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It begins with the report of a break-in on the news and leads into a mystery that Sunset and her friends find themselves looking into. At the same time, a new student at Canterlot High begins making waves that ripple across the student body. Sunset begins to question just who this boy is as their sleuthing starts to point to him being involved.
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haha XD love this
As a student of a LEGENDARY GERMAN TEACHER, who is actually american and a bit british, I understood what Hunter and Photo said.
9551867
I wanted to do something different with Photo Finish, but I was on the fence on how that bit would go over. Happy to know it is German student approved. 🙂
Is this a crossover?
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Your welcome, Marezinger Z. I have a head canon that Photo Finish is of German ancestry.
9552625
No, not a crossover. The story and Hunter's character are refined versions of ideas I had about introducing some outside forces into the EG setting. As bizarre as the events in the show are, it treats the city as fairly insular and not impacted by any outside forces that would normally be a part of the human world.
The only thing I don’t like about this, is I feel like Pinkie would be more active in trying to be Hunter’s friend. It is just her character to try her hardest to be friends with everyone, even people who she’s not friends with.
9607704
The only reason I held back with Pinkie's involvement is because Sunset is the one acting as the bridge between Hunter and the others. I do understand your point though.
Uhhhh, he's younger than her? Or did you do that on purpose?
9723264
I could have sworn I heard he was the elder brother, my error. I edited the line; thanks for catching that. 👍
Micro-Transaction
I'm appalled. I'm disgusted.
I'm triggered.
I like this as a starting chapter. Looking forward to what comes next.
Conveniently used in a discussion about a possible wild animal.
For not being as up on EQG, this one turned out quite well. I'd love to hear more about Hunter in the future, if you have other ideas for him.
9724132
Glad to hear. The sequel is up now and is completed to chapter 2, if you haven't seen it yet. 👍
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I'm glad that resonated with someone. That's one of my favorite comedic parts in the story.
9726973
I wish all debates started like that.
Spike: I'm not saying it.
Pinkie: Come on, please!
Spike: *Sigh* Scooby-dooby-doo.
Pinkie: YAY!
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
Nobody likes a wise ass but God damn do they love being one
You know what I only now realized after reading this story again? I can't seem to find a description for Hunter's appearance. It's not a major thing, but it does make it difficult to picture him.
10024705
I did that on purpose. I wanted to leave him more to the reader's imagination as this was my first story in the EQG setting and given the odd skin tones and hair styles I had trouble setting him in stone. I'm going to be working on part three of this series soon which is going to focus on Hunter trying to live a more normal life in the city; perhaps I could use the opportunity to finally give him a set appearance.
HA HA HA!
I know that deep down Sunset was kind of proud.
Man, this is really, really compelling.
Sometimes the only way to beat magic is to be like Batman: use a massive amount of cunning.
Josh Hutcherson as Hunter.
10202683
Not far off I suppose. Hunter is trained to deal with all kinds of opponents.
10202711
I had to look up who that is; he's a fair pick.
I do wonder what Hunter's motive is?
As much as I like the concept of this story, it's too short and not really as fleshed out as it should be. The pacing feels too fast and quick that Hunter's character development just seemed to happen like flipping a switch, instead of it being more transitional. I feel like he should have continued to be a mystery to the girls for longer, instead of caving on that first night they confronted him. It didn't really make much sense for Sunset to be able to corner him to give up, by threatening the police when later he said he has higher authority than them. Also how did the other girls end up finding him? In short there's potential, but the story feels too rushed for anything to really pay off as well as they could be.
11112627
Looking back from where I am now in this series, I understand about the pacing. I've had some say I drag things out too long sometimes and others, like yourself, who note that things feel too quick; and it's something I'm constantly working on the balance for even now. With regards to Hunter's character flip and his concession to Sunset after their encounter; that was supposed to play into the fact that Hunter's jerk persona wasn't his real character at all, just an act that he developed due to the struggles to maintain bonds in his past. He conceded to Sunset because he knew she wasn't going to give up and the only way to really keep her safe was to let her in, which is something that could have come across much better in the dialogue from that point forward in retrospect. Thank you for the feedback though and if you choose to check out the sequels, I hope you enjoy them more. 👍
11112760
The problem with that is that wasn't exactly clear enough and even still he wasn't shown really getting over that. It still feels like he went from a jerk that pushes everyone away, with only a few exceptions, that could be counted with one hand, to being playfully jabbing towards others. There's hardly any to no middle ground with his personality. Fake or not there should be development where he tries to get over it and not be the fake hunter by trying to tone it down.
Ok, but it still felt a little forced, she was able to corner him like that. Also, you didn't answer how the others found them soon after. Another reason I consider the team up forced and too quickly paced. I might check them out though no promises. While the story isn't bad per say, this hasn't been a great first impression either. I might check them out at a later date, with a fresher open mind, we'll see.