This is the first chapter of my first fan-fiction so please be gentle. While I have written a fair amount, none has been fan-fiction. Let me know how I did.

Wow, it's really good for your first fan-fiction, and this seems like a very interesting story.

Very well done. I didn't notice any errors, and the characterization is spot-on.

It's a common (overdone?) premise, Trixie-turns-to-Twilight, but I look forward to seeing what direction your story takes in future chapters. Just because the premise is common, doesn't mean you can't evolve it into something unique and awesome.  For the moment, favorited on quality of writing and potential for Twixie cuteness.

Before I get to reading this, a comment about the description: While I really like the description, it helps to check particularly carefully on the quality of it, since it's basically advertising what your story is like. In this case, you have written 'prospective change' (a change that is under consideration) instead of 'perspective change' ( a change of who's narrating).

I could feel my great and powerful cheeks turning red already.

This is great, it invokes images of Trixie beating up evildoers using her cheeks

Overall what I see so far is quite well written. Good characterization, believable dialog, charming narrative style. The main thing I'd suggest to change is reduce the 'he said, she said'.

for example, here:

“All right then, I’ll take care of it myself. Just do me a favor and keep my guest company until I get back,” I said as I slowly walked back to the door.

In the preceding sentence you already used 'he said', which makes 'I said' seem repetitive in this sentence.

IMO you could change it to

“All right then, I’ll take care of it myself. Just do me a favor and keep my guest company until I get back.”

I slowly walked back to the door.

An excellent start! Especially for a first fan-fic! This must be my lucky day, for this is the second well-written beginning of a fan-fic that I've read tonight, both in terms of style and grammar. Indeed this concept is overdone, but so far you seem to have captured the characters well, and I'm always up for more Twixie. I will be watching this story with great anticipation.

God not again! What's up with the first timers writing so god forsaken good? I loved this first chapter and will continue to follow the book the whole way through. I loved the different POV's for this story, and you portrayed Trixie almost perfectly. I felt Twilight would in her mind, jump[ to being a teacher, but thats just me. You got a real good book going for you, continue improving and making new chapters please, this is real good!

>>NothingSpecial

Thank you  for the kind words, I know the core concept was probably not terribly original, but I ensure that I have more than one surprise in store.

Your user name is perfect for the comment

>>Tilkau

Oh me, oh my! Thanks for pointing that out.

When I wrote the original description I forgot to mention the POV change, so I quickly added it...guess a bit too quickly.

I shall try to keep my eye on such "He/she saids", I appreciate the advice!

Okay.  Nice start.  I can see the characters acting like you have them.  I will gladly be keeping an eye on this.

This is the definition of a good Twilight SparklexTrixie story. The Great and Powerful Trixie demands MOAR!

AVIATORS ROCKS!!

>>10565031056503

I see some amazing potential radiating from this first chapter.  Can't wait to see how you'll develop it

For the time being, hold on one of my 5 mustaches : . I'll keep the other 4 for safe keeping for now

Nice first chapter.

You begin too many sentences with "I". You should work on that.

>>10643731064373

I shall keep an eye on that...

^Ack! Did it again.

>>10565031056503

Hah! My name is an Epic Wub Time reference, of course. "Aww, it's nothin' special. It's JUST MY BASS CANNON"

>>10697431069743

Wub-a-dub-dub Mutha...yeah, Epic Wub Time was amazing.

pretty good this type of switching between view points is not my favorite but hell i can never turn down a good twixie fanfic

Well, chapter 1 got more attention then I was expecting. Hopefully chapter 2 doesn't disappoint.

Featured story logic: A ratio of 70:1, featured.

I can see why, good quality.

Just a little peeved.

Really enjoying the story so far. Looking forward to more.

A pretty damn good story, telling ya.

One thing that gets me confused, though, is how you jump between different points of view. The only way to figure out the narrator is by using subliminal details, and this is just plain awkward...

More reasons for me to dislike Applejack! Thank you!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png

I'm very much enjoying the story thus far. Keep up the good work! And also, kudos on getting in the featured box.

You have successfully made me have the feels for one of my favorite side ponies. The Majestic and Amazing Swirls shall grace you with an upvote and a favorite.

That was certainly entertaining. Poor Trixie simply cannot drop that stage persona!

And Spike has better manners than that.

>>10958191095819

AJ can be a little harsh sometimes, can't she?  I guess her frankness comes with being the Element of Honesty; hard truths are not always the best thing to hear when you have low self-esteem. Poor Trixie...

Somehow It seems to me like it should have been RD who came to those conclusions, I mean she is slightly closer with Fluttershy than AJ.

Meh, details. what's important is that Trixie is crying.

Hello Seth.

I'm surprised Fluttershy was still conscious.

not bad holds my attention will fav to see where this goes

Ooooh. This is getting very good! Poor Trixie...

>>10958011095801

I shall try to differentiate a little better. Trixie and Twilight will be the only narrators but I shall try to make it more obvious who is narrating.

>>10959311095931

I debated between AJ, Rarity and Rainbow for this role. I settled on AJ since I have some other ideas for our Dashie.

Seth?

>>10961441096144

Sethisto, from EqD

nvm, my subtle joke fell on deaf ears :'c

I like it, I really do. The story seems pretty promising and it keeps my attnetion

...But Trixie still talking about herself in 3rd person all the time which is quite annoying

To me anyways. Sorry if I sounded prissy there, just wanted to say that

So far I give it 4/5 Spikes

Will she stop refering to herself in third person, please? Maybe that can be Twi's first lesson? I love this story though. I wasn't sure I would, but I really want to know what happens next! Please update soon!

It seems Trixie honetly believe that she always have to make a big impresion everywhere she goes.  Twilight REALLY has her work cut out for her.  Especially, since she doesn't know that Trixie thinks Twilight wants nothing to do with her.  I have a feeling it's going to get worse for Trixie before it gets better.

I am not a Trixie fan but you make her likeable.

Good Job.

>>10964391096439

>>10967611096761

Old habits die hard for Trixie. It is on Twilight's list of things to try to teach her...or at least she's gonna try.

>>10971911097191

Thanks for that. Honestly I didn't care for Trixie until that song got me thinking. Then all of a sudden she became one of my favorite ponies,

Poor Trixie needs a hug.

I was expecting Trixie to mess up her first introductions to Twilight's friends.  But that's just part of the development and the lessons she has to learn .

Keep this up, and you might get the second mustache among the four I have left .

>>10963791096379

Don't worry, my ears heard it.

>>10975311097531

And what song are you referring to?

>>11000961100096

Second Chances by Aviators. It is the song that inspired this story, there is a link in the story description.

sweeet and cold hard damn, i need moar

>>10958881095888

Sometimes he does.  Other times he can a bit of a prick.  The writers of the show can't seem to make their minds up about him.

>>10958881095888

>>11022541102254

Indeed. He can be rather back and forth with his manners. In Boast Busters he made his opinion quite clear on Trixe however, so I went that direction. He's starting to come around though...

>>PhibbyRizo If only you hadn't already decided who she'll be paired with in this fic, I'd ask if there was a possibility of some TrixiexSpike.

>>11027211102721

wat.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

>>11029901102990 A pairing I'd like to see from time to time. Spike is, at max, only six or seven years younger than any of the mane six, and a slight lack of maturity in Trixie's attitude suggests she's probably younger than most of them. And since the only insight to her character is her stage persona, her personality is [so far] open to interpretation.