Trixie doesn't understand how or why, but Twilight Sparkle has become her student with the ambition to learn stage magic. Why is an alicorn of such great magical ability having such a hard time with illusions? It's nothing Trixie can't handle. Trixie is Great and Powerful after all. Trixie thinks she has this in the bag.
To encourage her new student, Trixie offers a special reward. One no sane pony would ever offer The Princess of Friendship. She was only trying to be nice. Poor Trixie.
Chapters (1)
That pony sure does love books.
I read this part three times, and... What? Is there a paragraph missing or something? This transition makes no sense.
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trixie told the entire story. the entire tale was the great and powerful trixie recounting what happened to celestia...i'll tweak it a little to help with that perspective part. Thank you for your thoughts.
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Trixie laughed and slowly pushed open the door to her wagon and as she saw what awaited her, her mouth dropped open. "T-twilight? Wh-wh-what...WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
"T-There was this fire! Everywhere! It's so big, even the sky went orange! Everypony tried to run for their lives, screaming! T-That's what happened, Princess Celestia...."
The alicorn wordlessly stared at the shivering and twitching Trixie in front of her, having just listened to Trixie's version of why Ponyville lay in ruins, still trying to process what she had told her. "Trixie, you can't honestly expect me to believe tha-"
Tweaked it sorry for the confusion.
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Lesson Zero....was but a fraction of the raw insanity Twilight possesses.
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O-o-okay, I see what went wrong. You did a time jump without any indication of one. You need to add some sort of visual break in there (Like a horizontal bar or three centered asterisks) and then then do something else to indicate a change of location. Also, you mixed tenses in Trixie's story, so that she seems to be describing what happened in the present tense.
Try this:
It's not a bad little story. Just watch things like location jumps and maybe be a bit more careful with run-on sentences.
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Thank you for your thoughts. Glad you enjoyed it. Will give it a tweak. It was written purely to get rid of writer's block. My editor thought it was funny enough to publish.
9529956
fixed. Thanks again~
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9529969
Glad to offer my thoughts. Keep on writing.
Not bad. Still Twilight pretty much outshined Trixie in stage magic back in the Alicorn Amulet episode, albeit with help.
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You do have a point. Not to be taken seriously. Glad you enjoyed it. Though I can actually see this being a real case scenario for twi after such a prize is offered. /)
9530329
Truly glad you enjoyed it! /)
Noice plot twist mate
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It's what i do~
Another story ending with fire? Wow, do you have a thing for fire, or what,
Good story though
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truth be told i have a thing for psychology manipulation in my stories and fire is one of the easiest to force a reader to see, it provides a shock but also brings the scene to life and generally displays a dire situation. when a reader sees destruction of anything, 90% of them will immediately, told or otherwise envision a fire being involved.
I appreciate your enjoyment of my tales, there are time however, fire isn't the best vision. It truly depends on the situation though it is a handy plot device for a writer wanting to skew perspectives.
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Interesting
We get it Twilight. You like books.
A lot