- Member Since 19th Apr, 2019
- offline last seen Feb 10th, 2021
Sunset Meadow
"...sᎬᎬ ᎽᎾuᏒ ᏟᎾᏞᎾᏒs ᏒuᏁ!!!"
Sunset Meadow
Joined 19th Apr, 2019 ·
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Up until the last few paragraphs where Fluff asked for a Cutie Staff and Cutie Vault, I thought she was Twilight and not Starlight. I thought the author just got the colors just a little wrong. Goes to show just how bad Glimmy's character design is.
Technically, this is not second-person narration. Second-person refers to books that describe the thoughts and actions of the protagonist as though they were the reader's own. Beginning everything with "you" is a dead giveaway, a lot of choose-your-own-adventure books use this style.
9656002
Thank you for that. Sometimes I get things a little mixed up! I'll fix it!
this has a ton of potential. definitely going to keep an eye on this
Enjoyable!
So this is before season 5 then.
Few years later, mane six arrives.
Does Sunset Shimmer appear in this story?
Kenya Tea will forever be her name to me now.
Guilty? For what? We haven't even started up the brainwashing yet, there's nothing to be guilty about!
Ah, no, there it is. Never mind!
Starlight: Let's put them in the shack for five weeks. If they aren't brainwashed yet, I'll go back in time four or five days until they are.
Alvar: You can go back in time?
Starlight: I am known to do that on occasion, yes.
I took lines from the show and put them into this chapter, but it kinda messed up my writing. Sorry about that...
9690045
This was fine. Sometimes you just gotta follow an episode closely to set up your own story's world. I've seen a lot of stories that just follow the regular story of Friendship is Magic that just have an added character making color commentary without even trying to change the events that happen at all.
Really, you handled this chapter pretty tastefully, and set up events to take the story in your own direction, so I'm not expecting you to have too much more trouble with this particular problem.
9690112
Thank you. I needed someone to say that. Now I don't need to have a panic attack!
Nothing like some good old-fashioned demonic reflexes.
Yes, I did the 'FBI OPEN UP' thing. I couldn't help myself
Yo, that's a cool drawing of a wind, how ling did it take you to draw it? </sarcasm>
Can you make a portal? I'd recommend cutting a path into the Abyss off in the wasteland somewhere, let the guard find it, and then walk calmly in the other direction while a small-scale war breaks out. The real trick of mis-direction isn't just in hiding something, 'tis also in letting them find something else.
I recommend this sentence be changed to read "terrified screams for mercy."
9695260
OPEN UP! THIS IS THE PONICE!
Shit, it's the po-pos!
9695978
Thank you! I'll change it. That's actually a good suggestion. I hadn't even thought of that
Edit : Fixed it!
Very short, I know. But like the Author's Note said, I'm tired.
So is this whole him working with Starlight gonna keep going or is something different happening because I thought hed be a more grumpy demon that the Mane 6 have to monitor by now
That's Venerable Ro, thank you very much, and an excellent trick with the portal, well done.
Noice. Good work
9714804
Sorry! I'll fix it!
Also, thanks! Just added a little bit of my twisted side and ta-da!
Edit : Fixed it!
9714804
More like Venereal Ro, eh?
66.media.tumblr.com/83b7c50cc5dd53ca86a7e666c9c7ffcd/tumblr_inline_otwoycAvwM1ulifgg_540.jpg
9715094
But seriously, though. You are a very avid and widely respected commenter on this site.
9715097
Well that's kind of you to say. I never knew I was so well regarded.
9715102
I see you on most stories that I click on, I remember you because you have a memorable name and picture, and I've noticed that most of your comments have some kind of insight to the story, and thumbs ups besides.
Even if others don't remember you, you're helpful to the author in most cases and don't really get downvotes. I get a lot of likes for my jokes, but I always seem to manage to step on some people's toes when I express (hopefully constructive) criticisms.
Yeeaahh...
So Alvar doesn't like Discord. That's a thing I did.
*cough*
Imma go over here
9721516
Why would that be surprising? I would assume that most people don't like him. He's literally a high-functioning psychopath.
I like his character, but he seems like a real dick that you would have to put in a lot of effort to have a positive relationship with.
Why does he need to take a shower? He has magic.
9721692
Because
IStarlight said so, that's why!...
Remember that he's contractually obligated to obey her commands as long as she feeds him enough fear.
9721710
Ah, yes. I forgot that detail.
Oh boy, getting Discord to sod off is going to be a hard sell. Perhaps the Sisyphus method? "Hey Discord, I bet you can't fit in this innocuous brass oil lamp!"
Read the chapter again. I fixed it.
Blinding some men, but helping others see, made me think of the Sun, or light. Which doesn't fit the first half.
Greed can blind people, or give people a vision for their life, But that's not quite it...
Could it be ambition? With humans acting under it doing the feats described?