• Member Since 3rd Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Richer19


A simple writer/ game designer/ brony/ dragon fan.

T
Source

Legend tells of a lake that has the ability to show a pony deepest desires. However, as with most legends, it has been lost in the flow of time until a blue unicorn stumbles upon it again. What will Trixie deepest desires be and will she be able to find a new purpose in life. Meanwhile, Twilight struggles with a new and strange feeling for a pony she believes hates her.

My second story but my first story involving a shipping. Rated T because I have no skills with the more mature style.

I would like to thank Dekomaru for allowing me to use the cover art. His Deviantart account is http://dekomaru.deviantart.com/. You should check out his stuff if you are a fan of Twixie shipping.

Chapters (31)
Comments ( 348 )

You have an interesting story so far, but it needs quite a bit of fine-tuning. Improper use of grammar, punctuation, misusage of tenses, Switching between third and first person view, no apostrophes used correctly, etc. I highly suggest you find an editor to proofread your chapters before publishing them, Because this story actually seems to have a decent plot line.

-Black Lightning-

Looks interesting, tracked.

Seems good so far, interesting too, though you might want to read through it again as there are a few minor spelling and grammer mistakes :twilightsmile:

As 839775 said; this is very interesting so far, but it needs some editing and proofreading.
I do hope that happens, because I love Twixie, and this looks promising.

Your structuring could indeed use some work, but I'm very interested to see how this will pan out. Please keep writing, you've got some great ideas!

839775
That is not a bad idea. Do you know of any good editor that would be available. I've been meaning to find one.

840110 For anyone who is in need of a proofreader, try this group of proofreaders

Interesting.
I look forward to reading more.

Hm. From your writing, I would hazard that English is your second language, but you're pretty good at it; there are just minor errors now and then that are noticeable, but not as grating as, well, most native English speakers on this site. Overall, they don't affect much, and I don't even consider them enough to criticize. It's just something I felt I should note.

The story itself looks fantastic, and I really want to read more.

842337
Actually...English is my first language. I just have this medical condititon that makes me a little weak in that area :pinkiesad2:.

Interesting. I look forward to more.:pinkiehappy:

Nice chapter.
And sorry, cant help with the editing, im no good with that stuff. :ajbemused:

866983
It's okay. I'm at least glad that you are enjoying the story so far.

If you need a grammar nazi to proofread your story, pm me.

.

You don’t know how happy I am to here that, Trix. hear

886915
Thanks for the comment. As for the suggestion, I understand what you are saying; however, I generally use that space for any information that I need to make mention of while I was working on the chapter and it was just something I picked up on Fanfiction. I may try to put in an A/N from now on but it might take a while if I decided to do it.

886985
One tip I can offer if you do decided to write a fic is to just find a style that works for you. It may take some time and your first one may not turn out as well as you thought it might but keep at it and you will eventually figure out what writing style works for you.

It's nice to see a good Twixie fic sprout up. Haven't seen a new one in a while, a good one anyway. Looking forward to more chapters.

:pinkiehappy:I HOOKED!!:pinkiehappy:
I really like this series so far and I will favor it.:raritystarry:

888428
Because I enjoy making you all wait on cliffhangers. :ajsmug:

Good too see you found a editor.
Keep up the good work.

Pinkie Pie why are you stalking Trixie

You stop that

You stop it right now

Go get Twilight, get HER to stalk Trixie

I really like how this series is coming along. I look forward to the next chapter.:twilightsmile:

894739
Yeah I had a feeling that it was something like that. It really is not much of an issue to me if this story ends up on EQD or not. It was more of a passing thought.

My only suggestion at this point would be to maybe add a blank line between each paragraph to kinda break the "wall o' text" effect.

I'll admit that twixie has been growing on me lately and I'm looking forward to see where this goes.

895577
Well I do admit I had a little bit of a problem importing the chapter from Google Docs and ended up having to copy and paste the whole thing. However, when I do that; it doesn't save any kinds of font changes like bold or first paragraph indents so I end up having to do those manually which could be the reason for the 'wall o' text' effect you saw.

Also, I am glad that you are enjoying the story and if you wanted to look at a rather good Twixie comic, then check out Dekomaru on Devianart.

Maibe you should leave more space between paragraphs, it kinda looks like a wall of text like this. Aside from that, good chapter.

896334
See my reply comment to Royal Brisk for my explanation to the 'wall of text' please.

Hi, have to complain about the last few sentences.

She wanted to have some kind of hope, no matter how small, that the dream she just had would become reality. So, that night, without her assistant knowing and the only witnesses being the moon and stars, she made a wish. A wish that she would no longer have these dreams…because she wanted them to become reality.

Sorry, but this isn't a case where repetition strengthens the idea. Since the second time you're trying to use it to invert the meaning of the sentence, the first one makes it weaker.

898031
Oh...okay then thanks for bringing that to my attention. I'll try a little harder to not do that again.

Looks like Trixie is going to get help from a certain Princess of the Night.:pinkiehappy:
Don't worry about taking too long. I wasn't like you took six months or something like that.:twilightsheepish:

Ups, I hope Trixie is not in trouble. :applejackunsure:

I guess Spike forgot that breaking a promise is the fatest way to lose a friend's trust FOREVER!:pinkiecrazy:
I hope he at least remembered to mention that he promised Twilight he won't say nothing and why he chose her. If not...oh boy.:facehoof:
As for story length, it doesn't matter the length of the series as long as 1) you are still able to finish it without going on hiatus and 2) if still has the same quality as it does now. That being said, I anxiously await the next chapter.:pinkiehappy:

Im sure Rarity will notice the Canterlot silk, she the best at her job after all :raritywink:.
Cant wait for the next chapter.

great story. Can't wait for mroe :D

:raritycry::twilightangry2:you touch that layer and die

As Rainbow Dash would say: "DUN DUN DUUUNNN"

And so the truth is revealed, (in suitable dramatic fashion:raritydespair:)

Twilight handled that a lot better than i would have...

1003974

Indeed, if I were Twilight I would have bucked Rarity in the face, or drop her out the window. Not hard enough to break anything, but hard enough to hurt for a few weeks.

1004435

I would have bucked her so hard. That's invasion of privacy, destruction of property, and destruction of Canterlot Silk. If Twilight had wanted it destroyed, she could have very well done it herself. Rarity could have at least shown some class and asked what was troubling Twilight before she went and destroyed the cape. :twilightangry2:

Twilight is a saint. I would have tried to destroy Rarity the way she destroyed that cape. I thought Rarity was more of a lady than to just sneak around Twilight's home and destroy property without at least confronting her about why she has it.
Spike may have lost Twilight's trust FOREEEEEVER!!!

im surprised trixie didn't already know

1025339
I'm not. At least, not surprised she didn't know it consciencely.

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