Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but nothing could ever kill me.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh man, already this is looking like a war zone!!!
70 percent...this wizard must really be powerful!!!
Will they stay and fight, or retreat for there lives? An important lesson to learn indeed.
Looks like its too late for that!!!
Wait...is that?
ZEREF!!!
NOT ON OUR WATCH!!!
Indeed they do.
Indeed it does....
The Book of Zeref...confining E.N.D.
No one except the Immortal Black Wizard.
...Dark Angel...?!
You should fix the synopsis. Run on sentences tend to turn people off. Also, the word I should always be capitalized. Please respond to this comment.
I am insulted. I saw the title and I thought it was a biography about me.
Very disappointed.
Oof, try again. On second thought, maybe not.
Zeref, one of the few Fairy Tail characters who doesn't piss me off.
9566146
just by reading the first 2 quotes you have, i can already tell celestia is a blind arrogant ruler. it's a lone human, which means you had to have gone way out of your way to gather an army and attack HIM. this battle is self defense on the humans part. and they claim him evil? worse, 70 percent of the entire army is gone, and celestia STILL plans to continue the assault? the fuck tia...?
Is he going to turn them into demons
I stopped reading after checking out this chapter after seeing it on the latest updates page. I'm going to post an excerpt:
>Twilight Sparkle the princess of friendship along with the other elements of harmony expect who was Twilight's student stayed back at the castle along the the young dragon spike who was like Twilight's little brother.
They were being escorted by four solar guards in gold armor armed with swords and spears. The young princess had many thoughts going threw her head, many theory's on why she was summoned to her highness.
In the first two paragraphs, you have a run-on sentence and multiple typos. It's evident that you aren't proofreading, when you really should be.
9591803
Eeyup, Tia's not exactly being smart here.
All because of one dark mage....
Well, this is the legendary Black Wizard after all...just be glad you're not facing Acnologia!!!
!!!
And soon the mane six will meet him....
So they can end your curse once and for all....
OH NO!!!
Sorry Flutters, but it us....
Eenope, it most certainly is not.
You guys can do it, I know you can!!!
No need hive innocent civilians involved in this.
Oh no, HE'S HERE!!!
D-d-d-ddead?!
!!!
Twilight...STARLIGHT!!!!
JACKAL!!!
NOOOOOOO, STARSWIRL!!!
Look, just... Slow down this fic. Things are progressing in a way that leaves us with no story and just confrontations, which can make anyone confused by what's happening, and it's also full of grammar errors.
There's a lot of questions that could have been answered to at least give some content here. For example, how did Zeref end up in Equestria? Was there a specific reason he started his quest to end all life? And some others.
And lastly, there's the fact that you're straight out copying/pasting the exact same things that happened in Fairy Tail for some sections. The scene with Twilight and Starswirl for example, was the same thing that happened with Doranbolt and the sage.
Don't get me wrong, I like the idea this story has, but it's kind of a turn off from all these points I made, and that's coming from me how am not that good of a writer myself. My suggestion is to put this on Hiatus and take some time to read a few fics with an idea similar to this so you can have an idea on how to make this better.
Hope you don't take this the wrong way, I just want you to improve as I really like this idea you had.
Nice story, please update soon.
...did I cross-over with this story or am I thiking of some other black mage?
Not fond of how Spike missed out on directly meeting the royals and missed out on directly knowing the news all due to they made him stay behind...
Is he still alive..?
Will this continue?
Not liking how Spike got taken out like that..