger, but should you want to talk about anything, feel free to let me know and I'll try to help in any way I can. I have a basic training in psychology.

9672585
Thanks for offering help.

9737526
You’re welcome :)

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