~~~~~~Trixie~~~~~
It had been a long time since I was last here. After traveling all across Equestria, this was the place I had chosen to return to: Ponyville. For some reason I couldn’t put my hoof on, this seemed like the only place I could return to. Of all the places I had been, the result had always been the same; I was not welcome. While I really doubted my return to Ponyville would be met favorably by anypony, it was the one place that stood out in my mind. It was the one place in all of Equestria where I had met somepony like her. If I could learn her secrets, then…maybe…
I really didn’t understand what made her so special. So maybe she might have had slightly more magical talent then me, why did everypony like her? Why does nopony like me? She showed off just as much as I did, so how come nopony pushed her away? Why did Twilight Sparkle have friends…when The Great and Powerful Trixie had none? I wanted to learn these things so, just once, I would be welcomed somewhere. So, just for a while, I wouldn’t be so lonely.
Night had just fallen when I drove my cart into Ponyville. I had thought it was best if few ponies saw me enter town. Just for the record, I wasn’t sneaking in; The Great and Powerful Trixie does not sneak. I merely planned the most opportune time for my arrival so as not to disrupt the common folk with my dazzling presence. Oh Trixie, how brilliant and considerate you are. I believe that nopony paid particular attention to my cart as it slowly made its way toward the library. If my sources were correct this is where Miss Sparkle lived. By sources I mean three rather energetic young blank-flanks that I asked for directions near the town entrance. They either didn’t recognize me or didn’t see my show last time; otherwise they might not have been as forthcoming. For some reason many ponies don’t want Trixie in their town for a repeat performance.
I parked my cart near the tree that was the town library. What type of backwater town builds houses out of trees these days anyway? Donning my cape and hat, I exited my cart. As I approached the door, a wave of nervousness fell upon me. I paused to adjust my hat and straighten my cape; I felt like a filly about to do her first show. I tried to shake off the feeling. I was a professional performer, not some amateur backyard magician. It wouldn’t leave.
She won’t say ‘yes’.
Nonsense, Trixie, there is no reason for her to turn you away.
Other than you personally insulting her and her friends? Not to mention a certain Ursa incident.
She probably has forgotten all about that. I already had forgotten myself.
She will close the door on you. She won’t want you around. Why would she?
I shook the feelings of doubt from my head. I was at her doorstep, no sense in turning back now. I was about to knock, but paused just for a second longer. I wasn’t hesitating, why would one such as I hesitate? I simply wanted to ensure that I said the right thing; you only have one shot at this Trixie! You only…
The door opened and a purple mare collided with me. I was so startled by her sudden appearance that I fell clear over. I believe her surprise equaled mine as she appeared to be left speechless; I suppose I have that effect on most ponies.
~~~~Twilight~~~
All I had wanted to do was run a few simple errands; grocery shopping, bringing a few books to Rarity, stopping at the bakery…but it seems my evening was about to head in a drastically different direction. When I opened to door to leave I ran smack into somepony who had been standing on my doorstep. I suppose she must have been more surprised than I was, seeing as I had knocked her to the ground. I was just about to apologize when I recognized her. What in the name of Celestia was Trixie doing here?
She apparently still had her flair for the dramatic. After a rather awkward pause, she literally leapt to her feet before striking a pose. Same old Trixie; she laughed for a moment (at what, I never did figure out) before loudly proclaiming her intentions.
“Aha! At last, Twilight Sparkle! I, The Great and Powerful Trixie, humbly request a private audience with you! I have traveled these many miles to speak to you. Feel free to take a moment to feel honored.”
‘Humbly’? Well, seeing how it was Trixie and that she ‘requested’ rather than ‘demanded’, I suppose it was sort of humble…for her.
“Uh…hello, Trixie. It’s…er…good to see…you?”
“Of course it is. Now I believe that Trixie, most modestly I must add, made a certain request. Are you not going to invite Trixie in?”
“Look Trixie, I was actually was about to go run some errands and really wasn’t expecting visitors. Maybe another time would be…” I trailed off. Something wasn’t quite right here. As I tried to send her away, I noticed something. Her eyes, once beaming with usual ‘Trixie-confidence’, faltered and her cocky smile faded. It was subtle, but it was there.
“I…er…Trixie understands you must be busy. Forgive her for being so presumptuous. Forget her intrusion. I’ll…I’ll leave,” she said, turning away rather quickly.
“Wait! Um…hold on a second.” I said with a sigh. I’m really not sure why I stopped her. I can’t say that I was particularly thrilled to see the flashy magician again, but the way her voice had wavered was something I couldn’t ignore. She seemed upset, but was hiding it beneath her usual bluster. We may not be friends or even on good terms, but I just felt that I shouldn’t turn her away, at least without giving her a chance to speak first.
I returned inside. Thankfully, my number one assistant didn’t seem busy.
“Spike!”
“Oh hey Twilight, back already?” he said looking up from a pile of scrolls that he was trying to stack. I think he was trying to build a card-house…but with scrolls. Considering the number strewn about the ground, he seemed less than successful.
“Well, I haven’t even left yet. Speaking of which, would it be possible for you to do the shopping for us?”
“I don’t know, Twi, I have a lot to do too, you know. Important dragon things; it’s all very complicated,” he said with a shrug, as he placed another scroll. Translated from baby-dragon-speak, he meant he was going to goof off and eat the rest of the gems he had stashed away. His tower tumbled again.
“All right then, I’ll take care of it myself. Just do me a favor and keep my guest company until I get back,” I said as I slowly walked back to the door.
“Sure sure, that shouldn’t be a…” he began, and then I opened the door. “…Problem.”
The cape-clad pony in my doorway tried to look casual, but she was standing rather rigidly. “Are you ready for Trixie?”
“You know, I think I can handle those errands for you, Twilight. No problem. In fact, I think I’ll just take my time. Yup, nothing better than errands. You two have…um…fun,” Spike said, as he scampered past Trixie as quickly as his little legs would move.
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose,” I said. No one is ever really ready for Trixie.
~~~~Trixie~~~
I was kept waiting at the door for an uncomfortably long time. I was beginning to suspect that the door would remain shut on me when Miss Sparkle suddenly opened it, saying something to that small dragon-thing of hers. I quickly tried to mask my impatience.
“Are you ready for Trixie?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
The little dragon-thing muttered something about errands as he hurried past me. Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath as she motioned me inside. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.”
I entered the library with a flourish, ensuring my cape billowed impressively behind me; I needed to make a good impression, after all. I needed to impress upon her my need for her assistance, but that was no reason not to be impressive while I was at it. After all, how could she like me if I was not impressive? I crossed the room and sat down upon a stool. Twilight followed, but at a much slower pace.
“First off, Trixie would like to thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to meet with her. Now, Trixie would greatly appreciate it if you repeat nothing you discuss here with her. We…we are alone, right?”
“Since Spike just left, no one else is here,” she said, as she took a nearby seat. “I won’t say anything. Now what did you need to talk about? And why come to me?”
“Well, the second question has a shorter answer. Let’s just say that after our last encounter you earned the respect of The Great and Powerful Trixie. That is not an easy feat, I might add. Also, she feels that you might understand her better than most.”
“Um…thanks, I guess,” she said, shifting a bit awkwardly. “I don’t know about understanding better, but I can give it a shot.”
“Well, what I…er…what Trixie wanted was more to ask of a request of you. She, um wanted to ask you if you…” I began stammering. Now that the chance to finally ask her for her guidance was here, my mouth couldn’t form the words. “Well, if you wouldn’t mind…Trixie needs….Trixie…”
“Maybe you could talk a bit easier if you dropped the whole ‘third pony’ thing. Just relax, Trixie. I’ll hear you out.”
“Trixie…oh fine. I want you to teach me,” I said quickly, before averting my gaze.
She won’t say yes. Why would she?
“Teach you? Teach you what?” she asked.
“Everything,” I said with a sigh. I stood up and took a few steps toward my prospective teacher. “I want to learn why you are so good at everything. Magic…and the other thing too.”
“Well, magic is my special talent after all. I’m not sure it is something I can just teach to another pony,” she said as she cast a glance at her cutie mark.
“But that is just it! Magic is my special talent too!” I said as I displayed my wand mark. “Yet for some reason Trixie’s…my magic is nothing close to yours!”
“I guess I see your point, but wait…what was the other thing?”
“What other thing?”
“You said you wanted to learn magic and ‘the other thing too’, didn’t you?” she inquired with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh. Right. That,” I said. I could feel my great and powerful cheeks turning red already. “Let us not sweat the details. Will you teach Trixie?"
She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know about this. I really don’t think that I’m the right pony, and if you can’t even tell me what you hope to learn…”
“Wait! Please do not turn Trixie down!” I admit I may have started panicking. “The other thing is…well….how should I put this? That thing you do with having everypony around you…like you.”
I turned away. It was the most embarrassing thing to say it out loud…and yet she still didn’t quite grasp my request. She didn’t say anything for a moment, but as I peeked over my shoulder I saw naught but a look of puzzlement.
“I’m not sure what you…”
“Friends, all right? Trixie never…I never …”I began. As I tried to form the words, I realized how pathetic I must sound. I felt sick admitting this in front of anyone. I took a deep breath. “Nopony likes me. I just want somepony to, I don’t know, be my…friend.”
She was silent. I couldn’t turn to look at her. What must she think of me now? I knew this was going to be difficult, but I felt utterly humiliated. I felt a tear threatening to escape, but a quickly brushed it aside. If nothing else I would rather die than cry in front of Twilight Sparkle right now. Nopony would ever see me cry. Ever. What did you expect?
“I don’t really know quite what to say, Trixie. I had no idea that you didn’t have any…”
“Just go ahead and laugh at Trixie,” I cut her off. I didn’t really want her to, but it might be easier to deal with. I dealt with people laughing at me all the time.
“What? No! I was just saying with how much confidence you have that I wouldn’t have expected that,” she said, her tone unfamiliar. It was…reassuring.
“Confidence? You mean during my shows? Ha! That is all just stage presence. How can I impress an audience if I don’t sound impressive?”
“So, all that boasting you did before was…just part of the act?”
“Well…perhaps not all of it. Trixie just plays herself up a bit so everypony can see how likable she is; yet for some reason not many ponies…okay, no pony…goes for it. I just don’t get it. They never give Trixie…me a chance.”
Twilight took a deep breath. “All right. I can’t promise I’ll be an exceptional teacher, but if you want me to, I’ll give it a shot.”
I could not believe what I just heard. I almost hugged that little mare on the spot, but Trixie managed to maintain some shred of her dignity. Instead, I just said “Thank you” as I fought back a smile.
~~~Twilight~~~
I quickly thought it over. Trixie really wasn’t asking for anything wrong…in fact she seemed to be desperately reaching out. Why she chose to reach to me, I had not the slightest clue, but I had no reason to turn her away. This seemed rather hard for her. “All right. I can’t promise I’ll be an exceptional teacher, but if you want me to, I’ll give it a shot.”
A wide mixture of emotions played on her face. She seemed to struggle for words for a moment before muttering two words rather quietly. “Thank you.”
“Why don’t you come back in the morning and we can figure out how we are going to work this out. I’ll think of a schedule of sorts in the meantime.”
She nodded before removing her hat in a sweeping bow. “Indeed. Until the morning, Twilight Sparkle! Trixie shall take her leave. Farewell!”
As she rushed out, my second thoughts rushed in. I didn’t really know Trixie all that well, and I don’t think of myself as much of a teacher. Also, I wasn’t really sure what to make of everything she said. Normally, I would take anything she said with a grain of salt, but she just seemed so sincere. I had a bad feeling about all this. I really had no reason not to believe in her…I mean, other than all the lies and boasts she said last time. It’s just that we didn’t really part on good terms, so why she chose me I really can’t put my hoof on. I was just hoping she was genuine and has no ulterior motives. If nothing else, this will let me keep an eye on her, I suppose.
This is the first chapter of my first fan-fiction so please be gentle. While I have written a fair amount, none has been fan-fiction. Let me know how I did.
Wow, it's really good for your first fan-fiction, and this seems like a very interesting story.
Very well done. I didn't notice any errors, and the characterization is spot-on.
It's a common (overdone?) premise, Trixie-turns-to-Twilight, but I look forward to seeing what direction your story takes in future chapters. Just because the premise is common, doesn't mean you can't evolve it into something unique and awesome. For the moment, favorited on quality of writing and potential for Twixie cuteness.
Before I get to reading this, a comment about the description: While I really like the description, it helps to check particularly carefully on the quality of it, since it's basically advertising what your story is like. In this case, you have written 'prospective change' (a change that is under consideration) instead of 'perspective change' ( a change of who's narrating).
I could feel my great and powerful cheeks turning red already.
This is great, it invokes images of Trixie beating up evildoers using her cheeks
Overall what I see so far is quite well written. Good characterization, believable dialog, charming narrative style. The main thing I'd suggest to change is reduce the 'he said, she said'.
for example, here:
“All right then, I’ll take care of it myself. Just do me a favor and keep my guest company until I get back,” I said as I slowly walked back to the door.
In the preceding sentence you already used 'he said', which makes 'I said' seem repetitive in this sentence.
IMO you could change it to
“All right then, I’ll take care of it myself. Just do me a favor and keep my guest company until I get back.”
I slowly walked back to the door.
An excellent start! Especially for a first fan-fic! This must be my lucky day, for this is the second well-written beginning of a fan-fic that I've read tonight, both in terms of style and grammar. Indeed this concept is overdone, but so far you seem to have captured the characters well, and I'm always up for more Twixie. I will be watching this story with great anticipation.
God not again! What's up with the first timers writing so god forsaken good? I loved this first chapter and will continue to follow the book the whole way through. I loved the different POV's for this story, and you portrayed Trixie almost perfectly. I felt Twilight would in her mind, jump[ to being a teacher, but thats just me. You got a real good book going for you, continue improving and making new chapters please, this is real good!
>>NothingSpecial
Thank you for the kind words, I know the core concept was probably not terribly original, but I ensure that I have more than one surprise in store.
Your user name is perfect for the comment
>>Tilkau
Oh me, oh my! Thanks for pointing that out.
When I wrote the original description I forgot to mention the POV change, so I quickly added it...guess a bit too quickly.
I shall try to keep my eye on such "He/she saids", I appreciate the advice!
Okay. Nice start. I can see the characters acting like you have them. I will gladly be keeping an eye on this.
This is the definition of a good Twilight SparklexTrixie story. The Great and Powerful Trixie demands MOAR!
AVIATORS ROCKS!!
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I see some amazing potential radiating from this first chapter. Can't wait to see how you'll develop it
For the time being, hold on one of my 5 mustaches : . I'll keep the other 4 for safe keeping for now
Nice first chapter.
You begin too many sentences with "I". You should work on that.
1064373
I shall keep an eye on that...
^Ack! Did it again.
1056503
Hah! My name is an Epic Wub Time reference, of course. "Aww, it's nothin' special. It's JUST MY BASS CANNON"
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Wub-a-dub-dub Mutha...yeah, Epic Wub Time was amazing.
pretty good this type of switching between view points is not my favorite but hell i can never turn down a good twixie fanfic
I am not a Trixie fan but you make her likeable.
Good Job.
Interesting. I hope Trixie's first time in Ponyville is presented as... balanced. Remember, the Mane Cast started it.
1056160
What the hell do you think you're doing?
The olympics ended, this is a pony fanfic and frankly, this a plug.
No, really, WHAT the HELL do you think you're doing?
Le Tense should not randomly change
>I have traveled these many miles
Ew, imperial
1056503 Reply failure //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
"I suppose she must have been more surprised than was, seeing as I had knocked her to the ground" I swear to everything that exists, there's something amiss^^
Oh, and Iam glad I found this story, a good Twixie romance is always apprecitated, especially when they are not the I-love-you-and-you-love-me- instantly-schema. :D
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Whoops. Thanks for pointing that out.
Glad you are liking so far. Romance is very hard to pace correctly, especially with everything else going on in the story. I'm happy that it is working out.
1100096 The Aviators' song Second Chances, which has a picture of a sad Trixie on the cover.
Not jumping out at me right away. I might just not be in the mood for this story so I'll tuck it in my read later and try again later.
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I appreciate you giving it a fair shot.
So far I have only read Ch.1, however I do enjoy it. I will give better feedback once I have caught up.
Not bad. You managed to capture both characters very well.
Formatting error. Please indent
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